Being conscious of our words and how they affect others
The trouble with most of us is that we’d rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism. Norman Vincent Peale
One of the greatest signs of success is when people try to stop you from doing what you’re good at by trying to bring you down. Actually, Habeeb Akande said it best:
Whoever is trying to bring you down is already beneath you.
In my experience, from many years ago when I had my own business promoting unsigned bands, it is these negative comments that can actually stop you going further. In fact, you’ll never know how close you were to success if you give up somewhere in the middle. And it only takes one or two people to get inside your head and plant that seed of doubt, that could cause you to turn your back on everything you’ve worked for.
Let me tell you, the biggest mistake you can make is to quit what you are doing based on a couple of complaints. Remember, the glass is half full, don’t forget who you’re there for and remember all your other followers and supporters before giving up. Sure, if you’re only making a difference to two people and one makes a malicious complaint, then perhaps it’s worth reconsidering if you should continue or not. But if you’re getting hundreds of clicks a day, and regular comments and it’s one person who complains … stick with it!
What inspired this blog today? A couple of things.
I follow a gorgeous Facebook page called “” by Jolita Kelias, who recently posted this:
“Now that the number of my followers have increased immensely in the past couple of weeks due to the work that I do and the message I share, I started receiving plenty of promotional emails which I delete without reading and Hate messages from some of you. I guess some of you are having issues with another person’s happiness and goodness. So here is my message to you:
You have a problem with something, deal with it. Some of you write to me demanding to delete some posts you don’t like. So my answer is – You don’t like it, don’t look at it. No one is holding you here. The exit is in front of your nose – turn that way.
And to the ones who harbour beautiful feelings I say – Thank you for journeying together with me. Hugging you all. Jolita Kelias”
Today I went onto YouTube to look up trailers for some upcoming movies and instead came across these. This is how celebrities respond to mean Tweets directed at them (I found some of them hilarious!):
When I consider the whole scenario of these people going out of their way to be deliberately mean to others, all I could think was this…
The fact that all these negative people that are being referred to – all the trolls, all the complainers, all the “haters”, whatever you want to call them – they’re all old enough to write. Most of them can even spell. They’re all intelligent enough to access and use social media. Using that to deliver such hurtful, hateful messages in a bid to bring someone down who is working to pull everyone up is beyond me. Clearly something is going wrong with the values we are now teaching or maybe we’re overlooking values all together with much faster-paced lifestyles.
And not just the celebrities, but just people and their ignorance in general. Bullying is not ok. Anyone who follows my blog knows Happiness Weekly’s stance on that.
Trying to tear someone down when they’re on their way to success is not ok.
Interfering in anyone’s life in a negative way is not ok.
Pulling someone down when you see them succeeding is not ok.
In fact using words for anything negative is simply not ok.
We all have a right to freedom!
The intention of Happiness Weekly is to make a positive difference to many, many lives. This blog is dedicated to helping people, loving each other and building others up so we can work together as one big team to create a very positive and harmonious future for everyone to live in. If you wish to unsubscribe from something you’re following, and you’re not sure how, Google it! That’s what it’s there for.
If you’re not here to do that, and you’re on my page, or their page or any page that you just want to rip down, then I ask that you please don’t be there because these people are making a positive difference to many other people. And it’s not about you. In fact, I ask anyone with any negative thing to say about someone to first look beyond themselves. Why? Because a blogger can shut a page down and it won’t make a huge difference to their lives – if anything it could enhance it by giving them more time for themselves and to do other things they enjoy without the focus on others. But it’s not about them. It’s about the people who they are selflessly helping, who they are making a difference to, who will be hindered by the blog or Facebook page or other medium closing down because of your negative comment. Same goes for celebrities. What if these celebrities stopped entertaining because of the mean things people said to them? So that’s why I ask, anyone with anything negative to say, to think beyond themselves first.
And on that note, I wish to share this with you, it’s an absolutely incredible YouTube video by motivational speaker Lizzie Velasquez. It’s a little lengthy, but please watch it the whole way through if you have time:
Life Coach Darren Poke who writes the Better Life Coaching blog recently released this easy-to-digest blog about revealing our critics for who they are, it’s well worth the read. It’s called How to stop the hyenas laughing – a story about dealing with critics. Well done, Darren.
So finally I want you all to remember this: negativity can inspire rather than hinder. It can make people stronger. Everyone has a choice about how negativity will affect them. If you’re a blogger, or getting bullied, or have had hurtful things said about you that have knocked you down – which we all have at some stage – then look for the positive and keep going.
Don’t give up.
Colour psychology and what your wardrobe reveals about you
Before you choose your outfit for the day, think about how you want other people to see you and interpret your personality … your clothes say far more than you think. Bridget Allen, senior fashion expert.
Socially everyone selects something of choice to wear from their wardrobe, but generally no further thought is taken other than if it looks good and feels comfortable. A picture is worth a thousand words, but 99% of that description is about the colour of that picture. Colour psychology is concerned with how certain colours effect emotions, perceptions and reactions.
According to Adam D Galinksy, a professor at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University, “clothing affects how other people perceive us as well as how we think about ourselves”. Leave your inner fashionista behind, this week Happiness Weekly takes a practical look at what the colours in your wardrobe are really saying about you!
Colours at work
Black symbolises power and sophistication, but is also the colour of the secretive unknown creating an air of mystery. Some use it to hide their weight, others use it to hide their fears and insecurities. Black provides comfort while protecting emotional feelings and vulnerabilities. It symbolises control, hanging on to information and things rather than giving out to others. It radiates authority, but creates fear in the process. People that wear black are self-controlled and disciplined, independent and strong-willed but give an impression of authority and power. Affluent and success-orientated women often choose to wear black as it gives an impression of elegance, sophistication and confidence. It’s a great colour for trousers, jackets or shirts – it is recommended that you break it up with other colours.
Yellow can be seen as cheery and warm, it is the colour of mind, intellect and acquired knowledge. Uplifting and illuminating, it offers hope, happiness, cheerfulness and fun. Yellow inspires inquisitiveness and original thought. People that like yellow are generally great communicators and love to talk – particularly suitable to networkers, journalists and people that work in Public Relations. It is linked to clarity of thought and ideas which aids with decision making, focus and study, and recalling information. Yellow should be limited to accessories such as ties or necklaces because it can be impulsive and cause anxiety. More information about yellow and its variations is available here.
Gold is the colour of success, achievement and triumph. It is associated with abundance, prosperity, luxury, quality, prestige and sophistication. Valuable and elegant, gold implies affluence, material wealth and extravagance. Linked to masculine energy and the power of the sun – it is confident, passionate and eye-catching.
White is associated with purity, innocence, wholeness, completion and serenity. Cleanliness personified, the colour white is the colour for new beginnings and the ultimate purity which is why western brides and doctors wear it. The colour of protection and encouragement, white offers a sense of peace and calm, comfort and hope, and helps alleviate emotional upsets. It creates a sense of order and efficiency – great for inspiration if you wish to unclutter your life. Too much white can be cold, isolating, empty and bland. It implies a feeling of sterility, detachment and disinterest, providing little stimulation for the senses. Wear it sparingly, white is the classic colour for an office shirt because it provides a good background for the statement colour of a tie.
Silver has a feminine energy and is associated with the moon – it is fluid, emotional, sensitive and mysterious. Reflective and sensitive, silver inspires intuition, clairvoyance and mental telepathy. It is also associated with prestige and wealth as it is seen as glamorous, sophisticated, prosperous and modern. People that wear silver are respectable, courteous, dignified, self-controlled, responsible, patient, determined and organised. It resonates well in the corporate world to those in positions of responsibility (males and females).
Grey is the colour of compromise – it is neutral and detached. The closer it gets to black, the more dramatic and mysterious it becomes, but the closer it gets to white or silver, the more illuminating and lively it becomes. People that wear grey are generally subdued, quiet and reserved. Conformists, they are conventional, dependable and practical. Too much grey creates sadness and depression and a tendency to loneliness and isolation. More information about grey and its variations is available here.
Purple is a colour of imagination and spirituality, historically associated with luxury, wealth and royalty. It represents the future. Purple inspires unconditional and selfless love, and enhances psychic ability and spiritual enlightenment. It promotes harmony of the mind and emotions, contributing to mental balance and stability, and peace of mind. Violet is the colour of humanitarian, using its better judgement to do good for others, combining wisdom and power with sensitivity and humility. People that wear purple have an element of power as it demands respect. They are ambitious and self-assured leaders. Purple is difficult colour to pull off because it requires confidence to wear successfully. More information about purple, and its variations, is available here.
Indigo, the colour of intuition, perception and the higher mind. It promotes deep concentration during meditation. Powerful and dignified, it conveys integrity and deep serenity. People that love the colour indigo conform to things that have worked in the past, while planning for the future. It stimulates the right brain and helps with spatial skills.
Red is the colour of energy, passion and action. It exudes a strong and powerful masculine energy, it excites the emotions and motivates us to take action. Red is a powerful colour: it is a symbol for leadership, assertiveness, confidence, ambition and determination. Too much red can cause irritation, agitation, aggression and anger. In China it is the colour for good luck, in India it is the colour for purity and is often used in their wedding gowns. Red is a great colour to wear to negotiations, meetings and sales pitches. More information about the colour red, and its variations, is available here.
Brown symbolises age and maturity. It is serious, down-to earth and relates to security, protection and material wealth. People that wear brown take their obligations seriously and encourage a strong need for security and a sense of belonging. They feel that family and friends are of utmost importance, are honest, genuine and sincere – though can be stingy with money. They are trustworthy, reliable, loyal, dependable, practical and realistic. The colour of structure, it encourages orderliness, uniformity and organisation. It is reassuring and quietly confident. Wearing this colour can make you appear wise. It is a popular colour with teachers and academics because it inspires feelings of respect in a subtle manner as opposed to aggressively asserting respect like red or purple. Wearing too much brown can make you look stuffy or old fashioned. More information about brown and its variations is available here.
Blue is a calming colour that inspires serenity, trust and responsibility. Honest and loyal, this colour is reliable, sincere, reserved and quiet. It promotes mental and physical relaxation, reducing stress. In fact, the paler the shade of blue, the more freedom we feel. People that love blue define success as quality and quantity of relationships, they give more than receive and build strong, trusting relationships. They become deeply hurt if betrayed. Conservative and predictable, blue is safe, non-threatening, but persistent and determined to succeed. Wear blue when you need to give important news in a meeting but break it up with other colours if you are delivering bad news. More information about blue and its variations is available here.
Turquoise represents open communication and clarity of thought. It controls and heals the emotions creating emotional balance and stability. The colour turquoise recharges our spirits during times of mental stress and tiredness, alleviating feelings of loneliness. It increases creativity and sensitivity. People that wear turquoise are generally good at multi-tasking and are very caring. Turquoise also encourages us to build self-esteem and be self-sufficient. More information about turquoise and its variations is available here.
Orange radiates warmth and happiness. It is the colour of adventure, risk-taking and social communication. Orange offers emotional strength, it is optimistic and uplifting, and promotes spontaneity and a positive outlook. It inspires physical confidence, competition, independence, and aids in putting new ideas into action, banishing limitations. It encourages self-respect and respect of others. A great colour for accessories, orange prevents other colours from becoming overbearing. More information about orange and its variations is available here.
Green is the colour of harmony, growth and balance (creating equilibrium between the head and the heart). It is a natural peacemaker and an emotionally positive colour, encouraging us to love and nurture ourselves and others unconditionally. People that wear green enjoy observing and listening and have good judgement. They are generally inviting, generous, friendly and can keep confidences but also tend to look for recognition. A great colour for women’s dresses, it is also the ideal colour for accessories. More information about green and its variations is available here.
Pink is associated with femininity, unconditional love and romance. It represents compassion and nurturing. People that wear pink are intuitive and insightful and demonstrate tenderness, kindness, empathy and sensitivity. It is the colour of hope and good health. Pink calms and reassures our emotional energies, alleviating feelings of anger, aggression, resentment, abandonment and neglect. A non-threatening colour, people that love pink seek appreciation, respect and admiration. It is a great colour for items you will wear briefly but you can remove for the bulk of the day e.g. jackets and bags. More information about pink and its variations is available here.
Magenta is the universal colour for harmony and emotional balance. People that wear magenta are generally spiritual (yet practical), encouraging, have good common sense and a balanced outlook on life. Magenta strengthens our intuition and psychic ability while assisting to rise above daily obstacles and gain awareness and knowledge. An instrument of change and transformation, magenta aids us in moving forward, helping to release old emotional patterns that prevent personal and spiritual development. It is uplifting to our spirits during times of unhappiness, anger and frustration. Magenta is the colour of cheerfulness, happiness, contentment and appreciation for what you have acquired and achieved. Magenta is spontaneous and impulsive, yet resourceful and organised.
Speedy wardrobe colour tips
* Blue establishes trust and credibility. It is a safe colour and universally liked by most men and women.
* To appear friendly and approachable, wear lighter colours such as mid-tone blues, greens, blue-greens, teal, tan and peachy-orange.
* To get noticed or appear assertive, wear red (but note, it can be threatening).
* To appear confident, blue-green is a good business colour for women, it suggests high self-esteem, confidence but is still friendly and approachable.
* To show dependability, wear green.
* To appear neutral wear grey or beige. You may look like a fence-sitter, but it enables you to say what a client wants to hear rather than the truth.
* To look professional with authority, wear dark blue or dark grey. It’s great for credibility when promoting your business.
* To shock or inspire your audience, wear a magenta suit … with a matching top hat and cane!
* Earth tones (dark orange, mid-brown, light yellow, beige, tan or caramel) are seen as reliable.
Fast facts on colour psychology
– Teenagers often have a psychological need to wear black during the stage of transition from the innocence of childhood to the sophistication of adulthood. It enables them to hide from the world while they discover their own unique identity.
– According to Dr Jennifer Baumgartner, who wrote “You are what you wear: what your clothes reveal about you”, what you wear can inform people passing you in the street of your type of employment, ambitions, emotions and spending habits. “Shopping and spending behaviours often come from internal motivations such as emotions, experiences and culture,” she said.
– A study from Northwestern University examined the concept “enclothed cognition”. Researchers define it in their report as “the systematic influence that clothes have on the wearer’s psychological processes,” meaning what clothes say to you, rather than about you. How they make you feel, not just how they make you act and react.
– Women react more positively to blue-based colours, such as deep blue-reds, most blues, most pinks and blue-greens. Men find yellow-based colours more attractive. They appreciate true reds and oranges, peachy-apricots and most blues.
– Colours also enhance our culinary experience. Red is the most prominent colour in fast food logos because it stimulates appetite and expresses the speed at which you will be served your meal. Blue decreases appetite – however, people are more likely to drink from a blue glass than a red glass. Orange also assists with stimulating appetite.
– Trying to lose weight? Dieticians recommend eating off a blue plate as it suppresses appetite.
BUSTED! Eight happiness myths exposed
Myths are public dreams, dreams are private myths. Joseph Campbell.
1. If I could get a better job, house, car, lover, more money … I’d be much happier!
People that alter their life in the quest to seek happiness generally discover the grass isn’t always greener. In his book Happier, Harvard Psychology Professor Tal Ben-Shahar calls this the “arrival fallacy” – the belief that when you arrive at a certain destination, you’ll be happy, when the truth is that you will never arrive and be as happy as you suspect. Happiness is a choice. Rather than changing your current situation try to accept it and look at all the positives it brings. This line of thought will bring you much more peace of mind than putting yourself through a big change in the quest for being happier. The key to feeling happier is to take time to get to know what kind of person you want to be and understand what really matters most in your life and then live it.
2. A life of leisure will make you happy
We all fantasise of endless vacations in paradise, but according to The Happiness Project, studies have shown that a life of leisure quickly leads to boredom. Tal Ben-Shahar says that in spite of all your freedom, you cannot be happy without work. That doesn’t mean a 9 to 5 job, it could be completing a productive, fulfilling activity such as helping a charity.
3. Spending time alone will make you feel better
When we’re feeling down, it’s tempting to hide away, stay in bed and watch movies all day, but it’s been proven that connecting with other people is more likely to improve your mood – and this is true even for introverts! According to the Happiness Project, out of fifteen daily activities such as exercising, housework, commuting, going to the gym, grocery shopping … everything is more fun with company.
4. Money will make me happy
Studies have shown that the income level you need to achieve in order to be happy is approximately $40 000 per year. The average income in Australia is around $55 000 which means Australians don’t have a lot of reason to be unhappy. Those that believe that money will buy them happiness risk never being fulfilled because at the end of the day, where will it end? How much money will be enough?
5. People with high self-esteem are happier than people with low self-esteem
INCORRECT! While a positive self-esteem is a good thing, it doesn’t actually impact our core happiness. Having a high self-esteem makes it easier to find partners, get jobs, and win promotions … but you won’t be any happier. Core happiness isn’t about how well your life is going but about how you feel about the life you have. There are plenty of people in the world who think highly of themselves but aren’t happy.
6. Optimism isn’t realistic
Optimistic people tend to think the glass is half full, and it is. How you think about a situation, determines how you feel – which is why we believe happiness is a choice. You control what you think about a situation and therefore how you feel, which affects how you act and this greatly influences how others respond to you. All in all, it’s better to live optimistically and not just for your own piece of mind.
7. You can achieve happiness … forever!
Fairytales aside, the human brain is equipped with “hedonic set points” which not only establish where our base mood is (optimistic, pessimistic or indifferent), but also quickly adapts to our surroundings and returns to our base frame of mind. In 1978, a research group found that lottery winners, jerks and those who has serious injuries (e.g. parapledgic or quadriplegic) reported a similar number of good days compared to bad days. Some psychologists believe that we experience only a brief moment of fleeting happiness when we achieve a goal before our minds look forward to the next conquest. They call this the “hedonic treadmill”. It doesn’t mean that in between feeling happy that you are completely miserable, you just fall back into the normal mood pattern – even the Dalai Lama is on a continuous quest for happiness.
8. People with a c-shaped smile are happier
It’s often perceived that people with a c-shaped smile are happier than those with a u-shaped smile. A c-shape smile goes across the mouth with most of the the top teeth showing, whereas a u-shape smile has the teeth going straight back into the mouth. If the shape of one’s teeth could determine their level of happiness, we’d all get plates and braces or have surgery to re-mould the shape of our smiles to be c-shaped! This is totally untrue. There is no evidence at all so show that people with a c-shape smile, like Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson, are friendlier or happier than those with a u-shape, like what Christina Aguilera has. That surgery does exist and some celebrities have had it if you look closely: Cheryl Cole, Miley Cyrus and Jennifer Garner. It makes a difference to their smile, and cosmetically they look great, but it would not have impacted their long-term happiness.
Top 10 positive reads … online!
To read is to fly: it is to soar to a point of vantage which gives a view over wide terrains of history, human variety, ideas, shared experience and the fruits of many inquiries. A C Grayling
Most people log onto the internet every day, and yet we still have our ups and downs. Perhaps all you need is some inspiration or a bit of a laugh to give you more energy on certain days … you just need to know where to look. So I have compiled a list of my top 10 favourite (non-cult-like) websites that inspire me and help me stay happy when life feels like it’s getting harder. The best things in life are free – just like your happiness and these fantastic websites!
1. Happiness Weekly (www.happinessweekly.wordpress.com – nothing like a bit of self-promotion!) Read on to get some great tips for how to maintain gain or maintain happiness in different situations. You happiness is something that can be worked on all the time. When you’re happy, the people surrounding you will also be happy.
2. Action for happiness (www.actionforhappiness.org) – you’re not going to be happy without taking action first! This is a fantastic organisation offering many inspiring and insightful messages to move you towards happiness. Follow them on Facebook and Twitter to keep up-to-date!
3. Oprah Winfrey’s website (www.oprah.com) – check out her blog! Whether she writes it or not, it’s a great way to fill in time and it’s impossible to walk away feeling miserable – it’s like an episode of Oprah in writing!
4. In need of a good laugh? When times are tough and you’ve lost all ability to laugh at yourself – laugh at other people (and their thoughts and creations) by checking out these sites:
www.clientsfromhell.net
www.slaymyboredom.com
www.9gag.com
www.happyplace.com
5. Motivational wellbeing (www.motivationalwellbeing.com) – if you’re feeling down you may just be in need of a little motivation and this is the place to get it! Check out some great videos, articles, quotes, tips and tricks here – all about motivation!
6. Happy fun corp (www.happyfuncorp.com) – this one is a little different. There’s not a lot to do on the webpage but listen to music (and it suggests dancing?) and read happy thoughts. The part I like most is that readers can contribute and share their own happy thoughts as well.
7. Dramatic reading from a break up (www.youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com) – Just get your heart stomped on in a tragic break up? Finding it impossible to smile? This dramatic reading is bound to make you laugh!
8. Positively positive (www.positivelypositive.com) – this is a fantastic little positive news site with some great quotes. At its core, Positively Positive is about optimism and inspiration. About seeing the possibility within each person—and within each day gifted us. It’s about wisdom and how we lift one another up to richer, more fulfilling lives. It’s about tapping into our true nature and capacity.
9. Optimist World (www.optimistworld.com) – possibly the best and most up-to-date news site I could find. Optimist World brings you positive news which shows the very best of the human spirit and helps to show that good news can help to counteract the bad by reminding us what an amazing world we live in. This website seeks to bring to light those inspirational stories that are often not picked up by the TV channels or newspapers to provide an antidote with good news and positive tales.
10. Positivity blog (www.positivityblog.com) – very similar to Happiness Weekly, this blog gives advice, tips and strategies that you need to succeed with living more consciously, simplifying your life, being happier, creating new habits, improving your self-discipline, reducing procrastination, learning to be mindful, getting into shape, identifying and understanding your blocks, improving your people skills and relationships and increasing your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Being happy with what you have (or how to change it!)
Happiness is self-contentedness. Aristotle
Being happy with what you have is the fastest way to be truly happy every day. Unfortunately, you may have experienced losing something or someone that was making you happy, simply by taking it for granted. Many people don’t learn from this mistake – mostly because they don’t know how and they’re not open to changing their ways.
In 1965 at President Johnson’s second inauguration, Rabbi Hyman Schachtel said: “Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.” Appreciating what you have makes us happy because it gives us the opportunity to step back from the detail and have a look at the overall picture. Honestly appreciating the people in your life and making time to show them your gratitude (by spending time with them or doing small things for them, even just letting them know) will make you a happier person because it gives you presence and helps you to honour your life as it is. Being thankful for these small but significant blessings is a choice, and a simple positive decision can open you to positive feedback.
In fact, research has shown that gratitude enhances your quality of life. A studied by two psychologists (Michael McCollough of Southern Methodist University in Dallas, Texas, and Robert Emmons of the University of California at Davis) showed that daily gratitude resulted in higher levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, optimism and energy. It also showed less cases of depression and stress, the subjects were more likely to help others, appreciated regular exercise and made greater progress towards achieving goals.
How to appreciate what you have
There is no specific method in learning to appreciate what you have – but there are some exercises you can do to start practising.
1. A gratitude journal. Write down three to ten things you appreciate each day before bed
2. A gratitude letter. Write a letter to someone who has exerted a positive influence in your life but who you haven’t had a chance to properly thank
3. A 21-day challenge. Avoid complaining, criticising or gossiping for 21 days. Experts suggest wearing a coloured wristband throughout your time to keep you constantly aware of the challenge
4. A gratitude charm bracelet. Make and wear a symbol of your gratitude every day to remind you to appreciate the things that you DO have in life
5. Enjoy the moment. The ability to appreciate what’s in front of you has nothing to do with what you actually have. It’s more about how you measure the good things in your life at any given time
6. See every day as an opportunity. Set attainable goals and look at each day as an opportunity to improve on yesterday, rather than focusing on imperfections. By focusing on improvements, you’ll naturally move toward your larger dreams and will respect the way you’re doing things
7. Take action. If something is negative, be positive. If something isn’t right, change it so it is. Be the change you seek and set an example for those around you
8. Be responsible. Be who you want to be and act accordingly. If you don’t like something about yourself, have the courage to start looking at what it is and changing it
9. Want the things you already have. Be mindful of the achievements (and even material possessions) you have obtained in life and use them to your full advantage. Make a list of your achievements and accomplishments. Take time to reflect on how far you have come to appreciate where you are now
10. Understand what makes you happy. Learn to appreciate your individuality – no one is perfect, but you can be the perfect form of yourself
11. Meditate each day on the things that make you happy. Really take the time to focus on these positive things and give thanks
12. Treat yourself regularly. You can only appreciate the people and things around you when you appreciate yourself. Remember to reward yourself (a positive action) when you reach gratitude goals
13. Be grateful for your health. Ensure you maintain peak condition by eating the right foods and participating in regular exercise.
14. Practise seeing what you have. Avoid waiting until you lose something to appreciate it! Start a list of the things you’re grateful for – it may include: family, friends, lovers, health, your environment, your senses, electricity, music, recycling, air conditioning, your happiness etc
15. Volunteer for the less fortunate. Spending time working with the homeless, sick or another disadvantaged group is a great way to put the things you do have into perspective
16. Make a scrapbook of the good things in your life. This will be a visual reminder with pictures or symbolic representations of the things you’re most grateful for
17. Watch a powerful movie such as “The Pursuit of Happyness” or “Pay it Forward” to motivate you to continue taking steps to show your appreciation of life.
Appreciating people in our life
Unfortunately, it’s often people we lose more than material things when we’re taking something for granted. And it isn’t until they’re gone that we realise our behaviour. How can you avoid this?
1. Remember the reasons that person is close to you. What qualities attracted you to them in the first place? How often do you appreciate these qualities? Remember why they’re a part of your life
2. Tell the people in your life you love them and why you think they’re special. Verbalising you’re positive feelings will reinforce them in your heart
3. Recognise the person’s current expressions of the same qualities that attracted you in the beginning. Living in the moment helps us to really see how valuable others are to us
4. Take time to respond when someone you care about is doing something that you appreciate. Send a clear message of appreciation – a smile, a comment, a helping hand, a gift, positive feedback… it can be anything
5. Spend time each day appreciating these special people in your life and listing the reasons why. This will affect your attitude towards the special people in your life – making it positive!
How to change things when you don’t appreciate them
Having the courage to change things when you’re not happy with them can take a lot of courage. Sometimes we are too comfortable with things to change them, sometimes we have good excuses for why we should stick with the way things are (often holding onto hot coals for far too long), and sometimes it’s just laziness.
1. Figure out what you need to change and be clear with yourself why it needs to change
2. Set yourself a goal to break the habit or change the situation – including a deadline
3. Make the change happen. Reward yourself when you complete the change and build a new, positive habit (or situation) in its place.
Habits of happy people
Source: Edit Kolesza Photographer
http://www.koleszafoto.hu
Our happiness depends on the habit of mind we cultivate. So practice happy thinking every day. Cultivate the merry heart, develop the happiness habit, and life will become a continual feast. Norman Vincent Peale
Happiness is not for the lazy – it’s something that needs to be practiced and worked towards every day. When admiring someone that always appears happy and confident in your life, it’s suggested you examine their habits and consider adopting some of these for yourself in order to expand on your own happiness. By adopting the habits of happy people around us, we leave ourselves flexible to change and open to growing.
Looking online for a list of happy people habits returns countless lists that each numbers the principals. This is where quality not quantity is important. You may also find webinars and courses just teaching people the habits of happy people. Once reading the list, I encourage people to do their own research and adopt the best principles for them, individually.
* Make the most of each day and appreciate life – avoid taking things for granted. Be thankful for the small things and focus on the beauty in everything.
* Select your friends wisely – surround yourself with happy, positive and encouraging people who share your values and goals.
* Try to brighten the day of everyone you come into contact with. Accept easily. Respect people for who they are, touch them with kindness, help where you are able, avoid wanting to change anyone – just because you do something differently, doesn’t mean your way is correct.
* Be inquisitive and open to learning new things. Try new and daring adventures or activities.
* View problems or obstacles as challenges that provide opportunities to create positive change. Trust your instincts.
* Do what you love. Choose a career you’re passionate about. Always make time to enjoy your hobbies and pursue special interests.
* Live in the present. Be mindful of the things in your life, your actions and your words. You can’t change the past or control the future. By living in the now you can make conscious decisions that will help you in the future and make your present much happier. The past can’t hurt you anymore unless you allow it. “Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure,” Oprah Winfrey.
* Be helpful. Brian Tracy said: “Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking: What’s in it for me?” When you help others, you feel a purpose, being intentionally unhelpful is negative and breeds negativity.
* Laugh readily. Learn to laugh at yourself. Don’t put people down or laugh at the expense of others.
* Forgive easily. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, take ownership and learn from it and forgive others when they wrong you or they will take energy that could otherwise be used in a positive way.
* Develop an attitude of gratitude. Say “thank you” for even small things people do for you. Take time to let people know how grateful you are to have them in your life.
* Love unconditionally. Let the people that matter in your life know you love them – even in times of conflict. Make time to spend with your family and friends. Avoid breaking commitments or promises. Be supportive where you can. Always act with love.
* Be honest. Every action and decision you make should be based on honesty. Most importantly, always be true to yourself. Deception will burn positive energy unnecessarily.
* Meditate. Meditation will increase energy and you will function at a higher level. There are several types of meditation – e.g. visualisation, hypnosis, yoga, Pilates, affirmations etc. – pick the one that best suits you and meditate regularly.
* Live your life your way. Mind your own business and avoid gossiping about others. Try not to get overly concerned with what other people are doing or saying. Don’t judge. Have the freedom to always be yourself.
* Be optimistic. Everything happens for a reason – look for all the positives. Don’t give up. If you can’t find a positive in something – create it! Winners have the ability to manufacture their own optimism. Failure is an opportunity to grow and learn a new life lesson. People who think optimistically see the world as a place packed with endless opportunities, especially in trying times.
* Be persistent. Focus on what you want, learn the required skills, make a plan to succeed and take action. Have confidence in yourself – you will always be happiest while pursuing something of value.
* Dare to dream and dream BIG! Be creative and always push yourself forward. “Aim for the stars because when you aim for the stars, you will reach the moon. When you aim for the moon, you fall; rest in the clouds. When you aim for the clouds, you clench the tree tops. When you aim for the tree tops, you fall on your butt. Maintain high hopes and you will succeed,” Unknown. It’s better to aim high and miss, than to aim low and reach target!
* Be proactive. Determine how you can take control by creating the outcome you desire. Don’t worry about the future and forget about the past. Accept your limitations. George Bernard Shaw said: “A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing”.
* Look after yourself. Your health includes mind and body. Get regular check ups, eat healthily, drink plenty of water, get plenty of rest and exercise regularly. Constantly challenge your mind and body. Albert Einstein said: “Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving”.
* Be yourself. It’s exactly as Dolly Parton said: “Find out who you are and do it on purpose”. Determine who you are, your likes and dislikes, and always be yourself. Have confidence in who you are – always expect the best and always do the best you can. Avoid self-doubt completely.
* Love yourself. Be your own best friend. Learn to enjoy your own company. Accept your flaws. Dr Seuss said it best: “Today you are You – that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You!” If you don’t like something about yourself, work hard towards changing it.
*Take responsibility. Lead by example. Be responsible for your life: your moods, attitude, thoughts, feelings, actions and words. Admit when you have made a mistake.
* Set goals. Make a plan to succeed and take action.
* Make a positive future for yourself. Focus on creating a future around your dreams.
* Clear out the clutter. Don’t live in a mess and don’t hold onto things of the past … unless they’re photographs, reminding you of happier times. The only things you need are: food, shelter, clothing, loved ones and a few personal items. Do you have too many people cluttering your Facebook? It may be time for a good clean up.
* Find your passion. What gets you excited? How often do you associate with that? Perhaps it’s time to spend more time with your passion. Be creative about how you’re going to work your passions into your day.
* Have fun! Go and see a comedy, have a picnic, read some jokes… Incorporate fun into your everyday life. Learn to control your stress, rather than letting it control you.
*Nurture your relationships. Studies show that superficial interaction like chatting to the postman can make you feel like you belong to a community, but intimate relationships are what keeps us going when times get tough. Don’t be afraid of reaching out when you need someone.
* Enjoy the simple pleasures. The best things in life are often free. Make it a point to bring pleasure into your life and really savour the delights that are abundant around you already. Watch a sunrise or a sunset. Sit in the sunshine for a while. Be grateful for nature.
* Be mindful of your perspective. Practise looking at situations from all perspectives before you act or react. Sometimes a new perspective is all we need to change a situation.
* Speak kindly to people. Don’t put people down – build them up. Concentrate on the good in everyone around you. Practice acts of kindness and selflessly help people around you – this releases serotonin, not only in yourself but also for anyone watching you.
* Live with purpose. Always dedicate some time to a cause – it may be directly helping others through volunteering – know your purpose. Join something you believe in.
* Let go of what other people think. Really happy people rarely let negative people and their attitudes affect them.
* Make friends. Happy people are always looking to make friends. They just wants someone new to laugh and be happy with. By default, happy people are friendly people.
* Reflect on the good things. Make time to positively reflect on your successes. It’s important to mindfully reflect on the good, while striving diligently to correct the bad. A continuous general awareness of your daily successes can have a noticeably positive affect on your overall emotional happiness.
* Exploit the resources you DO have. Use your resources well and consider this: Stevie Wonder couldn’t see, so he exploited his sense of hearing into a passion for music, and he now has twenty-five Grammy Awards to show for it.
* Create your own happy ending. The end of any experience can have a profound impact on the person’s overall perception of the experience as a whole. If the ending is happy, the experience creates happiness. Always tie loose ends, leave things on a good note and create happy endings in your life whenever possible.
* Focus on your strengths. Emotional happiness comes naturally to those who use their strengths to get things done. The state f completion always creates a sense of achievement.
* Avoid comparing yourself. Material blessings, good looks, social position or seemingly happy families do not make a happy person. A happy person typically compares himself to mentors and role models to improve their character. The majority of the time social comparison doesn’t stem from a healthy place, so if you feel called to compare yourself to something: compare yourself to an earlier version of yourself.
* Practice habits of happy people. Concentrate on the present, compare yourself only to saints, be grateful and remember that present hardships are temporary.
* Develop coping strategies. It helps to have healthy coping strategies that are pre-rehearsed, on-call and ready for you at any time. Positive coping mechanisms are the best, so brainstorming them for a rainy day will certainly come in handy.
There is no right or wrong principle to adopt – if the habits of a happy person were as easy as a one-size-fits-all solution, these pages on the Internet wouldn’t exist. If you enjoyed this blog, I recommend trying some of the fantastic activities outlined on the Be Happy 4 Life website: http://www.behappy4life.com/behappyprogram.html.
Eliminating the cloud of a bad mood
Bad moods become bad days, which become bad weeks, which become bad months and years. Before you know it, you’re living an unhappy life and you probably think this is normal. It’s a shame, because life can and should be wonderful. You can transcend the circumstances that are pulling you down you need only to learn how. Brenda Anderson
Everyone has good moods and bad moods. While a lot of us know it affects the people around us, not many of us are aware of how we can stop it from bringing others down around us. Research has shown that moods are contagious – but psychologists have said they don’t need to be. Let’s look at how you can prevent someone else’s bad mood from getting you down, how you can take responsibility for your bad moods and avoid getting other people down, and give some quick tips to getting out of a bad mood quickly.
How to prevent someone else’s bad mood from getting you down
Emotions are contagious. Carl Jung
Just as there’s happiness, there’s also clouds of depression that effect people and while it’s hard to watch the people we love suffer, it’s important not to let it affect us. Emotional or mood contagion is scientific theory whereby people ‘catch’ bad moods from other people. According to prominent social psychologist, Dr. Elaine Hatfield, it is impossible to ‘turn off’ the contagion effect completely, but simply being aware of the infectious nature of emotions can help you avoid undesirable moods. Remember, there is no benefit in you and your friend or lover both being in a bad mood, so here’s how to try to avoid letting someone’s bad mood affect you:
Be aware of their mood
While it can be very hard to be around someone when they’re in a bad mood, sometimes it is unavoidable. In this case, you first need to acknowledge their bad mood and accept it. Don’t talk to them about it, don’t point it out, don’t make them feel any worse than they already do … just accept it. Remember: no one actually enjoys being in a bad mood.
It’s their problem – don’t analyse it
Sensitive people tend to instantly assume responsibility, so avoid doing this. Keep the distance by telling yourself that their bad mood is their problem – then step back and let them solve it. Avoid wasting your energies on thinking about it, analysing it (or helping them to analyse it), or coming up with solutions to fix it. Anyone seeking a solution will find it themselves, when they’re ready.
Avoid reacting to it
Try to remain cheerful and reflect your happiness back onto them. Generally if we can catch a bad mood from someone, they can also catch a good mood – however, some of us are more emotionally aware than others. So if this fails, don’t take their mood personally and shift your focus to something you enjoy. Positive self-talk is particularly important in these situations, so try some affirmations to keep your energies heightened, avoid looking them in the face when they are being negative (it’s been proven that the person’s expression will impact you more than what is actually said), and distance yourself when you can.
Take responsibility for your moods: avoid getting people down
Every day may not be good, but there’s something good in every day. Unknown
Question your bad mood
Don’t accept the way you are feeling and ruin your day – you only live once – start questioning the way you are feeling. How and why did this mood come about? Are you doing something you shouldn’t? Did something happen that you’re uncomfortable with? By identifying the cause of your bad mood, you will increase your self-awareness, will be in a better position to address and correct your bad mood and will be able to deal with things differently in future.
Avoid other people
The best way to deal with a bad mood and not let it affect the people around you is to excuse yourself for the day and have some time by yourself. Spend the day doing activities you enjoy – watch a movie, listen to music, go for a walk/exercise etc. If you can’t excuse yourself, then try to enjoy the situation you’re in for what it is. Break everything down. Don’t think too far ahead – keep things simple. Remember: your mood will pass.
Talk to yourself
Don’t talk to others about it – talk to the person hurting and the one who matters, talk to yourself. Be aware of your self-talk. Keep it positive. Do some affirmations. Tell yourself the mood will pass. If it is caused by something that has happened outside of your control, accept it – there’s nothing you can do about it, but think about how you will respond. Be positive – focus on how to get yourself feeling good again, not the fact that you are currently feeling bad.
Take responsibility
Don’t expect someone to solve the mood for you or come up with solutions. When you’re ready to come out of the dark cloud of your bad mood, you will. Look at how you are coping with your mood and strive to find better ways to cope with it.
Watch what you say and how you act around others
You may feel lame at the moment, but this mood won’t last. As Robert H. Schuller says: “Never cut a tree down in the wintertime. Never make a negative decision in the low time. Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods. Wait. Be patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come.” Be open to changing your mood. Watch what you say – optimistic people act and talk in certain ways, using certain words which affects their mood and energy levels. Changing your words can actually change your attitude and feelings. It’s important to be conscious not to bring others down in what you say – because if you make people feel bad, they’ll think twice before hanging around with you again.
How to get out of a bad mood
When I wake up in a bad mood, I try not to stay in one. Learn to make the best of what you have. Faith Hill
– Take some time out to be alone and get on top of your bad mood. Use this time to get to the root of your bad mood – start identifying what has put you in this mood, brainstorming on a piece of paper may make this easier
– Acknowledge your bad mood with the people around you – don’t pretend you’re ok
– Complete this sentence “I’ll feel better when I…” and then action it
– Be proactive in fixing your mood – get outside and do something. Take a walk. Work in the garden. Play with your pets. Do some stretching. Get some sunshine!
– Listen to music that could improve your mood- Meditate. Concentrate on positive visualisation and calming breathing exercises. Spend some time reflecting and keeping calm. Add some incense or aromatherapy to heighten your senses
– Watch a comedy or look at funny/positive and distracting pictures that will boost your mood – YouTube is always a winner here or looking at pictures from happier times will always help
– Talk to someone who cares. If there is a problem – nothing will help more than a kind listening ear and a loving heart
– Make a list of self-soothing ideas and things that will make you feel better in your next bad mood. Action some of these now to assist you – never underestimate the power of self-care, we all need time to ourselves and to treat ourselves
– Consciously change your attitude – it’ll change your day
– Do some kind of exercise – star jumps, push ups, sit ups, weights or a brisk walk around the block should boost your endorphins
– Eat a small piece of dark chocolate, it’s been medically proven to act as an anti-depressant in small doses
– Once you’re open to changing your mood and feeling more social, hang around positive and uplifting people
– Change your posture to change your mood: unhappy people shuffle their feet, taking tiny steps, walk slowly and slouch – BUT! Happy people take big steps, walk faster and stand taller. They exude an endless supply of energy
– Give yourself a break. Don’t be down on yourself, you’re feeling bad enough as it is. Accept your mood – everyone has bad moods, and don’t let it wreck your day
– Sleep it off. Sometimes the only way out of a bad mood is just to catch up on some sleep
– Book something to look forward to. Maybe it’s time to plan a holiday, a nice weekend away or just a decent night out on the town. Start planning something special you can look forward to – your mood could be a result of burning out, in which case, it’s a well-deserved reward
– Get some perspective. Avoid concentrating on what you don’t have and can’t do, and concentrate on what you do have and what you can do. Look at the bigger picture
– Look after yourself: listen to your body and address those needs. Are you hungry? Do you need more sleep? You may be too hot or too cold? Dehydrated? Make yourself as comfortable as you can
– Make it a goal to live more and stress less: start actioning that
– Avoid people who add stress to your life, surround yourself with positive people that love you and who will boost you up (not that it’s their responsibility but it comes naturally to them)
– Remind yourself that you are in control. Happiness is a choice – as is this bad mood. What are you going to do about it?
– Dance like no one is watching. It may be time to crank up the tunes in your room, stand in front of the mirror and just dance like a crazy person to rid the negative energy
– Do something for someone else: donate to charity, write a letter, buy someone flowers, cook for someone, write a thank you note, send a friend an email
– Change your appearance to make yourself look better. If you look good, you’ll feel good
– Watch what you eat: avoid fatty, battered food – try to eat fresh, healthy food for the day – concentrate on what you put into your body – a healthy body equals a healthy mind. Have a seafood feast – stock up on some Omega 3s to make you feel better – eat plenty of fish. Definitely avoid alcohol while you feel like this – it’s a depressant
– Try to make someone’s day: sometimes boosting other people up around you is enough to boost yourself up. Give a compliment, tell someone they’re special to you, do something kind for someone, go out of your way for them, show someone you appreciate them with a gift
– Set out to achieve something. Set a small goal for the day and plan a way to achieve it
– Watch the decisions you make today. Anything you decide to do will either make you feel better or make you feel worse. Try to make decisions that will help you feel better – the sooner you’re feeling better the sooner you’ll be back to your usual self!
Suggestions for overcoming self doubt
When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt. Unknown
Self-doubt is a natural protective mechanism that appears when we create something beyond the “norm” – it does not mean that we’re incapable of manifesting our dreams. Every dream, every challenge, every goal, every climb … starts somewhere.
Experts have differing beliefs on how to overcome self-doubt but here are my suggestions for how you can overcome the thoughts that are holding you back from your dreams:
Let your intuition guide you
Focus on what you CAN do and start actioning that! Forget about “HOW” you will make your dream happen – and start taking the first steps to get where you want to go. Getting started is usually the hardest part.
Trust yourself and your judgement
Learn to trust yourself. Write a list of things that you do to make you feel supported and confident. Do not list people – you need to be able to do it all on your own. List all your achievements. List the things that motivate you and why you want to achieve this goal. Keep these in your own personal motivational book for when self-doubt starts creeping back in. Don’t change things for one or two doubters – maintain your confidence and direction.
SWOT your goal
Do a SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats) analysis to identify possible challenges along the way and your key strengths to keep you motivated. If you see an area that is a weakness, as for help or seek support there – sometimes a little bit of support early on is all you need.
Analyse your doubt
Figure out what triggered your doubt and why. “When you analyse feelings, you make them vulnerable to logic and reason. Questioning the validity of feelings brings them within the reach of reason,” one expert said.
Make a plan
If you fail to plan, you plan to fail – so start planning a strategy for how you’re going to succeed. Make an educated decision about what to do next. Choose a path that you think will lead to conquering your doubts and put it in writing.
Prepare for the worst scenario
Imagine the worst possible scenario that could result from your decision. Often it will be embarrassment, humiliation or rejection if our plan fails in some way. Imagining the worst case scenario is a great way to put things into perspective.
Surround yourself with positivity
Consider all the positive things about yourself and all the attributes and skills you have to realise your dream. Socialise with positive, encouraging and supportive people. Your friends should always recognise your abilities and encourage your efforts. Get feedback on your ideas from these people – most likely it will be objective and beneficial.
Focus on your achievements
Stop looking at what you haven’t done or how far you have to go: start looking at how far you’ve come, how hard you’ve worked and your key achievements to get where you are.
Break it down and research
Whatever you wish to accomplish should be broken down into smaller goals to keep you on track. Research it! Knowledge is power – so the more you know, the more empowered you will feel and the less doubts you will have.
Take the next small step
Set realistic goals and when in doubt – take the next small step. The next step will take you a step further from the doubts.
Learn to handle the setbacks
There will always be rejections and setbacks in life. If you can handle the disappointments, you will move ahead faster. Setbacks are an opportunity to improve as is criticism.
Make your own enquiries
Ask other people how they became successful and don’t hesitate to use their success model. What worked for them, may work for you too!
Fake it til you make it!
Why not act like a successful person until you achieve what you currently perceive to be success? This is what successful people do:
* Manage and control their fears
* Challenge self-doubt and expose it to be false
* Have a game plan
* Know every success if preceded by failure
* Know failure is momentary, then prepare for success
* See unlimited possibilities and opportunities
* Stand up, brush off and move on.
People who struggle with self-doubt tend to:
– Believe their emotional security depends on someone or something
– Feel inferior
– Suffer from low self-esteem
– Feel a lack of control over their life
– Believe that they are not good/smart enough to even attempt the smallest of tasks
– Anticipate failure even before they begin
– Have unresolved psychological trauma
– Suffer from depression
– Live in an environment that breeds doubt and negativity
– Be surrounded by rejection.