Charlotte Dawson – you will be missed
Sometimes, especially if people are wanting you to kill yourself, and you’re somebody who has previously tried to end your life, it’s very, very easy to feel like that’s exactly what you want to do. Charlotte Dawson – Sixty Minutes 2012.
In all the footage you find of her, Charlotte Dawson appears very brave and courageous – something that adds to the shock of today’s news.
Time and time again Charlotte Dawson appeared as strong as her message. Her intentions in campaigning against bullying, among other things, were so good. She was a role model! She may not have done everything right, but the way she kept getting back up, her strength, her courage … she was a positive figure to aspire to.
But today Charlotte lost her battle with depression. Is it another bullycide? The public may never know.
I didn’t know her personally, but we had something in common: campaigning against bullying and that is why I want to dedicate this post to her.
Charlotte Dawson was a model and television presenter who in recent times had a very public battle with Twitter trolls, some of whom she exposed. You just need to watch this to see for yourself that they were absolutely no match for her – she lived a lavish lifestyle in Woolloomooloo which, despite her struggles, she managed to maintain. Along with the brave front she held together, that’s a massive credit to her!
In this interview she appears so strong about her circumstances, you’d never pick her for having such a horrific battle with depression behind the scenes. And this is exactly why we need to be so careful with what we say to other people. Everyone has their own battles and demons they’re fighting. In fact, just a couple of weeks ago I blogged about being Being conscious of our words and how they affect others and this scenario is exactly why. Bullying is not ok and perhaps Charlotte’s Twitter trolls need to take a long hard look in the mirror before they post again!
Depression affects 1 in 4 four people and by 2020 it will be the world’s second largest killer.
Charlotte leaves us with her messages of hope and strength for those who suffer from depression and a book called Air Kiss and Tell – a very raw biography about her life. Check out this YouTube clip for more: The truth about Charlotte Dawson.
Charlotte Dawson – you may not have felt like much in your final moments – but you will be missed.
In 2012 I wrote a blog about Being proactive against bullying, with solutions – one being to start an online support network where those suffering at the hands of cyber bullies can get instant assistance from someone qualified. Or even unqualified! The idea of having Lifeline online.
“If you’re going to express those points of view, you should do it with a face and a name so you can be accountable,” Charlotte Dawson was quoted saying in an interview with in September 2012 following her Twitter attack that landed her in hospital following an attempted suicide.
Domestic Violence organisation, 1800 RESPECT, has recently introduced a similar functionality on their website where people can go online for direct assistance. We need that for anti-bullying and if anyone has the skills to put it together, I would be more than happy to team up, share ideas and start building it to make it happen.
In the meantime, if you are in crisis or are struggling with depression, please contact Lifeline for assistance: 13 11 14.
Related articles:
Charlotte Dawson found dead
TV celebrity Charlotte Dawson found dead at her Sydney home
Charlotte Dawson found dead in Woolloomooloo home
Respecting the people you work with so they can respect you
When people honor each other, there is a trust established that leads to synergy, interdependence, and deep respect. Both parties make decisions and choices based on what is right, what is best, what is valued most highly. Blaine Lee.
I don’t often blog about work issues because it’s seen as a bit taboo talking about work and your feelings about the workplace in an open forum. I’m fortunate that I work for a fantastic organisation where I’ve learnt a lot and shared a lot using my skills. The one thing I noticed that works well at my current company, better than any other organisation I’ve ever worked for is that all the staff respect each other and there’s a genuine care in the culture and consequently a nice atmosphere. This is particularly helpful when it comes to teamwork because respect builds trust and it goes from there. So this week, Happiness Weekly looks at why you should respect your colleagues and how you can do it, so you can start working in an organisation with a beautiful culture like the one I’m in!
What does it mean to respect your colleagues?
Respect is having consideration for yourself and others. This could mean respecting people’s privacy, their personal space, belongings, perspectives, philosophies, physical ability, beliefs and personality. It is also acting in honour of yourself, your values and your colleagues – recognising their importance.
Why you should respect your colleagues
Respect is one of those things that is hard to gain and very easy to lose. We’ll talk more on how you can gain it shortly, but it’s important to know why you should respect your colleagues. Here are some of the benefits of respecting your co-workers – it will:
- Build trust
- Enhance your working relationships
- Help you to enjoy work more
- Increase job performance
- Decrease stress
- Improve teamwork, workflow and output.
How to respect others
Knowing what to do to show your respect for others is vital. It’s important that you pay attention to people to ensure you are showing respect in the way they want to be respected because if you get it wrong it could have the opposite effect.
- Treat others with respect and dignity
- Build a sense of community spirit by organising little events – ensure you include everyone
- Abide by work ethics
- Maintain confidentiality
- Treat your colleagues as you wish to be treated
- Support your colleagues in times of need
- Be an active listener, genuinely care about your colleagues
- Start each morning with a cheerful greeting – a general “hello” or “good morning” is sufficient
- Learn the art of small talk and accept teasing that is in good-taste
- Ask for opinion and input – it shows you care what they think
- Pretend your children/parents are watching when dealing with a difficult colleague
- Give compliments often, recognise achievements where ever possible
- Spread good cheer – do something each week: cook a cake, give a colleague a thank you card, give someone chocolates who has been a bit down etc.
- Return calls and emails promptly
- Give credit where credit is due, if someone mistakenly offers you credit, openly correct them and refer the credit to the person who has rightly earned it
- Work as hard as everyone else in your team
- Share any good ideas you have.
How to earn respect in the workplace
- Manage your emotions
- Keep your personal life separate
- Remain positive: you don’t know what you don’t know
- Manage your stress as best you can
- Watch your communication: choice of words, tone of voice, body language etc
- Accept feedback and instruction from your superiors
- When communicating with colleagues talk about: what you are currently doing for the company, what are some of your goals you’re striving for or even personal goals that may affect work
- Value face-to-face interactions and thank people for their time
- Use emails if you have a specific request or update for a colleague so they can refer back to it at their convenience
- Take responsibility for your assigned role and all the tasks that come with it
- Say thank you and mind your manners, give positive feedback and validation for a job well done
- Do something special for your colleagues or peers – running an errand, answering the phone or just generally doing something small to go the extra mile
- Follow through when you say you will do something – never miss a deadline
- Don’t be late for your meetings
- Dress like you’re going to ask for a raise every day
- Keep your workspace clean and tidy
- Avoid drinking too much at work gatherings – this includes the Christmas party!
Why labels are destructive
Build a resume that doesn’t simply tell a story about what you want to be, but who you want to be. Oprah.
It’s as simple as this: labels and stereotypes can prevent us from being who we want to be.
Let’s face it, sometimes it feels good to call our ex-partner a narcissist after they hurt us or suggest “perhaps you have this condition, or that condition, or this addiction or that addiction” when a friend comes to us for help – but ultimately, labels are meaningless as everyone’s experiences and feelings are so different.
Several top psychologists and psychiatrists have said there is nothing positive about “labels”; they are unhelpful and there is no mental health test to scientifically and/or medically prove someone’s conditions.
“Generally speaking that person learns to believe that they have whatever that disorder or disease is labelled which in turn gives them a very good reason to not have to be responsible for themselves. They are the victim,” said Suzanne Kellner-Zinck.
This week Happiness Weekly discusses why labelling isn’t helpful and how you can avoid labelling others, focus on yourself and moving forward.
The history
Categorical labelling is a tool that humans use to resolve the impossible complexity of the environments we grapple to perceive. Researchers began studying the cognitive effects of labelling in the 1930s and over time it’s been discovered that there generally isn’t one single label for one thing – everyone has different ideas of what a label should be – and through labelling, we form a lens for people to see ourselves or others through and they may become incapable of perceiving the subject independently of that label.
Why labelling is destructive
“In the majority of cases the person who has made the decision to shed the label is able to create healthier ways of being in the world and in so doing no longer fits the label given. In fact what I have found from my work is that if people are given the chance to be accepted for who they are and have the opportunity to shed the label by doing and thinking in a manner that would no longer support the label, amazingly enough they are healed and able to move on in their lives in a much more productive manner,” said Suzanne Kellner-Zinck.
Last week I attended a meeting for Co-dependents Anonymous (CODA) out of years of curiosity about addiction meetings (similar to Alcoholics Anonymous) – perhaps it was a Fight Club moment. But as I sat there and listened, each person who presented said “Hi, my name is … and I’m co-dependent”. And it happened every time they spoke about themselves. I listened respectfully, but I couldn’t help but think that people aren’t their condition and by saying it aloud like that, that it could hinder taking responsibility. People could actually think “It’s ok if I act like this or do this, because I’m this!”
Labelling can often cause discrimination. When using labels we may innocently be taking short cuts in language to describe something quickly – however, it’s important to be mindful that we may also be creating stigma to a person and it could be received as being offensive.
For example, if you talk about a person with a condition, such as a “person with diabetes”, it comes across that they won’t be rejected by society, have trouble finding a job or be stigmatised at school. But if we call them “a diabetic” – it makes it sound as though they are their condition and everyone with diabetes is the same, with the same emotions, experiences and problems. Of course this is incorrect: they are humans like the rest of us, and that is why we should say “a person with diabetes”. From this example we can see how labels can lead to a person becoming an object rather than the person behind the label.
How to avoid labelling someone
Labels are just shells that contain assumptions and stigmas towards a person. Next time you are tempted to label someone based on something they have done or in describing them, think carefully before you say they are a condition, rather than having a condition that may impair them. It’s important to know the distinction and always respect each other.
- Be honest with yourself, don’t discriminate or hold judgemental ideals. Know the areas that you’re particularly prone to stereotyping people (for example, people who have hurt us are not necessarily “narcissistic”)
- Consider when people have made assumptions about you that were untrue, and how you felt. Labelling doesn’t substitute the facts
- Think of a time when you incorrectly labelled someone – was it an assumption? How did you feel when you got to know the individual to realise you were incorrect?
- What causes you to label someone? Before you stereotype someone again, consider all the facts to ensure you’re making an accurate assumption and don’t appear foolish
- Instead of stereotyping, adopt logic, critical thinking and actual facts before speaking. Allow people to prove themselves
- Aim for diversity and exposure – surround yourself with your stereotyped group and see how you feel. Labelling often springs from unfamiliarity with a group and the desire to see an individual as representative of their group rather than as an individual
- Be accountable – act as though the labelled group or person can hear you when you speak about them.
- Develop empathy – consider how the other person would feel if they heard you, listen to complaints from minority groups
- Accept that everyone is different and diversity is the spice of life! It would be boring if we were all the same
- Catch yourself in the act – tell your friends and family that you’re trying to make the change to stop labelling and stereotyping and ask them to catch you in the act. Make sure you hear them when they pull you up, and always try to pull yourself up first
- Correct others when they label someone – it will make you more conscious of the changes you need to make as well. Avoid racist or sexist jokes and stories, disengage in anything that will hinder your progress
- Educate yourself – research as much as you can about the label you tend to use. Generally we tend to use labels when we’re not educated in a specific area
- Avoid getting personal – even if they do. Don’t hold a grudge – learn to forgive quickly. Instead of taking things personally, be open to new situations and opinions and see them objectively
- Don’t compare yourself to others – it encourages you to judge which is what leads us to labelling people
- Never assume others are judging or labelling you – this is a very bad habit. Always tell yourself that it’s not all about you, this will help you step out of situations rather than complicating things and creating negative assumptions
- Actively stop yourself from making quick assumptions. Being quick to judge others hampers your change to build good relationships with this person or group in the future.
What has been your experience with being labelled or stereotyped?
How to sincerely show your gratitude
Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. William Arthur Ward
Some people get awkward when it comes to saying thank you. It may be that you don’t know how to approach the person, you may feel your gratitude will come across as insincere, or maybe you’re just one of those people who is too busy to acknowledge others. There’s no time like the present to turn over a new leaf! This week, Happiness Weekly looks at how you can say thank you and sincerely show your gratitude to someone.
How to say thank you
Choosing the words can be as challenging as finding the best method to say thank you. Let’s keep it simple – don’t think too deeply on it. The key to thanking someone is to say it at the time of the event or as close to it as possible.
Say what they have done: “Thank you for…”
Then tell them why: “You helped me to…” this will show them you have put thought into it, you have seen the results of what they have done and this will also make the person feel rewarded for helping you – and encourage them to help you again!
Now you can work out the most appropriate way to say it to the person:
Say it
A lot of people don’t say thank you out loud. Maybe it’s because they forgot to say thank you, maybe because they don’t think of it or maybe because they don’t realise the impact the person has had. Don’t be one of these people! Stop for a moment and show the person some gratitude by thanking them for what they have done.
Send an email or text
Often we think about our friends and something they have done for us, but when living in such a fast-paced world, we struggle to get around to acknowledging out loud what they have done for us. It only takes a moment while you are at your desk at work or playing with your telephone to send that person an email or text to thank them for what they have done for you.
Write a letter
It’s not often that we receive hand-written letters these days. Take some time to get some nice notepaper and write a beautiful thank you letter. Then take the time to buy a stamp, find out the person’s address and post it to them in the mail. This shows that time and care has been taken to show your gratitude. By going the extra mile, you are showing the person their importance to you.
Write a card
Whether you make it (by hand or on the computer) or buy it, giving a card to say thank you to someone is recommended when someone has gone the extra mile. They can then keep this card and refer back to it. Last year I sent a card to all my close friends, just simply thanking them for being a friend – it brought me a lot closer to many of them.
Draw it
Get creative! You don’t have to say it or write it, you could simply draw them a picture illustrating your gratitude. It could just be a stick figure picture of you giving them a flower … or a bunch of flowers. Sometimes, it’s the thought that counts and something as simple as this could go a long way!
Give it
If the person has really gone above and beyond, you could show your gratitude by buying them a present. It could be something as simple as a coffee, to flowers or chocolates, to a lunch or something bigger like a gift certificate or present. The beauty of giving is that it shows that thought and time has gone into it.
Send an E-Card
There are hundreds of e-cards on the internet that you can choose from. Have a look through them – some come with animation and sound – select one that’s appropriate for your friend and simply email it over. It’s a little more effort than just a standard written email.
Write on their wall
If you both have Facebook, why not say it loudly? Write a message on their wall. Or if you’re truly grateful and want the world to know, why not say it in a status update, tag them in it and say what they have helped you achieve. This will then be visible to all their friends and all your friends!
Return the favour
Do something for them. You may even make them a cake. Keep an eye out for any way that you can help them in the immediate future and return the favour as best you can. Sometimes we can only help in little ways, but what appears small to us may be big for other people.
How have you showed someone your gratitude lately?
For more tips on how to show your gratitude, check out the following blogs:
50 ways to show gratitude for the people in your life by Tiny Buddha
How to win trust back
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved. George MacDonald
It’s possible – Bill Clinton did it! Earning trust back and getting your life on track doesn’t need to mean the end – unless you continue lying. If it’s true that Lance Armstrong lied in his interview (OMG! Who lies to Oprah?!), then there’s no doubt that he will have a lot of trouble earning trust and respect again. The problem when people keep lying is that people stop believing and when someone stops believing then it’s over. This week, Happiness Weekly looks at how you can win back trust:
STOP LYING! – It’s essential that you come clean to whoever you need to, without causing any further pain, damage or anxiety where possible. Honesty is the best policy.
TELL THE WHOLE TRUTH – Tell the person you have hurt or disappointed exactly what you did and try not to leave anything out or avoid any further lying. Don’t make excuses or place blame.
APOLOGISE – Acknowledge what you have done and take full responsibility for your actions. Apologise. Prepare to take on the consequences whatever they may be.
ACCEPT – Take full responsibility for your actions. Accept that people may not forgive you straight away for your actions, be patient. They may not forgive you at all, accept that as soon as you can.
BE PERSISTENT – If you are sure you want to get your relationships back on track after you have hurt people with lies and deception, prepare for the rejections and be persistent. Spend your time demonstrating how you have changed for the better and prove that it won’t happen again.
BE PATIENT – Don’t force people to forgive you or try putting ideas into their heads about why they should forgive you. Be patient – if you’re pushy you will push them away.
LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES – Get set to change your behaviour to ensure you don’t repeat your mistakes. Take steps in a positive direction that will earn people’s trust back.
FORGIVE YOURSELF – If you keep going over it and you’re down on yourself, you’ll only highlight what you did wrong. Try to forgive yourself as quickly as possible.
TRUST – Trust the person you’re asking for forgiveness. Allow them to be guarded with you going forward. It will take time for their wounds to fully heal.
When was the last time you hurt someone with a lie? What was it about? Did you ask for forgiveness? If so, what happened?
Learn something every day
Develop a passion for learning. If you do, you will never cease to grow, Anthony J. D’Angelo
The saying goes ‘you learn something every day’, and if you’re open to it – you actually do! From learning you are able to grow and develop and ultimately it will affect your life and wellbeing in many positive ways. Learning new things opens us to change. It assists us in making informed decisions, encourages curiosity, exposes us to new ideas, and keeps us engaged. Learning can also bring us a sense of accomplishment, boosting self-esteem and confidence as we can demonstrate and speak about what we now know. But the question is: how can you be open to learning every day?
There is no one set thing that everyone can do to learn something every day. The key is being open to learning. When you talk to people, be genuinely interested in the response to your questions. Having respect for the person who is teaching you something new is critical. Listen to the experts or talk to someone you trust in the field, otherwise you will find it more difficult to take on board.
Share your knowledge and skills with friends and family, and encourage them to share with you. Join a club, start a course, ask for opinions and encourage the sharing of ideas – all of these things will help us to grow as much as receiving formal training and qualifications.
How to be open to learn something every day
- Prepare to learn something every day. Think to yourself “If someone asks me what I learned today, what will I say?” Actively seek to understand things you don’t already know about
- Use the Internet to research about something you’ve wanted to know. Why the sky is blue, how aeroplanes stay up, the background of your favourite movie or play, how Helen Keller made it to become so famous etc.
- Read a dictionary or encyclopaedia. It won’t be long before you find yourself reading about something you didn’t already know
- Talk to people. It could be anyone! An expert, a teacher, a friend – even a complete stranger will have a story and the ability to teach you something new
- Keep yourself open to learning something new. Pay attention. Listen actively and attentively. Be present in all situations. Keep yourself inspired and encourage child-like curiosity
- Watch educational television. It’s time to get Foxtel and start watching the History Channel or National Geographic etc. If you’re in Australia, SBS and the ABC also have some highly educational programs. Even talk shows such as Oprah and the Tyra Banks Show have something they can teach you. Even YouTube will have plenty of educational clips for you
- Start reading newspapers, magazines, blogs, novels, autobiographies, billboards, Wikipedia, facts, figures, statistics… anything you can find!
- Look to the internet. There’s this fantastic blog by Marc (from Marc and Angel) about Top 40 useful sites to learn new skills – take a look, you never know!
- Ask questions. There’s no such thing as a silly question – even if it’s how you spell a name like “Smith” – there are many ways to spell names! So ask before you question yourself about asking the question and stop yourself from learning and growing
How to learn something quickly
- Associate it with something (this is also why history tends to repeat itself in bad relationship)
- Use a visualisation technique. Get a vivid mental image of what you’re learning, see it in as much detail in your mind as you can
- Rhyme it with something or make a song about it
- Make index or flash cards about it
- Listen to it. Ask a friend to read it to you or read it into a Dictaphone and play it back to yourself when you’re relaxed. Use inflections in your voice as they do on the radio to keep it interesting
- Research and read about it until you completely understand it. Once you understand how something works, it will be easy to remember it
- Ensure your teacher is someone you respect. It’s a lot easier to listen to a teacher you have respect for than someone you think doesn’t really know what they’re talking about
- Write it down – you could even keep a notebook of all the things you learn each day, it will bring you satisfaction when you look back on it to reflect and you’ll never forget your lessons!
- Nicole Willson, James Quirk and Flickety wrote a very comprehensive WikiHow about “How to Memorize” including various techniques for all learning styles. It is well worth the read!
What have you learned recently and how did you learn it?
10 reasons your friends should know about Happiness Weekly
For pleasure has no relish unless we share it. Virginia Woolf
1. You can contact the author (Sarah) easily and you’ll get a response!
One thing Happiness Weekly has is a highly interactive comments feed. If you comment or ask for advice, you will generally receive a response from me quite quickly. Contacting me, Sarah (founder and chief blogger for Happiness Weekly) is easy:
– Find me on Twitter @HappinessWeekly or
– Find my page on Facebook:
– Email me –
– Comment on my blog – I’ll receive it straight away and will respond if requested.
2. It’s more interactive than any other blog: request a blog or ask for advice
Have a suggestion for a blog? Got a problem you can’t a positive solution to? Contact me through any of the above means and I will do my best to publish an article on it in the near future. It doesn’t matter how whacky or strange your suggestion is, all ideas are welcome. Maybe you’re in a sticky situation and looking for advice on how you can maintain your wellbeing and respect others in certain situations. Personal content will not be shared and all enquiries can be anonymous but I will respond to you as soon as possible.
3. It’s a great source for events and courses
Find the best self-empowering and self-motivating courses lead by inspirational teachers on the Happiness Weekly website. Most of the courses are Australian-based at the moment but I am updating this to give it a stronger global appeal as a lot of my readers are from the United States and the United Kingdom. This page is my way of thanking readers and making it easier to connect people with proactive positive activities around the world. If you have an idea for a course or would like to add something – posting is free, please email , with the details and I’ll update the information as soon as possible.
4. Be in the know of all awareness days
Happiness Weekly includes the Internet’s most comprehensive awareness calendar! Most of these dates are celebrated internationally. In 2013 the blogs will become more strategically aligned and meaningful as Happiness Weekly continues to grow. If you know of some more awareness days and dates that aren’t on the calendar – posting is free, please contact with the details and I’ll update the calendar as soon as possible.
5. Regular blog posts – it’s my promise!
One thing Happiness Weekly promises is that you will receive a highly comprehensive blog on a different topic each week. To receive it in your email inbox, please make sure you subscribe to the blog on the homepage, alternatively like my page on Facebook or follow my Twitter feed for regular updates via social media. Blogs are generally posted at the start of the week, so keep an eye out every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday to see the latest from Happiness Weekly!
6. Receive weekly inspiring, thought-provoking and motivational quotes
Happiness Weekly releases a positive quote to think about each week via its social media pages: and . It is not necessarily related to the blog or any particular topic, but is generally something that everyone can relate to. That’s one of the best things about Happiness Weekly – not only is everyone welcome and everyone can contribute and have their say openly, but everyone is made to feel welcome as they can relate to everything posted.
7. Learn something new
It’s likely that you will learn something new every week – and why not share this knowledge with your friends, family and colleagues! The topics that Happiness Weekly posts about are extremely thoroughly researched to receive the best tips and guidance on each. The advice is proactive and simple for everyone to try. If you think I’ve missed anything or have something to add, please leave a comment. All blog-related comments are welcome on the Happiness Weekly page!
8. Expand your friendship circle with better communication
By sharing the Happiness Weekly website with your friends, it’s not only likely that your communication will improve but you will improve the communication of your friends around you. This will inevitably provide a shift as everyone is able to express their thoughts and feelings clearly and so your friendship circle will naturally develop and grow and you will naturally encourage new people into your life. Happiness Weekly is also a great conversation starter: it contains topics and information that are worthwhile sharing with your new and old friends.
9. Encourage the continuation of Happiness Weekly
The more popular Happiness Weekly becomes, the more likely it will be to continue. While the writing-style may come across as easy to follow, a lot of time and planning goes into the blogs published by Happiness Weekly which is produced by a single person. The purpose of Happiness Weekly is not to raise revenue but to simply give back to the world in a way that promotes happiness and wellbeing – because it’s not hard to be happy, but knowing how to communicate effectively and respecting others is important. If you have enjoyed a blog by Happiness Weekly, you can show your appreciation and support by simply clicking “like” in the comments field.
10. Sharing is all about helping others
Now it’s your chance to give back to the universe and pay it forward. Tell your friends about Happiness Weekly by getting them to check out the website: happinessweekly.org! Share some blog posts on your Facebook pages, repost quotes on Facebook or retweet through Twitter. Spread the word to your community and encourage them to pass it on. Help Happiness Weekly grow so we can all live in a happier and healthier world that actively promotes self-awareness, encourages fair and assertive communication and enables everyone to make the best choices they can in their situation.
Colour psychology and what your wardrobe reveals about you
Before you choose your outfit for the day, think about how you want other people to see you and interpret your personality … your clothes say far more than you think. Bridget Allen, senior fashion expert.
Socially everyone selects something of choice to wear from their wardrobe, but generally no further thought is taken other than if it looks good and feels comfortable. A picture is worth a thousand words, but 99% of that description is about the colour of that picture. Colour psychology is concerned with how certain colours effect emotions, perceptions and reactions.
According to Adam D Galinksy, a professor at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University, “clothing affects how other people perceive us as well as how we think about ourselves”. Leave your inner fashionista behind, this week Happiness Weekly takes a practical look at what the colours in your wardrobe are really saying about you!
Colours at work
Black symbolises power and sophistication, but is also the colour of the secretive unknown creating an air of mystery. Some use it to hide their weight, others use it to hide their fears and insecurities. Black provides comfort while protecting emotional feelings and vulnerabilities. It symbolises control, hanging on to information and things rather than giving out to others. It radiates authority, but creates fear in the process. People that wear black are self-controlled and disciplined, independent and strong-willed but give an impression of authority and power. Affluent and success-orientated women often choose to wear black as it gives an impression of elegance, sophistication and confidence. It’s a great colour for trousers, jackets or shirts – it is recommended that you break it up with other colours.
Yellow can be seen as cheery and warm, it is the colour of mind, intellect and acquired knowledge. Uplifting and illuminating, it offers hope, happiness, cheerfulness and fun. Yellow inspires inquisitiveness and original thought. People that like yellow are generally great communicators and love to talk – particularly suitable to networkers, journalists and people that work in Public Relations. It is linked to clarity of thought and ideas which aids with decision making, focus and study, and recalling information. Yellow should be limited to accessories such as ties or necklaces because it can be impulsive and cause anxiety. More information about yellow and its variations is available here.
Gold is the colour of success, achievement and triumph. It is associated with abundance, prosperity, luxury, quality, prestige and sophistication. Valuable and elegant, gold implies affluence, material wealth and extravagance. Linked to masculine energy and the power of the sun – it is confident, passionate and eye-catching.
White is associated with purity, innocence, wholeness, completion and serenity. Cleanliness personified, the colour white is the colour for new beginnings and the ultimate purity which is why western brides and doctors wear it. The colour of protection and encouragement, white offers a sense of peace and calm, comfort and hope, and helps alleviate emotional upsets. It creates a sense of order and efficiency – great for inspiration if you wish to unclutter your life. Too much white can be cold, isolating, empty and bland. It implies a feeling of sterility, detachment and disinterest, providing little stimulation for the senses. Wear it sparingly, white is the classic colour for an office shirt because it provides a good background for the statement colour of a tie.
Silver has a feminine energy and is associated with the moon – it is fluid, emotional, sensitive and mysterious. Reflective and sensitive, silver inspires intuition, clairvoyance and mental telepathy. It is also associated with prestige and wealth as it is seen as glamorous, sophisticated, prosperous and modern. People that wear silver are respectable, courteous, dignified, self-controlled, responsible, patient, determined and organised. It resonates well in the corporate world to those in positions of responsibility (males and females).
Grey is the colour of compromise – it is neutral and detached. The closer it gets to black, the more dramatic and mysterious it becomes, but the closer it gets to white or silver, the more illuminating and lively it becomes. People that wear grey are generally subdued, quiet and reserved. Conformists, they are conventional, dependable and practical. Too much grey creates sadness and depression and a tendency to loneliness and isolation. More information about grey and its variations is available here.
Purple is a colour of imagination and spirituality, historically associated with luxury, wealth and royalty. It represents the future. Purple inspires unconditional and selfless love, and enhances psychic ability and spiritual enlightenment. It promotes harmony of the mind and emotions, contributing to mental balance and stability, and peace of mind. Violet is the colour of humanitarian, using its better judgement to do good for others, combining wisdom and power with sensitivity and humility. People that wear purple have an element of power as it demands respect. They are ambitious and self-assured leaders. Purple is difficult colour to pull off because it requires confidence to wear successfully. More information about purple, and its variations, is available here.
Indigo, the colour of intuition, perception and the higher mind. It promotes deep concentration during meditation. Powerful and dignified, it conveys integrity and deep serenity. People that love the colour indigo conform to things that have worked in the past, while planning for the future. It stimulates the right brain and helps with spatial skills.
Red is the colour of energy, passion and action. It exudes a strong and powerful masculine energy, it excites the emotions and motivates us to take action. Red is a powerful colour: it is a symbol for leadership, assertiveness, confidence, ambition and determination. Too much red can cause irritation, agitation, aggression and anger. In China it is the colour for good luck, in India it is the colour for purity and is often used in their wedding gowns. Red is a great colour to wear to negotiations, meetings and sales pitches. More information about the colour red, and its variations, is available here.
Brown symbolises age and maturity. It is serious, down-to earth and relates to security, protection and material wealth. People that wear brown take their obligations seriously and encourage a strong need for security and a sense of belonging. They feel that family and friends are of utmost importance, are honest, genuine and sincere – though can be stingy with money. They are trustworthy, reliable, loyal, dependable, practical and realistic. The colour of structure, it encourages orderliness, uniformity and organisation. It is reassuring and quietly confident. Wearing this colour can make you appear wise. It is a popular colour with teachers and academics because it inspires feelings of respect in a subtle manner as opposed to aggressively asserting respect like red or purple. Wearing too much brown can make you look stuffy or old fashioned. More information about brown and its variations is available here.
Blue is a calming colour that inspires serenity, trust and responsibility. Honest and loyal, this colour is reliable, sincere, reserved and quiet. It promotes mental and physical relaxation, reducing stress. In fact, the paler the shade of blue, the more freedom we feel. People that love blue define success as quality and quantity of relationships, they give more than receive and build strong, trusting relationships. They become deeply hurt if betrayed. Conservative and predictable, blue is safe, non-threatening, but persistent and determined to succeed. Wear blue when you need to give important news in a meeting but break it up with other colours if you are delivering bad news. More information about blue and its variations is available here.
Turquoise represents open communication and clarity of thought. It controls and heals the emotions creating emotional balance and stability. The colour turquoise recharges our spirits during times of mental stress and tiredness, alleviating feelings of loneliness. It increases creativity and sensitivity. People that wear turquoise are generally good at multi-tasking and are very caring. Turquoise also encourages us to build self-esteem and be self-sufficient. More information about turquoise and its variations is available here.
Orange radiates warmth and happiness. It is the colour of adventure, risk-taking and social communication. Orange offers emotional strength, it is optimistic and uplifting, and promotes spontaneity and a positive outlook. It inspires physical confidence, competition, independence, and aids in putting new ideas into action, banishing limitations. It encourages self-respect and respect of others. A great colour for accessories, orange prevents other colours from becoming overbearing. More information about orange and its variations is available here.
Green is the colour of harmony, growth and balance (creating equilibrium between the head and the heart). It is a natural peacemaker and an emotionally positive colour, encouraging us to love and nurture ourselves and others unconditionally. People that wear green enjoy observing and listening and have good judgement. They are generally inviting, generous, friendly and can keep confidences but also tend to look for recognition. A great colour for women’s dresses, it is also the ideal colour for accessories. More information about green and its variations is available here.
Pink is associated with femininity, unconditional love and romance. It represents compassion and nurturing. People that wear pink are intuitive and insightful and demonstrate tenderness, kindness, empathy and sensitivity. It is the colour of hope and good health. Pink calms and reassures our emotional energies, alleviating feelings of anger, aggression, resentment, abandonment and neglect. A non-threatening colour, people that love pink seek appreciation, respect and admiration. It is a great colour for items you will wear briefly but you can remove for the bulk of the day e.g. jackets and bags. More information about pink and its variations is available here.
Magenta is the universal colour for harmony and emotional balance. People that wear magenta are generally spiritual (yet practical), encouraging, have good common sense and a balanced outlook on life. Magenta strengthens our intuition and psychic ability while assisting to rise above daily obstacles and gain awareness and knowledge. An instrument of change and transformation, magenta aids us in moving forward, helping to release old emotional patterns that prevent personal and spiritual development. It is uplifting to our spirits during times of unhappiness, anger and frustration. Magenta is the colour of cheerfulness, happiness, contentment and appreciation for what you have acquired and achieved. Magenta is spontaneous and impulsive, yet resourceful and organised.
Speedy wardrobe colour tips
* Blue establishes trust and credibility. It is a safe colour and universally liked by most men and women.
* To appear friendly and approachable, wear lighter colours such as mid-tone blues, greens, blue-greens, teal, tan and peachy-orange.
* To get noticed or appear assertive, wear red (but note, it can be threatening).
* To appear confident, blue-green is a good business colour for women, it suggests high self-esteem, confidence but is still friendly and approachable.
* To show dependability, wear green.
* To appear neutral wear grey or beige. You may look like a fence-sitter, but it enables you to say what a client wants to hear rather than the truth.
* To look professional with authority, wear dark blue or dark grey. It’s great for credibility when promoting your business.
* To shock or inspire your audience, wear a magenta suit … with a matching top hat and cane!
* Earth tones (dark orange, mid-brown, light yellow, beige, tan or caramel) are seen as reliable.
Fast facts on colour psychology
– Teenagers often have a psychological need to wear black during the stage of transition from the innocence of childhood to the sophistication of adulthood. It enables them to hide from the world while they discover their own unique identity.
– According to Dr Jennifer Baumgartner, who wrote “You are what you wear: what your clothes reveal about you”, what you wear can inform people passing you in the street of your type of employment, ambitions, emotions and spending habits. “Shopping and spending behaviours often come from internal motivations such as emotions, experiences and culture,” she said.
– A study from Northwestern University examined the concept “enclothed cognition”. Researchers define it in their report as “the systematic influence that clothes have on the wearer’s psychological processes,” meaning what clothes say to you, rather than about you. How they make you feel, not just how they make you act and react.
– Women react more positively to blue-based colours, such as deep blue-reds, most blues, most pinks and blue-greens. Men find yellow-based colours more attractive. They appreciate true reds and oranges, peachy-apricots and most blues.
– Colours also enhance our culinary experience. Red is the most prominent colour in fast food logos because it stimulates appetite and expresses the speed at which you will be served your meal. Blue decreases appetite – however, people are more likely to drink from a blue glass than a red glass. Orange also assists with stimulating appetite.
– Trying to lose weight? Dieticians recommend eating off a blue plate as it suppresses appetite.
How to have a great day … every day!
I hope everyone that is reading this is having a really good day. And if you are not, just know that in every new minute that passes you have an opportunity to change that. Gillian Anderson
Every day has potential to be the best day of your life. Make the decision that today will be a great day and spend your time working to achieve it. The following tips will make it easy for you to live each day to the fullest.
Select your alarm tune carefully
Setting your alarm tune to something peaceful or happy is always a great way to start the day! My alarm tune is set to the DuckTails theme song. It reminds me of Saturday Disney and being young, it gives me energy to start the day and it makes me wake with a smile. For those of you that think a song may be too much too early in the morning, try selecting something peaceful (but still enough to wake you) to get you out of bed each morning.
Wake up healthy
When you feel good, you’ll look good. Wake up and stretch, drink a glass of water, have a bowl of fruit and/or high-fibre cereal for breakfast and try to schedule some time for a brisk walk to get the heart rate up. Getting into the routine of slowing down your morning, properly brushing your teeth and taking time for yourself is a great way to start the day!
Dress to impress
It’s important to dress for success whether you have a long day of work stretching ahead of you or not. Did you know that a careerbuilder.com survey found that 41% of employers are more likely to promote people that dress better? It will also help you be more productive and people will be more receptive to you.
Genuinely smile
Smiling is universally recognised as an expression of happiness among all cultures: if you smile, other people will generally smile with you. Some studies support this, even suggesting that it is contagious. For example a study conducted in Sweden showed that people had difficulty frowning when they looked at other subjects who were smiling, and their muscles twitched into smiles all on their own.
Perceive everything in a positive way
Make the decision to take everything in a positive way – remember, you are only living today for one day only. If someone is trying to be negative and force you down, the trick is to try to find the lesson in what they are saying or doing. Learning from them will benefit you as you keep your head up and continue striving to be the best you can be.
Be kind
Be kind to everyone you encounter. According to psychologist Og Mandino (1923-1996), “Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness, and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again”. It doesn’t cost anything to be nice to someone, it’s easy to do, and it makes you feel good! So smile, start a conversation and remember to mind your manners. The Stanford Research Institute says that the money you make in any endeavour is determined by 12.5% knowledge and 87.5% ability to deal with people.
Give away positive energy
According to the law of attraction, the more positive energy you give, the more you will receive. Give compliments, let people know you’re thinking of them, buy people gifts, and always mind your manners. The easiest way to give and receive positive energy is to always have good intentions.
Have a positive attitude
Maintain an attitude of gratitude and you will attract all good things. Being thankful for even the small things will enhance awareness of your surroundings and it’s this level of mindfulness that will assist you in appreciating each day. You have 25,000 to 50,000 thoughts a day, changing most of them to be positive will be a challenge but it’s certainly possible!
Challenge yourself
Be open to learning something new. Accept a spontaneous opportunity. Do something you’re scared of (within reason!). Challenge yourself to achieve your full potential. By challenging yourself you will grow, gain awareness, skills and knowledge, achieve more, possibly advance in your career, become a better friend or partner, and gain new experiences.
Chat to loved ones
Schedule some time towards the end of each day to chat to your loved ones. Call your family for a general catch up or call your best friend. It’s a great way to vent, relax, unwind, and wrap up a busy day in the office!
Exercise
Have an exercise routine in the afternoon that you look forward to after work, it will help you to refresh – and it’s great for your health! Studies have shown that just 20 minutes of exercise three times a week will increase your happiness by 10 to 20 percent after six months.
Look after yourself
Aside from the usual hygiene care (showering and brushing your teeth), try to do something nice for yourself each day. This could be grooming: getting a haircut, painting your nails or it could be something leisurely: planning a party, having a bath, reading the newspaper or a book, going shopping or to the beach, writing a letter, painting a picture, going star-gazing, listening to music etc.
Live for the moment
Time is something you can never get back. Avoid wasting it! While we can live to an endless to-do list it’s equally important to have time to think and meditate. Put your phone down and give your time fully when you’re socialising – it will allow you to fully enjoy the moment. Switching off and being completely present enables you to slow down a fast-paced life to fully enjoy yourself.
Respect your biorhythms
To help ensure tomorrow is just as good as today, make sure you get a good night’s sleep. Getting a good night’s sleep may mean investing in earplugs to ensure your room is silent, a new pillow for comfort, or an eye mask to ensure no light will disturb you. If you find yourself awake at night, figure out what is worrying you and how you can overcome it.
Increasing your popularity: top tips for winning new friends
A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be. Douglas Pagels
Making new friends can be challenging, even for the most extroverted people – and particularly if you are trying to increase allies of the same gender as yourself. Once you reach a certain age, you may feel that everyone already has their group of friends and you’ve been left behind – maybe you’ve moved to a new city and you’re finding it hard to get to know people. This week Happiness Weekly looks at how you can increase your current level of popularity and win some new friends!
Know why you’re low on friends
A good place to start is to acknowledge the reason why you are low on friends. If you establish your weakness, it may prevent a pattern and help you keep the new friends you’re about to make. Here are some reasons you may need new friends (and this blog!):
- You have moved to a new city
- You are in a long-term relationship and your social life has withered
- Your current friends are moving away, starting a family, busy with work, getting engaged, getting married
- Your current friends graduated from university (where you met) and are moving back home
- You have grown apart from your current friends and are ready to make new friends
- You need a new group of fresh people with solid values away from bad influences (this is particularly important if you are trying to break an addiction or habit
- You are at home all the time and life is passing you by – you want more friends to get out and about with
- You never really knew how to make friends and have always wanted a better social life but didn’t know how to go about it (Good news – you’re in the right place!)
Prepare to make new friends
It is important to be ready to make new friends before you attempt to approach people.
- Have a winning attitude – you need to ensure that you drive potential friends towards you – and one of the ways to do this is to smile, be approachable, social, chatty and prepared to make conversation etc. Avoid criticising people, gossiping, and don’t compromise your standards. Be positive about … pretty much everything!
- Accept people as they are – everyone has a right to their own values and beliefs, and just because they may not be 100% in-line with yours or they may not come from a similar background, does not mean they won’t make a great friend. The more you accept people for who they are, the more friends you will make!
- Be self-aware – it’s important that you are mindful of how you treat people, what you say, and your body language. You also must know who you are – your values, beliefs and attitudes to things. If you have a friend who makes you feel good when you are around them, use them as your role model. Consider how you like to be treated and do the same.
- You win some, you lose some – good friends aren’t made overnight. Be wary of sharing too much information too soon, and avoid talking about the negatives too quickly. Don’t be too disappointed if your decision to make some new friends doesn’t result in heaps of friends straight away. Some people may not be as they seem at the beginning and you may want to terminate what you think may be a close friendship, or someone may not be interested in your friendship for their own reasons. Making a network of friends can be quite a slow process but if you’re patient, you will be successful.
Where to meet potential friends
The hardest part about making new friends is figuring out how to find them. Again, this is particularly relevant when you are seeking friends of the same gender. Here are some great places to make new friends:
- Work. Open yourself to social occasions such as Friday night drinks, work lunches, birthday celebrations etc. Be sure the person is a friend before sharing too much personal information with them, as you may not be able to avoid them in the office.
- Study. Expand your interests by learning a new language, craft or furthering your self-development by completing a course. Look at TAFE, community colleges, sometimes universities also offer short courses that may be of interest.
- Join a MeetUp Group. This is a great way to find a group of friends that share that interest – the website attracts all different people and encourages people to participate in activities. Joining a MeetUp group is easy – just login to www.meetup.com.
- Volunteer. If you don’t work and have no particular hobbies, volunteering may be for you! Choose a charity that interests you and start contributing. Before you know it, you’ll be meeting other people, even some that will inspire you!
- Network. Use your existing network of friends and family to network your way into meeting new people. Whenever you are invited anywhere, always accept – you never know who you’re going to meet!
- Visit the local council. Your local council will have a stack of community groups that get together for various events and activities. Join one! Simply visit to your local council to find out more. (This is also a great way to make new friends in your area.)
How to maintain your friendships
Making new friends is one thing, but how do you maintain the friendships? If you already struggle to spark new friendships to begin with, keeping them may seem particularly challenging – but it’s easy!
- Appreciate – don’t take your friends for granted. Take time to thank them for enhancing your life, or showing them your gratitude e.g. inviting them for dinner
- Offer your time – friendships (particularly new ones) need nurturing, and the best gift you can give is your time and attention. Make your friendships a priority. Listen actively when speaking with your friends and show interest and enthusiasm in their lives
- Be compassionate – sometimes a friend may do something you don’t approve of, which is why forgiveness is an important quality of friendship. Try to put yourself in their shoes before you judge
- Be trustworthy – maintain a confidence and be the person that people feel they can openly confide in
- Be open and honest – avoid being jealous of their other friendships. If the person is a good friend to have, they may be popular. Accept it and join in!
Making the first move
The best way to move an acquaintance into a stable friendship is to invite that potential friend to do something with you. Take action to achieve your goal and win a friend. You can ease in by having a party or gathering and inviting your new friend along. You may even let them invite a friend to ensure they feel comfortable. This gives you a chance to get to know them outside your usual routine without any pressure. Here are some tips for asking people out and making the first move (including what to say!):
- Consider the most appropriate way to ask this person out: face to face, over the phone, text message, email, Facebook message or through a chat window
- Be direct with your invitation if you are asking someone out one-on-one, this will give you an indication of how open they are to the friendship: if they say straight “no”, then you have your answer, but if they reject you and offer a follow up “How about next weekend?” or even contact you again when they are available – then they’re clearly open to the friendship
- Ask an open question to gauge the level of interest in catching up: “Would you like to grab a coffee/drink sometime?”, “Would you be interested in checking out that new store with me sometime?”, “What days are you usually free? Would you like to hang out sometime?”
- Ask the question with a plan: “Would you like to grab a drink after work?”, “Are you free on Thursday night? Let’s go late night shopping!”, “Do you want to go see that movie in the next week or so?” If you make a more general offer to hang out, and the other person isn’t interested, they may say something like, “Yeah sure, maybe we could do that sometime soon”, but then they’ll change the subject, and they won’t follow up later. If you follow up, they may be “busy”. It’s advisable that you offer them a way out to avoid any awkwardness if they’re not interested.
- Inviting a group of people to hang out: “Do you guys want to hang out together some time?”, “Would you like to try the new restaurant down the road for lunch one day?” “What does everyone think about heading into the city for drinks after work on Friday?”
- If you invite people out with your existing friends it will certainly take pressure off because you won’t be as needy. “Some friends and I are meeting at the pub on Friday night for a friend’s birthday drinks if you’d like to join us?”, “I go jogging with some friends every Sunday morning if you’d like to come?”, “I’m having a party this Saturday night for my birthday if you want to come round?”
- It can also become awkward to ask an existing friend out that you haven’t seen in a while – but it doesn’t have to be: “Wow – it’s been ages – would you like to grab a coffee on Sunday morning?”, “What have you been up to? Would you like to grab some lunch and catch up?”
Six steps to friendship
Converting an acquaintance into friendship can be a challenge, but now you know how to make the first move, the hard part is over! Simply follow these steps to win the friendship:
- Invite people out – individually or as a group (as above)
- Get in the habit of receiving contact information. Ask for their phone number or email address or try to find them on Facebook. This makes it easier to contact them if there’s a group outing that comes up
- Make a plan. To avoid any awkwardness it’s advisable you have a plan when asking someone out. Once you ask if they want to hang out with you, you need to be ready with a time and place – or some kind of plan. This will also make it easier to ask them out because there’s something to offer them
- Learn to invite yourself out. For example, if you have been hanging out with someone who mentions that their friends regularly do something you’re interested in, while the topic is there, simply ask if it’s ok if you tag along one day
- Accept every invitation you can to meet new people. This is really important because if you come across as too busy, they will stop coming your way. Remember: the only way to get something you haven’t got, is to do something you’ve never done
- Maintain the friendship by keeping in touch, organising more events/catch ups, remembering important dates or events and following up about them, and assisting the relationship to grow. Sooner or later you’ll meet your new friend’s friends and things (including your popularity) will build from there.
How to make a group of friends quickly and easily
A few quick and easy tips to making a group of friends:
- Join a club (this could be a sporting club or just a club based on your interest)
- Start a new job (hang out in the lunchroom
- Take a class in something you’re interested in
- Join a sports team
- Participate in a regular activity such as Zumba or Salsa dancing
- Live in share accommodation
- Merge all your individual friends into a group (and hope everyone gets along).
Learning to be sociable
Some people lack the social skills to network their way into more friendships – but it’s as simple as asking people out:
- Watch and learn from sociable people
- Practice socialising
- Be a good listener (it’s more important than talking too much!)
- Appear interested (ask the person about themselves)
- Find out other strategies (e.g. a counsellor or psychologist may be able to assist you)
How to be popular
So now you’ve got the basics of making new friends in any given situation – even rekindling old friendships – but how can you be popular with a group of people?
- Be bold – step out of your comfort zone. You need to interact with people to gain their attention
- Be friendly and sociable. Prepare to make short, friendly conversation with anyone in the room. Appear approachable and be pleasant so people enjoy being around you
- Talk to everyone who crosses your path. Make it a habit to know the people around you
- Keep a casual attitude. Choose light, safe topics to discuss – if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all
- Be polite and respect people’s privacy. Don’t be nosey or clingy. Read people’s body language and learn to understand the signals
- Be empathetic and a good listener. Try to relate to the people around you and be interested in them
- Lend a helping hand where you can – this will help you be on good terms with people. One of the easiest ways of building rapport is to listen to people and offer to help somehow
- Be yourself and simply mould the above qualities into your current situation
- Have something to say when you talk to people, particularly if you’re talking online or via a social media channel. Don’t just say “Hi – I’m bored”…
- Maintain your privacy – don’t tell everyone everything, it can come back to haunt you.
So now you’re set to make some new friends! Thank you for reading, and if you have tips, hints or advice to add, please leave your comment below!