Being conscious of our words and how they affect others
The trouble with most of us is that we’d rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism. Norman Vincent Peale
One of the greatest signs of success is when people try to stop you from doing what you’re good at by trying to bring you down. Actually, Habeeb Akande said it best:
Whoever is trying to bring you down is already beneath you.
In my experience, from many years ago when I had my own business promoting unsigned bands, it is these negative comments that can actually stop you going further. In fact, you’ll never know how close you were to success if you give up somewhere in the middle. And it only takes one or two people to get inside your head and plant that seed of doubt, that could cause you to turn your back on everything you’ve worked for.
Let me tell you, the biggest mistake you can make is to quit what you are doing based on a couple of complaints. Remember, the glass is half full, don’t forget who you’re there for and remember all your other followers and supporters before giving up. Sure, if you’re only making a difference to two people and one makes a malicious complaint, then perhaps it’s worth reconsidering if you should continue or not. But if you’re getting hundreds of clicks a day, and regular comments and it’s one person who complains … stick with it!
What inspired this blog today? A couple of things.
I follow a gorgeous Facebook page called “” by Jolita Kelias, who recently posted this:
“Now that the number of my followers have increased immensely in the past couple of weeks due to the work that I do and the message I share, I started receiving plenty of promotional emails which I delete without reading and Hate messages from some of you. I guess some of you are having issues with another person’s happiness and goodness. So here is my message to you:
You have a problem with something, deal with it. Some of you write to me demanding to delete some posts you don’t like. So my answer is – You don’t like it, don’t look at it. No one is holding you here. The exit is in front of your nose – turn that way.
And to the ones who harbour beautiful feelings I say – Thank you for journeying together with me. Hugging you all. Jolita Kelias”
Today I went onto YouTube to look up trailers for some upcoming movies and instead came across these. This is how celebrities respond to mean Tweets directed at them (I found some of them hilarious!):
When I consider the whole scenario of these people going out of their way to be deliberately mean to others, all I could think was this…
The fact that all these negative people that are being referred to – all the trolls, all the complainers, all the “haters”, whatever you want to call them – they’re all old enough to write. Most of them can even spell. They’re all intelligent enough to access and use social media. Using that to deliver such hurtful, hateful messages in a bid to bring someone down who is working to pull everyone up is beyond me. Clearly something is going wrong with the values we are now teaching or maybe we’re overlooking values all together with much faster-paced lifestyles.
And not just the celebrities, but just people and their ignorance in general. Bullying is not ok. Anyone who follows my blog knows Happiness Weekly’s stance on that.
Trying to tear someone down when they’re on their way to success is not ok.
Interfering in anyone’s life in a negative way is not ok.
Pulling someone down when you see them succeeding is not ok.
In fact using words for anything negative is simply not ok.
We all have a right to freedom!
The intention of Happiness Weekly is to make a positive difference to many, many lives. This blog is dedicated to helping people, loving each other and building others up so we can work together as one big team to create a very positive and harmonious future for everyone to live in. If you wish to unsubscribe from something you’re following, and you’re not sure how, Google it! That’s what it’s there for.
If you’re not here to do that, and you’re on my page, or their page or any page that you just want to rip down, then I ask that you please don’t be there because these people are making a positive difference to many other people. And it’s not about you. In fact, I ask anyone with any negative thing to say about someone to first look beyond themselves. Why? Because a blogger can shut a page down and it won’t make a huge difference to their lives – if anything it could enhance it by giving them more time for themselves and to do other things they enjoy without the focus on others. But it’s not about them. It’s about the people who they are selflessly helping, who they are making a difference to, who will be hindered by the blog or Facebook page or other medium closing down because of your negative comment. Same goes for celebrities. What if these celebrities stopped entertaining because of the mean things people said to them? So that’s why I ask, anyone with anything negative to say, to think beyond themselves first.
And on that note, I wish to share this with you, it’s an absolutely incredible YouTube video by motivational speaker Lizzie Velasquez. It’s a little lengthy, but please watch it the whole way through if you have time:
Life Coach Darren Poke who writes the Better Life Coaching blog recently released this easy-to-digest blog about revealing our critics for who they are, it’s well worth the read. It’s called How to stop the hyenas laughing – a story about dealing with critics. Well done, Darren.
So finally I want you all to remember this: negativity can inspire rather than hinder. It can make people stronger. Everyone has a choice about how negativity will affect them. If you’re a blogger, or getting bullied, or have had hurtful things said about you that have knocked you down – which we all have at some stage – then look for the positive and keep going.
Don’t give up.
Don’t get SAD this winter
If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome. Anne Bradstreet
For some people winter can be a severely debilitating and isolating time as they suffer Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and are managing depression-like symptoms. The exact cause of this condition isn’t fully understood but it is generally put down to lack of exposure to daylight during the winter months.
“It’s important for people to get up in the morning and get some exposure to sunlight, ideally before 8am. Dawn and morning light is believed to be integral in regulating our biorhythms. Combining this with exercise is really important. If people feel this is not helping they should go to their doctor for more advice,” Associate Professor and beyondblue Clinical Advisor, Michael Baigent said.
Are you SAD?
Symptoms of SAD are similar to depression and include:
Sadness
Tiredness/Fatigue/Drowsiness and indifference
Depression
Crying spells
Sleeping more than usual
Irritability
Trouble concentrating
Body aches
Loss of libido (sex drive)
Poor sleep
Overeating (especially carbohydrates)
Weight gain
Low mood for most of the day
Loss of interest in usual activities
Inability to focus
Constant fatigue
Insomnia
Mood swings
Excessive energy/Anxiety
Poor appetite/Weight loss
Weakened immune system during the winter
Feeling generally “under the weather” without a cause
Isolating yourself/Avoiding social functions.
How can you avoid getting SAD this winter?
“Everyone’s affected differently by SAD so what works for one person won’t for another. But there’s usually something that will help, so don’t give up if the first remedy you try doesn’t work. Just keep trying,” said Sue Pavlovich – a SADA (the Seasonal Affective Disorder Association) committee member.
Lighten up
One of the more common treatments for SAD is light therapy which involves a light box that emits bright, fluorescent lights (10,000 lux) for about half an hour to an hour a day. Alternatively, brighten up your home or office by letting some natural light shine in. Some people find that using a dawn simulator – a bedside light, connected to an alarm clock, which mimics a sunrise and wakes you up gradually – as well as a light box can enhance SAD moods.
Get outside
Try to do some outdoor activities as often as possible during the daylight hours in winter and let light come through your windows at home and work. Fresh air is essential for a stable mood, so it’s recommended to get outside for at least 10 to 15 minutes a day, regardless of the temperature.
Exercise regularly
The same with most mood boosting techniques, exercise is highly recommended. While exercise alone doesn’t cure SAD, it will improve your mood. Get walking every day for at least twenty minutes to boost serotonin levels.
Treat yourself with aromatherapy
Aromatherapy can be a healthy way to replenish the mind and spirit. What we smell can have a profound effect on how we feel because odours travel through the nose to the limbic system – the emotion-controlling part of the brain. Essential oils or candles that are reminiscent of spring and summer days – such as lemon, rosemary, peppermint, lavender and honeysuckle – could help. Concentrate on scents that bring back positive memories. To increase alertness and encourage happier moods try jasmine, bergamot or citrus scents.
Take vitamins
A lack of essential vitamins can affect people with symptoms similar to depression. Take vitamin B to increase alertness and reduce depressive thoughts and anxiety, Vitamin D is linked to sunlight. Ensure you are getting enough iron, zinc and calcium in your diet. Incorporating multi vitamins or vitamin-specific supplements into your diet may assist with combating SAD.
Eat well
If you don’t want the vitamins – eat dairy products, whole grains, spinach, eggs, fish (especially salmon), fortified cereals, vegetables and nuts. Fish oil tablets will also help. Try to resist your cravings for rich, decadent foods in the colder months. Eat less sugar. Make homemade soups which are warming and nutritious. Gaining weight will only make you feel bad, so make sure you continue to eat healthily and look after yourself. Cut back on white flour-based products, caffeine and sugars. Chicken is a good dietary source of vitamin B6 or pyridoxine. Vitamin B6 is also found in wheat germ, brown rice, spinach and sunflower seeds. Fish contains high sources of vitamin B12 or cobalamin. Vitamin B12 is also found in shellfish, dairy products and organ meats. According to a “Mens Health” study in 2004, vitamin B12 can help control some symptoms for anxiety, depression and fatigue. Peanuts, brewers yeast, beef kidney, beets, tuna and swordfish contain vitamin B3 or niacin. Vitamin B3 improves blood circulation and stimulates the production of serotonin. It can also help to treat symptoms associated with SAD such as oversleeping and fatigue.
Socialise often
Spend more time socialising. Actively work to avoid the isolating symptoms of SAD, and push yourself to go out even when you don’t feel like it. Make social outings – meeting up with friends for coffee or dinner or visiting family members – a priority in your winter life. Accept any invitations to social functions. Try to avoid negative people.
Get organised
Reset your goals and priorities and make an effort to stay organised. Rearrange your to-do list into something practical and actionable. Start small and move onto the bigger things.
Review your stress management regime
Learn to manage stress better with yoga or meditation. Learning deep breathing skills will help you to release stress naturally.
Avoid alcohol
Challenge yourself to go a month without alcohol. Alcohol has a strong link to depression, and it is better avoided in the winter months if you are already struggling with SAD symptoms. Especially avoid binge drinking – if you do drink, drink in small quantities. The last thing you need when you’re already feeling low is a hangover!
Sleep well
Make sure your room is completely dark at night. Use earplugs to block out any noises that may disturb you in the night. Ensure you get at least eight hours sleep a night – but try to avoid sleeping any longer than that, even on weekends.
Musical mood
Create a playlist in iTunes to lead you up from the blues to a better place. Ramp up the tempo and themes to lift your mood. Choose songs you can relate to but are still positive and upbeat.
Read a book
Read a motivational book for tips and advice that get you ready to take on the world. Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People is very popular. There are many more inspiring reads, which I will blog about in coming weeks.
Keep warm
Rug up – being cold will make you more depressed! Staying warm can reduce winter blues by half. Keep warm with hot drinks and hot food. Wear warm clothes and shoes, keep your home between 18ºC and 23ºC.
Find a new hobby
Keeping your mind active with a new interest will ward off SAD symptoms. It could be anything from playing bridge, knitting, singing, joining a gym (and going), keeping a journal or writing a blog (this can also help you to express your feelings) etc. The important thing is that it is something you look forward to and can concentrate on.
Join a support group
There are SAD support groups around… mostly in the UK but I’m sure if you put some effort in you could find one or even start one. Sharing your experiences with others who can empathise, make be very therapeutic and make your symptoms more bearable.
Get painting
Paint your house bright colours or place bright paintings around the house to distract from the dreariness of the winter months. Pick a room you spend a lot of time in and try a vibrant paint or artwork in there.
Learn something new
Take a class and learn something new. It can keep your mind off the winter gloom, particularly when it gets you out of the house and meeting new people.
Change your perspective
Winter is inevitable in most countries, so it’s better to focus on the things you love about winter than the things you don’t like. Embrace the season and start a list for yourself and expand on it as you think of things. Take up a winter sport such as netball, ice skating, hockey or snowboarding – staying active will boost your energy. People tend to spring clean, why not winter clean? Live for today! Quit your job if it is too stressful. Take responsibility for your mood – it puts you in control and enables you to change it.
Make your bed each morning
This means you need to get up and get going, and it also helps you to feel organised. Simply by making your bed each morning, you have achieved just one thing and you’re on the path to achieving so much more! Pat yourself on the back for the little things you can do when things are feeling difficult – remember always focus on the good, don’t waste energy contemplating what can’t be done.
Stay productive
Keep setting goals to work towards and set yourself little projects. Avoid letting household chores pile up, it will only make you feel worse. Try to stay on top of things. Keep everything simple in the winter months, try not to over-plan or overextend yourself – it will only make you feel stressed.
Avoid jet lag
Try to avoid travelling during winter months and if you do, stick to no more than one time zone difference. Jet lag is particularly difficult for those with SAD – and if you must travel, go somewhere sunny and warm.
Manage your own expectations
Allow yourself extra time to do things – when you feel lousy, you work at a slower pace. Don’t try to live up to your usual high expectations, try to cut yourself some slack over the winter months.
Buy a pet
Cute animals in your life always help boost your mood. If you are unable to buy your own pet, head to a pet shop where you can play with theirs and not have the responsibility of caring for it.
Treat yourself
Celebrate your accomplishments for the year so far and treat yourself. Plan something exciting that you can look forward to – a weekend away, a trip to the day spa or a dinner party.
Relax
Read a book or a magazine, go to bed early, try some meditation, light candles, participate in a yoga class, do some deep breathing exercises etc. Try to work out what helps you to wind down quickly when you are stressed and keep it in mind for the days that are really difficult.
Get help
If things are really out of control, get some professional help. Talking it out with a psychologist, counsellor or GP may help. Just like depression, SAD can be a very serious psychological problem. The sooner you get help, particularly before winter sets in, the better you will be able to cope with any SAD symptoms you may experience. Offence is the best defence.
For more information about Seasonal Affective Disorder refer to
Dr Normal Rosenthal’s book – Winter Blues: Everything you need
to know to beat Seasonal Affective Disorder.
Things you must QUIT to succeed
You can never conquer the mountain. You can only conquer yourself.
Jim WhittakerAn arrow can only be sent forward by pulling it back. So when life is pulling you backwards, it means it is going to launch you to a victory. Unknown
Quit your need to be right
Whenever you feel the need to start an argument over who is right or wrong, ask yourself: at the end of the day, what difference will it make? Don’t live for your ego, live for you, your happiness and the happiness of those around you.
Quit always being in control
Learn to accept things the way they are. Allow everything and everyone around you to just be as they are and you will see how much better you will feel by not trying to control it.
Quit blaming
Stop blaming others, situations or things for what you have or don’t have or what you feel or don’t feel. Take responsibility for yourself and change to get what you want – use your energy for working towards positive change rather than sinking into negative thoughts.
Quit your negative self-talk
Negative self-talk pollutes the rest of your life and can even physically disfigure you. Quit believing everything your mind tells you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. Change those thoughts into the positives – what you do well, and look at areas of weakness as opportunities to do better next time.
Quit self-limitations
You can do anything you set your mind to! Nothing is impossible. Avoid limiting yourself where ever you can – when it looks impossible, push yourself: find a way!
Quit complaining
Be grateful for the good things in your life – your friends, your family, your career, the fact that you have food on the table. Nobody can make you unhappy, and no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. You have more control over most situations than what you think – generally it boils down to a simple “yes” or “no” decision. Don’t complain – change it! Or change your perspective on it.
Quit bitching
Avoid criticising people, things, or events because they are different to you or what you would do. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved, we all want to be understood – why not work as one big team? If you can see someone is trying something, be supportive and encouraging. Putting people down will only make you feel weak.
Quit trying to impress others
The moment you stop trying to be something you’re not, and you start accepting yourself and embracing yourself as you are – strengths and weaknesses – is the moment people will start to be drawn to you, effortlessly. Quit being something that you’re not – you’re great as you are.
Quit resisting change
Change helps you move from A to B and become happier. It can go either way, you just need to ensure your decisions to change lead you forward. Change helps you improve your life and the lives of those around you. Embracing change is embracing life – change is inevitable.
Quit generalising
Stop tarring people, things or situations with the same brush. Keep an open mind, see situations as they are and take experiences as they come. Avoid shutting yourself off to new experiences because the last time you tried was a bad one. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about,” Wayne Dyer.
Quit being scared
Fear is an illusion – you created it, it doesn’t actually exist. It’s just another emotion. Sometimes you just need to feel the fear and do it anyway.
Quit your excuses
We often limit ourselves because of our excuses. Instead of growing, trying new things and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck – lying to ourselves – using excuses that, most of the time, aren’t even real.
Quit looking in the review mirror
Leave the past behind you – it wasn’t perfect, and that’s what pushed you forward to where you are now. The present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. Be present in everything you do and enjoy your life exactly as it is – life is a journey, not a destination.
Quit being dependent
Find your independence by detaching yourself from all things, people and situations. Do what you want to do – be in charge of your life, what happens to you and quit all addictions. Relying on things opens you to disappointment – be your own manager and make sure you’re focussing on being the best you that you can be, without any props.
Quit living to other’s expectations
You have one life – if you keep living to others expectations, you will regret it later. Don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path. Quit trying to please people in your life, stop living to the expectations of others, get a grip – take control, and be proud of who you are for being exactly as you are.