Charlotte Dawson – you will be missed
Sometimes, especially if people are wanting you to kill yourself, and you’re somebody who has previously tried to end your life, it’s very, very easy to feel like that’s exactly what you want to do. Charlotte Dawson – Sixty Minutes 2012.
In all the footage you find of her, Charlotte Dawson appears very brave and courageous – something that adds to the shock of today’s news.
Time and time again Charlotte Dawson appeared as strong as her message. Her intentions in campaigning against bullying, among other things, were so good. She was a role model! She may not have done everything right, but the way she kept getting back up, her strength, her courage … she was a positive figure to aspire to.
But today Charlotte lost her battle with depression. Is it another bullycide? The public may never know.
I didn’t know her personally, but we had something in common: campaigning against bullying and that is why I want to dedicate this post to her.
Charlotte Dawson was a model and television presenter who in recent times had a very public battle with Twitter trolls, some of whom she exposed. You just need to watch this to see for yourself that they were absolutely no match for her – she lived a lavish lifestyle in Woolloomooloo which, despite her struggles, she managed to maintain. Along with the brave front she held together, that’s a massive credit to her!
In this interview she appears so strong about her circumstances, you’d never pick her for having such a horrific battle with depression behind the scenes. And this is exactly why we need to be so careful with what we say to other people. Everyone has their own battles and demons they’re fighting. In fact, just a couple of weeks ago I blogged about being Being conscious of our words and how they affect others and this scenario is exactly why. Bullying is not ok and perhaps Charlotte’s Twitter trolls need to take a long hard look in the mirror before they post again!
Depression affects 1 in 4 four people and by 2020 it will be the world’s second largest killer.
Charlotte leaves us with her messages of hope and strength for those who suffer from depression and a book called Air Kiss and Tell – a very raw biography about her life. Check out this YouTube clip for more: The truth about Charlotte Dawson.
Charlotte Dawson – you may not have felt like much in your final moments – but you will be missed.
In 2012 I wrote a blog about Being proactive against bullying, with solutions – one being to start an online support network where those suffering at the hands of cyber bullies can get instant assistance from someone qualified. Or even unqualified! The idea of having Lifeline online.
“If you’re going to express those points of view, you should do it with a face and a name so you can be accountable,” Charlotte Dawson was quoted saying in an interview with in September 2012 following her Twitter attack that landed her in hospital following an attempted suicide.
Domestic Violence organisation, 1800 RESPECT, has recently introduced a similar functionality on their website where people can go online for direct assistance. We need that for anti-bullying and if anyone has the skills to put it together, I would be more than happy to team up, share ideas and start building it to make it happen.
In the meantime, if you are in crisis or are struggling with depression, please contact Lifeline for assistance: 13 11 14.
Related articles:
Charlotte Dawson found dead
TV celebrity Charlotte Dawson found dead at her Sydney home
Charlotte Dawson found dead in Woolloomooloo home
On Monday we celebrated “Make a wish day”
On Monday, 29 April it was International Make a Wish Day – a day of wish granting for thousands of children with life-threatening medical conditions across 41 countries. Make a Wish grants wishes to enrich the human experience with hope, strength and joy.
The day commemorates the anniversary of when seven-year-old Chris Greicius became a police officer for a day in Phoenix, Arizona on 29 April 1980 – his wish was granted. To celebrate the day, Make-a-Wish affiliates and supporters from all over the world host wish-granting events in their communities and online. For more information, visit their website.
Buy presents friends and family will love
Probably the reason we all go so haywire at Christmas time with the endless unrestrained and often silly buying of gifts is that we don’t quite know how to put our love into words. Harlan Miller
Buying presents for other people shouldn’t be a task but it should be exciting. I’m one of those people who buy’s someone a present and can’t wait to give it to them! Each year I watch as friends and family drag their feet to the shops, without a list, in search of presents for people… this week Happiness Weekly takes the chore out of your Thanks Giving and Christmas shopping and finds the easiest way to buy the perfect presents for your loved ones.
1. Make a list of ideas for each person you need to buy for
The first step in your present shopping should be making a list of everyone you need to buy gifts for and setting a rough budget to stick to. This will also help narrow down the kind of present you can get everyone. With this list, I also tend to brainstorm a few ideas next to each name to point me in the direction of what stores or areas within stores I could look to find the perfect present for that person.
2. Consider their hobbies and interests
Everyone has a hobby or an interest. It’s human nature! Generally we use it as our outlet to express ourselves and reconnect with some time by ourselves. Your task is to find out what the person you are buying for is interested in. Sometimes this can be about asking the right questions and listening for the answer or clue to your perfect present. Get someone something unexpectedly cool, a bit different and quirky but I guarantee they’ll love it! “The gift has to be mainstream enough to be cool, yet unexpected enough to have remained unnoticed,” Jeff Wofford said.
3. Decide what they NEED
If their interest is unusual and you still aren’t sure what to get them, start having a think about what they may need. A petrol voucher, a grocery voucher, a gift certificate to a local beautician, perhaps you can’t stand driving in their car because it’s a mess… a voucher to a local car wash cafe? Think of things they will use and appreciate at the time. This is particularly good for siblings or very busy professionals that tend not to reward themselves.
4. Think outside the square
Combine the practical – the things you know they’ll use – and a hint of your creativity – with the things you know they’ll love. Everyone loves to receive a little survival box or personalised hamper from their loved ones. It’s easy, creative and shows your more thoughtful side. Buy a couple of items associated with their interest, get a photo of you with them, frame it, buy a bottle of alcohol, put it all together with some bath salts or shower gel and you have the perfect hamper for them. Even if they have a few of the items or don’t really need them, they’ll appreciate it because it’s designed especially for them.
5. Be organised!
Everyone wants something – why not take notes and pointers for things they mention throughout the year. Christmas and birthdays are inevitable and if you need to buy something for this person at some stage, this is the easiest way to do it. When it comes time to buy this person a gift, you will already have a list of ideas at the ready.
6. Take into consideration their circumstances
Take their circumstances into consideration for example, avoid buying a $50 gift certificate at a luxury day spa for someone studying at university fulltime and not working. The chances the person will use the gift certificate when it’s not on a specific product or doesn’t cover the full amount of something is not likely. Be realistic when considering the person’s circumstances. Something more practical for this person could be a book voucher, subscription to their favourite magazine or some money to spend at a big department store such as Myer or David Jones where they have plenty of selection for a reasonable price.
7. Get sentimental with older people
When my grandmother, who I was particularly close to, was really old with dementia it became impossible knowing what to get her for Christmas. The previous year I’d made her a scrapbook of the entire family but she didn’t get to look at it much, so this year I was out of ideas. I took a gamble, with nothing in particular in mind, I walked through Borders (now Bookworld) and found a food tray that you could put family photos in and personalise! What a great idea! It was perfect! Practical – but not another nightie – and personalised. Older people do require a bit more thought and care, but they will always enjoy something a bit more sentimental – pictures or even family videos. Sometimes the best, most memorable gift is something that no one else can give.
8. Search online
Still stuck for ideas? Search online – it can be as simple as typing in the person’s gender and age plus “gift ideas” into a Google search and there you have it: a list of ideas and inspiration! There are also gift generators online, so if you’re really stuck you can completely cheat using one of them, but it does take the thought and care out of it. Gifts.com includes some fantastic gift ideas from the experts! And while you’re online, spend some time searching for the gifts you had in mind to ensure they fall within your budget – if it doesn’t, adjust your budget or change the gift to something else.
9. Hit the shops
Now you’ve got the list of people you need to buy for, a list of ideas and a bit of a budget to stick to, it’s time to hit the shops and buy it! If the products you find are outside your budget or far different to what you found online, then hopefully you still have time to go home, order it online and still have it delivered before Thanks Giving or Christmas Day.
Don’t leave it until the last minute – but if you do…
Start shopping for presents as soon as possible. The closer it is to the time, the harder it is to arrange for shipping if you decide to purchase it online, find things in the stores (because they were all taken by the early-birds and the people who don’t work full-time!) and the harder it is to get motivated to actually go out there and do it! If you are shopping at the very last minute, this great Ask Men article may be suitable for you.
Great gift ideas
If the above ideas didn’t help, maybe this list will give the inspiration you need:
– Lessons in something they love: horse riding, pottery classes, cooking, dancing, a musical instrument, flying, ice skating…
– An aromatherapy massage (with a professional) – everyone loves to feel pampered
– Event/Concert tickets
– A novelty gift – something funny to make them laugh
– Something homemade: cookies, cakes, muffins, scrapbook of mementos
– Personalised coupon booklet – you could pay them back all year for being in your life!
– Journal, chocolates, gift certificates/vouchers, anything personalised, hampers/gift baskets, alcohol
– Simple but thoughtful: a poem, craft items or a performance.
December is a great time of year – I hope you have a happy and safe holiday season! Happy shopping!!
Be proactive against bullying
Some people won’t be happy until they’ve pushed you to the ground. What you have to do is have the courage to stand your ground and not give them the time of day. Hold on to your power and never give it away. Donna Schoenrock
I’ve been actually really very pleased to see how much awareness was raised around bullying, and how deeply it affects everyone. You know, you don’t have to be the loser kid in high school to be bullied. Bullying and being picked on comes in so many different forms. Lady Gaga
The words of a bully can haunt for a lifetime, but a victim’s words – describing their pain – never feels enough. Unknown
More and more suicides caused by bullying, or bullycide incidents, are occurring as the brutality takes to the internet. Amanda Todd (pictured) is the recent poster girl as her story hit international headlines following a cry for help posted on YouTube. She’s not the first to take her life because of bullying and the eerie truth is: she won’t be the last.
According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics 2012, reducing bullying in schools is one of the top social issues consistently important to students across the country. It’s hard to believe that 1 in 10 students that drops out of school, does so because of repeated bullying. Celebrities, such as country singer Taylor Swift, claim to have been bullied at school. Many, including Taylor, write popular songs about their ordeal, and while this may glamorise a very ugly subject, it also raises awareness for a highly under-rated issue.
With more and more organisations fighting to combat bullying, there is still little information and support out there for victims that are suffering in silence. The scars from bullying are rarely acknowledged – possibly because past victims don’t want to open those old wounds to discuss and revisit what happened to them. I am absolutely passionate about combatting bullying – in schools and the office. More can be done! It is National Anti-Bullying Week this week (starting today), so Happiness Weekly looks at how YOU can be proactive against bullying and what more we can do.
What does bullying do to a person long-term?
It affects their…
– Self-worth: they’re so used to hearing that they’re a failure and all the things they can’t do that they’re filled with self-doubt. This affects victims for a long time after the bullying stops. It’s exhausting trying to get the energy to find self-worth again! If nothing is done, this self-doubt becomes so ingrained in the victim’s mind that when applying for jobs or going for a promotion, they will tend not to over-extend themselves and will stick to roles they are confident they can do. Not out of laziness, but out of doubt. Doubts they only have because other people put them there.
– Commitments: They will probably avoid any situation where they feel as though they will be harassed, caged-in, anxious, bullied or defeated. This could affect things such as serious relationships and job prospects going forward – because if something that is said is taken the wrong way, that person who was once a victim of bullying will replay the tape in their mind and feel the same emotions they felt at the time of the bullying, can take it a lot more personally than originally intended and will more than likely avoid the situation by leaving the relationship or job – which could ultimately affect their career.
More symptoms published by the Herald Sun are available here or read what victims and bullies say upon reflection here.
*** BE PROACTIVE AGAINST BULLYING ***
Generally adults with power (teachers, parents and managers) will tell victims not to respond or fight back: “just ignore it” – an unproductive response that doesn’t validate their feelings or needs. We all need to start taking responsibility and empowering our youth! Children need to learn assertive communication and be given practical tips for how to overcome the feelings they have after suffering at the hands of bullies. Some more practical solutions and alternatives to the “just ignore it” response, may include:
VICTIM: What you can do before it becomes a problem
– Choose not to be the victim (avoid the bully, don’t play into their hands)
– Seek courses in leadership, conflict management, assertive communication, self-esteem
– Be proactive in shifting your focus from the suffering and feelings of self-worth and guilt
– Find a way to take advantage of the situation – look for the lessons, let it strengthen you
– Speak to the school counsellor, a teacher or year advisor: suggest an afterschool class for victims – if you’re at work, speak to your HR department recommend team building if the bully is in your team and see if you can find a common ground to relate to them
– Tell your parents or a close friend and ask them to take part in an educational program with you
Remember, bullying doesn’t stop in high school – statistics show that workplace bullying and harassment is on the rise. The fact is you can’t change the bully or make them go away, but you can change yourself (choose not to be the victim), take control and ultimately change the result.
BULLY: What you can do before it becomes a problem
– Find out what is causing them to be nasty and need the power associated with bullying
– Fill the void with a healthy alternative such as taking a class: kindness, leadership, anger management, mindfulness programs etc.
– Speak to a counsellor
– Avoid toxic friends and people who support or encourage the behaviour
Bullies need to first realise they have a problem before they can be proactive in seeking the help and guidance they need. A key area to shift the bully’s focus is to concentrating on how they can change for the better and becoming the best person possible.
PARENT: What you can do before it becomes a problem
– Communicate a zero-tolerance for bullying behaviour by applying negative consequences if displayed. Clear, fair and significant consequences may include grounding, repaying stolen money, restoring damage etc.
– Teach your child to control their anger productively
– Teach your child good values and behaviours, tell them that their behaviour affects others
– If you find your child bullying someone, ask them to explain their events before turning them in (this is the best way for them to take responsibility)
If your child is being bullied:
– Keep a diary of any injuries, report physical assaults to the school and police
– Monitor your child’s friendships and whereabouts.
FACTS AND STATISTICS
– One student in every four in Australian schools is affected by bullying, says recent research commissioned by the Federal Government
– An estimated 200 million children and youth around the world are being bullied by their peers, according to the 2007 Kandersteg Declaration Against Bullying in Children and Youth
– According to the Centre for Adolescent Health, kids who are bullied are three times more likely to show depressive symptoms
– Children who were bullied were up to nine times more likely to have suicidal thoughts
– Girls who were victims of bullying in their early primary school years were more likely to remain victims as they got older, according to British research
– Girls were much more likely than boys to be victims of both cyber and traditional bullying, says a recent Murdoch Children’s Research Institute study
– Young people who bully have a one in four chance of having a criminal record by the age of 30
– Bullying is the fourth most common reason young people seek help from children’s help services.
– Around the world, more than one in six children are bullied at school, every week. More than one in six employees are bullied at work, and some research suggests that more employees are bullied at work!
– Bullying causes billions of damage to everyone concerned, the target, bully, onlookers, families, school, workplace, employers and the community.
– Bullying causes accumulative layers of primary and secondary injuries. These include physical, psychological, social and identity injuries. It can affect studies, career, relationships and financial wellbeing. It can cause a severe Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, lasting many years.
BEATING THE CYBER BULLIES
What is CYBER BULLYING?
Cyber bullying chases victims onto the Internet – it involves the digital communication (text messages, emails, phone calls, internet chat rooms, instant messages and social media using sights such as Bebo, Facebook and MySpace) to support, deliberate, repeated and hostile behaviour.
While it’s fantastic that technology is evolving, unfortunately bullying is evolving with it which means you can be bullied anywhere, any time – even receiving cruel taunts in the privacy of your own bedroom. Studies show that cyber bullying is on the rise, with one third of teenagers in a recent survey having had mean, threatening or embarrassing things said about them online. Stop Cyber Bullying Day is this Wednesday, 14 November 2012.
What can you do to prevent cyber bullying happening to you?
Tell someone you trust: parent, friend, teacher, school counsellor, neighbour etc.
Block the cyber bully: delete your social media account, or simply empower yourself by blocking the cyber bully. Unsure how? Check with your phone or internet service provider or ask Google.
Report it: Report abuse on Facebook/MySpace, alternatively your ISP or phone provider may help provide a log which you can take to your school, university, place of work or even the police.
Keep the evidence: Keep any texts, emails, online conversations or voicemails as evidence which can help track down the bully. If you’re tempted to look at it, keep a log including the time and date it took place to avoid further torturing yourself.
Change your details: Get a new phone number, a new username for the internet, a new email … and ensure only your closest friends get the new information.
Happiness Weekly’s suggested solution to assist victims of cyber bullying and provide an alternative to bullycide
Now that the internet is becoming more popular, and is certainly a place that bullies turn to in order to further insult and humiliate their victims, more can be done right here – online! And I don’t mean more information and more facts…
A quick Google search retrieves information on schoolyard and workplace bullying. Sprinkled with a few stats and facts – suggesting you are not alone. The fact is anyone who is being bullied – for whatever reason – feels alone. No one can take the sting away, but someone can be there to listen and support those in need.
If Happiness Weekly had the capacity to become an anti-bullying organisation, the first thing I would suggest would be an online support group for those being bullied. That’s right – let’s take some of the people off the phones for Lifeline and sit them on a computer to share advice and help these kids (or adults) without them having to speak a word.
And I’m not talking about a lazy forum with a single moderator – I mean a full on page, where people can INDIVIDUALLY talk to a counsellor they choose in a chat session. FOR FREE! The government should support this – with trained professionals. The aim of the idea is to offer 24 hour support, seven days a week, on an international level.
Making a phone call is powerful, but how many kids refuse to talk? Saying it out loud may mean admitting the problem, it may be failure, it may mean kids won’t seek help. Having somewhere online, where kids can set up an appointment with an expert (possibly via text?), join a chat room or even meet them on MSN Messenger, Windows Live or even Skype and just chat it out for an hour or two – feel validated and then put some positive advice into practice could be what leads to a saved nation.
I admit that I am exceptionally passionate about this idea and that stems from having being bullied. The thing is, I didn’t call a helpline for fear someone would overhear the conversation, leading to further embarrassment – and admitting the problem out loud is also unsettling, while it may be the first step to recovery. Our counselling professionals and specialists need to band together to create a safe-haven online and produce some real-time online support – that way victims will always have someone there for them when they need them without the fear of being overheard.
If such a network existed, there would certainly be a reduction in bullicides. Start locally, if a counsellor, or five, from each state got together, we could start with Australia – with the hope of expanding the movement as a global support hub.
What is often overlooked is that bullying not only affects those who are being traumatised, but also those who are watching on. Such a support group could offer real-time advice to school counsellors out of ideas, or people watching victims who won’t defend themselves.
A lot of bullying has taken to Social Media sites such as Facebook and Twitter, and they need to stand up and take responsibility as well. Why not employ hackers to shut down access from their IP address – or no hackers, just block the IP address from accessing their site anymore. Bullies will get tired of buying new computers eventually! Nip it in the bud! Don’t block an email account, they can easily start a new one and continue their horrible mission… wipe their IP from having access to your system – ever again! People that bully online are not responsible enough to re-join social networking communities.
What do you think? Would it work? Why or why not?
Need support? You can speak to trained counsellors by phoning these 24-hour telephone counselling services:
Lifeline 13 11 14
Kids Help Line
Information and support is also available from the following websites:
Beyondblue – http://www.beyondblue.org.au
Youth Beyondblue – http://www.youthbeyondblue.com
Info Line
Sane
More organisations that recognise bullying as a major problem:
– Happiness Weekly (there’s more practical and beneficial things to do than bullying!)
– World Kindness Australia
– Enough is Enough
– Human Rights Anti Bullying
– Beat bullying
Please remember Bullying Awareness Week starts today and Anti Bullying Week in the UK follows the week after. Donate to the above organisations, spread word about them to friends and colleagues or be proactive this week against bullying!
Please leave your suggestions for how we could be more proactive against bullying below. Alternatively if you are interested in discussing the topic further or need more direct assistance, contact me and I’ll get back to you! Bullycide is completely preventable. Stop bullying.