Get celebrity confidence with these simple tips!
Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy. Norman Vincent Peale
Have you ever noticed in celebrity interviews and on the red carpet that these people – human beings, just like us – have this amazing, shine about them? And then we look in the mirror and there we are … just little old us. No shine, no makeup, no glitz and definitely no glamour … just us. It’s magnetic! It makes you want to be around these people. So what is it that makes them glow like that all the time? This week, Happiness Weekly looks at how you can build your own celebrity confidence.
One of my favourite celebrities with the confidence I’m referring to here is Jennifer Hawkins. Even in her no-makeup selfies on Facebook, she looks amazing! Her self-confidence always seems to shine through whenever there’s a camera in sight. Even just her Facebook photos glow better than the average-jo’s.
Watch your wardrobe
Stop looking for external validation in what you decide to wear. Emma Roberts dresses only to please herself because when she feels good nothing else matters.
Sleep well and stay hydrated
Drink approximately 2L of water each day and aim for eight hours of sleep each night. Jessica Alba says stay hydrated and sleep well and what’s on the inside is really what matters.
Be as healthy as you can be
Eat well, exercise regularly and concentrate on the positive things in your life. Jennifer Hawkins says she’s most confident when she’s the healthiest she can be (eating and exercise) or wearing a great outfit that she’s comfortable in.
Be positive and believe in yourself
Maintaining a positive mental attitude is a reoccurring theme among many celebrities. Jennifer Hawkins says she tries to focus on the good things in her life while Katherine Schwarzenegger (Arnold’s oldest daughter) says “Having a positive attitude is a daily effort. Every morning, make a decision to think positively about yourself.”
Be prepared or experienced where possible
Knowing what you’re doing, being prepared or experienced enables us to approach something with confidence. Prepare yourself as much as you can and go forth with confidence.
Let’s hear it straight from the celebrities themselves. This YouTube clip is called . Do you think you can mirror that?
Now I want to share this very empowering video with you: Meet yourself: a user’s guide to building self-esteem – Niko Everett.
How to be confident – without celebrity guidance – according to Nur
Here’s her video and some of the highlights from what she says is below:
Surround yourself with positive people
Reassess your friends. Surround yourself with the people who make you feel good. They’re happy when you’re happy, they’re supportive when you’re discouraged, they’re there when you need them … if someone in your life doesn’t make them happy, clear them out and move on.
Watch your self-talk
Take a look at your self-talk. For example, many of us use internet dating sights to meet our match these days – what are you telling yourself when you log in? Are you putting yourself down? Are you telling yourself negative things about the people you will meet? If you are – stop it or shift your talk.
Be present when you enter a room
Have your chin at least parallel to the floor and be present as you enter. Put your phone away. Sit up straight with your shoulder’s back. Be conscious of your body language.
Get comfortable on your own
Learn to be completely on your own, without your friends and get comfortable with that. Think about the last time you saw someone on their own – did you stare at them and think “What a loser?” No, probably not. So give it a try! This process will also help you in being decisive as you get to know yourself.
Genuinely say nice things
Compliment people when it’s genuine. Being authentic is critical to your confidence. Praising other people shows you’re not insecure. If it’s not genuine, don’t speak. If you have something negative to say – don’t say it, it will actually hurt your confidence.
Rely on self-validation
Accept compliments with confidence – because you already know. Take compliments and criticisms in the same way. This ensures you are responsible for your highest highs and your lowest lows. Take ownership of your happiness.
Speak with confidence
This is from Nur’s follow up video. Speak slowly, expand your vocabulary, be decisive and unashamed in your decision – delete: “I think”, “I don’t know” and “I guess” from your vocabulary, don’t be verbose in your communication – get to the point, be conscious of your tone, keep a consistent volume even when you’re getting towards the end of the point you’re trying to make, think before you speak, fake it til you make it – make a mental commitment and go for it.
Where’s the gap?
There will always be an area of weakness which really affects our confidence. It’s important to acknowledge that everyone has their own insecurities. Instead of focusing on yours as a negative, embrace them and work to strengthen them.
Charlotte Dawson – you will be missed
Sometimes, especially if people are wanting you to kill yourself, and you’re somebody who has previously tried to end your life, it’s very, very easy to feel like that’s exactly what you want to do. Charlotte Dawson – Sixty Minutes 2012.
In all the footage you find of her, Charlotte Dawson appears very brave and courageous – something that adds to the shock of today’s news.
Time and time again Charlotte Dawson appeared as strong as her message. Her intentions in campaigning against bullying, among other things, were so good. She was a role model! She may not have done everything right, but the way she kept getting back up, her strength, her courage … she was a positive figure to aspire to.
But today Charlotte lost her battle with depression. Is it another bullycide? The public may never know.
I didn’t know her personally, but we had something in common: campaigning against bullying and that is why I want to dedicate this post to her.
Charlotte Dawson was a model and television presenter who in recent times had a very public battle with Twitter trolls, some of whom she exposed. You just need to watch this to see for yourself that they were absolutely no match for her – she lived a lavish lifestyle in Woolloomooloo which, despite her struggles, she managed to maintain. Along with the brave front she held together, that’s a massive credit to her!
In this interview she appears so strong about her circumstances, you’d never pick her for having such a horrific battle with depression behind the scenes. And this is exactly why we need to be so careful with what we say to other people. Everyone has their own battles and demons they’re fighting. In fact, just a couple of weeks ago I blogged about being Being conscious of our words and how they affect others and this scenario is exactly why. Bullying is not ok and perhaps Charlotte’s Twitter trolls need to take a long hard look in the mirror before they post again!
Depression affects 1 in 4 four people and by 2020 it will be the world’s second largest killer.
Charlotte leaves us with her messages of hope and strength for those who suffer from depression and a book called Air Kiss and Tell – a very raw biography about her life. Check out this YouTube clip for more: The truth about Charlotte Dawson.
Charlotte Dawson – you may not have felt like much in your final moments – but you will be missed.
In 2012 I wrote a blog about Being proactive against bullying, with solutions – one being to start an online support network where those suffering at the hands of cyber bullies can get instant assistance from someone qualified. Or even unqualified! The idea of having Lifeline online.
“If you’re going to express those points of view, you should do it with a face and a name so you can be accountable,” Charlotte Dawson was quoted saying in an interview with in September 2012 following her Twitter attack that landed her in hospital following an attempted suicide.
Domestic Violence organisation, 1800 RESPECT, has recently introduced a similar functionality on their website where people can go online for direct assistance. We need that for anti-bullying and if anyone has the skills to put it together, I would be more than happy to team up, share ideas and start building it to make it happen.
In the meantime, if you are in crisis or are struggling with depression, please contact Lifeline for assistance: 13 11 14.
Related articles:
Charlotte Dawson found dead
TV celebrity Charlotte Dawson found dead at her Sydney home
Charlotte Dawson found dead in Woolloomooloo home
Being conscious of our words and how they affect others
The trouble with most of us is that we’d rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism. Norman Vincent Peale
One of the greatest signs of success is when people try to stop you from doing what you’re good at by trying to bring you down. Actually, Habeeb Akande said it best:
Whoever is trying to bring you down is already beneath you.
In my experience, from many years ago when I had my own business promoting unsigned bands, it is these negative comments that can actually stop you going further. In fact, you’ll never know how close you were to success if you give up somewhere in the middle. And it only takes one or two people to get inside your head and plant that seed of doubt, that could cause you to turn your back on everything you’ve worked for.
Let me tell you, the biggest mistake you can make is to quit what you are doing based on a couple of complaints. Remember, the glass is half full, don’t forget who you’re there for and remember all your other followers and supporters before giving up. Sure, if you’re only making a difference to two people and one makes a malicious complaint, then perhaps it’s worth reconsidering if you should continue or not. But if you’re getting hundreds of clicks a day, and regular comments and it’s one person who complains … stick with it!
What inspired this blog today? A couple of things.
I follow a gorgeous Facebook page called “” by Jolita Kelias, who recently posted this:
“Now that the number of my followers have increased immensely in the past couple of weeks due to the work that I do and the message I share, I started receiving plenty of promotional emails which I delete without reading and Hate messages from some of you. I guess some of you are having issues with another person’s happiness and goodness. So here is my message to you:
You have a problem with something, deal with it. Some of you write to me demanding to delete some posts you don’t like. So my answer is – You don’t like it, don’t look at it. No one is holding you here. The exit is in front of your nose – turn that way.
And to the ones who harbour beautiful feelings I say – Thank you for journeying together with me. Hugging you all. Jolita Kelias”
Today I went onto YouTube to look up trailers for some upcoming movies and instead came across these. This is how celebrities respond to mean Tweets directed at them (I found some of them hilarious!):
When I consider the whole scenario of these people going out of their way to be deliberately mean to others, all I could think was this…
The fact that all these negative people that are being referred to – all the trolls, all the complainers, all the “haters”, whatever you want to call them – they’re all old enough to write. Most of them can even spell. They’re all intelligent enough to access and use social media. Using that to deliver such hurtful, hateful messages in a bid to bring someone down who is working to pull everyone up is beyond me. Clearly something is going wrong with the values we are now teaching or maybe we’re overlooking values all together with much faster-paced lifestyles.
And not just the celebrities, but just people and their ignorance in general. Bullying is not ok. Anyone who follows my blog knows Happiness Weekly’s stance on that.
Trying to tear someone down when they’re on their way to success is not ok.
Interfering in anyone’s life in a negative way is not ok.
Pulling someone down when you see them succeeding is not ok.
In fact using words for anything negative is simply not ok.
We all have a right to freedom!
The intention of Happiness Weekly is to make a positive difference to many, many lives. This blog is dedicated to helping people, loving each other and building others up so we can work together as one big team to create a very positive and harmonious future for everyone to live in. If you wish to unsubscribe from something you’re following, and you’re not sure how, Google it! That’s what it’s there for.
If you’re not here to do that, and you’re on my page, or their page or any page that you just want to rip down, then I ask that you please don’t be there because these people are making a positive difference to many other people. And it’s not about you. In fact, I ask anyone with any negative thing to say about someone to first look beyond themselves. Why? Because a blogger can shut a page down and it won’t make a huge difference to their lives – if anything it could enhance it by giving them more time for themselves and to do other things they enjoy without the focus on others. But it’s not about them. It’s about the people who they are selflessly helping, who they are making a difference to, who will be hindered by the blog or Facebook page or other medium closing down because of your negative comment. Same goes for celebrities. What if these celebrities stopped entertaining because of the mean things people said to them? So that’s why I ask, anyone with anything negative to say, to think beyond themselves first.
And on that note, I wish to share this with you, it’s an absolutely incredible YouTube video by motivational speaker Lizzie Velasquez. It’s a little lengthy, but please watch it the whole way through if you have time:
Life Coach Darren Poke who writes the Better Life Coaching blog recently released this easy-to-digest blog about revealing our critics for who they are, it’s well worth the read. It’s called How to stop the hyenas laughing – a story about dealing with critics. Well done, Darren.
So finally I want you all to remember this: negativity can inspire rather than hinder. It can make people stronger. Everyone has a choice about how negativity will affect them. If you’re a blogger, or getting bullied, or have had hurtful things said about you that have knocked you down – which we all have at some stage – then look for the positive and keep going.
Don’t give up.
The 24-Hour Happiness Makeover
I think happiness is what makes you pretty. Period. Happy people are beautiful. They become like a mirror and they reflect happiness. Drew Barrymore
When we’re feeling miserable, it’s human instinct to find the fastest source of happiness in the shortest amount of time. Some people turn to drugs and alcohol for this reason. But there are other healthy options available that you should be aware of. Whenever I’m down, I give myself time for a 24-hour makeover to revitalise my happiness.
This week Happiness Weekly shares a 24-hour makeover plan that could have you feeling happier than doing nothing but sitting in the slump of a depression. If nothing else, it’ll distract you long enough to feel OK again! Your day will be broken down into various parts and activities, try to follow it as closely as you can.
Take the day off work
The best way to make the 24-hour happiness makeover most effective is to take the day off work to complete it. Whether it’s a planned annual leave day or an urgent sick day, make sure you take the time for yourself and ensure your happiness is shining as bright as can be.
Watch the sunrise/sunset
If you live in Sydney (Australia), one thing you must do is catch the 5.30am Manly Ferry (wharf 4) from Circular Quay to Manly and watch the sunrise on Manly Beach. It’s well worth getting out of bed for! The energy around you as you watch the sunrise is magic as fitness freaks pass you by, meanwhile you can relax, concentrate on your breathing and the beauty of a new day beginning. If you’re not in Sydney, any beach where you can see a magnificent sunrise is recommended … if you’re on the west coast, make some time in the afternoon to catch the sunset over the water.
Go for a 7-10km walk
There are three essentials for this walk: water, happy and motivating music and sunshine! Now find a flat path that enables you to be in the sun for half to two-thirds of the time and walk as fast as you can – really stretch it out – for seven to ten kilometres. Why seven to ten kilometres? Because this is enough time to awaken your endorphins, raise your heartbeat and it will clear your mind. Spare some time to race home and have a quick shower before you start the next part of the day.
Take yourself out to brunch
Choose a nice café or restaurant and go and enjoy some brunch on your own. While you do some people watching, pick out the features in those surrounding you that you like. Nice eyes, nice dress, nice suit … whatever it may be. Make sure you choose something healthy on the menu, the idea is to feel as good as possible. Don’t eat too much because feeling bloated will just weigh you down. Perhaps go for eggs or fruit salad and yoghurt. Once your food arrives, go on your phone and pick out something you would like to do this evening – options may be: theatre, going to the movies, watching a stand-up comedian, seeing a concert, going salsa dancing etc. Make it something you really want to do, but generally you can’t find someone to accompany you.
Hit the beauty salon and/or hairdresser
If you’re a lady, you’ll know that nothing makes you feel better than a good overhaul. Have your eyebrows shaped, get a pedicure and manicure, get a spray tan … and once you’re finished in the beautician, head to a hairdresser and have your hair done! Splurge as much as you can afford to make yourself feel as good as possible. If you’re a man, you can keep it simple but do something to a similar effect: have a shave and get your hair done. If you can afford it, and have time, throw in a massage on top of this – there’s no rush!
Relax for two hours
You’ll probably be a little tired from the early start, particularly if you’re not a great morning person – and not everyone is – head home and relax for a couple of hours. Spend your first hour lying down and/or meditating. Make sure you set your alarm in case you fall asleep. If you do fall asleep, let yourself. During the second hour watch YouTube interviews with models, actors, actresses, motivational speakers and other people who inspire you to feel good about yourself. If you can’t think of someone or can’t find a good interview, watching a movie that makes you feel happy may also help.
Listen to music as you get ready to go out
Now turn on some music that you really enjoyed about five to ten years ago. Be shameless. For example, I would choose Spice Girls. Why? Because their music makes me feel happy and it’s all about positivity. Crank it up nice and loud and start getting ready to go out! Take your time, make yourself look as good as you possibly can, if you make a mistake or you can’t do something exactly, give yourself a break – tonight, good is good enough!
Now head out!
Get ready to party with your brightest smile – don’t let anything hold you back. You look fantastic, you’ve had a day off, you should be feeling quite good. Grab something light to eat and enjoy whatever entertainment you chose! Tonight is all about you! If you want something while you’re out, get it.
Bonus tip
If you find yourself with spare time throughout the day, it may be worth contacting a photographer and seeing if you can get a few last minute photos, now that you are feeling a little more vibrant.
Note: It’s important to note that this blog is based on quick-fix activities rather than a long-term sustainable solution to your happiness. It should certainly give you the burst you need! Have fun!
Learn something every day
Develop a passion for learning. If you do, you will never cease to grow, Anthony J. D’Angelo
The saying goes ‘you learn something every day’, and if you’re open to it – you actually do! From learning you are able to grow and develop and ultimately it will affect your life and wellbeing in many positive ways. Learning new things opens us to change. It assists us in making informed decisions, encourages curiosity, exposes us to new ideas, and keeps us engaged. Learning can also bring us a sense of accomplishment, boosting self-esteem and confidence as we can demonstrate and speak about what we now know. But the question is: how can you be open to learning every day?
There is no one set thing that everyone can do to learn something every day. The key is being open to learning. When you talk to people, be genuinely interested in the response to your questions. Having respect for the person who is teaching you something new is critical. Listen to the experts or talk to someone you trust in the field, otherwise you will find it more difficult to take on board.
Share your knowledge and skills with friends and family, and encourage them to share with you. Join a club, start a course, ask for opinions and encourage the sharing of ideas – all of these things will help us to grow as much as receiving formal training and qualifications.
How to be open to learn something every day
- Prepare to learn something every day. Think to yourself “If someone asks me what I learned today, what will I say?” Actively seek to understand things you don’t already know about
- Use the Internet to research about something you’ve wanted to know. Why the sky is blue, how aeroplanes stay up, the background of your favourite movie or play, how Helen Keller made it to become so famous etc.
- Read a dictionary or encyclopaedia. It won’t be long before you find yourself reading about something you didn’t already know
- Talk to people. It could be anyone! An expert, a teacher, a friend – even a complete stranger will have a story and the ability to teach you something new
- Keep yourself open to learning something new. Pay attention. Listen actively and attentively. Be present in all situations. Keep yourself inspired and encourage child-like curiosity
- Watch educational television. It’s time to get Foxtel and start watching the History Channel or National Geographic etc. If you’re in Australia, SBS and the ABC also have some highly educational programs. Even talk shows such as Oprah and the Tyra Banks Show have something they can teach you. Even YouTube will have plenty of educational clips for you
- Start reading newspapers, magazines, blogs, novels, autobiographies, billboards, Wikipedia, facts, figures, statistics… anything you can find!
- Look to the internet. There’s this fantastic blog by Marc (from Marc and Angel) about Top 40 useful sites to learn new skills – take a look, you never know!
- Ask questions. There’s no such thing as a silly question – even if it’s how you spell a name like “Smith” – there are many ways to spell names! So ask before you question yourself about asking the question and stop yourself from learning and growing
How to learn something quickly
- Associate it with something (this is also why history tends to repeat itself in bad relationship)
- Use a visualisation technique. Get a vivid mental image of what you’re learning, see it in as much detail in your mind as you can
- Rhyme it with something or make a song about it
- Make index or flash cards about it
- Listen to it. Ask a friend to read it to you or read it into a Dictaphone and play it back to yourself when you’re relaxed. Use inflections in your voice as they do on the radio to keep it interesting
- Research and read about it until you completely understand it. Once you understand how something works, it will be easy to remember it
- Ensure your teacher is someone you respect. It’s a lot easier to listen to a teacher you have respect for than someone you think doesn’t really know what they’re talking about
- Write it down – you could even keep a notebook of all the things you learn each day, it will bring you satisfaction when you look back on it to reflect and you’ll never forget your lessons!
- Nicole Willson, James Quirk and Flickety wrote a very comprehensive WikiHow about “How to Memorize” including various techniques for all learning styles. It is well worth the read!
What have you learned recently and how did you learn it?
How to avoid the BIG blues
Today lived well makes every yesterday a memory of
happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Kalidasa
Have you ever noticed that when planning a big holiday, despite all your excitement, you’re already thinking about how life will be when you return? Your work all piled up on your desk, bills overflowing in the mailbox, the weight gain that will take months to shed … it’s sure to put a dampener on you spirits! But it’s not just holidays! Have you ever completed a big project that’s drained your budget – like renovating your house for example? You get to the end and you don’t have any more money to spend, and you’re asking yourself what’s next? What about getting married? It’s every girl’s dream but the honeymoon period only lasts so long. This week Happiness Weekly looks at how to avoid the BIG blues and how to relax and fully enjoy your life experiences.
Be realistic
Reality is inevitable – and returning from your big holiday, finishing renovations or finally walking down the aisle, are inevitable (if that’s you’re goal!). Whether you’re preparing or returning home – celebrate the journey! Enjoy the planning and the holiday and deal with the rest as it happens. If you’re finding it difficult not to think about the return to the daily grind, take some time out to practice some mindfulness techniques. Here are some quick and easy techniques (allow five minutes to try these) by Toni Bernhard.
– Concentrate on what you can see in front of you – at first you’ll notice the obvious: the shapes, colours, objects and then you’ll notice the details – textures etc. If your mind wonders bring it back to the present and refocus. You can leave your head still or gently move it to look around.
– Repeat this exercise with hearing. Close your eyes to avoid distraction. Take in all you hear.
– YouTube also has some . Login and have a look around, it will certainly help you refocus and readjust.
Plan ahead
Plan ahead – do the dishes, clean the fridge, make the bed … ensure all the simple tasks are done before you leave so you don’t come home to a long list of housework (or think about it while you’re away!). Make a small list of reminders for when you turn so there is something to do – such as unpack your bags – it’s better to unpack them straight away than to leave them piling up. Writing yourself a letter before you go, saying you hope you had a great time etc. is a nice way to return home positively. Organise a day or two before you have to return to the office – it gives you time to recover properly from the holiday before collecting emails.
Slow it down
When we’re planning for something big (such as a holiday, wedding or renovations) we generally want to put our full focus into it and limit the time we spend with our friends. But ever notice how things come up and we MUST see people when we’re not expecting it? Going out becomes a necessity and a chore rather than being enjoyed. The trick here is to make some mini plans for yourself and slow things down. Plan to go out and catch up with people (on the cheap) twice a week. If you make a plan, you won’t overspend, you won’t spend too much time on it and you have managed your expectations enough to enjoy catching up rather than looking at it as a waste of time and another expense.
Write a budget
Ensure you have little financial rewards for when you reach your goals – a budget will keep you on track! Set a realistic budget so you can still achieve your BIG goal and have some money left over to reward yourself. It’s when you feel unrewarded for your hard work that you’ll notice yourself slipping into the big blues slump.
Take time out for yourself
As specified in my previous blog, Scheduling Time for Your Happiness it’s essential to take some time out for yourself and schedule in time for the things that make you happy. By doing this, you will have more time and energy to place towards your big goal and won’t feel so burnt out when you achieve it.
Set a schedule
Don’t let your big plans drag on, make sure you set a schedule so you know what to expect and you can see that your goals are staying on track. When we work towards things without goals, we tend to feel less satisfied when we achieve the goal because it feels as though we owe it more to chance than planning and dedication. Set a timeframe for your goal – break it into mini goals by date to ensure everything is organised – and even include some new goals after you’ve reached your big goal to ensure you push through and have more to look forward to and strive towards.
Plan what’s next
Generally we are so busy organising and planning for a big event to happen in our lives that we forget to consider the “what’s next”. It is when we get to that time, when we’re ready for the “what’s next” but don’t have a plan, that we allow ourselves time enough to fall into a heap. Our creative minds have burned out. Consider it carefully before it sneaks up on you!
What to do if you get the BIG blues
– Don’t bash yourself up! Sometimes we have no control over our emotions despite how much preparation we do. Try to accept it and go with your moods, remember you will bounce back
– Rest up. If you can, take a couple of days after your big event to just relax and reflect
– Relive the excitement – make a scrapbook of your favourite moments from your holiday
– Just like Seasonal Affective Disorder, the key to overcoming the blues is to get some sunshine. Open your blinds in your house and get plenty of fresh air and exercise by going for long walks outside
– Eat healthily – try to regulate your eating habits so you’re not over-spending on food. Eating healthily will boost your mood
– Ensure you’re getting enough sleep – aim for a minimum of eight hours a night
– Have something planned for the quiet days, always have something to do and to look forward to i.e. plan Christmas presents for people, practise a new hobby, write letters to friends etc
– Make a list of things you have ahead that you can look forward to
– Ditch an old habit and replace it with a healthy habit – it’ll take time and patience, but it’s something positive to concentrate on
– Incorporate one nice thing into every week (change it regularly) i.e. reading a magazine, having a bath or buying yourself flowers
– Take charge of your life where ever possible, book another holiday, keep yourself busy, or if you find you’re really struggling, seek help from your local doctor or make an appointment with a counsellor or psychologist.
Be proactive against bullying
Some people won’t be happy until they’ve pushed you to the ground. What you have to do is have the courage to stand your ground and not give them the time of day. Hold on to your power and never give it away. Donna Schoenrock
I’ve been actually really very pleased to see how much awareness was raised around bullying, and how deeply it affects everyone. You know, you don’t have to be the loser kid in high school to be bullied. Bullying and being picked on comes in so many different forms. Lady Gaga
The words of a bully can haunt for a lifetime, but a victim’s words – describing their pain – never feels enough. Unknown
More and more suicides caused by bullying, or bullycide incidents, are occurring as the brutality takes to the internet. Amanda Todd (pictured) is the recent poster girl as her story hit international headlines following a cry for help posted on YouTube. She’s not the first to take her life because of bullying and the eerie truth is: she won’t be the last.
According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics 2012, reducing bullying in schools is one of the top social issues consistently important to students across the country. It’s hard to believe that 1 in 10 students that drops out of school, does so because of repeated bullying. Celebrities, such as country singer Taylor Swift, claim to have been bullied at school. Many, including Taylor, write popular songs about their ordeal, and while this may glamorise a very ugly subject, it also raises awareness for a highly under-rated issue.
With more and more organisations fighting to combat bullying, there is still little information and support out there for victims that are suffering in silence. The scars from bullying are rarely acknowledged – possibly because past victims don’t want to open those old wounds to discuss and revisit what happened to them. I am absolutely passionate about combatting bullying – in schools and the office. More can be done! It is National Anti-Bullying Week this week (starting today), so Happiness Weekly looks at how YOU can be proactive against bullying and what more we can do.
What does bullying do to a person long-term?
It affects their…
– Self-worth: they’re so used to hearing that they’re a failure and all the things they can’t do that they’re filled with self-doubt. This affects victims for a long time after the bullying stops. It’s exhausting trying to get the energy to find self-worth again! If nothing is done, this self-doubt becomes so ingrained in the victim’s mind that when applying for jobs or going for a promotion, they will tend not to over-extend themselves and will stick to roles they are confident they can do. Not out of laziness, but out of doubt. Doubts they only have because other people put them there.
– Commitments: They will probably avoid any situation where they feel as though they will be harassed, caged-in, anxious, bullied or defeated. This could affect things such as serious relationships and job prospects going forward – because if something that is said is taken the wrong way, that person who was once a victim of bullying will replay the tape in their mind and feel the same emotions they felt at the time of the bullying, can take it a lot more personally than originally intended and will more than likely avoid the situation by leaving the relationship or job – which could ultimately affect their career.
More symptoms published by the Herald Sun are available here or read what victims and bullies say upon reflection here.
*** BE PROACTIVE AGAINST BULLYING ***
Generally adults with power (teachers, parents and managers) will tell victims not to respond or fight back: “just ignore it” – an unproductive response that doesn’t validate their feelings or needs. We all need to start taking responsibility and empowering our youth! Children need to learn assertive communication and be given practical tips for how to overcome the feelings they have after suffering at the hands of bullies. Some more practical solutions and alternatives to the “just ignore it” response, may include:
VICTIM: What you can do before it becomes a problem
– Choose not to be the victim (avoid the bully, don’t play into their hands)
– Seek courses in leadership, conflict management, assertive communication, self-esteem
– Be proactive in shifting your focus from the suffering and feelings of self-worth and guilt
– Find a way to take advantage of the situation – look for the lessons, let it strengthen you
– Speak to the school counsellor, a teacher or year advisor: suggest an afterschool class for victims – if you’re at work, speak to your HR department recommend team building if the bully is in your team and see if you can find a common ground to relate to them
– Tell your parents or a close friend and ask them to take part in an educational program with you
Remember, bullying doesn’t stop in high school – statistics show that workplace bullying and harassment is on the rise. The fact is you can’t change the bully or make them go away, but you can change yourself (choose not to be the victim), take control and ultimately change the result.
BULLY: What you can do before it becomes a problem
– Find out what is causing them to be nasty and need the power associated with bullying
– Fill the void with a healthy alternative such as taking a class: kindness, leadership, anger management, mindfulness programs etc.
– Speak to a counsellor
– Avoid toxic friends and people who support or encourage the behaviour
Bullies need to first realise they have a problem before they can be proactive in seeking the help and guidance they need. A key area to shift the bully’s focus is to concentrating on how they can change for the better and becoming the best person possible.
PARENT: What you can do before it becomes a problem
– Communicate a zero-tolerance for bullying behaviour by applying negative consequences if displayed. Clear, fair and significant consequences may include grounding, repaying stolen money, restoring damage etc.
– Teach your child to control their anger productively
– Teach your child good values and behaviours, tell them that their behaviour affects others
– If you find your child bullying someone, ask them to explain their events before turning them in (this is the best way for them to take responsibility)
If your child is being bullied:
– Keep a diary of any injuries, report physical assaults to the school and police
– Monitor your child’s friendships and whereabouts.
FACTS AND STATISTICS
– One student in every four in Australian schools is affected by bullying, says recent research commissioned by the Federal Government
– An estimated 200 million children and youth around the world are being bullied by their peers, according to the 2007 Kandersteg Declaration Against Bullying in Children and Youth
– According to the Centre for Adolescent Health, kids who are bullied are three times more likely to show depressive symptoms
– Children who were bullied were up to nine times more likely to have suicidal thoughts
– Girls who were victims of bullying in their early primary school years were more likely to remain victims as they got older, according to British research
– Girls were much more likely than boys to be victims of both cyber and traditional bullying, says a recent Murdoch Children’s Research Institute study
– Young people who bully have a one in four chance of having a criminal record by the age of 30
– Bullying is the fourth most common reason young people seek help from children’s help services.
– Around the world, more than one in six children are bullied at school, every week. More than one in six employees are bullied at work, and some research suggests that more employees are bullied at work!
– Bullying causes billions of damage to everyone concerned, the target, bully, onlookers, families, school, workplace, employers and the community.
– Bullying causes accumulative layers of primary and secondary injuries. These include physical, psychological, social and identity injuries. It can affect studies, career, relationships and financial wellbeing. It can cause a severe Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, lasting many years.
BEATING THE CYBER BULLIES
What is CYBER BULLYING?
Cyber bullying chases victims onto the Internet – it involves the digital communication (text messages, emails, phone calls, internet chat rooms, instant messages and social media using sights such as Bebo, Facebook and MySpace) to support, deliberate, repeated and hostile behaviour.
While it’s fantastic that technology is evolving, unfortunately bullying is evolving with it which means you can be bullied anywhere, any time – even receiving cruel taunts in the privacy of your own bedroom. Studies show that cyber bullying is on the rise, with one third of teenagers in a recent survey having had mean, threatening or embarrassing things said about them online. Stop Cyber Bullying Day is this Wednesday, 14 November 2012.
What can you do to prevent cyber bullying happening to you?
Tell someone you trust: parent, friend, teacher, school counsellor, neighbour etc.
Block the cyber bully: delete your social media account, or simply empower yourself by blocking the cyber bully. Unsure how? Check with your phone or internet service provider or ask Google.
Report it: Report abuse on Facebook/MySpace, alternatively your ISP or phone provider may help provide a log which you can take to your school, university, place of work or even the police.
Keep the evidence: Keep any texts, emails, online conversations or voicemails as evidence which can help track down the bully. If you’re tempted to look at it, keep a log including the time and date it took place to avoid further torturing yourself.
Change your details: Get a new phone number, a new username for the internet, a new email … and ensure only your closest friends get the new information.
Happiness Weekly’s suggested solution to assist victims of cyber bullying and provide an alternative to bullycide
Now that the internet is becoming more popular, and is certainly a place that bullies turn to in order to further insult and humiliate their victims, more can be done right here – online! And I don’t mean more information and more facts…
A quick Google search retrieves information on schoolyard and workplace bullying. Sprinkled with a few stats and facts – suggesting you are not alone. The fact is anyone who is being bullied – for whatever reason – feels alone. No one can take the sting away, but someone can be there to listen and support those in need.
If Happiness Weekly had the capacity to become an anti-bullying organisation, the first thing I would suggest would be an online support group for those being bullied. That’s right – let’s take some of the people off the phones for Lifeline and sit them on a computer to share advice and help these kids (or adults) without them having to speak a word.
And I’m not talking about a lazy forum with a single moderator – I mean a full on page, where people can INDIVIDUALLY talk to a counsellor they choose in a chat session. FOR FREE! The government should support this – with trained professionals. The aim of the idea is to offer 24 hour support, seven days a week, on an international level.
Making a phone call is powerful, but how many kids refuse to talk? Saying it out loud may mean admitting the problem, it may be failure, it may mean kids won’t seek help. Having somewhere online, where kids can set up an appointment with an expert (possibly via text?), join a chat room or even meet them on MSN Messenger, Windows Live or even Skype and just chat it out for an hour or two – feel validated and then put some positive advice into practice could be what leads to a saved nation.
I admit that I am exceptionally passionate about this idea and that stems from having being bullied. The thing is, I didn’t call a helpline for fear someone would overhear the conversation, leading to further embarrassment – and admitting the problem out loud is also unsettling, while it may be the first step to recovery. Our counselling professionals and specialists need to band together to create a safe-haven online and produce some real-time online support – that way victims will always have someone there for them when they need them without the fear of being overheard.
If such a network existed, there would certainly be a reduction in bullicides. Start locally, if a counsellor, or five, from each state got together, we could start with Australia – with the hope of expanding the movement as a global support hub.
What is often overlooked is that bullying not only affects those who are being traumatised, but also those who are watching on. Such a support group could offer real-time advice to school counsellors out of ideas, or people watching victims who won’t defend themselves.
A lot of bullying has taken to Social Media sites such as Facebook and Twitter, and they need to stand up and take responsibility as well. Why not employ hackers to shut down access from their IP address – or no hackers, just block the IP address from accessing their site anymore. Bullies will get tired of buying new computers eventually! Nip it in the bud! Don’t block an email account, they can easily start a new one and continue their horrible mission… wipe their IP from having access to your system – ever again! People that bully online are not responsible enough to re-join social networking communities.
What do you think? Would it work? Why or why not?
Need support? You can speak to trained counsellors by phoning these 24-hour telephone counselling services:
Lifeline 13 11 14
Kids Help Line
Information and support is also available from the following websites:
Beyondblue – http://www.beyondblue.org.au
Youth Beyondblue – http://www.youthbeyondblue.com
Info Line
Sane
More organisations that recognise bullying as a major problem:
– Happiness Weekly (there’s more practical and beneficial things to do than bullying!)
– World Kindness Australia
– Enough is Enough
– Human Rights Anti Bullying
– Beat bullying
Please remember Bullying Awareness Week starts today and Anti Bullying Week in the UK follows the week after. Donate to the above organisations, spread word about them to friends and colleagues or be proactive this week against bullying!
Please leave your suggestions for how we could be more proactive against bullying below. Alternatively if you are interested in discussing the topic further or need more direct assistance, contact me and I’ll get back to you! Bullycide is completely preventable. Stop bullying.
Love equals happiness
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. Mahatma Gandhi
There’s no denying it – love makes us happy!
When someone is in love with something, they are drawn to it and want to be near that person or thing as often as possible. I am frequently asked what draws me to someone that I date. My only response is that it depends how that person makes me feel. Over time, I have learnt that it’s not about what the person does for me – they could have all the money in the world and buy me the most expensive presents, but I still won’t feel that connection. You would have heard the sayings: “Money doesn’t buy you happiness” and “Actions speak louder than words”. In fact, Irwin Federman says it: “People love others not for who they are, but for how they make them feel”.
With this in mind, never try to buy someone’s love. Unfortunately we don’t have control over whether someone loves us, so while it’s ok to put thought into buying someone a nice present, it’s not ok to buy someone something outrageous in the hope of getting love in return. This means, the best way to love someone this Valentine’s Day is not with a gift – it’s to SHOW them!
How to show someone you love them (it doesn’t have to be romantic!)
– Take them on a picnic or go camping together
– Give them a massage
– Dance with them
– Cook for them
– Kiss the palm of their hand
– Ask them how their day was, and listen
– Go star-gazing on a clear night
– Write them a card including how they make you feel
– Watch funny YouTube clips together
– Text to say you’re thinking of them
– Go to a theme park together
– Share your goals and ambitions in life
– Make one of their dreams come true
– Remember the things they tell you (especially any of their favourite things)
– Make a collage of your favourite times together
– Have a photo date – where you take your photo together in as many places as possible
– Go to the movies together.
Laughter is the best medicine
When you laugh,
you change,
and when you change,
the whole world changes.
Dr Madan Kataria
Children laugh approximate four hundred times a day, while an adult will only laugh fifteen times a day, research has shown.
There are three major areas that sharing a laugh with a friend or colleague can benefit us: socially, mentally and physically.
Social benefits of laughter
– Strengthens relationships
– Attracts others to us
– Encourages spontaneity
– Builds rapport
– Enhances teamwork
– Defuses conflict
– Increases intimacy.
Dr Robert Provine Ph.D., (a neuroscientist who wrote Laughter: A Scientific Investigation (Penguin Books, 2001) said the health benefits of laughing may be a result of the social support it stimulates.
Mental benefits of laughter
– Reduces stress and anxiety
– Improves mood
– Enhances resilience
– Promotes wellbeing
– Boosts memory and alertness
– Increases happiness
– Shifts perspective.
Laughter yoga, also known as laughter therapy, has been introduced to enhance wellbeing amongst groups of people socially, in prisons, amongst patients, corporate clients etc. Dr Madan Kataria (an Indian physician from Mumbai) started the laughter club in a park on 13 March 1995 with five people. Today, laughter yoga is a worldwide phenomenon with more than 6000 social laughter clubs in over 60 countries including Australia, USA, China, Canada, UK, Germany, France, Italy, Sweden, Singapore, Malaysia and South Africa. Dr Kataria believes “If laughter cannot solve your problems, it will definitely DISSOLVE your problems; so that you can think clearly what to do about them”.
Physical benefits of laughter
– Prevents heart disease
– Boosts immunity
– Lowers stress hormones
– Decreases pain
– Relaxes muscles
– Triggers the release of endorphins
– Exercises the diaphragm
– Reduces blood pressure
– Contracts the abs for a good work out
Being happy is the best cure of all diseases. According to Dr Hunter “Patch” Adams, laughter boosts the immune system and helps the body fight off disease, cancer cells as well as viral, bacterial and other infections.
Dr Kataria, founder of Laughter Yoga, says laughter should not be left to chance: commit to it and go for it.
Tips for laughing everyday
– Watch a comedy (funny movie or TV show)
– Search YouTube for funny clips (don’t forget to share them with your friends)
– Go to a comedy club
– Read jokes online
– Seek out funny people to socialise with
– Share a good joke or a funny story
– Join a “laughter yoga” class
– Goof around with children
– Do something silly
– Make time for fun activities (e.g. bowling, miniature golfing, karaoke)
– Ask your friends what’s the funniest thing to happen to them recently
– Follow the laughter and don’t be afraid to ask ‘What is so funny?’ – more often, people are very happy to share something funny because it gives them an opportunity to laugh again and feed off the humour you find in it.
Some laughing facts
– Speakers laugh more than listeners
– Men are more attracted to women who laugh heartily in their presence
– Lucky for women – we laugh 126% more than men
– When laughter is shared, it binds people together and increases happiness and intimacy
– Laughing 100 times roughly equals 15 minutes on an exercise bike
– Studies have pinpointed 18 different kinds of smiles. The most common is the smile of enjoyment
– You have to smile nearly a quarter of a million times to make one wrinkle
– 15 minutes of laughter equals the benefit of 2 hours sleep
– One good belly laugh burns off 3 1/2 calories
– Laughing for 15 seconds adds 2 days to your lifespan
– The Chinese laugh more than any other culture in the world
– According to study by Dr. Michael Titze, a German Psychologist, in the 50’s people use to laugh an average of 18 minutes a day. Today, that’s down to four to six minutes a day.