Being conscious of our words and how they affect others
The trouble with most of us is that we’d rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism. Norman Vincent Peale
One of the greatest signs of success is when people try to stop you from doing what you’re good at by trying to bring you down. Actually, Habeeb Akande said it best:
Whoever is trying to bring you down is already beneath you.
In my experience, from many years ago when I had my own business promoting unsigned bands, it is these negative comments that can actually stop you going further. In fact, you’ll never know how close you were to success if you give up somewhere in the middle. And it only takes one or two people to get inside your head and plant that seed of doubt, that could cause you to turn your back on everything you’ve worked for.
Let me tell you, the biggest mistake you can make is to quit what you are doing based on a couple of complaints. Remember, the glass is half full, don’t forget who you’re there for and remember all your other followers and supporters before giving up. Sure, if you’re only making a difference to two people and one makes a malicious complaint, then perhaps it’s worth reconsidering if you should continue or not. But if you’re getting hundreds of clicks a day, and regular comments and it’s one person who complains … stick with it!
What inspired this blog today? A couple of things.
I follow a gorgeous Facebook page called “” by Jolita Kelias, who recently posted this:
“Now that the number of my followers have increased immensely in the past couple of weeks due to the work that I do and the message I share, I started receiving plenty of promotional emails which I delete without reading and Hate messages from some of you. I guess some of you are having issues with another person’s happiness and goodness. So here is my message to you:
You have a problem with something, deal with it. Some of you write to me demanding to delete some posts you don’t like. So my answer is – You don’t like it, don’t look at it. No one is holding you here. The exit is in front of your nose – turn that way.
And to the ones who harbour beautiful feelings I say – Thank you for journeying together with me. Hugging you all. Jolita Kelias”
Today I went onto YouTube to look up trailers for some upcoming movies and instead came across these. This is how celebrities respond to mean Tweets directed at them (I found some of them hilarious!):
When I consider the whole scenario of these people going out of their way to be deliberately mean to others, all I could think was this…
The fact that all these negative people that are being referred to – all the trolls, all the complainers, all the “haters”, whatever you want to call them – they’re all old enough to write. Most of them can even spell. They’re all intelligent enough to access and use social media. Using that to deliver such hurtful, hateful messages in a bid to bring someone down who is working to pull everyone up is beyond me. Clearly something is going wrong with the values we are now teaching or maybe we’re overlooking values all together with much faster-paced lifestyles.
And not just the celebrities, but just people and their ignorance in general. Bullying is not ok. Anyone who follows my blog knows Happiness Weekly’s stance on that.
Trying to tear someone down when they’re on their way to success is not ok.
Interfering in anyone’s life in a negative way is not ok.
Pulling someone down when you see them succeeding is not ok.
In fact using words for anything negative is simply not ok.
We all have a right to freedom!
The intention of Happiness Weekly is to make a positive difference to many, many lives. This blog is dedicated to helping people, loving each other and building others up so we can work together as one big team to create a very positive and harmonious future for everyone to live in. If you wish to unsubscribe from something you’re following, and you’re not sure how, Google it! That’s what it’s there for.
If you’re not here to do that, and you’re on my page, or their page or any page that you just want to rip down, then I ask that you please don’t be there because these people are making a positive difference to many other people. And it’s not about you. In fact, I ask anyone with any negative thing to say about someone to first look beyond themselves. Why? Because a blogger can shut a page down and it won’t make a huge difference to their lives – if anything it could enhance it by giving them more time for themselves and to do other things they enjoy without the focus on others. But it’s not about them. It’s about the people who they are selflessly helping, who they are making a difference to, who will be hindered by the blog or Facebook page or other medium closing down because of your negative comment. Same goes for celebrities. What if these celebrities stopped entertaining because of the mean things people said to them? So that’s why I ask, anyone with anything negative to say, to think beyond themselves first.
And on that note, I wish to share this with you, it’s an absolutely incredible YouTube video by motivational speaker Lizzie Velasquez. It’s a little lengthy, but please watch it the whole way through if you have time:
Life Coach Darren Poke who writes the Better Life Coaching blog recently released this easy-to-digest blog about revealing our critics for who they are, it’s well worth the read. It’s called How to stop the hyenas laughing – a story about dealing with critics. Well done, Darren.
So finally I want you all to remember this: negativity can inspire rather than hinder. It can make people stronger. Everyone has a choice about how negativity will affect them. If you’re a blogger, or getting bullied, or have had hurtful things said about you that have knocked you down – which we all have at some stage – then look for the positive and keep going.
Don’t give up.
Happiness Weekly’s favourite STRESS-FREE websites
It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it. Hans Selye
This week Happiness Weekly is taking a bit of a back seat and looking at the great work others have done to promote stress remedies, as we celebrate Lifeline’s Stress Down day on Friday, 26 July. You can find out more information about stress down day here.
Before reaching for the Valium to assist in managing your stress, try checking out these websites (listed in no particular order) which promote very simple and mostly natural techniques for managing stress:
Website #1: Help org’s quick stress remedy
Why we love it: Help org recognises that different people respond to stress differently which means there’s no blanket solution. In recognising this, it offers various solutions – so you can pick your type and try some of the suggested remedies which should be perfect for you. The tips and tricks are also fantastic – not only are they detailed, but the ideas are original and informative.
Visit: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/quick_stress_relief.htm
Website #2: Oprah’s all-natural help with anxiety and stress
Why we love it: This website is great because it’s promoting natural ways to manage your stress – the suggestions are very cheap and easy to do, so they’re great for everyone. Then once you finish this slide show, it links to more pages with stress-solving solutions.
Visit: http://www.oprah.com/health/Help-With-Anxiety-Stress-Relief-All-Natural
Website #3: Whole living: Stress relief your guided tour
Why we love it: This is a very practical website and focuses on some alternative techniques, such as Acupressure which is pressing points on your body to alleviate tension. Once again a lot of the remedies are very simple and natural.
Visit: http://www.wholeliving.com/135973/best-natural-stress-remedies/@center/136756/stress-relief-your-guided-tour
Website #4: Sha Wellness Clinic: Anti-stress program
Why we love it: If you have the time and money, why not consider heading to Sha Wellness Clinic in Spain and take part in their seven day anti-stress program. Even if you decide you can’t do it or it’s not for you, the website is quite inspiring and the resort certainly looks like a peaceful place to be! For 1880 euros (excluding accommodation), this may be the break you need!
Visit: http://www.shawellnessclinic.com/programs/specific-programmes-/anti-stress-program-
Website #5: Better Homes and Gardens: Superfoods for stress relief
Why we love it: Most of us know that fish is good for our brain development and mental health but who would have thought that there are a list of foods that can assist in reducing your stress? If you’re feeling stressed, maybe try adding these items to your grocery list for a couple of weeks!
Visit: http://www.bhg.com/health-family/mind-body-spirit/natural-remedies/superfoods-for-stress-relief
Website #6: Entrepreneur: How to stop stressing in 60 seconds or less
Why we love it: These tips will take longer to read than to do and take effect. In a world where most people are time-poor these fantastic tips are easy to pick up and do anywhere – including at work. I particularly like the first tip which encourages some physical activity!
Visit: http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/220080
Website #7: 33 ways to reduce and prevent stress
Why we love it: Todd Smith does a fantastic job coming up with a big list of ideas for how you can reduce and prevent stress. He also discusses the various situations that may have caused our stress to begin with and how that can impact our lives. A very interesting post with extremely productive tips!
Visit: http://www.littlethingsmatter.com/blog/2011/01/25/33-ways-to-reduce-and-prevent-stress
Website #8: Success: stop stressing yourself out
Why we love it: Many people make the mistake of stressing themselves out without realising it and this article brings it all to the forefront. It looks at things such as reading into things, trust, perfectionism, accountability and saying no. We can all learn a little lesson on this page!
Visit: http://www.success.com/articles/1928——–stop-stressing-yourself-out
Website #9: Body and Soul: 10 quick and quirky stress busters
Why we love it: Chew gum, get a cat, hum a tune… these are just some of the ideas Body and soul suggests to try and reduce your stress. Many of the focus on the idea of distraction, once you calm down to your rational self you will be better able to deal with the problem at hand.
Visit: http://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/sex+relationships/wellbeing/10+quick+and+quirky+stress+busters,13811
Website #10: Advance life skills: 100 ways to overcome stress
Why we love it: We love this blog because it draws so much variety to how you can effectively manage your stress. This list is extremely practical and there’s no reason anyone can’t do the things on here. In fact, we’re going to give quite a few of these ideas shot and see how our life changes for the better! “Start every conversation with a positive thought” – imagine if everyone did that.
Visit: http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/100-ways-to-overcome-stress
Don’t forget to donate to Lifeline and tell us your favourite website for managing stress.
Anti stress, stress relief, remedies, stress, stress relief remedies, stop stressing
How to choose a great housemate
House hunting is easy. It’s the catching it part that’s difficult. Susan Gale.
House hunting is something everyone has to go through at one stage or another. A good friend of mine once told me that making a rash decision and choosing a bad housemate would be the worst decision I make. I didn’t trust that advice until I made the mistake.
Generally when you’re house hunting you’re focusing on the house, the location, the bills, the features … and on top of your massive list of ideals, you get to meet a complete stranger, for five minutes, to chat about what they like to do and their favourite breakfast cereal. By the time you’ve found your common ground (most likely Coco Pops for dinner), you’re excited about the place and ready to make your decision … but before you hit the green light – follow these tips to ensure you’re connecting yourself with the right housemate for you.
Know what you want in a housemate
Make a mental list of everything you’re looking for in a housemate. This will generally include someone that respects your space and privacy, someone considerate and caring, and someone that you can talk to. You may even have a preference in the age and gender that you want to live with. Remember, this person is your living companion, not your friend. You can spend some time together, but you don’t want to overcrowd each other. When making your mental list, consider your values – smoking, drugs, drinking, social gatherings … what will you tolerate? What won’t you tolerate?
Ask lots of questions
Leave no stone unturned! This is your chance to talk about your pet-hates, your expectations (fridge space sharing, dryer usages, shoes on or off, rental adjustments, length of stay etc.). Get everything out in the open so there are no surprises later on. Find out if they have pets, if they want your name on the lease, how much bond do you need to pay, when is rent due, come to an agreement about partners staying over (so you don’t end up unexpectedly living with a couple!), ask where they work or what they’re studying – but whatever you do, go in casually, it’s not a Spanish inquisition! It’s ideal to make a list of questions so you don’t feel as though you’re put on the spot and you cover everything.
Meet your potential housemate
Ideally, try to take a friend with you to meet your potential housemate so you have a second opinion. The same friend that told me to avoid getting a bad housemate, also offered to come house hunting with me – but I chose to do it on my own. Now I always ensure someone – a good judge of character who I trust – can come with me to all my inspections. A true friend will stop you from making any rash decisions and will give you their honest opinion.
Walk away
After you’ve inspected the property and met your potential housemate, give yourself time to think about it and get back to them. Avoid deciding on the spot. Weigh up your options, think things through, even search other property listings to compare.
Warning signs
– Casual worker or long-term unemployment
– Awkward conversation – I’m a believer if it starts awkward, it may end awkwardly
– Pay attention to how the person makes you FEEL! If you feel light, happy and vibrant after meeting them – this may be a great person. If you’re feeling low in energy and tired, perhaps this isn’t the right person
– Bitching. If they’re bitching a lot about their ex-housemate, they could be a winger. People are trying to put their best foot forward at the initial meeting, so be wary of these types
– Excessive rules. If you’re living in a share house, you need to agree on the rules. Just because they live there first, doesn’t mean it’s their way or the highway, feel free to stand your ground
– Anyone too eager. If they say they want you to sign on the dotted line straight away and move in tomorrow and won’t give any time to think, clearly they’re desperate and there will be a reason for this. Consider this before you sign anything! If you are very keen, try to find out the reason for their eagerness and see if you are comfortable with their response.
Tips to being an awesome housemate
* Be polite and considerate at all times. Remember all those tips your grandmother would give you when growing up? Best apply them now!
* Don’t use your phone loudly after 9.30pm. Be considerate! If you want to talk on the phone, go into your room and use it quietly
* Let them sleep. If you know they’re sleeping or it’s an unreasonable hour and you are awake, find a quiet activity to keep you occupied – such as reading
* Don’t touch their things without asking first. That means: don’t eat their food because it’s there and it looks good, don’t take their phone charger without permission and don’t steal their toilet paper because you’ve run out – take some responsibility! In emergency cases where you do use their things, let them know immediately after and replace it as soon as you can
* Invite them to parties or events you hold at the house. Don’t wait until they come home from work and there you are at the dinner table with five friends having a laugh. After a long day, that’s not nice to come home to!
* Make friendly conversation – don’t be a hermit, try to be social. Talk about things your passionate about, your family, friends, interests etc.
* Use your common sense: If you make a mess, clean it up. If you break something of theirs, apologise and offer to replace it. Keep common areas clean. Limit the number of people you have over and the number of nights they’re over. Don’t go through their things – whether they’re home or not.
Looking for some more information in Australia about renting or sharing? Click here!
Living with integrity
Integrity simply means not violating one’s own identity. Erich Fromm
Imagine how great the world would be if everyone did exactly what they said they were going to do, when they said they were going to do it. More and more often procrastination, excuses and other obstacles get in the way preventing a lot of people from delivering this. Before we know it, we’re wearing thin because our integrity is being ignored.
Integrity regards internal consistency as a virtue, and suggests that parties holding apparently conflicting values should account for the discrepancy or alter their beliefs. Essentially, living with integrity is aligning your values with your actions.
A lot of the time when we aren’t living with integrity it is affecting (i.e. letting down) other people. How many times have you heard someone promise something to charity – and not do it? How many times have you been let down socially? What about when working as part of a team in the office? Are you the person you want to be at the moment, or can you see some areas where you are letting yourself and others down?
The importance of integrity
Integrity is important in everybody’s lives as it will lead to strong personal relationships, long term success, consistency in one’s life and it is great for leadership skills. We can’t lead and inspire others if we are not acting with integrity. In fact, if you want to be a positive influence, act with integrity, treat others with respect and live by positive values.
Integrity is first knowing yourself – your values, desires, talents, dreams … and then being true to that self in all actions and interactions. It’s having behaviour that is congruent with your values. When your actions are aligned with your values, you conduct yourself authentically, sincerely and openly. When you clarify your values, it assists with setting goals that are consistent with those values – bringing purposes and passion to your life.
Some values to help you act with integrity
Below are some values to assist you in acting with integrity.
Responsibility: Take responsibility and ownership of your life, your actions and who you are as a person.
Attitude: Be confident and comfortable within yourself and you will have no reason to belittle others or act with arrogance. You can build confidence simply by working on your communication skills.
Commitment: Align your words and actions and follow through with anything you say you will do. When we keep our commitments, trust is built.
Honesty: Be open about your objectives and motives with other people. Where there is high trust, what you see is what you get.
Values: Make sure you have a strong set of core beliefs. If you wish to alter any of these, I highly recommend looking into Schema Therapy.
Consistency: Make the right decisions and do it consistently. Don’t lie to anyone about anything.
Reinforcement: Choose your behaviour to reflect your values and you’ll move through life with authenticity, sincerity and wholeness. Some examples of aligning your actions with your values may include:
Value: Honesty = be truthful
Value: Commitment = follow through
Value: Independence = do your own thing.
Benefits of living with integrity
Life coach Cheryl Richardson says that living without integrity makes goals harder to reach, attracts people into your life who will make you feel bad, and you start losing faith in yourself.
– People living with integrity are often seen as: trustworthy, decent, honest, moral, virtuous, appropriate, mindful, ethical, authentic, fair and credible.
– When you live with integrity, you succeed. You are open and honest. Your life is uncomplicated and less stressful.
– Integrity can be like a butterfly effect – people follow your example and act more honestly.
– Living with integrity means you live with less regrets – you stick to what you know is right or wrong.
– Integrity helps us handle criticism more easily.
– When you make a mistake, it’s easier to accept responsibility and move forward.
How to live with integrity
(1) Concentrate on how you spend your time and money. To live a life with integrity, you spend your time according to what is of most value to you. This could be working, seeing family, working for charity, taking care of yourself (exercising, meditating/reflecting, cooking, sleeping etc). When it comes to money – maximise your real hourly wage, be conscious of your spending, eliminate spending money on things with low value.
(2) Don’t settle for less than what you deserve in your relationships. Start challenging yourself – ask yourself what life would be like if you had the ideal partner, more supportive friends, a more gratifying job or a happier and more fulfilling life. Ask yourself how those changes look and feel. You’ll find that because they look and feel better than what you’re currently experiencing, you’ll be more compelled to make the changes that align with that new vision of your life.
(3) Ask for what you want. Understanding your needs helps you establish solid boundaries. Making your needs known to those around you, helps you to enforce those boundaries and teaches others how to treat us.
(4) Speak your truth (even if it upsets people). Expressing our truths is one of the most powerful privileges we have as humans. If we speak our truth with caring and respect, then the message can be that much more effective.
(5) Be true to yourself. Make decisions based on your beliefs.
Looking for more information about acting with integrity? Check out this fantastic clip on YouTube by Sagebrush Community!