One of the biggest tell-tail signs that you’re in a bad relationship is when you start losing your friends, and particularly friends you value. Generally by the time this starts happening, you’ve been with the person for long enough that you have developed serious feelings for them, and sometimes these friends come second to your heart.
I have been in this situation. I’ve watched many close friendships fade over the years because of my stubborn choice in partner. And only for a month or two after the friendship ending for the relationship to break up … and it feels, like agony! It feels like losing two really big parts of yourself only to gain nothing. It’s even happened to my close girlfriends who are people I aspire to be like, who sit across from me in cafes and tell me they have lived through the pain of losing friends for a relationship that hasn’t worked out anyway.
But what if your partner isn’t bad for you at all? What if the things you were telling your friends was just to clear your mind from it, get their opinions in that moment and to help you strengthen your relationship with more ideas?
Everyone has their own methods and solutions for resolving this predicament.
“If they’re good friends, they would stand by no matter what.” “If you valued the friendship, you’d prioritise your friendships.” You kind of hear it all, people are very opinionated about where they stand … but it’s never fifty/fifty. It seems difficult in these situations that you can have it all. But you can!
So the question isn’t, ‘How do you juggle your friendships with a toxic relationship’ because the relationship may not be toxic – you may just be venting to your friends some pain stemming from the relationship, but for the most part it is good. It’s difficult from a friend’s point of view not to judge, particularly when they care for you. Let’s face it, that’s what good friends do!
So how do you keep your friends?
1. Talk about your relationship with balance
If you truly care for your partner, talk about them to your friends with love. Tell stories in the most factual but balanced way you can. Try to see both sides. Where something happens that you really can’t process, understand your friends may also struggle to process it and either speak about it with your partner or seek outside support.
2. Praise your relationship
If you’re ever going to practise gratitude in your life, my greatest suggestion (unless you’re in an abusive relationship, in which case, seek help and please don’t take on this advice) is to practise gratitude in your relationship. Often people pick apart the person they love and everything they do for them: it’s not Hollywood, just be happy! Same with your friendships. I try to make everyone of significance to me know how important they are to me as often as I can. You never know when something may happen to you and you may not be able to tell them how they’ve positively impacted you anymore.
3. Catch up with your friends
It’s easy to get caught up with your close friend, working a lot and your partner who you want to spend every moment with, but it’s important to remember the little guys! You know who I’m talking about, these are the friends who have been there unconditionally for you and supported you and are available to catch up and come to your birthday parties … but they’re not your BEST friend. You need to make time for these people and still demonstrate their importance in your life or you will lose them.
4. Act with love
Keep your head on your shoulders and always act with love: towards your friends and partner. Where a problem arises, act with compassion – always try to see things from the other person’s perspective and try to demonstrate understanding. You will still do what you do, but it’s ok to communicate that you hear people. If you value your friends AND your love, you need to act with the same love and compassion toward both.
5. NEVER choose
Even if a friend throws down their sword and demands you make a choice, I still think you’re safer remaining on the fence. If you make a choice, they’ll forever remember it. Whereas, it’s often these friends that demand a decision who turn around and apologise … if they never do, then let them go. It’s easier to accept someone back in your life and have them WANT to come back at times when you haven’t antagonized the situation.
6. Continue to focus on the positive
Remember, people like positive people, and they like people who focus on the positives. So no matter what’s going on between your partner and your friends, try to rise above it and continue to be positive and to choose to see things positively! When sharing something bad that’s come up in the relationship, or something that has hurt you, express that this doesn’t occur all the time and that you just want their opinion to help you decide your next steps. Make the distinction very clearly that you’re not looking for a solution, you’re looking for an opinion which will help you find the solution.
How awesome is Laverne Cox right now?
We all love a celebrity who uses their status for good, but when Laverne turned up on the red carpet for the 2015 Billboard Music Awards and said “You’ve got to look in the mirror when you leave the house and go, ‘Damn, I look good,’” – we cheered!
Not only did this girl get it, she was feeling it in her Marc Bouwer dress and silver pumps – pictured.
And she didn’t then go on a mission to say she was great at it all the time – the girl kept it real:
“I try, but I’m very nitpicky, so I’m always finding the things that need to be improved,” she said, adding, “But also in that nitpickiness, I try to celebrate myself in any moment. Even if I find a flaw, I have to love that flaw today.”
Tuesday, 5 May 2015
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Relationship Free announces Self Love September
(an awareness month dedicated to loving yourself)
It’s official – 1 September 2015 will mark the inaugural launch of Self Love September announced life coach and founder of Relationship Free, Sarah Webb in Sydney today.
“Most of us would agree that demonstrating love through a variety of ways is an important way to maintain a healthy
relationship and keep love alive – because it keeps it interesting– and self love should be no different,” Ms Webb said.
Self love September is a month where we acknowledge our personal achievements and successes. It’s a month where we thank our mind, body and spirit for working together to get us through our journey. It’s a month where we celebrate ourselves and demonstrate that self-appreciation with an act of love for each day of the month.
Most of us achieve something every day.
Most of us think remarkable things – every day.
And every single one of us has a story – and we’re all inspirational.
These three things demonstrate that we are deserving and worthy of a reward. And while we do deserve it every moment of every day, we will celebrate it every day for one month of the year as a reminder to ourselves: we matter.
“Even the most successful people regularly forget to reward themselves or don’t know how and this month brings everyone
together to share their experiences and to love yourself completely the way you want to be loved,” Ms Webb added.
Throughout September Relationship Free will talk about self love and how you can not only demonstrate self love and self care, but also help you realise it, even in the most painful situations you may find yourself in. The awareness month is designed to help people find ways to strengthen and enhance the relationship they have with themselves, whether it’s barely
existent or you have mastered it and are interested in some new tips to re-ignite the love or looking for some tricks to keep the self love alive.
“We’re very excited to be launching this awareness month for all ages to enable everyone to receive the unique love that only they can give and to do this we will be particularly active within the community to spread the word during September. More
information about Self Love September will be available via our blog on our website – http://www.relationshipfree.com – and on our
social media (Facebook and Twitter) in coming months,” said Ms Webb.
Can’t wait for it to begin? Relationship Free is releasing an e-book on Amazon 100% Self Love: the roadmap to the love and life you desire, which is available for pre-order now, and due for official release on 15 May 2015. Order yours today: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00WOAMG88
Relationship Free is a life coaching company based in Sydney, Australia that works with people all over the world to enhance their self love and understanding of themselves.
Our mission is to assist people to learn to love themselves holistically and understand their actions, words and thoughts in a way that develops self-compassion and self-trust while enhancing the person’s self esteem and self worth.
Relationship Free is forward thinking, forward focused and forward moving in all approaches. We help people to identify
positive steps forward and take actions to achieve the best outcome for them, with our main concern being what we can do now – because most people make mistakes and it’s just part of the journey.
Our support is vibrant and energetic to create a comfortable, positive space to resolve problems, transform them into
opportunities and thrive to your full potential. Because the world needs the special love only you can give!
National Masturbation Month has officially made it into the calendar year and if you haven’t started, now’s the time because we’re well into May now! The idea of this month is to celebrate and raise awareness of things such as female masturbation which some people allege carries stigma. However, some may argue having an entire month dedicated to female masturbation isn’t a feminist act but something that causes discomfort to many and perhaps it even makes some people feel pressure.
A lot of people think this is a great opportunity to bring up the “self love” conversation, and perhaps that’s true if love is defined as a physical act – but Sarah Webb, Director of Relationship Free, feels differently saying:
“I’m set to release my first eBook: 100% Self Love: the roadmap to the love and life you desire … it makes it a little awkward to announce that to my family and friends, when so many people believe that self love is masturbation. What do they really think they’ll see between the pages of my book? The best positions to do it when you’re by yourself? Where that spot really is?”
Ms Webb points out that masturbation is an act of self love but not a defining feature.
“My book is not about any of these things – it’s a lot more holistic and masturbation actually doesn’t factor in – that’s optional…
Saving long term relationships, putting the spark back in marriages, helping people break free of toxic relationships and getting people excited about being single and living life again is all in a day’s work at Relationship Free. Don’t let the name fool you – every day we work to help people decide who is the best partner for them, how to save a current relationship or marriage – even after infidelity, and finding yourself again.
We get to the core of the issue and work to resolve underlying issues while offering tools to correct the current issue causing people pain.
What makes us different?
Generally when we’re looking outside a relationship for someone else, or we’re feeling controlled in an abusive relationship, or we’re bordering on leaving the relationship we’ve been in for a long time or a partner we chose to marry, we may be excited by the idea of some freedom. What if we told you that you don’t need to look too far? Relationship Free helps clients find the freedom within to be your best self and work towards resolving unconscious issues, cycles and patterns that are bringing your relationships down or leading you to unhealthy relationships. Our tagline is “Find the freedom within to be your best self”.
What makes us awesome?
We don’t judge! Client after client we receive feedback at the end of a call telling us how great we were because despite whatever information may be disclosed we withhold judgement. A lot of people find it difficult to get the most out of therapy and counselling because of the fear holding them back from being completely open and honest during their session. Relationship Free quickly builds rapport and works to resolve the problem and empower the client at the same time as making them feel better about things. Where there’s a fork in the road, we cut through and help people decide the best path to take for them and equip them with the steps to follow through with it.
What makes us special?
You never know when that moment will come up in life where you need support around your relationship and everywhere you turn you feel alone, abandoned and as though either decision is a loss or someone will get hurt. Sarah Webb is a relationship coach and expert equipped to handle even the trickiest relationship traumas and issues with a knowledge and her own experiences extending well beyond life coaching. “I’ve been in toxic relationships, I ended up in a relationship where I was abused in every way possible, so badly I thought I’d never escape – and I didn’t want to leave at the time – that man tried to take my life three times. I survived and now I want to help others through it and offer an alternative to traditional therapy – just because you feel as though you may be going insane, doesn’t mean you are,” Sarah says.
What do we believe?
Every issue has a fundamental underlying issue that comes back to us. We each have the power within to shift and change this and to offer ourselves the freedom from the problem we seek. At times when we are stuck, cycles are repeating or patterns are occurring, it’s because these underlying issues are often unresolved. Relationship Free cuts through this and works to develop the steps and offer support to strengthen you in your journey. We help men, women, married couples, singles and everything in between – our work is tailored for the individual.
Where can you find us?
Our website is at www.relationshipfree.com – and you can book your appointment online. You can also find Relationship Free on Facebook. Spread the word – it could save a marriage, a relationship or even a person.
Like food is to the body, self-talk is to the mind. Don’t let any junk thoughts repeat in your head. Maddy Malhotra
Internal validation, the voice within, intuition – whatever you want to call it, it exists whether you feel you have control over it or not. Aligning our self talk and giving ourselves permission to seek internal validation before hearing the judgement of others is one key factors that could be vital for our happiness.
To learn more about self talk and internal validation, and how to tap into it and enhance the quality of positive thoughts, click here.