Speaking of self love…
How awesome is Laverne Cox right now?
We all love a celebrity who uses their status for good, but when Laverne turned up on the red carpet for the 2015 Billboard Music Awards and said “You’ve got to look in the mirror when you leave the house and go, ‘Damn, I look good,’” – we cheered!
Not only did this girl get it, she was feeling it in her Marc Bouwer dress and silver pumps – pictured.
And she didn’t then go on a mission to say she was great at it all the time – the girl kept it real:
“I try, but I’m very nitpicky, so I’m always finding the things that need to be improved,” she said, adding, “But also in that nitpickiness, I try to celebrate myself in any moment. Even if I find a flaw, I have to love that flaw today.”
100% Self Love: The roadmap to the love and life you desire
I’ve got some exciting news to share with you!
Through my new business, Relationship Free, I am preparing to release my first eBook via Amazon.com. It’s called 100% Self Love: the roadmap to the love and life you desire.
It shares vital information and includes a series of activities to help readers learn to love and trust themselves – before others. And you can !
Many of you know the journey I have been on over the past couple of years and this book shares all the lessons I have taken from toxic and abusive relationships to put myself back together quickly and effectively. It’s what I’ve used to help myself and I know it will be greatly beneficial to my readers as well.
This book is perfect for men and women who are looking to develop a healthy relationship with themselves but aren’t sure where to start. It’s the greatest guide to developing the foundation for relationships with other people and to maintaining a sense of self, including a healthy self esteem and self worth, in all situations.
Want to know more? Here’s the description!
Are you someone who finds yourself latching onto relationships? Frequently hitting the dating treadmill only to get hurt or let down again and again?
Do you dread being on your own?
Are you anxious that your partner will leave you?
Is validation from others more important than what YOU think?
Do you depend on people for support, love, affection, attention and everything in between?
What if you knew the most fulfilling relationship you can have is available to you all the time? That’s right, everything you need – your one-stop-shop for support, love and attention – is available to you right now?
It’s true – the one person you need to love unconditionally and have love you in return, and who you need to trust completely, is the person staring back at you in the mirror.
So when was the last time that you said “I love you” to yourself?
When was the last time that you demonstrated that love?
Think about yourself today. Right now. As a whole being. Do you love yourself?
If there was even a moment of hesitation or if that question made you feel uncomfortable – then this book is for you!
Banish your abandonment complex, overcome co-dependence, forget your insecurities, stop looking for love in the wrong places, leave that toxic person, make a faster recovery following narcissistic abuse, cut the abuse cycle … Relationship Free takes you on a journey to discover your true, authentic self, which may enable you to fall into the deepest unconditional love you will ever experience.
A love you can trust.
A love that will never leave you.
100% Self Love helps you find and understand yourself, enhance confidence and self trust as you continue your journey through life. With practical activities throughout, you’ll start building the foundation for the most important relationship of your entire life – one that is often overlooked – the relationship you have with yourself.
100% Self Love not only ensures that you have a great relationship with yourself, but that it starts and is maintained as a healthy relationship. The love you are about to discover is the promised unconditional love you’ve always desired.
It’s not a fairytale and there’s no chance of a soul-crushing end.
Get set to transform your heart.
Get set for 100% Self Love!
If you have questions, suggestions or feedback – contact me here.
Values are so important in a relationship
I can’t deal with someone wanting to take a relationship backward or needing space or cheating on you. Taylor Swift
When clients come to me in a lot of pain because their partner has done something or is doing something that they don’t like, it is often because what their partner has done or is doing, hasn’t aligned with their values.
Not many people consciously stop to think before getting into a relationship with someone whether or not their values align. It’s physical attraction, plus chemistry, plus communication and BAM!
Perfect, right? Not when these kind of fall outs happen.
So how can you be sure your partner’s values align with yours?
Are you toxic?
Many people come to me about their toxic or abusive relationship to see if I can help them leave or fix it. What a lot of them don’t ask is if it’s really their partner or if it’s them who is toxic. Often we are so busy blaming things and judging other people that we forget to take a moment to stop and look at ourselves.
If you think you’re in a toxic relationship right now, this blog is for you – because the first thing you need to do, before analysing too much about the other person, is to check in with yourself. Ask yourself: Is the relationship I have with myself toxic? Because if it is, you are going to be toxic to people around you and also encourage toxic people into your life. It’s only when we truly care for ourselves and value ourselves that we can find and maintain consistently healthy relationships all throughout our lives.
Today Relationship Free checks in to help you decide if the relationship you have with yourself is toxic and what you can do about it. Read the full article here.
How to have a great day … every day!
I hope everyone that is reading this is having a really good day. And if you are not, just know that in every new minute that passes you have an opportunity to change that. Gillian Anderson
Every day has potential to be the best day of your life. Make the decision that today will be a great day and spend your time working to achieve it. The following tips will make it easy for you to live each day to the fullest.
Select your alarm tune carefully
Setting your alarm tune to something peaceful or happy is always a great way to start the day! My alarm tune is set to the DuckTails theme song. It reminds me of Saturday Disney and being young, it gives me energy to start the day and it makes me wake with a smile. For those of you that think a song may be too much too early in the morning, try selecting something peaceful (but still enough to wake you) to get you out of bed each morning.
Wake up healthy
When you feel good, you’ll look good. Wake up and stretch, drink a glass of water, have a bowl of fruit and/or high-fibre cereal for breakfast and try to schedule some time for a brisk walk to get the heart rate up. Getting into the routine of slowing down your morning, properly brushing your teeth and taking time for yourself is a great way to start the day!
Dress to impress
It’s important to dress for success whether you have a long day of work stretching ahead of you or not. Did you know that a careerbuilder.com survey found that 41% of employers are more likely to promote people that dress better? It will also help you be more productive and people will be more receptive to you.
Genuinely smile
Smiling is universally recognised as an expression of happiness among all cultures: if you smile, other people will generally smile with you. Some studies support this, even suggesting that it is contagious. For example a study conducted in Sweden showed that people had difficulty frowning when they looked at other subjects who were smiling, and their muscles twitched into smiles all on their own.
Perceive everything in a positive way
Make the decision to take everything in a positive way – remember, you are only living today for one day only. If someone is trying to be negative and force you down, the trick is to try to find the lesson in what they are saying or doing. Learning from them will benefit you as you keep your head up and continue striving to be the best you can be.
Be kind
Be kind to everyone you encounter. According to psychologist Og Mandino (1923-1996), “Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness, and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again”. It doesn’t cost anything to be nice to someone, it’s easy to do, and it makes you feel good! So smile, start a conversation and remember to mind your manners. The Stanford Research Institute says that the money you make in any endeavour is determined by 12.5% knowledge and 87.5% ability to deal with people.
Give away positive energy
According to the law of attraction, the more positive energy you give, the more you will receive. Give compliments, let people know you’re thinking of them, buy people gifts, and always mind your manners. The easiest way to give and receive positive energy is to always have good intentions.
Have a positive attitude
Maintain an attitude of gratitude and you will attract all good things. Being thankful for even the small things will enhance awareness of your surroundings and it’s this level of mindfulness that will assist you in appreciating each day. You have 25,000 to 50,000 thoughts a day, changing most of them to be positive will be a challenge but it’s certainly possible!
Challenge yourself
Be open to learning something new. Accept a spontaneous opportunity. Do something you’re scared of (within reason!). Challenge yourself to achieve your full potential. By challenging yourself you will grow, gain awareness, skills and knowledge, achieve more, possibly advance in your career, become a better friend or partner, and gain new experiences.
Chat to loved ones
Schedule some time towards the end of each day to chat to your loved ones. Call your family for a general catch up or call your best friend. It’s a great way to vent, relax, unwind, and wrap up a busy day in the office!
Exercise
Have an exercise routine in the afternoon that you look forward to after work, it will help you to refresh – and it’s great for your health! Studies have shown that just 20 minutes of exercise three times a week will increase your happiness by 10 to 20 percent after six months.
Look after yourself
Aside from the usual hygiene care (showering and brushing your teeth), try to do something nice for yourself each day. This could be grooming: getting a haircut, painting your nails or it could be something leisurely: planning a party, having a bath, reading the newspaper or a book, going shopping or to the beach, writing a letter, painting a picture, going star-gazing, listening to music etc.
Live for the moment
Time is something you can never get back. Avoid wasting it! While we can live to an endless to-do list it’s equally important to have time to think and meditate. Put your phone down and give your time fully when you’re socialising – it will allow you to fully enjoy the moment. Switching off and being completely present enables you to slow down a fast-paced life to fully enjoy yourself.
Respect your biorhythms
To help ensure tomorrow is just as good as today, make sure you get a good night’s sleep. Getting a good night’s sleep may mean investing in earplugs to ensure your room is silent, a new pillow for comfort, or an eye mask to ensure no light will disturb you. If you find yourself awake at night, figure out what is worrying you and how you can overcome it.
How to have a “Can Do” attitude
The greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances. Martha Washington
When applying for a job, we must all magically inherit a “can do” attitude. What on earth is that? Is that just enthusiasm? But what if you actually CAN’T do it? Are you just not meant to say anything and fake it and hope you don’t blow something up? Whatever it is, a positive attitude is vital for any successful journey.
So how do you get this positive “can do” attitude that gets you charged up and ready to tackle anything? Here are some simple tips that will help you build the attitude everyone wants, make you feel like there’s more hours in the day and give you the energy that everyone wants to be around:
Be confident
Success depends heavily in believe in your ability to succeed and having a strong sense of self-worth. You can develop your self-confidence by learning and growing at every opportunity and being aware of yourself and those around you.
Show enthusiasm
Be enthusiastic about life and all that it brings – including challenges! Think of it as an adventure and stay focussed on your goals to keep the motivation flowing.
Don’t compare
Don’t put yourself down – sometimes doing it your way will be just as good as doing it any other way! Try to learn from people around you to bring yourself up to a higher level, than be jealous. What is it they do that you could copy in order to attract the same success that they have?
Revisit your achievements
List your achievements and consider how you felt when you made that achievement, find a way to achieve something again and get that feeling back. Be aware of your values, strengths and skills and also how others view you. Seek feedback as often as you can, listen to it and focus on improving where you can.
Project your image
Select positive role models and learn from what they do. Project a confident image. Remember, negativity is like a boomerang, it always comes back to you.
Watch your appearance
Take care of yourself with a flattering haircut, manicure or maintain a healthy skin care regime. Take time with your clothes and shoes. Dress professionally.
Think positive
Focus on the things that are working well in your life and your strengths, rather than what is not working. Research has shown that 75-80% of daily communication is negative. Concentrate your energies on positive aspects of your life and move away from problems and fears.
Avoid self-criticism
Let go of the inner voice that criticises you when things don’t go well. Analyse the situation and learn from it, this will help you learn, grow and move ahead. Look at setbacks as opportunities to grow.
Challenge yourself
Step outside your comfort zone and stretch yourself to boost your confidence. Think creatively.
Chill out
Learn to relax and unwind after a potentially stressful day, with challenges that have you wound up. Meditation helps get into a relaxed state quickly.
Watch what you say
Language colours experience – speak positively because it reflects on you. Take responsibility and ownership where you can. When you start saying or even thinking you can’t do something, stop and ask yourself: what would it take to change that to can do? Focus on your answer and making it happen.
Develop your mindset
Develop a problem-solving mind-set. Challenge yourself when you think you can’t and prove why you actually can.
Motivate yourself
Look for positive past experiences when you successfully solved the same or a similar sort of problem and remember what worked for you. Solve problems by playing to your strengths.
Do something different
‘If you do what you’ve always done you’ll get what you’ve always got.’ There’s always more than one way to solve a problem.
Smile
A smile not only brightens your day, but it will brighten the day of those around you. It also changes your brain chemistry and makes for a brighter day.
Be professional
Use tact and diplomacy in the workplace and put any feelings of frustration, anger and disappointment aside. State facts before feelings and find ways to get jobs done even when it’s uncomfortable. The show must go on.
Set goals
Set goals that drive you towards results. Focus on what you want to happen ahead, not what you’re worried will happen. Set S-M-A-R-T-E-R (specific, measureable, attainable, realistic, timely, encouraging and rewarding) goals. Concentrate on getting win-win situations.
Reframe communication
If a conversation is going negatively, reframe it with a positive spin. Help the person seek solutions to their problems, avoid negative media and try to stay optimistic.
Fake it til you make it
Act like you are already achieving your goals, and you will rise to a higher level. Others will see you as achieving and interact with you accordingly.
Learn to let go
“Let it go and let go. Most of our problems and fears and worries and doubts come from clinging to people and objects and ideals and expectations and the need to control situations. Just let them be. You will clearly see things change just as quickly by being patient. Trust life’s flow sometimes. Don’t keep fighting it. Oh and let others shine and be right sometimes,” said news.com.au editor, Andrew Banks 2012.