How to kick-start your new year and why 2015 will be better than 2014
2015 is the year of opportunity!
Winston Churchill said: A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
In order to be the year of opportunity, it is also the year of letting go:
Let go of past hurts
Let go of bad memories
Let go of judgements
You need all the space you can create to allow for these great opportunities to come through, so de-clutter your mind, body and spirit, release anything toxic or negative, and get set to thrive and achieve!
This year believe that everything coming into your life that doesn’t or won’t serve you, will bounce off the white light surrounding you, protecting you in your journey forward.
So how can you really kick-start your new year? Sometimes people want to start the quest but don’t know the steps to get there so here are some ideas:
- Set your New Year Resolutions (if you haven’t already) and make them specific and clear
- Make a commitment to love yourself – only allow positive and healthy things into your life
- Challenge yourself to achieve something you haven’t done in previous years
- Whatever you’ve been putting off: make it a goal to do it within the next six months
- Make yourself proud! Be your best self every day. Define what that means to you and start striving towards it
- Failure is a stepping stone to success. Don’t worry about failure, just be open to learn from your mistakes
- Find people like the person you want to be and surround yourself with them as often as possible
- Write a 101 life-goal list … it’s a list of 101 goals for your life. Google examples and go for it! Start achieving today
- Find a new mentor to guide you through the year
- It’s the Year of Opportunity! You create your own luck but also be open for opportunities to come your way. The rule of thumb this year: if it moves you forward – do it!
As for how you can ensure 2015 is better than 2014?
- Do things differently: try something else for anything that didn’t work
- Get motivated and get excited: it’s a new year
- Leave the past behind and start fresh – it’s new, how can you tell? Because you have a past and past is experience. Use it to further you, but leave the baggage behind
- Don’t wait for things to be perfect: The Arc was built by amateurs and Titanic was built by professionals – go for it!
- When you attach meaning to something ask yourself: what else could it mean?
- Live each day to the full, be in the present moment and go forward with confidence!
- Love yourself to the point that you need no one else
Looking for a personalised plan? Book a coaching session (45 mins – 60 mins) by contacting me at to free yourself in areas of business, relationships and everyday life and achieve your best.
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All the best in 2015 xx
Letting go – the easy way
How does one become a butterfly? You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar. Trina Paulus
Look around you. Right now. What do you have in your life that’s important to you?
Now imagine that gone. Completely.
Generally even the thought of losing whatever it is makes us feel sad, overwhelmed or possibly even angry.
`While going throughout the journey in life, you’ll eventually come across a point where you need to let go. It may be letting go of a person in your life, it may be letting go of negative thoughts and feelings, it may be letting go of material things. Letting go is the steepest learning curve in attachment. This week Happiness Weekly looks at how you can let go the easy way!
Acceptance
Part of letting go is acceptance – acceptance that it is gone, acceptance of your feelings and acceptance of the feelings other people have around you about whatever is gone. For example let’s say we lose someone close to us through a relationship break up or death – there’s not a lot we can do about it, it is what it is – but we will have feelings about it and the people around us will have feelings about it. If we can accept what has happened quickly, then what other people think will bounce off us rather than consume us.
Self-validation
I’ve been talking about this a lot lately because it’s true – a lot of the time we look for external validation – but why? We live our lives! Stuff what other people think: What do you think? How do you feel? That’s what matters. Check in with your self and make your internal or self-validation a priority in your life.
Be conscious of attachment
If you know you are attached to something (dependent children are different) – let’s say we’re talking about a house, a spouse, a sports car or a romantic partner, start distancing yourself emotionally from whatever it is you are attached to. Practise thinking about letting go of it in the most positive way you can. This is key in recovering quickly if you are to lose it. Even if you just practise it as a passing thought rather than doing a deep meditation over it – if you are to lose it, your mind is prepared and your subconscious will return you with “Oh yeah, you prepared for this – remember when you were thinking this would happen and this is what you thought…” Don’t panic, it’s not the Law of Attraction, it’s preparing for what may eventually happen.
Challenge your limiting beliefs
If you were to lose whatever it is you’re attached to, what would it stop you from doing? What is it about that thing that you are so afraid of losing it? How does this thing make you a better person now than what you could be without it? If you lost whatever it is you’re attached to, what would it stop you from being? You’ll find when you start challenging your limiting beliefs about the thing you’re attached to, that you’re able to create distance from it. In fact, you may even discover the thing you’re attached to is holding you back.
Believe in yourself
When you believe in yourself, you know exactly what to do. The only way you can believe in yourself is to know who you are. Spend some time on your own exercising your self trust, self acceptance and self love, and learning about yourself and the things you love. Once you know all these things, you’ll be able to believe in yourself, your confidence will grow and you will be ready to face whatever challenge comes your way.
Break it down
Take it one day at a time, one step at a time, one moment at a time. You don’t need to let go all at once. But if you use each day to detach piece by piece, you’ll feel stronger because every time we let go of something, we give more energy and power to ourselves. If you are strong enough to let it all go at once, then more power to you – letting go quickly enables you to start your healing journey faster whereas letting go gradually can sometimes just prolong the pain.
Let it go
If it comes time that you need to put this into practise: give yourself permission to let it go. Consider other positive stories where people have been in your exact situation (or something very similar) and as a result, have gone on to achieve much bigger and better things. Focus on what you do have, not what you don’t have. Focus on what you can do, not what you can’t do. Read positive affirmations and encourage yourself to let the situation strengthen you. Allow it to make you better not bitter. And remember: When you’re going through hell, just keep going – keep going and going until you’re so far removed from that hell that before you know it, you’re floating with angels again. Remember: nothing can hurt us forever.
Finally, if you really want a lesson in letting go, try packing your entire life in a small suitcase and moving overseas to a completely different country … indefinitely. What’s stopping you? Remove the blocks and excuses – and go for it – it will be one of the most empowering things you ever do.
How to get angry and seek healthy revenge
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. Buddha.
You probably think I’ve lost it – the chief blogger of Happiness Weekly who prides herself on spreading peace and happiness worldwide is writing about getting angry and seeking revenge? What good could come out of embracing an emotion such as anger and responding out of revenge? And I’m not only talking about getting angry but actively seeking revenge?
Yup … I’m crazy. Or am I?
Holding anger in, or suppressing it – which is basically the same – can be unhealthier and even more detrimental to your long-term health, than to actually get angry and respond. Suppressed anger leads to premature death (ie. by 50 years old), long-term depression, increased risk of heart disease, cancer, accidents and suicide.
Not a lot of us have been taught how to get angry. In fact from a young age it’s an emotion that is often to be neither seen nor heard – in my social circle I’ve found that particularly being female impacts this as you’re almost expected not to get angry. Unfortunately when we swallow anger, we also swallow other emotions along with it – such as fear.
I’m often told of people doing the wrong things by each other. It’s happened to me, it’s happened to my friends, it’s happened to colleagues and I’m almost certain at some stage in your life it would have happened to you. In fact, maybe you’re even the person who does the wrong thing sometimes out of anger. That can happen – we’re all human and sometimes we make mistakes – so long as no one gets hurt. So I’m excited about this week’s blog post because this week Happiness Weekly looks at how you can get angry and seek healthy revenge.
Embracing anger
Have you felt that overwhelming sense of anxiety, where you have so many emotions as a result of someone hurting you that you actually don’t know what to do so you’re trembling in silence and almost suffocating in agony? All you seem to be able to feel is sheer frustration combined with immense pain? You may have also felt fear.
Anger, when we don’t know how to deal with it properly, will often manifest as other emotions. When our anger finally does explode, we will generally overreact to something impulsively, irrationally and also may not have as much control as we would if we’d dealt with our anger at the time we felt angry. By dealing with our anger at the time, rather than keeping it suppressed, we can continue living a harmonious life. This doesn’t mean you can punch people out when they do the wrong thing by you, although it may be tempting, so today we’re going to look at the healthy ways you can express your anger.
First, it’s important to acknowledge the upside to anger according to Dr Gary J. Oliver, “One of the many potentially positive aspects of anger is that it can serve as a very powerful and effective warning system. Healthy anger can help us identify problems and needs and provide us with the energy to do something about them.”
How to express your anger in a healthy way
As I said, it’s best not to go knocking people out every time they wrong you – but it’s almost important to allow yourself to have your feelings and ensure you feel validated in feeling the way you do.
When I first considered the concept of getting angry in a healthy way, it was such a foreign concept to me that I kind of laughed. “I don’t even get angry! I just cry!” It was brought to my attention that those tears were caused by years and years of swallowed and suppressed anger. I had actually had a lot of anger bubbling under the surface but I didn’t know how to let it out so I’d never released it.
One concept I had grasped correctly about anger is that anger is an emotion, not an action. This means you need to express it and in expressing it, you need to figure out a healthy way of doing it – such as seeking “healthy revenge”.
Recognising that you’re angry and dealing with it appropriately won’t hurt you or anyone else. As Dr Gary J. Oliver pointed out, anger can carry messages that act as warnings to us – when we swallow our anger for a long time these loud warning bells start getting dimmed and we start overlooking them and accepting circumstances we don’t like, which links back into my article about cognitive dissonance.
How to express your anger in an acceptable way
There’s no right or wrong rule of thumb here, but let’s set some ground rules and boundaries around this to ensure we’re safe and the people around us are safe as well.
– No one (you or others) should get hurt as a result of your expression of angry (this includes hurting their wellbeing or negatively affecting their life)
– There should be no consequences from your actions and if there are, you need to accept the punishment
– Part of knowing how to get angry properly is knowing how to fight fair – if you get angry and then don’t fight fair then you never actually won that fight, whether you feel better about the outcome or not.
Anger Management classes will obviously identify and establish healthy responses to anger. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re passive aggressive (as the movie may suggest) or that you have issues in over-expressing your anger. A few tips for expressing your anger in an acceptable way may include:
– Assertive communication or waiting until the anger has died down and then communicating
– Acknowledge that you feel angry and validate yourself
– Go for a run and really pound your feet against the pavement
– Smash a pillow onto your bed
– Healthy revenge – which I’m going to tell you more about now.
How to seek healthy revenge
The first thing you need to do is cut the fantasy. Yup, you have to stop fantasising over writing rude words in your neighbour’s lawn with weed killer because their loud partying kept you awake til 3am last night. Stop thinking about slashing your ex’s tires because they cheated on you. Stop thinking about picking up your ex-girlfriend’s sleazy best friend to get back at her. Can you see how these fantasies only make one person look bad at the end of the day? Carry it out and I guarantee the only person who will feel bad will be you. Although I’m sure each fantasy may enable you to express your anger, none of them do anyone any good. In fact, these thoughts waste energy, people’s time and money at the end of the day. Although it may make you feel validated at the time and as though you “won”, none of these things will lead to a positive conclusion. So, instead of bothering with any of that, we’re going to concentrate on how you can really get your anger out and win. The best way to do this is to act for the greater good.
OK, now you’ve quit wasting your time on fantasising and let’s work out how you can actually deal with this anger in a healthy way and then how you can seek healthy revenge.
How do you seek revenge in a healthy way?
Warning: DO NOT SEEK REVENGE WHILE YOU’RE STILL ANGRY! If you’re still angry, keep on with the first part of this blog or see a professional psychologist about how you can deal with your anger. Anger is the strongest emotion that can manipulate our responses, causing us to act irrationally.
Now that you’ve dealt with your anger and released it in a healthy way, you’re in a better position to seek revenge. That’s what the first part of this blog was all about, getting in the best possible position you can so that you can use your anger to seek healthy revenge. OK – we’re going to do is something quite radical now…
Instead of seeking revenge on the people who did us wrong, we’re going to look at how we can use this incident to help other people. So literally we’re taking the pain from the situation and we’re going to turn it into power. This is what I’ve been referring to as healthy revenge. This is the only actual revenge that shows you as a positive and balanced individual that is striving for success rather than hurting others as a result of the pain you are feeling. Your response by taking action this way will speak louder, encourage powerful outcomes and create a positive difference – people can see that you got angry in order to take that action but they, and you, will be grateful for the outcome. A really good example of this is Tom Meagher from Melbourne, who contacted the parole board to change their system in order to enable our justice system to protect other women so they don’t get hurt like his wife did. The value that he has added to our world by using his anger to seek positive revenge is incredible.
Well that sounds great! But how do we know what action to take?
This is similar to how you were fantasising about plotting revenge, but instead of listing negative scenarios, we’re listing positive scenarios that will assist you in moving forward from the event that hurt you and left you angry.
The best, most dignified way to get angry about something that happened to you, is to make something positive from it. It’s just up to you to come up with what action that may be.
Here are a few steps you could take in order to take healthy revenge:
Step one: Give yourself permission to go on a healthy revenge mission. A big part of this will include forgiving yourself for any part in what happened
Step two: Consider the most positive thing you can do with your anger – for example, I started supporting a domestic violence charity that shuns violence against women after my experience with narcissistic abuse. This action was just one step in seeking healthy revenge, but it was certainly the most empowering response I could’ve had to the situation.
Step three: Get creative. If you’re really angry, spread it out and get creative about it. Contact politicians, start your own business based on the event that affected you, write the story and educate as many people about what happened to you as possible (imagine if it went global and you saved thousands of people from going through the same thing), hit the gym and workout to be strong enough to defend yourself in case it happens to you again … the list goes on.
Events are just events until we add perspective to them. Anger is the one emotion that leaves us feeling completely powerless – unless we do something positive with it. Even negative revenge is a temporary fix. Don’t let your anger beat you.
Recommended articles
How to ignore other people’s judgements
No one has it all figured out, especially not the people who are acting like they do and judging you because of it. Pretending to be something you aren’t because you’re trying to please a bunch of judgemental hypocrites and shitheads is not the way to be happy. Tucker Max
Do not judge and you will never be mistaken. Jean Jacques Rousseau
It can be extremely painful when other people judge us based on stories they have been told, something they have heard through the grapevine or maybe they simply believe a narcissist’s smear campaign after we finally worked up enough inner-strength and courage to walk away from a toxic relationship or a friendship that no longer serves us.
Some celebrities – such as Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus – embrace it openly, going with the “any news is good news” philosophy, but many others they talk about how daily rags and trashy magazines got their stories wrong and it impacted their reputations.
Most people would agree that they would rather not be the centre of controversial conversation that could lead to negative criticisms and judgements. Read more here.
How to make yourself happy
Happiness depends upon ourselves. Aristotle
Knowing how to make yourself happy is one of the most empowering things we can do. Life is constantly changing and everything is unpredictable, which means the only person we can fully depend on is ourselves. If we’re going to spend a lot of time by ourselves, it’s a good idea to know how to make ourselves happy!
I caught up with a colleague the other day and we spoke about the little things people had been doing lately that made us feel special. We could literally narrow it down to: receiving an email first thing in the morning, tapping on the glass to say hello as someone walked by, a guy calling me “mate” when he said hello and getting a thumbs-up signal.
We stopped and looked at each other in horrified realisation:
“How in the hell did such small things come to make us feel so special?”
There are various reasons for this and I’ll touch on it more in my blog next week about acceptance but this week, the goal is to get ourselves to the point where we truly know ourselves, trust ourselves and are full of so much self-respect that no one can shake us from our path. Get set to get completely independent – and in the process learn two things: what makes us feel special and what makes us happy. This week Happiness Weekly looks at how you can make yourself happy.
So let’s get this mission started!
Everyone is going to be different in finding their path to a happier and more fulfilling life because everyone’s journey is different. We all have different values and beliefs. Thought Catalog has some great ideas about little things you can do to make yourself happier instantly – but here are some ideas for how to make yourself happier longer-term and live your best life in a more fulfilling way:
1. Date yourself
Yes – that is exactly as it sounds. Take yourself to the movies. Go to that new coffee shop you want to check out. Walk along the beach alone. Go to a concert. Visit the zoo. Head to a festival. Literally learn how to be on your own and comfortable with yourself in public situations. Once you’ve learned how to date yourself, set up a date with yourself one weekend each month to catch up with yourself regularly and help stay on top of everything. This will ensure you remember what you like and don’t like and that you are leading a fulfilling life.
2. Appreciate nature
Be conscious of the natural things surrounding you that make you happy. Things that have nothing to do with any other being. Some hints: watching the waves at the beach, the sunrise each morning, the sunset each evening, the rolling hills in the distance, admiring the flowers in a garden on the way to work, the smell after rain falls, the way the shadows fall as the sun passes by each day etc.
3. Choose friends wisely
Select your friends wisely. Surround yourself with positive, successful people and leave the losers for someone else. It sounds harsh, but that’s how it needs to be. Only spend your time with people who are on your level or who can lift you up – if they can’t, really question why you want that person in your life and if you need them there. Make sure your expectations of yourself are realistic – you don’t want to think you’re so good, no one is good enough and at the same time you don’t want to think so little of yourself that the losers get to stay. Your friends should share your belief system.
4. Trust yourself
Learning to trust yourself is essential in finding your happiness long-term. If you can’t trust yourself, you’re never going to stay on the path you want to be on and others will more easily be able to knock you off balance. Once you trust yourself you can start trusting each and every decision you make to lead you to where you want to go. Part of learning to trust yourself could stem from being fair to yourself and to demonstrate what I mean here, I want to refer you to Paul Hudson from Elite Daily’s article: .
5. Ditch anything toxic
Anything that makes you doubt or question yourself, anything that makes you feel less than what you are, anything that hurts you is toxic – let it go. Be as cold as you need to be when breaking away from everything toxic in your life. Nothing toxic will ever serve you – unless it hurts you enough to teach you a massive lesson.
6. Believe you’re good enough
Self-belief is essential in making yourself happy long term. If you don’t believe in yourself, how is anyone else meant to? Concentrate on tapping into what you think of yourself and if it’s not a positive image, challenge it – why aren’t you as good if not better than anyone else? You may need to work with a psychologist if you find you’re having difficulty with your self-perception.
7. Learn your values
Stop looking externally for approval, look to yourself – ask yourself what you think, ask yourself for advice, find out what your values are. Write down what your values are and the things that you value above everything else. Then say why you value it. If you’re not on the list, ask yourself why not – add yourself to the list and consider why it’s important you should be there.
8. Make plans for the future
Stop waiting for other people to make plans, make your own plans for the future and get started – but make sure you select things you can do all on your own. If you want to go overseas, book that holiday. If you want to start a course, there’s no better time. If you want to learn a musical instrument or take up a sport – go for it! Challenge yourself and start today – nothing is too big or too small when it comes to planning your future.
9. Try to accomplish something you think is impossible
We may feel like a tiny spec in the grand scheme of things but you never know when your idea or your action can make a difference not just to one or two lives but a greater impact on many lives. Don’t be afraid to follow your dreams. Attempt to achieve the impossible – you might surprise yourself and if you don’t make it, you may start a whole new revolution or learn a whole lot of new and exciting things along the way!
If you still feel alone in this quest for making yourself happy, I recommend two books that helped me in changing and shaping my journey: God on a Harley by Joan Brady and Marry Yourself First by Ken Donaldson and The End – a blog post written by Coco J Ginger.
Being conscious of our words and how they affect others
The trouble with most of us is that we’d rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism. Norman Vincent Peale
One of the greatest signs of success is when people try to stop you from doing what you’re good at by trying to bring you down. Actually, Habeeb Akande said it best:
Whoever is trying to bring you down is already beneath you.
In my experience, from many years ago when I had my own business promoting unsigned bands, it is these negative comments that can actually stop you going further. In fact, you’ll never know how close you were to success if you give up somewhere in the middle. And it only takes one or two people to get inside your head and plant that seed of doubt, that could cause you to turn your back on everything you’ve worked for.
Let me tell you, the biggest mistake you can make is to quit what you are doing based on a couple of complaints. Remember, the glass is half full, don’t forget who you’re there for and remember all your other followers and supporters before giving up. Sure, if you’re only making a difference to two people and one makes a malicious complaint, then perhaps it’s worth reconsidering if you should continue or not. But if you’re getting hundreds of clicks a day, and regular comments and it’s one person who complains … stick with it!
What inspired this blog today? A couple of things.
I follow a gorgeous Facebook page called “” by Jolita Kelias, who recently posted this:
“Now that the number of my followers have increased immensely in the past couple of weeks due to the work that I do and the message I share, I started receiving plenty of promotional emails which I delete without reading and Hate messages from some of you. I guess some of you are having issues with another person’s happiness and goodness. So here is my message to you:
You have a problem with something, deal with it. Some of you write to me demanding to delete some posts you don’t like. So my answer is – You don’t like it, don’t look at it. No one is holding you here. The exit is in front of your nose – turn that way.
And to the ones who harbour beautiful feelings I say – Thank you for journeying together with me. Hugging you all. Jolita Kelias”
Today I went onto YouTube to look up trailers for some upcoming movies and instead came across these. This is how celebrities respond to mean Tweets directed at them (I found some of them hilarious!):
When I consider the whole scenario of these people going out of their way to be deliberately mean to others, all I could think was this…
The fact that all these negative people that are being referred to – all the trolls, all the complainers, all the “haters”, whatever you want to call them – they’re all old enough to write. Most of them can even spell. They’re all intelligent enough to access and use social media. Using that to deliver such hurtful, hateful messages in a bid to bring someone down who is working to pull everyone up is beyond me. Clearly something is going wrong with the values we are now teaching or maybe we’re overlooking values all together with much faster-paced lifestyles.
And not just the celebrities, but just people and their ignorance in general. Bullying is not ok. Anyone who follows my blog knows Happiness Weekly’s stance on that.
Trying to tear someone down when they’re on their way to success is not ok.
Interfering in anyone’s life in a negative way is not ok.
Pulling someone down when you see them succeeding is not ok.
In fact using words for anything negative is simply not ok.
We all have a right to freedom!
The intention of Happiness Weekly is to make a positive difference to many, many lives. This blog is dedicated to helping people, loving each other and building others up so we can work together as one big team to create a very positive and harmonious future for everyone to live in. If you wish to unsubscribe from something you’re following, and you’re not sure how, Google it! That’s what it’s there for.
If you’re not here to do that, and you’re on my page, or their page or any page that you just want to rip down, then I ask that you please don’t be there because these people are making a positive difference to many other people. And it’s not about you. In fact, I ask anyone with any negative thing to say about someone to first look beyond themselves. Why? Because a blogger can shut a page down and it won’t make a huge difference to their lives – if anything it could enhance it by giving them more time for themselves and to do other things they enjoy without the focus on others. But it’s not about them. It’s about the people who they are selflessly helping, who they are making a difference to, who will be hindered by the blog or Facebook page or other medium closing down because of your negative comment. Same goes for celebrities. What if these celebrities stopped entertaining because of the mean things people said to them? So that’s why I ask, anyone with anything negative to say, to think beyond themselves first.
And on that note, I wish to share this with you, it’s an absolutely incredible YouTube video by motivational speaker Lizzie Velasquez. It’s a little lengthy, but please watch it the whole way through if you have time:
Life Coach Darren Poke who writes the Better Life Coaching blog recently released this easy-to-digest blog about revealing our critics for who they are, it’s well worth the read. It’s called How to stop the hyenas laughing – a story about dealing with critics. Well done, Darren.
So finally I want you all to remember this: negativity can inspire rather than hinder. It can make people stronger. Everyone has a choice about how negativity will affect them. If you’re a blogger, or getting bullied, or have had hurtful things said about you that have knocked you down – which we all have at some stage – then look for the positive and keep going.
Don’t give up.
Happiness Weekly’s favourite STRESS-FREE websites
It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it. Hans Selye
This week Happiness Weekly is taking a bit of a back seat and looking at the great work others have done to promote stress remedies, as we celebrate Lifeline’s Stress Down day on Friday, 26 July. You can find out more information about stress down day here.
Before reaching for the Valium to assist in managing your stress, try checking out these websites (listed in no particular order) which promote very simple and mostly natural techniques for managing stress:
Website #1: Help org’s quick stress remedy
Why we love it: Help org recognises that different people respond to stress differently which means there’s no blanket solution. In recognising this, it offers various solutions – so you can pick your type and try some of the suggested remedies which should be perfect for you. The tips and tricks are also fantastic – not only are they detailed, but the ideas are original and informative.
Visit: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/quick_stress_relief.htm
Website #2: Oprah’s all-natural help with anxiety and stress
Why we love it: This website is great because it’s promoting natural ways to manage your stress – the suggestions are very cheap and easy to do, so they’re great for everyone. Then once you finish this slide show, it links to more pages with stress-solving solutions.
Visit: http://www.oprah.com/health/Help-With-Anxiety-Stress-Relief-All-Natural
Website #3: Whole living: Stress relief your guided tour
Why we love it: This is a very practical website and focuses on some alternative techniques, such as Acupressure which is pressing points on your body to alleviate tension. Once again a lot of the remedies are very simple and natural.
Visit: http://www.wholeliving.com/135973/best-natural-stress-remedies/@center/136756/stress-relief-your-guided-tour
Website #4: Sha Wellness Clinic: Anti-stress program
Why we love it: If you have the time and money, why not consider heading to Sha Wellness Clinic in Spain and take part in their seven day anti-stress program. Even if you decide you can’t do it or it’s not for you, the website is quite inspiring and the resort certainly looks like a peaceful place to be! For 1880 euros (excluding accommodation), this may be the break you need!
Visit: http://www.shawellnessclinic.com/programs/specific-programmes-/anti-stress-program-
Website #5: Better Homes and Gardens: Superfoods for stress relief
Why we love it: Most of us know that fish is good for our brain development and mental health but who would have thought that there are a list of foods that can assist in reducing your stress? If you’re feeling stressed, maybe try adding these items to your grocery list for a couple of weeks!
Visit: http://www.bhg.com/health-family/mind-body-spirit/natural-remedies/superfoods-for-stress-relief
Website #6: Entrepreneur: How to stop stressing in 60 seconds or less
Why we love it: These tips will take longer to read than to do and take effect. In a world where most people are time-poor these fantastic tips are easy to pick up and do anywhere – including at work. I particularly like the first tip which encourages some physical activity!
Visit: http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/220080
Website #7: 33 ways to reduce and prevent stress
Why we love it: Todd Smith does a fantastic job coming up with a big list of ideas for how you can reduce and prevent stress. He also discusses the various situations that may have caused our stress to begin with and how that can impact our lives. A very interesting post with extremely productive tips!
Visit: http://www.littlethingsmatter.com/blog/2011/01/25/33-ways-to-reduce-and-prevent-stress
Website #8: Success: stop stressing yourself out
Why we love it: Many people make the mistake of stressing themselves out without realising it and this article brings it all to the forefront. It looks at things such as reading into things, trust, perfectionism, accountability and saying no. We can all learn a little lesson on this page!
Visit: http://www.success.com/articles/1928——–stop-stressing-yourself-out
Website #9: Body and Soul: 10 quick and quirky stress busters
Why we love it: Chew gum, get a cat, hum a tune… these are just some of the ideas Body and soul suggests to try and reduce your stress. Many of the focus on the idea of distraction, once you calm down to your rational self you will be better able to deal with the problem at hand.
Visit: http://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/sex+relationships/wellbeing/10+quick+and+quirky+stress+busters,13811
Website #10: Advance life skills: 100 ways to overcome stress
Why we love it: We love this blog because it draws so much variety to how you can effectively manage your stress. This list is extremely practical and there’s no reason anyone can’t do the things on here. In fact, we’re going to give quite a few of these ideas shot and see how our life changes for the better! “Start every conversation with a positive thought” – imagine if everyone did that.
Visit: http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/100-ways-to-overcome-stress
Don’t forget to donate to Lifeline and tell us your favourite website for managing stress.
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Discover your emotional blocks (and take control of your happiness)
Wanting something is not enough. You must hunger for it. Your motivation must be absolutely compelling in order to overcome the obstacles that will invariably come your way. Les Brown
When we’re not 100% content with our lives, there’s generally something blocking us from being that way. Sometimes we need to know where the problem is (what’s blocking us), other times we need to ask ourselves a few honest questions (why are we allowing it to block us from moving ahead).
Everyone has a purpose in life. Everyone can be better than what they currently are. Everyone has potential to be happier. Sometimes we need to examine and remove our emotional before we can move ahead in life. Generally the things that block us are our fears and insecurities.
Sometimes life is about feeling the fear and doing it anyway – besides – what’s the worst that could happen? By discovering your emotional blocks, you will find other areas of your life improving, including: career success, love life, weight loss, relationships, happiness, freedom and self-esteem. Overcoming your emotional blocks will help you overcome other issues that are currently stopping you from succeeding including: limiting beliefs, self-destructive behaviours (as you will become more self-aware) and you’ll go from being lost to discovering what you truly want. Removing your emotional blocks isn’t easy because sometimes it means some tricky changes are ahead, but it’s rewarding!
History is full of people who experienced the worst difficulties and succeeded anyway, primarily because of their clarity, persistence and sense of purpose. This week, Happiness Weekly helps you to discover your blocks and take control of your happiness. If you’re currently feeling stuck – this blog is for you!
What is an emotional block?
Your emotional blocks are reactions that you create in response to the world. Similar to behaviours, they are actions that you choose and therefore have control over. By choosing how you perceive yourself, you can either change to start behaving differently and achieve success, or continue as you are and continue getting results you’re not happy with.
Defining symptoms of emotional blocks
Let’s get some psychological jargon out of the way and define what our emotional blocks may be:
Internal dialogue is a conscious conversation you have with yourself about everything you experience. With the theory that each though creates a physical change, it ultimately provides us with a functional change in our lives.
Labelling, as a psychologist once told me, is nothing but destructive because it can stop us from accepting things in a positive way. However, humans tend to organise things into categories, even labelling other humans into groups, subgroups, classes and functions. We tend to “live” the categories we’ve attached to ourselves. It’s kind of like the “believe it before you see it” and “fake it til you make it” theories – which are both positive ways for how we can use labelling.
Tapes are beliefs that have become so deeply ingrained that they become subconscious. They “play” in our minds and influence our behaviour without us being aware. Tapes have the power to set you up for a specific outcome.
Fixed or limiting beliefs are the beliefs we hold about ourselves, others and life circumstances that have been repeated for so long they have become ingrained and are difficult to change. Limiting beliefs are the beliefs we have about ourselves that limit what we reach and achieve. They generally stop up from receiving any positive information which confirming any new negative information. If you pay attention to your inner dialog (self-talk), you may find beliefs that lead to anxiety, depression and irritation. Such beliefs can sap your motivation and hinder or prevent you from finding creative solutions to your problems.
How can we overcome our emotional blocks?
1. Set goals. Goal setting is a fundamental part of success – it helps us know where we’re going so we can move ahead in the right direction, and also measure how we’re tracking. If we can’t accurately define our goals, what chance do we have of actually achieving them? Have you ever heard the expression “Failing to plan is a plan to fail”? This is where it comes in.
2. Monitor your progress. Once you know where you want to go, you can accurately and honestly assess exactly where you currently are. Knowing where you are in relation to where you want to be enables you to monitor your progress. Take inventory of your current situation to get an accurate picture of where you are.
3. Review your focus point. It’s important to focus on what you do want to take your focus on the negatives and looking at what you don’t want. While it can be important to consider the worst case scenario so we can avoid possible pitfalls, we need to resist any temptation to focus on that conclusion – we can do this by focusing more on the best case scenario. Sometimes the fear of failing or making a costly mistake can act like a powerful emotional magnet that captures our attention in subtle ways. Overcoming this emotional block is like learning to ride a bike, if you look down, it’s likely that you will fall off but if you look where you’re going – you’ll move ahead in that direction.
4. Discover your internal conflict. If we haven’t taken the time to discover our deepest personal standards and values, then we are vulnerable to this kind of inner disharmony. To create internal harmony, we must live and act in harmony with our core values and beliefs, but we can’t do that if we don’t know what those values are. Pay careful attention to this, especially if there seems to be some self-sabotaging tendencies. The best way to avoid this emotional block is to analyse your deepest core values and ensure everything is in harmony with them, or if not, knowing how to change them. If you struggle with this, I highly recommend the book Schema Therapy by Jeffrey E Young.
5. Review limiting beliefs. Limiting or obsolete beliefs are your beliefs about what you think you are not capable of, and what you think you do or do not deserve. They may have been established during childhood and have now become redundant or outlived their purpose. Others may be leftover from situations and circumstances that are no longer relevant. If this is your greatest emotional block, you may need to seek assistances from a psychologist to get past it.
6. Delegate personal responsibility. The quality of our life is our personal responsibility. We can either accept conditions as they are, or accept the responsibility to change them. We are the only person responsible for our decisions and actions. Taking personal responsibility is one of the most liberating things you can do because it completely eliminates the temptation to blame anyone or anything and it puts you in control.
7. Embrace change. When we successfully break out emotional attachments to “what is”, we allow room for growth. On an emotional level, there is a sense of security related to “hanging on” and this causes us to be resistant to change. As you embrace small changes in your life, your emotional security anchors shift, over time your resistance will fade and you will find comfort and security in a more fluid reality. When this happens, continued personal growth becomes your new security anchor. Practise letting go – it can be challenging but it is rewarding.
Rational people with good mental health know what they want, how they feel and why they feel that way. They find solutions to problems quickly. They have similar challenges to less happy people – but they are able to deal with them faster. Healthy people don’t get stuck for long – they rarely sabotage themselves because they acknowledge the damaging effects it can have. What have you done to overcome your emotional blocks in the past?
How to focus in difficult times (and get back to work!)
The true measure of success is how many times you can bounce back from failure. Stephen Richards
Sometimes we go through difficult times when we really need to concentrate on what’s ahead of us. For example, we just receive a promotion and our spouse leaves us. Or we’re trying to go for job interviews and just before we walk in, we found out someone close to us has died. Two major events and it’s very easy to let the second one affect the first in a negative way. This week, Happiness Weekly looks at how you can get back to work and focus during trying times.
Before you have a breakdown, try the following to get you through:
STOP – TAKE TIME OUT
Find a quiet place away from everyone, you may need to drive somewhere in your car and park for a while, and think everything through. This gives you a chance to think without distractions and process the events.
BREATHE
It’s really important to keep breathing when things are bringing us great stress. If you take deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth, even practise meditation, you will feel calmer. Getting oxygen to the brain will assist you thinking more clearly.
REMEMBER HOW IMPORTANT YOUR JOB IS
Ask yourself how much worse the situation would be if you also lost your job. Motivate yourself as much as possible to push through this hard time, because if you consistently fail to make your performance at work a priority, you risk finding yourself unemployed. Also watch how you treat people at work, remind yourself that your stress is not their problem.
LIMIT DISTRACTIONS
Unclutter your life as much as you can with any other complications. Stay off Facebook and away from the news while you process what’s happening in your life. Remove temptation where ever possible. Studies show that each task you complete makes you less effective at the next task, which is particularly true for things like self-control and decision making.
FOCUS ON YOUR GOALS
Make sure your goals are easily attainable during this hard time, but still drive you forward. Try to break up your essential tasks into smaller pieces. Keeping focused on what you do want will assist with keeping you going in the right direction.
REVIEW YOUR WORK SCHEDULE
If you know that you will have trouble staying focused, make sure you make a list of all the things you need to accomplish during the day and ensure that you stick to it. This will act as a guide for the day’s activities and keep your mind on the task at hand.
DO NICE THINGS FOR YOURSELF
Go for a walk, read a book or magazine, get a massage, have a bath, watch your favourite movie… Sometimes it’s important to be your own best friend. You know the whole truth of what is going on, if you can’t be there for yourself, then no one else will be.
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE
Surround yourself with people that make you feel good about yourself. Spending time with vibrant, upbeat people will help you to be successful. If you’re hanging around someone particularly successful, ask them how they did it – remember: these people have also faced challenges, suffered set-backs, handled criticism and overcome difficult times. Take advantage of their experience.
WATCH YOUR DIET
At times of stress, you are better off eating healthy foods including lots of fruit and vegetables. Drink plenty of water as well. Raw and unprocessed foods help you to be calm and relaxed. Eat your salad before you eat your main course. Limit alcohol as much as possible.
GO TO YOUR HAPPY PLACE
Concentrate on things that make you happy. Funny memories, a calming holiday destination, a childhood memory. Visualisation will help you feel as though you are without danger or threat.
We hope these tips are helpful and would love to hear from you – how do you focus during difficult times?
All about narcissistic abuse and how to escape
Narcissistic Personality Disorder: one of the few conditions where the patient is left alone and everyone else is treated. Anonymous
Have you been the target of narcissistic abuse and despite trying everything, you’re still finding it difficult to move forward with your life? Are you in a relationship with someone that has you doubting yourself and you’re never sure if you’re coming or going and even though it’s painful, you can’t let go? Was your relationship once Hollywood-perfect but now you feel stuck and trapped by threats of retribution? I bet you’re riddled with paranoid thoughts about the next thing you’re about to say or do – things you never questioned before… It’s time to wake up and BE YOUR OWN HERO!
Find out more about it here.
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