How to stop questioning yourself
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. Albert Einstein
When we live through a traumatic event we generally find ourselves coming out with a million questions that whir around our brains like a broken record. The same questions come up over and over again – depending on the trauma and the scale of how bad it was, you could literally feel as though you’re driving yourself crazy. This constant questioning that can become like an obsession is a form of hyper self-analysis.
By questioning ourselves after a traumatic event we are looking at ways we can take responsibility for our situation. We question ourselves, making ourselves accountable as a way to avoid blaming anyone else and keeping us in control. This is healthy. But when the questioning become obsessive and continuous, and starts adding to our anxiety, this is where it becomes a problem. It’s important to know when to stop.
The types of questions we ask ourselves following a traumatic event can be narrowed down to: What is wrong with me? What else could I have done? What is going to happen? How will I get out of this? This week Happiness Weekly looks at how you can stop questioning yourself so you can start living a more fulfilling life that enables you to let go of the past.
Realise there is nothing wrong with you
Let’s get something straight right now – there is nothing wrong with you. In fact, most of the time when we are questioning ourselves on things, there is nothing wrong with us, instead our constant questioning of ourselves can be a direct result of someone deliberately hurting us and our self-esteem. Be confident that there is nothing wrong with you – it’s the first step in moving forward.
Understand that continually questioning yourself feeds anxiety
Stop and ask yourself what the benefits are in continuing to question yourself and going over what has already happened. It’s likely you’ll quickly decide there are no benefits to the questions and if anything, they may more likely just lead you to have more questions. So drop it! Make a conscious effort to stop yourself from going over it because it’s only adding to your torture.
Accept the past – it is what it is
There’s nothing we can do about the past. It’s done. No matter how traumatic the event that has happened to us, there is nothing we can do to go back and change it – no matter how much we wish we could. This is why it’s so important to live in the moment and never to hurt someone you love – because you can never go back. Just like memories – nothing from the past can’t be altered. Make peace with it and leave it where it belongs.
Know that you did your best
Take comfort in knowing that you acted the best way you could, with the knowledge and skills you had at that time. Perhaps the traumatic event has given you a steep learning curve and you’re asking why you didn’t know before. Take the lesson, surround yourself with positive people who have your best interests at heart and continue to move forward with your new knowledge.
Watch your self-talk
The best advice I’ve been given for those moments where we constantly question ourselves over things is to watch your self-talk over the situation. We are constantly talking to ourselves, and it’s important to be mindful that we are also always listening. One tactic in being mindful of your questions is to talk to yourself (in your mind or out loud) as though you’re talking to your best friend or a child. By taking this approach you will quickly discover your attacking questions become more empathetic and your anxiety begins to ease.
Spend time growing your inner confidence
Instead of spending your time questioning yourself over and over about the past, spend your time looking for ways that you can grow your inner confidence so the situation doesn’t repeat itself. I have found some great clips on YouTube that assist with this including this one that I shared through my social media channels the other day where .
Focus on self-love and self-nurturing
Focus on self-love and self-nurturing activities – you can find some tips in my previous blog: Discovering your self-love. Recognise all the things you have learned in your time, not just from this one event, and the strengths you have built on. Practice mindfulness and distract yourself from the questions by listing all the things you know you’re good at and how you make a positive difference to others. Concentrate on being in the present as much as possible to stop you from looking back.
Respect the answers you receive, accept the answers you don’t
As I mentioned, if you continue questioning yourself and seeking answers you will lead yourself to directly ask more questions and the answers seem to leave you more and more unfulfilled. Sometimes when you step back and wait long enough for things to play out, all your questions will be answered loud and clear. They may not be the answers you wanted, but at least you didn’t need to look for them. In the case that an answer never comes, that is something we need to accept – sometimes questions have no answers.
Avoid any self-criticism
Generally while we’re questioning ourselves we are also criticising ourselves for not behaving differently during an event or situation. Another way to look at this is to put doubt in the doubt or to simply question any self-criticism that comes up. Consider what message you are giving yourself behind the questions you are asking and whether that message is helpful or not. If you decide the question or thought isn’t helpful, don’t forget to thank it for coming – it’s only trying to protect us – and send it on its way. You may want to spend some time reading as opposed to asking questions.
Give yourself permission to put yourself first
Following a traumatic event the best thing we can do for ourselves is to quickly learn how to put yourself first and as you heal you’ll really start to do only the things you want to do. Give yourself permission to put yourself first. Stop worrying about the traumatic event or what others think. A great book that helped take the sting out of my situation, and was recommended to me, is called God on a Harley by Joan Brady – it’s a spiritual book about finding yourself. What you learn in this process is that all that matters in order to lead your best life is what you think and feel. You can find more Tips for your inner confidence by Christine Arylo.
Find the funniest way you can to express yourself
Relax. There is light at the end of the tunnel. It sounds clichéd but to every negative, there is a positive and, not to continue with the clichés but what doesn’t kill you definitely makes you stronger! When things are fresh and the traumatic event is serious it can be hard to see the positives let alone laugh. But when you reach the point that you’re ready to let go, learn from the situation and set yourself free – through laughter! Laugh at the situation. Laugh at the person who hurt you. Laugh at your actions. Laugh at whatever you can. Remember, if you can’t find a way to laugh at yourself, find someone else who can, or join a laughter therapy group in your area. It only takes one person to start laughing before you find yourself joining in and when you can laugh at a situation – you win!
We’ve all done it at one stage or other – how did you stop questioning yourself?
Being conscious of our words and how they affect others
The trouble with most of us is that we’d rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism. Norman Vincent Peale
One of the greatest signs of success is when people try to stop you from doing what you’re good at by trying to bring you down. Actually, Habeeb Akande said it best:
Whoever is trying to bring you down is already beneath you.
In my experience, from many years ago when I had my own business promoting unsigned bands, it is these negative comments that can actually stop you going further. In fact, you’ll never know how close you were to success if you give up somewhere in the middle. And it only takes one or two people to get inside your head and plant that seed of doubt, that could cause you to turn your back on everything you’ve worked for.
Let me tell you, the biggest mistake you can make is to quit what you are doing based on a couple of complaints. Remember, the glass is half full, don’t forget who you’re there for and remember all your other followers and supporters before giving up. Sure, if you’re only making a difference to two people and one makes a malicious complaint, then perhaps it’s worth reconsidering if you should continue or not. But if you’re getting hundreds of clicks a day, and regular comments and it’s one person who complains … stick with it!
What inspired this blog today? A couple of things.
I follow a gorgeous Facebook page called “” by Jolita Kelias, who recently posted this:
“Now that the number of my followers have increased immensely in the past couple of weeks due to the work that I do and the message I share, I started receiving plenty of promotional emails which I delete without reading and Hate messages from some of you. I guess some of you are having issues with another person’s happiness and goodness. So here is my message to you:
You have a problem with something, deal with it. Some of you write to me demanding to delete some posts you don’t like. So my answer is – You don’t like it, don’t look at it. No one is holding you here. The exit is in front of your nose – turn that way.
And to the ones who harbour beautiful feelings I say – Thank you for journeying together with me. Hugging you all. Jolita Kelias”
Today I went onto YouTube to look up trailers for some upcoming movies and instead came across these. This is how celebrities respond to mean Tweets directed at them (I found some of them hilarious!):
When I consider the whole scenario of these people going out of their way to be deliberately mean to others, all I could think was this…
The fact that all these negative people that are being referred to – all the trolls, all the complainers, all the “haters”, whatever you want to call them – they’re all old enough to write. Most of them can even spell. They’re all intelligent enough to access and use social media. Using that to deliver such hurtful, hateful messages in a bid to bring someone down who is working to pull everyone up is beyond me. Clearly something is going wrong with the values we are now teaching or maybe we’re overlooking values all together with much faster-paced lifestyles.
And not just the celebrities, but just people and their ignorance in general. Bullying is not ok. Anyone who follows my blog knows Happiness Weekly’s stance on that.
Trying to tear someone down when they’re on their way to success is not ok.
Interfering in anyone’s life in a negative way is not ok.
Pulling someone down when you see them succeeding is not ok.
In fact using words for anything negative is simply not ok.
We all have a right to freedom!
The intention of Happiness Weekly is to make a positive difference to many, many lives. This blog is dedicated to helping people, loving each other and building others up so we can work together as one big team to create a very positive and harmonious future for everyone to live in. If you wish to unsubscribe from something you’re following, and you’re not sure how, Google it! That’s what it’s there for.
If you’re not here to do that, and you’re on my page, or their page or any page that you just want to rip down, then I ask that you please don’t be there because these people are making a positive difference to many other people. And it’s not about you. In fact, I ask anyone with any negative thing to say about someone to first look beyond themselves. Why? Because a blogger can shut a page down and it won’t make a huge difference to their lives – if anything it could enhance it by giving them more time for themselves and to do other things they enjoy without the focus on others. But it’s not about them. It’s about the people who they are selflessly helping, who they are making a difference to, who will be hindered by the blog or Facebook page or other medium closing down because of your negative comment. Same goes for celebrities. What if these celebrities stopped entertaining because of the mean things people said to them? So that’s why I ask, anyone with anything negative to say, to think beyond themselves first.
And on that note, I wish to share this with you, it’s an absolutely incredible YouTube video by motivational speaker Lizzie Velasquez. It’s a little lengthy, but please watch it the whole way through if you have time:
Life Coach Darren Poke who writes the Better Life Coaching blog recently released this easy-to-digest blog about revealing our critics for who they are, it’s well worth the read. It’s called How to stop the hyenas laughing – a story about dealing with critics. Well done, Darren.
So finally I want you all to remember this: negativity can inspire rather than hinder. It can make people stronger. Everyone has a choice about how negativity will affect them. If you’re a blogger, or getting bullied, or have had hurtful things said about you that have knocked you down – which we all have at some stage – then look for the positive and keep going.
Don’t give up.
8 ways to avoid the negatives in life – or at least not make them worse
I think it’s important to get your surroundings as well as yourself into a positive state – meaning surround yourself with positive people, not the kind who are negative and jealous of everything you do. Heidi Klum
Sometimes life can seem full of negatives with an abundance of obstacles and challenges and it can become quite overwhelming. In these situations, a lot of people subconsciously spread the stress and burden into other areas of their lives unnecessarily. For example, after a tough day at work you may return home tired and feeling pressure when you pick a fight with your partner or children because they haven’t done something exactly as you asked. This week, Happiness Weekly looks as how you can avoid the negatives in your life or at least not make them worse.
It’s undeniable that negativity is toxic – whether it’s a person who is negative or a situation in your life that is negative and causing you to respond and feel negative. It’s important to desensitise from the world’s negatives and try to isolate these events, people or areas of your life so they don’t infect the positive areas. It is when we repeatedly fall in the trap of letting one negative that could have been isolated affect every other part of our lives that we become consumed with darkness, loneliness and fall into a rut as all the positive and beautiful things and people around us fall away. By identifying and isolating the negative area or person in ourselves, we are empowered to change what happens to us next.
1. Identify the area that is causing upset, hurt or concern
If you sense darkness is upon you, your instinct is probably right. It may be a misunderstanding with someone that doesn’t feel right or a situation that is bringing you down – whatever it is, it’s important to stop and identify what it is. Once you know what it is, while you are on your own, consider what you will do to fix the situation to ensure you feel better as quickly as possible. Use this negative you wish to avoid to set goals to change your focus, empower yourself to move forward and start achieving the things you want.
2. If they seem bad, they probably are
Unfortunately toxic people do exist and they can be male or female. These are the people who add stress to your life unnecessarily: maybe they’re conniving, they can’t keep confidences, they lie, they backstab, they cheat and ask you to cover for them… it’s best to cut these people from your life right now – delete their number, block them on Facebook, avoid them where ever possible. You don’t need these people in your life and without them you will feel significantly lighter.
3. Make a positive friend or lover
Invite someone into your life who will support you and encourage you to grow. Ensure they have your best intentions at heart. Whenever you’re in doubt, turn to this person and let them shower you with their positive affirmations and offer some solutions and guidance towards your problems. In every situation you always have choices, sometimes when we’re bogged down with negatives we can be blind to see them and it’s these people who can point out the alternatives for us.
4. Be true to yourself
When everything is getting you down, focus on the things you can do and the goals you can achieve, don’t assume things you don’t know. Separate yourself from the negatives by accepting them and isolating them in that space. My thought patterns tend to go “Ahhh, that’s bad – but at least I have this or that!” Focus on what you do have and be grateful for that.
5. Watch your communication with others
Don’t give anyone ammunition against you. Watch how you treat others and always communicate with kindness. Verbal communication such as tone and choice of words combined with non-verbal communication such as body language and the way we do things are a key component for this. If you don’t want to upset anyone, be careful what you say and how you do things – if it’s not kind, then don’t speak or act.
6. Do something nice for yourself
After a hard day in the office, do something nice for yourself. Self-soothing exercises will ensure you feel valued and will also help you unwind from spreading any negativity for others. Be strong in your direction, know your values and goals and go forward with confidence. If your nice to yourself, inwards, generally you will also be nice to others, outwards.
7. Go forward with acceptance and confidence
When someone treats you unfairly – accept that you have no control over what they have said or done, but go forward with confidence in what you are doing and the goals you have set for yourself. Realise there is more ahead in your life plan than the current scenario and keep on your path, don’t let others and their circumstances throw you off.
8. Assess your options and take control
We always have choices. When something negative happens or someone is negative to us, we can either take control of the situation and change it or we can assess our options and change ourselves or our circumstances to move us away from the negativity. It’s important to acknowledge that we always have some level of control that we can empower ourselves with.
How do you avoid the negatives in your life?
Why labels are destructive
Build a resume that doesn’t simply tell a story about what you want to be, but who you want to be. Oprah.
It’s as simple as this: labels and stereotypes can prevent us from being who we want to be.
Let’s face it, sometimes it feels good to call our ex-partner a narcissist after they hurt us or suggest “perhaps you have this condition, or that condition, or this addiction or that addiction” when a friend comes to us for help – but ultimately, labels are meaningless as everyone’s experiences and feelings are so different.
Several top psychologists and psychiatrists have said there is nothing positive about “labels”; they are unhelpful and there is no mental health test to scientifically and/or medically prove someone’s conditions.
“Generally speaking that person learns to believe that they have whatever that disorder or disease is labelled which in turn gives them a very good reason to not have to be responsible for themselves. They are the victim,” said Suzanne Kellner-Zinck.
This week Happiness Weekly discusses why labelling isn’t helpful and how you can avoid labelling others, focus on yourself and moving forward.
The history
Categorical labelling is a tool that humans use to resolve the impossible complexity of the environments we grapple to perceive. Researchers began studying the cognitive effects of labelling in the 1930s and over time it’s been discovered that there generally isn’t one single label for one thing – everyone has different ideas of what a label should be – and through labelling, we form a lens for people to see ourselves or others through and they may become incapable of perceiving the subject independently of that label.
Why labelling is destructive
“In the majority of cases the person who has made the decision to shed the label is able to create healthier ways of being in the world and in so doing no longer fits the label given. In fact what I have found from my work is that if people are given the chance to be accepted for who they are and have the opportunity to shed the label by doing and thinking in a manner that would no longer support the label, amazingly enough they are healed and able to move on in their lives in a much more productive manner,” said Suzanne Kellner-Zinck.
Last week I attended a meeting for Co-dependents Anonymous (CODA) out of years of curiosity about addiction meetings (similar to Alcoholics Anonymous) – perhaps it was a Fight Club moment. But as I sat there and listened, each person who presented said “Hi, my name is … and I’m co-dependent”. And it happened every time they spoke about themselves. I listened respectfully, but I couldn’t help but think that people aren’t their condition and by saying it aloud like that, that it could hinder taking responsibility. People could actually think “It’s ok if I act like this or do this, because I’m this!”
Labelling can often cause discrimination. When using labels we may innocently be taking short cuts in language to describe something quickly – however, it’s important to be mindful that we may also be creating stigma to a person and it could be received as being offensive.
For example, if you talk about a person with a condition, such as a “person with diabetes”, it comes across that they won’t be rejected by society, have trouble finding a job or be stigmatised at school. But if we call them “a diabetic” – it makes it sound as though they are their condition and everyone with diabetes is the same, with the same emotions, experiences and problems. Of course this is incorrect: they are humans like the rest of us, and that is why we should say “a person with diabetes”. From this example we can see how labels can lead to a person becoming an object rather than the person behind the label.
How to avoid labelling someone
Labels are just shells that contain assumptions and stigmas towards a person. Next time you are tempted to label someone based on something they have done or in describing them, think carefully before you say they are a condition, rather than having a condition that may impair them. It’s important to know the distinction and always respect each other.
- Be honest with yourself, don’t discriminate or hold judgemental ideals. Know the areas that you’re particularly prone to stereotyping people (for example, people who have hurt us are not necessarily “narcissistic”)
- Consider when people have made assumptions about you that were untrue, and how you felt. Labelling doesn’t substitute the facts
- Think of a time when you incorrectly labelled someone – was it an assumption? How did you feel when you got to know the individual to realise you were incorrect?
- What causes you to label someone? Before you stereotype someone again, consider all the facts to ensure you’re making an accurate assumption and don’t appear foolish
- Instead of stereotyping, adopt logic, critical thinking and actual facts before speaking. Allow people to prove themselves
- Aim for diversity and exposure – surround yourself with your stereotyped group and see how you feel. Labelling often springs from unfamiliarity with a group and the desire to see an individual as representative of their group rather than as an individual
- Be accountable – act as though the labelled group or person can hear you when you speak about them.
- Develop empathy – consider how the other person would feel if they heard you, listen to complaints from minority groups
- Accept that everyone is different and diversity is the spice of life! It would be boring if we were all the same
- Catch yourself in the act – tell your friends and family that you’re trying to make the change to stop labelling and stereotyping and ask them to catch you in the act. Make sure you hear them when they pull you up, and always try to pull yourself up first
- Correct others when they label someone – it will make you more conscious of the changes you need to make as well. Avoid racist or sexist jokes and stories, disengage in anything that will hinder your progress
- Educate yourself – research as much as you can about the label you tend to use. Generally we tend to use labels when we’re not educated in a specific area
- Avoid getting personal – even if they do. Don’t hold a grudge – learn to forgive quickly. Instead of taking things personally, be open to new situations and opinions and see them objectively
- Don’t compare yourself to others – it encourages you to judge which is what leads us to labelling people
- Never assume others are judging or labelling you – this is a very bad habit. Always tell yourself that it’s not all about you, this will help you step out of situations rather than complicating things and creating negative assumptions
- Actively stop yourself from making quick assumptions. Being quick to judge others hampers your change to build good relationships with this person or group in the future.
What has been your experience with being labelled or stereotyped?
Why being an opportunist is a good thing
Opportunist is a person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river. Optimist is a person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway “See I am not injured yet”. Aquarius
A lot of people classify “opportunists” – particularly in the workplace – as manipulative, and it brings with it many negative connotations. Opportunism is the most misunderstand yet highest-impact approach to decision-making.
What is wrong with making the best of a situation you find yourself in?
Not long ago, I read a fantastic quote by Art Linkletter: “Things turn out best, for the people who make the best of the way things turn out”. With that in mind, this week Happiness Weekly looks at how you can be an opportunist and make the best of the way things have turned out for you.
What is an opportunist?
Opportunism is “the practice of looking for and using opportunities to gain an advantage for oneself, without considering if this is fair or right,” The Oxford Dictionary. When broken down further, it can be more positively defined as someone that finds and takes advantage of opportunities.
Description of an opportunist
An opportunist:
– Sees all current opportunities as an opportunity of a lifetime – and is tempted to take them all – they seize the moment
– Is open to everything – there’s no room for stubborn thinking or narrow minds
– Is optimistic with built-in affirmations: “good things will happen to me”, “I can overcome obstacles”, “life and people are generally good”, “I am capable of achieving my values and goals”
– Is decisive and proactive
– Is motivated by new opportunities and are often lost when an opportunity is fulfilled
– Sets goals, knows what they want, is visionary, informed and positive
– Acknowledges that outcomes may not be the result of hard work and is humble enough to know external factors may influence their outcomes
– Is flexible and adaptable to change, they view the world differently to others
– Takes action and solves problems quickly
– Has a heightened sense of awareness for themselves and the environment around them.
How you can be an opportunist
The key to being an opportunist is effective and quick problem solving skills – when an opportunity presents itself, take it! Don’t over think it.
Know what you want. Once you know what you want, you can consider how you will get it. Act assertively in getting what you want.
Be prepared. Consider the outcomes of all scenarios before you begin. Following through with something once you get somewhere is very important – always have goals to push through to after you’ve achieved a success.
Be aware. Use all situations to your advantage, don’t let minor incidents wreck your day, instead look at how you can be productive in managing your time. Expand your circle of influence and stay in touch with your connections.
Improvise. Be as creative as possible and use what you have at hand for a temporary solution.
Act quickly. Often an effective solution hinges on a speedy response. Be decisive and once a decision is made – stick to it!
Learn from your mistakes. Keep trying different ways to do things until you find a way that works for you. Similar to the quote: “I have not failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work!”
Be positive and persistent. Build on your self-motivation skills. Consider anything that doesn’t appear to be a success as practice and keep trying. Be confident. Believe in yourself so you can make things happen! You can do, learn, or delegate just about anything.
Polish your skills. An opportunist has a great sense of timing and leverage, they’re adaptable and willing to make changes and disrupt procedures.
Be proactive. Look for new and improved ways to do things.
Be accountable. Know when to bend the rules, take responsibility, redress wrongs or explain yourself.
The problem with being an opportunist:
* Sometimes the solutions you find just won’t do the job as efficiently as you’d hope
* You may become selfish (but this is in your control).
Orison Swett Marden said: “Don’t wait for extraordinary opportunities. Seize common occasions and make them great. Weak men wait for opportunities; strong men make them.”
Being an opportunist will certainly change your perception on life. It’ll help you in making the most of all situations. What did you do recently that was opportunistic and what was the outcome?
How to control your thoughts and be more positive
The mind is everything. What you think you become. Buddha
At a time when things appear to be going wrong, or we’re particularly stressed, we tend to take things more negatively than usual. It’s easy to be irrational and blame our circumstances, but it doesn’t make us feel any better. This week Happiness Weekly looks at how you can control your thoughts in a positive way.
1. Accept it – everyone has bad thoughts every now and then
Acknowledge that everyone has bad thoughts. Everyone has been kept awake from negative thinking, or kept in a state of fear because they can’t switch off. You are not alone! Speak to someone, generally you will find someone who can relate to the way you’re feeling.
2. Thank your thought for coming and send it on its way
Psychologists say (and I have heard this in an introductory session to Landmark Forum, though I never pursued it) – if you have a negative thought, you should listen to what it has to say, thank it for saying its piece (it’s there to protect you and keep you safe) and then send it on its way. It’s like an annoying child: if you listen to it, acknowledge it, and then send it on its way, the child is more likely to leave you alone quickly. Whereas if you ignore it, it will keep annoying you until you have taken action. Our thoughts are similar.
3. Swap the negative thought for a positive one
When you have a negative thought challenge yourself to come up with a positive thought about the exact same thing. For example, someone rudely crosses your path and knocks you without acknowledging you and you think “That person doesn’t like me” – you could think “Wow, they were in a hurry! I hope they get to where ever they are going quickly!” It sounds a bit like something AA Milne would write, but if you continue to think positively about things, other positive thoughts will follow. This isn’t as easy as it sounds – practise makes perfect with this one!
4. Distract yourself until you can talk to someone
When your thoughts get overpowering, you sometimes need an immediate distraction. Go on a brisk walk, keep a list of contacts of your most supportive friends and call through until you find someone that will meet up with you or spend some time doing something you enjoy. Sometimes we need to ignore our negative thoughts while they are hurting us and come back to them later. Generally this is where you need to distract yourself until you have someone you can share your thoughts with that will act as a sounding board and offer you calm, rational advice.
5. Consider the worst scenario
What would happen if your negative thought came true? It’s generally not as scary as it may have felt before you thought it through. Try to be rational as you consider your options. For example, if you stumble when public speaking – a dinosaur is not going to eat you. Someone may laugh, you may lose your place momentarily, but ultimately you will be able to carry on with your presentation or speech. Once you have considered the worst case scenario, accept it for what it is and prepare for it as best you can.
6. Write it out
Negative thoughts generally generate more negative thoughts, then another one, then another one and it’s like a racing track in your mind. It’s easy to panic and let it overwhelm us, but there are things you can do to slow down and start thinking rationally again. Write a letter to yourself as though you’re your best friend and telling yourself about this negative thought you have just had may also help. Generally writing is like meditating; it slows us down and helps us to connect with our rational thoughts. If you feel strange writing a letter to yourself, write it to your best friend – but read it as though your best friend wrote it to you. You could even reply with suggested solutions!
7. Before listening, consider what you want
Before taking a negative thought on board, consider exactly what you want. Start thinking about what you need to do to get what you want. Is this negative thought blocking you? Then you can send it on its way. The trick is to focus more on what you do want than what you don’t want, take control and encourage yourself to maintain a positive thought process.
8. Concentrate on positive affirmations
Tell yourself you can do it, you are positive, you will be great – you are your best cheerleader. Have confidence in yourself, no one can do it for you. Be mindful of all the good things you already have in your life. Follow your positive thoughts with positive actions. Choose to hang around positive, supportive people. Read success stories and things that inspire and motivate you.
I hope you have found these tips helpful. Your turn – how do you control your thoughts in a positive way?
How to give criticism constructively
Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them. Dalai Lama
After a few knocks to my confidence, I mustered up the courage to go for a job interview. The recruitment consultant wrapped up by sitting back in her chair and looking at me with eagle-evil eyes. She concluded our meeting by telling me that my answers were “fluffy” and the managers wouldn’t have a bar of it. I must admit, the way she approached it felt very … “corporate”. Isn’t that sad that the corporate world has become so hardened, serious and political that it can actually be used in a way to describe such an ugly vibe?
I returned home and spent the entire afternoon in a pit of despair. My confidence was shattered and my thoughts were negative: I’m unemployable. (Although technically I had a job at the time – just not the one I wanted.) At that time, the “feedback” had been crushing. It should be noted that generally I don’t take criticism so badly – in fact, I usually get excited by criticism and see it as an opportunity to grow – but when what is said is lacking the constructive element, and the person is already run down and lacking in confidence for whatever reason, it makes it difficult to put into perspective.
What that recruitment consultant didn’t know was that I studied for that interview for three days straight – I’m simply just not that great at interviews! That’s what disheartened me the most. I didn’t lie in the interview, I didn’t make up any answer, I just … didn’t have the polished responses she was after. Not that it mattered. Judging by the way the feedback was managed, she was too busy making me feel as though I had wasted her time rather than considering what may have been going on in my life at the time and how her words may have impacted me. So what could she have done differently?
It’s important when offering critical feedback to remember that everyone has their own issues at any given time. Life isn’t a talent show – you are not Kyle Sandilands! Upon further thought I concluded that perhaps recruiters could be more helpful by looking at their clients and having suggestions for helping them: sending them to interview coaching, recommending job training or courses to assist polish up their skills and build confidence.
Something I don’t understand is that recruiters, and even people in positions of power to hire, often overlook people because they are bad at interviews. Thing is – they can still do a really good job! People that are good at interviews, with all the correct responses, may be well trained and rehearsed rather than actually confident in what they can actually do in a job.
How can recruitment consultants give criticism more effectively?
– Communicate better: if you receive a “fluffy” answer, probe further, explain at the time why you think it is unsatisfactory at the time of receiving the answer – give the person a chance before assuming the worst
– If you don’t receive the answer you are after, say what is wrong with it
– Ask more in-depth questions. If your candidate is struggling to take the lead, help them out, you can always tell them what areas they need to work on for the next stage of the interview
– Don’t be so sceptical. While some people do lie on their resumes, others honestly don’t – and honesty should come across in the interview. If the person appears honest, give them a chance to prove themselves – it’s the job of the recruiter to ask the right questions
– Don’t be negative! You don’t know what you don’t know, remember that people always have their own problems in their life without you adding to the hurt. If you don’t think the candidate is up for going forward, tell them honestly that you won’t put them forward or offer to retract their resume if they wish. Give the applicant options
– Quit thinking of yourself! Life isn’t all about money and your commission. It costs nothing to be kind to someone. Don’t say “you have no confidence” and not follow up. Giving suggestions, for example, “Perhaps you would come across as more confident if you did this, or if you tried this…” etc.
– Send the candidate everything they need for the interview, if you forget to do it, then you’re incompetent, not the candidate. Do you know how many times I’ve walked into the interview and the recruitment consultant goes “Oh? Didn’t I send you that?” Like it was my fault? It just leaves me feeling frustrated, helpless and feeling as though other candidates had the upper hand as they had more information to help them prepare.
How can YOU give criticism constructively?
– Try to understand the other person, consider your expectations and work out why or why not that person may have said or acted the way they did
– Tell the person what they’re doing wrong, and give some options and examples of how they could improve
– Give positive feedback as close to the event or accomplishment as possible and for negative feedback, consider timing. Don’t overload the person with more stress, wait until their in a position to listen to you by setting a meeting, outlining the content of the meeting and allowing that person to prepare properly
– Give as much information as you can, to assist the other person with how they can improve. Consider if you want to give feedback that’s successful and helps someone or if you want to give feedback that will hurt them. Consider the person and their wellbeing, and then consider how to best present the feedback. Sometimes being blatantly honest hinders a person more than encourages them. Consider their feelings when dealing with them and be sensitive – everyone has their own problems
– Don’t overload the person with criticism. Give a criticism, say a solution, say what you will be looking for going forward (give your expectation). Then start on the next criticism. If you hammer someone with your criticisms without stating a suggested solution to the problem (no matter how obvious) and what you are looking for going forward (expectation), then you’re bound to do more damage than good
– Sandwich your feedback. Give positive criticism, negative criticism, positive criticism… always ensure you leave on a positive. An old industry standard is to say two positives to every negative. And before you let anyone leave the room, ensure that the other person feels that the meeting went well and is satisfied. Give them an opportunity to offer you honest criticism
– Ensure your criticism is specific, useful and helpful. Avoid being rude, condescending or hurtful. If there is any part of what they are doing that is correct, then make sure you tell them.
At the end of the day, it’s simple – just make sure you offer the RIGHT criticism:
R – Respectful: If you don’t respect the person, they’ll pick up on it and it will be harder to take on board. Always expect the best, and that the person you’re offering criticism to was doing their best before providing harsh feedback. Ask if you can provide feedback before offering it to the person.
I – Issue-Specific: Stay on topic. Centre your feedback on the issue or performance that needs correcting, don’t bombard the person with criticism.
G – Goal-Focussed: Provide something practical and constructive to focus on by providing targets the person can work towards while trying to achieve their goals.
H – Helpful: Ensure you maintain a helpful tone and show your support when delivering feedback. If you often point out the good things people do and encourage them, they will be more receptive to your feedback.
T – Timely: If it’s positive feedback, give it to the person as close to the event as possible. If it is negative feedback, give it to the person once everyone has cooled down and at a time convenient to everyone. If it is something worthy of dismissal, give the person warning to enable them to prepare some notes.
When was the last time you provided someone with criticism? How did you present it? Was the message received in a positive way? Give examples of how things improved.
How to write a good profile for a dating website
Online dating is just as murky and full of lemons as finding a used car in the classifieds. Once you learn the lingo, it’s easier to spot the models with high mileage and no warranty. Laurie Perry
Internet dating is becoming the most recognised way to meet your match. With so many people now heading to the internet for love, the competition is increasing and it is becoming harder to get noticed. This week Happiness Weekly looks at how to put your best foot forward and write a fantastic internet dating profile.
Benefits of internet dating
– It’s a great way to screen people before spending time with them to ensure you have enough in common
– You only talk to people for as long as you need, til you gauge interest or a connection before you can move on
– It’s safe – if someone makes you feel uncomfortable, you can easily block them or exit away from the situation
– It’s fun, great for your self-esteem (as people introduce themselves to you) and for meeting new people
– Even if you meet someone and it doesn’t work out, you may become friends
– You’re in control. You only need to share the information you choose to, there’s no pressure, you can even hide your identity until you find the right person for you
– Like the best things in life, it’s FREE (depending on what site you use) and it’s convenient – particularly if you work long hours and don’t get to go out much
– The fear of rejection is significantly reduced because it’s easy not to have expectations. Even if you talk for weeks and they vanish or find someone else, it’s ok because there are so many other options!
Selecting you profile picture
If you’re serious about meeting the right people, your internet dating profile should be approached as you would a job interview. Select a nice, clear and classy photo that represents you well for your main profile picture. Make it a current (within the past year) photo so as not to mislead anyone.
What to write
– Your first sentence should be something about you that will set you apart from everyone else. It needs to show your personality but it doesn’t have to be witty. Or start simply with some positive adjectives to describe yourself: Loyal, fun, caring, intelligent, confident, sensitive, daring, honest…
– Be honest. Don’t say you’re an expert at something if you’re not, don’t pretend to have more money than you have. Be yourself: and remember – those who mind: don’t matter, and those who matter: don’t mind
– Write passionately and creatively about your interests and hobbies. Focus on the things you LOVE in life – that will make other people sense your passion and want to be part of it!
– State clearly and honestly what you’re looking for. If it’s short-term, explain why (going overseas? Just out of a relationship, don’t want anything serious?)
– Are you educated? Have you studied? What did you study? What field do you work in? Career-wise, what are you most passionate about?
– If you do want to avoid certain people (for example players), put it back on yourself but keep it fresh, light and always finish positively: “Straight up – I’m not a one-night-stand girl. I’m selective about who I will let in my life. Initially, I am just looking for new friends, new perspective and new inspiration” or “I’m not a package deal – I have never been married, I have no lingering or jealous ex-boyfriends, no children, no haunting past… I have a cute dog?? But he doesn’t live with me.”
– List the things you love: favourite food, activities/hobbies, favourite tv shows, sports, entertainment etc.
– Go into detail about your favourite thing to do in your favourite season. For example: “My favourite thing to do is go out on a boat with friends, crank up the tunes and drink the afternoon away. Nothing beats it!”
– When saying where you live, this is where I say I live a suburb further than I am. You don’t want any crazies tracking you down!
What you are looking for
– The key to this section of your profile is knowing EXACTLY what you are looking for. Do you want a smoker or a non-smoker? A social drinker or a non-drinker?
– Be selective! It can be tempting to put “A great person” in there, but by being specific you are more inclined to encourage the right people to talk to you.
– Fill in this section with positive adjectives about the person you are looking to date: outgoing, educated, generous, funny (not at other’s expense), mature, accepting etc.
What to avoid saying on your profile
– Saying anything negative on your profile. Instead of saying what you don’t want, use the space to say what you DO want (after all – you’re marketing yourself and you want to come across as positive and happy)
– Mentioning or inferring anything negative about your past “No players”, “Control freaks need not apply”, “I come without baggage”. You can discuss this stuff when you make it to the date
– Likening your appearance to a celebrity. Embrace your individuality – the celebrity talk will make you appear conceited
– Lying in any way – if you lie then you’ll get found out in the end. It’s a horrible way to start a relationship with someone – just be honest!
– Giving too much information. Not just in your profile but when you begin talking to people. Don’t tell them your life story straight away, leave a little mystery
– Shorthand – not everyone gets what OMG LMAO ATM means. Keep it real, straight to the point and simple
– Committing to meeting everyone you talk to. It can be tempting, but remember to be selective when you meet with people. You don’t want to be too available and remember, the person you’re attracting may also have friends on there, so try to avoid saying the same thing to everyone. Keep your introductory letters unique to each individual you chat to.
In short, the best way to write a great Internet dating profile is to be positive – remember, when you meet, no one’s perfect. Good luck and I hope this helps you to find love!
Colour psychology and what your wardrobe reveals about you
Before you choose your outfit for the day, think about how you want other people to see you and interpret your personality … your clothes say far more than you think. Bridget Allen, senior fashion expert.
Socially everyone selects something of choice to wear from their wardrobe, but generally no further thought is taken other than if it looks good and feels comfortable. A picture is worth a thousand words, but 99% of that description is about the colour of that picture. Colour psychology is concerned with how certain colours effect emotions, perceptions and reactions.
According to Adam D Galinksy, a professor at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University, “clothing affects how other people perceive us as well as how we think about ourselves”. Leave your inner fashionista behind, this week Happiness Weekly takes a practical look at what the colours in your wardrobe are really saying about you!
Colours at work
Black symbolises power and sophistication, but is also the colour of the secretive unknown creating an air of mystery. Some use it to hide their weight, others use it to hide their fears and insecurities. Black provides comfort while protecting emotional feelings and vulnerabilities. It symbolises control, hanging on to information and things rather than giving out to others. It radiates authority, but creates fear in the process. People that wear black are self-controlled and disciplined, independent and strong-willed but give an impression of authority and power. Affluent and success-orientated women often choose to wear black as it gives an impression of elegance, sophistication and confidence. It’s a great colour for trousers, jackets or shirts – it is recommended that you break it up with other colours.
Yellow can be seen as cheery and warm, it is the colour of mind, intellect and acquired knowledge. Uplifting and illuminating, it offers hope, happiness, cheerfulness and fun. Yellow inspires inquisitiveness and original thought. People that like yellow are generally great communicators and love to talk – particularly suitable to networkers, journalists and people that work in Public Relations. It is linked to clarity of thought and ideas which aids with decision making, focus and study, and recalling information. Yellow should be limited to accessories such as ties or necklaces because it can be impulsive and cause anxiety. More information about yellow and its variations is available here.
Gold is the colour of success, achievement and triumph. It is associated with abundance, prosperity, luxury, quality, prestige and sophistication. Valuable and elegant, gold implies affluence, material wealth and extravagance. Linked to masculine energy and the power of the sun – it is confident, passionate and eye-catching.
White is associated with purity, innocence, wholeness, completion and serenity. Cleanliness personified, the colour white is the colour for new beginnings and the ultimate purity which is why western brides and doctors wear it. The colour of protection and encouragement, white offers a sense of peace and calm, comfort and hope, and helps alleviate emotional upsets. It creates a sense of order and efficiency – great for inspiration if you wish to unclutter your life. Too much white can be cold, isolating, empty and bland. It implies a feeling of sterility, detachment and disinterest, providing little stimulation for the senses. Wear it sparingly, white is the classic colour for an office shirt because it provides a good background for the statement colour of a tie.
Silver has a feminine energy and is associated with the moon – it is fluid, emotional, sensitive and mysterious. Reflective and sensitive, silver inspires intuition, clairvoyance and mental telepathy. It is also associated with prestige and wealth as it is seen as glamorous, sophisticated, prosperous and modern. People that wear silver are respectable, courteous, dignified, self-controlled, responsible, patient, determined and organised. It resonates well in the corporate world to those in positions of responsibility (males and females).
Grey is the colour of compromise – it is neutral and detached. The closer it gets to black, the more dramatic and mysterious it becomes, but the closer it gets to white or silver, the more illuminating and lively it becomes. People that wear grey are generally subdued, quiet and reserved. Conformists, they are conventional, dependable and practical. Too much grey creates sadness and depression and a tendency to loneliness and isolation. More information about grey and its variations is available here.
Purple is a colour of imagination and spirituality, historically associated with luxury, wealth and royalty. It represents the future. Purple inspires unconditional and selfless love, and enhances psychic ability and spiritual enlightenment. It promotes harmony of the mind and emotions, contributing to mental balance and stability, and peace of mind. Violet is the colour of humanitarian, using its better judgement to do good for others, combining wisdom and power with sensitivity and humility. People that wear purple have an element of power as it demands respect. They are ambitious and self-assured leaders. Purple is difficult colour to pull off because it requires confidence to wear successfully. More information about purple, and its variations, is available here.
Indigo, the colour of intuition, perception and the higher mind. It promotes deep concentration during meditation. Powerful and dignified, it conveys integrity and deep serenity. People that love the colour indigo conform to things that have worked in the past, while planning for the future. It stimulates the right brain and helps with spatial skills.
Red is the colour of energy, passion and action. It exudes a strong and powerful masculine energy, it excites the emotions and motivates us to take action. Red is a powerful colour: it is a symbol for leadership, assertiveness, confidence, ambition and determination. Too much red can cause irritation, agitation, aggression and anger. In China it is the colour for good luck, in India it is the colour for purity and is often used in their wedding gowns. Red is a great colour to wear to negotiations, meetings and sales pitches. More information about the colour red, and its variations, is available here.
Brown symbolises age and maturity. It is serious, down-to earth and relates to security, protection and material wealth. People that wear brown take their obligations seriously and encourage a strong need for security and a sense of belonging. They feel that family and friends are of utmost importance, are honest, genuine and sincere – though can be stingy with money. They are trustworthy, reliable, loyal, dependable, practical and realistic. The colour of structure, it encourages orderliness, uniformity and organisation. It is reassuring and quietly confident. Wearing this colour can make you appear wise. It is a popular colour with teachers and academics because it inspires feelings of respect in a subtle manner as opposed to aggressively asserting respect like red or purple. Wearing too much brown can make you look stuffy or old fashioned. More information about brown and its variations is available here.
Blue is a calming colour that inspires serenity, trust and responsibility. Honest and loyal, this colour is reliable, sincere, reserved and quiet. It promotes mental and physical relaxation, reducing stress. In fact, the paler the shade of blue, the more freedom we feel. People that love blue define success as quality and quantity of relationships, they give more than receive and build strong, trusting relationships. They become deeply hurt if betrayed. Conservative and predictable, blue is safe, non-threatening, but persistent and determined to succeed. Wear blue when you need to give important news in a meeting but break it up with other colours if you are delivering bad news. More information about blue and its variations is available here.
Turquoise represents open communication and clarity of thought. It controls and heals the emotions creating emotional balance and stability. The colour turquoise recharges our spirits during times of mental stress and tiredness, alleviating feelings of loneliness. It increases creativity and sensitivity. People that wear turquoise are generally good at multi-tasking and are very caring. Turquoise also encourages us to build self-esteem and be self-sufficient. More information about turquoise and its variations is available here.
Orange radiates warmth and happiness. It is the colour of adventure, risk-taking and social communication. Orange offers emotional strength, it is optimistic and uplifting, and promotes spontaneity and a positive outlook. It inspires physical confidence, competition, independence, and aids in putting new ideas into action, banishing limitations. It encourages self-respect and respect of others. A great colour for accessories, orange prevents other colours from becoming overbearing. More information about orange and its variations is available here.
Green is the colour of harmony, growth and balance (creating equilibrium between the head and the heart). It is a natural peacemaker and an emotionally positive colour, encouraging us to love and nurture ourselves and others unconditionally. People that wear green enjoy observing and listening and have good judgement. They are generally inviting, generous, friendly and can keep confidences but also tend to look for recognition. A great colour for women’s dresses, it is also the ideal colour for accessories. More information about green and its variations is available here.
Pink is associated with femininity, unconditional love and romance. It represents compassion and nurturing. People that wear pink are intuitive and insightful and demonstrate tenderness, kindness, empathy and sensitivity. It is the colour of hope and good health. Pink calms and reassures our emotional energies, alleviating feelings of anger, aggression, resentment, abandonment and neglect. A non-threatening colour, people that love pink seek appreciation, respect and admiration. It is a great colour for items you will wear briefly but you can remove for the bulk of the day e.g. jackets and bags. More information about pink and its variations is available here.
Magenta is the universal colour for harmony and emotional balance. People that wear magenta are generally spiritual (yet practical), encouraging, have good common sense and a balanced outlook on life. Magenta strengthens our intuition and psychic ability while assisting to rise above daily obstacles and gain awareness and knowledge. An instrument of change and transformation, magenta aids us in moving forward, helping to release old emotional patterns that prevent personal and spiritual development. It is uplifting to our spirits during times of unhappiness, anger and frustration. Magenta is the colour of cheerfulness, happiness, contentment and appreciation for what you have acquired and achieved. Magenta is spontaneous and impulsive, yet resourceful and organised.
Speedy wardrobe colour tips
* Blue establishes trust and credibility. It is a safe colour and universally liked by most men and women.
* To appear friendly and approachable, wear lighter colours such as mid-tone blues, greens, blue-greens, teal, tan and peachy-orange.
* To get noticed or appear assertive, wear red (but note, it can be threatening).
* To appear confident, blue-green is a good business colour for women, it suggests high self-esteem, confidence but is still friendly and approachable.
* To show dependability, wear green.
* To appear neutral wear grey or beige. You may look like a fence-sitter, but it enables you to say what a client wants to hear rather than the truth.
* To look professional with authority, wear dark blue or dark grey. It’s great for credibility when promoting your business.
* To shock or inspire your audience, wear a magenta suit … with a matching top hat and cane!
* Earth tones (dark orange, mid-brown, light yellow, beige, tan or caramel) are seen as reliable.
Fast facts on colour psychology
– Teenagers often have a psychological need to wear black during the stage of transition from the innocence of childhood to the sophistication of adulthood. It enables them to hide from the world while they discover their own unique identity.
– According to Dr Jennifer Baumgartner, who wrote “You are what you wear: what your clothes reveal about you”, what you wear can inform people passing you in the street of your type of employment, ambitions, emotions and spending habits. “Shopping and spending behaviours often come from internal motivations such as emotions, experiences and culture,” she said.
– A study from Northwestern University examined the concept “enclothed cognition”. Researchers define it in their report as “the systematic influence that clothes have on the wearer’s psychological processes,” meaning what clothes say to you, rather than about you. How they make you feel, not just how they make you act and react.
– Women react more positively to blue-based colours, such as deep blue-reds, most blues, most pinks and blue-greens. Men find yellow-based colours more attractive. They appreciate true reds and oranges, peachy-apricots and most blues.
– Colours also enhance our culinary experience. Red is the most prominent colour in fast food logos because it stimulates appetite and expresses the speed at which you will be served your meal. Blue decreases appetite – however, people are more likely to drink from a blue glass than a red glass. Orange also assists with stimulating appetite.
– Trying to lose weight? Dieticians recommend eating off a blue plate as it suppresses appetite.
How to have a great day … every day!
I hope everyone that is reading this is having a really good day. And if you are not, just know that in every new minute that passes you have an opportunity to change that. Gillian Anderson
Every day has potential to be the best day of your life. Make the decision that today will be a great day and spend your time working to achieve it. The following tips will make it easy for you to live each day to the fullest.
Select your alarm tune carefully
Setting your alarm tune to something peaceful or happy is always a great way to start the day! My alarm tune is set to the DuckTails theme song. It reminds me of Saturday Disney and being young, it gives me energy to start the day and it makes me wake with a smile. For those of you that think a song may be too much too early in the morning, try selecting something peaceful (but still enough to wake you) to get you out of bed each morning.
Wake up healthy
When you feel good, you’ll look good. Wake up and stretch, drink a glass of water, have a bowl of fruit and/or high-fibre cereal for breakfast and try to schedule some time for a brisk walk to get the heart rate up. Getting into the routine of slowing down your morning, properly brushing your teeth and taking time for yourself is a great way to start the day!
Dress to impress
It’s important to dress for success whether you have a long day of work stretching ahead of you or not. Did you know that a careerbuilder.com survey found that 41% of employers are more likely to promote people that dress better? It will also help you be more productive and people will be more receptive to you.
Genuinely smile
Smiling is universally recognised as an expression of happiness among all cultures: if you smile, other people will generally smile with you. Some studies support this, even suggesting that it is contagious. For example a study conducted in Sweden showed that people had difficulty frowning when they looked at other subjects who were smiling, and their muscles twitched into smiles all on their own.
Perceive everything in a positive way
Make the decision to take everything in a positive way – remember, you are only living today for one day only. If someone is trying to be negative and force you down, the trick is to try to find the lesson in what they are saying or doing. Learning from them will benefit you as you keep your head up and continue striving to be the best you can be.
Be kind
Be kind to everyone you encounter. According to psychologist Og Mandino (1923-1996), “Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness, and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again”. It doesn’t cost anything to be nice to someone, it’s easy to do, and it makes you feel good! So smile, start a conversation and remember to mind your manners. The Stanford Research Institute says that the money you make in any endeavour is determined by 12.5% knowledge and 87.5% ability to deal with people.
Give away positive energy
According to the law of attraction, the more positive energy you give, the more you will receive. Give compliments, let people know you’re thinking of them, buy people gifts, and always mind your manners. The easiest way to give and receive positive energy is to always have good intentions.
Have a positive attitude
Maintain an attitude of gratitude and you will attract all good things. Being thankful for even the small things will enhance awareness of your surroundings and it’s this level of mindfulness that will assist you in appreciating each day. You have 25,000 to 50,000 thoughts a day, changing most of them to be positive will be a challenge but it’s certainly possible!
Challenge yourself
Be open to learning something new. Accept a spontaneous opportunity. Do something you’re scared of (within reason!). Challenge yourself to achieve your full potential. By challenging yourself you will grow, gain awareness, skills and knowledge, achieve more, possibly advance in your career, become a better friend or partner, and gain new experiences.
Chat to loved ones
Schedule some time towards the end of each day to chat to your loved ones. Call your family for a general catch up or call your best friend. It’s a great way to vent, relax, unwind, and wrap up a busy day in the office!
Exercise
Have an exercise routine in the afternoon that you look forward to after work, it will help you to refresh – and it’s great for your health! Studies have shown that just 20 minutes of exercise three times a week will increase your happiness by 10 to 20 percent after six months.
Look after yourself
Aside from the usual hygiene care (showering and brushing your teeth), try to do something nice for yourself each day. This could be grooming: getting a haircut, painting your nails or it could be something leisurely: planning a party, having a bath, reading the newspaper or a book, going shopping or to the beach, writing a letter, painting a picture, going star-gazing, listening to music etc.
Live for the moment
Time is something you can never get back. Avoid wasting it! While we can live to an endless to-do list it’s equally important to have time to think and meditate. Put your phone down and give your time fully when you’re socialising – it will allow you to fully enjoy the moment. Switching off and being completely present enables you to slow down a fast-paced life to fully enjoy yourself.
Respect your biorhythms
To help ensure tomorrow is just as good as today, make sure you get a good night’s sleep. Getting a good night’s sleep may mean investing in earplugs to ensure your room is silent, a new pillow for comfort, or an eye mask to ensure no light will disturb you. If you find yourself awake at night, figure out what is worrying you and how you can overcome it.