How to establish your purpose in life
Find out who you are and do it on purpose. Dolly Parton
Two weeks ago we said farewell to Charlotte Dawson, a model, television presenter and passionate anti-bullying campaigner. I must say, Alex Perry’s speech at her memorial was absolutely beautiful – what a great friend! If you didn’t catch it, you can see it . I am so happy to know that Charlotte’s campaigning against cyber bullies and trolls will continue despite her departure from the world. Where ever you are, Charlotte, you certainly left your footprint.
Unfortunately when something tragic or unsettling happens to us it’s hard to remember our purpose in life and easy to retreat to the couch in a darkened room with a bucket of ice cream. Yes, I know how it feels. What we need during these times is our own mission to keep us going and that mission will act as a bright light through the darker days. We are talking about the real reason for why you are here, the reason you actually exist. This week Happiness Weekly looks at how you can find your purpose in life which will be strong enough to keep you going through whatever painful or tragic events life throws your way.
1. See everything as an opportunity
Imagine if one day you stopped looking at challenges as problems and started looking at them as possibilities. Opportunities would present themselves, and start to unlock and open as you walk towards them, like an automatic door. Half the time, the reason we’re held back from living a life of purpose is that we don’t know what we want or what we’re looking for.
2. Clear your mind and focus
Clear your mind completely so you can really focus on this exercise. Make sure you won’t be interrupted. Scribble out any final thoughts. Practise some meditation to capture your focus if it helps you. Listen to music. Go for a walk. Everyone has their own unique way of clearing their mind. Whatever yours is, do it and then come back to this. The idea is to get rid of any pre-conceived judgements you have about what you can achieve or your self-worth or anything else which may block you from achieving everything you need to in this exercise.
3. Visualise your perfect life
Write down what your life looks and feels like once all your dreams have come true. Really be in the moment. Touch things, smell things – use all your senses. The more vivid you can be, the better. Consider where you live, how you feel, your hobbies and interests, how you make your money, the people who are you in your life etc. Take one action from this list and start today, to firmly plant your feet in the direction to head where you want to go.
4. Identify your purpose
OK, it’s time for some soul searching – get set to ask yourself a lot of questions:
What do you enjoy doing so much that you would do it without earning money for it?
What makes you feel happy? What makes you feel good about yourself?
What are your favourite leisure activities? What can make you lose track of time?
So you have no regrets, what is the one thing you want to do or accomplish before you die?
Who inspires you the most? And what is it about this person that inspires you?
What are you naturally good at doing? What do other people say you’re good at or come to you for?
If you had to teach something, what would it be?
What would you regret not doing, being or having in your life?
Visualise yourself as a 90+ year old – who matters to you most at the moment?
What challenges, difficulties and hardships have you overcome or are in the process of overcoming and how did you do it?
What causes do you identify with the most and want to make a difference to?
If you could get a message across to a large group of people – who would the people be and what would your message be?
5. Write a list of your current resources
Consider your current resources and abilities and write a list of all the tools that could help you to live a life of purpose. Once you have this list, consider how you could use your current resources to serve, help and contribute. Make some notes next to each tool, ability or resource that you listed and make notes about how each one could be used to do in order to live your life of purpose.
6. Write your personal mission statement
Consider what you want to do, what you want to change or help and what result you want. Put it into a sentence. Too hard? Need more inspiration for this one? Go here.
7. Start today!
Don’t leave it up to chance or wait for the perfect moment to start living your life of purpose – once you figure out what your purpose in life is (by completing the above exercises), start living your life of purpose today! Be intentional with the decisions you make. If you start taking action now you’ll slowly build more confidence in working towards your purpose and soon you’ll be achieving things and be living a strong, purposeful life.
Highly recommended reading:
Helping you find your life purpose by Susan Biali M.D
Life on purpose: 15 questions to discover your personal mission by Tina Su
11 actions you can take today to discover your life purpose by Izzy Arkin
5 lies that kept me from changing my life purpose by Staton Ann Mineshima
How to find your life’s purpose and make yourself a better person by Kevin Wood
Using frustration for positive action
When you feel the need to feel frustration, go ahead and be fully frustrated. Then, be done with it and get on with making positive progress. Ralph Marston.
No one likes being driven to the point of frustration but is this emotion really as negative as it feels? Possibly not. Frustration is what causes us to make a change. “If we never experience frustration and disappointment then we are never moved to make changes to transform our lives,” a girl from work told me recently. After a little bit of contemplation over this, I came to the conclusion: she’s right. This week Happiness Weekly looks at how you can use that burning sensation caused by frustration as motivation for positive action.
What is frustration?
Frustration is the feeling of being upset or annoyed as a result of being unable to change or achieve something. The intensity of frustration is caused by the degree of control we have to change things. Once we make a change we can go forward to accomplish the purpose, fulfilling desire or problem we have been withheld from.
According to Cathryn Bond Doyle who wrote Turning frustration into positive action, people can become addicted to feeling frustrated, using it as a way to distract from their real feelings. Frustration can also justify making someone else accountable for our situation and so it feeds denial. “When people are addicted to something, they don’t continue doing whatever to feel good, they do it to stop from feeling something worse. Feelings of frustration can mask guilt about something we’d rather not face and help us legitimize non-action,” she said.
The good news about frustration is that just like any emotion, it is up to us how we control it – we can allow it to hold us back or we can enable it to propel us forward. The choice is ours!
So what steps can we take to turn our frustration into positive action?
1. Reframe the frustration
Sometimes we need to get frustrated enough to make a change – and without that sense of frustration we only find excuses. Frustration is an uncomfortable emotion but it can force us to become accountable. For this reason we should look at frustration as a response to something we don’t like and appreciate it for acting as a messenger to tell you to take action one way or other.
2. Remember your values
Part of living a conscious life involves honouring your core values, and as long as you are doing this you will be able to listen to your irritation with an open mind. Generally frustration is caused because something is taking us away from our personal values. So when you start to feel frustrated, ask yourself what value isn’t being met and how you can make a change so that it is met. Making this change may not be easy, but it’ll be necessary in eliminating your frustration. If you continue your patterns, your frustration will remain – it may be dormant for a while, but it’ll return with vengeance if you ignore it for long enough which can cause you to act irrationally.
3. Analyse the frustration
Take a good look at what is truly bothering you and the options you can take. When you face your truth head on, the energy in the feeling will dissolve which enables you to make a choice with a more empowered mindset. Whatever your frustration is about, but particularly if it’s about your patterns of thinking or behaviour, life in general, work or study, there’s no denying that nothing will change as long as we continue to do the same thing. If you get frustrated enough, your habits will change – allow it to change your direction.
4. If the frustration is about others – refocus!
You can’t control others. Accept that you are only responsible for your feelings and responses – as is everyone else. If someone else’s actions are impacting you in a way that evokes frustration, take your control back by stopping blaming them for the situation or the situation for how you feel. Focus on what you can control and influence and take action in that space – the rest will take care of itself.
5. If the frustration is completely outside our control – question it
Ask yourself what the feeling is really about, especially if you feel it frequently over things outside your control such as a business decision, government or even something spiritual. Dig until you get to the truth and use this truth as a clue to what you could be doing to make a change and which direction you should take. Instead of getting frustrated about why someone isn’t doing something about something, take action yourself. You may feel small in the scheme of things, but with enough passion behind you, I guarantee you’ll make a positive difference to the world.
6. Continue to work towards your goals
Keep your dreams alive and stay on track by continuing to work towards your goals and not letting anything stop you from achieving what you set out to do. Your goals don’t need to be short-term, you could go for something even longer than your lifetime and align it with your deepest passion and greatest love. Frustrations tend to disintegrate faster when we are engaged in our own conscious evolution – in the meantime, be patient. If your frustration leads you to greater change, which weren’t in your initial goals, prepare yourself for a positive transformation!
Always remember you are in control. Don’t be scared of your emotions.
More inspiring posts about frustration:
Turning frustration into positive action by Cathryn Bond Doyle
http://www.yourtango.com/experts/cathryn-bond-doyle/turning-frustration-positive-action
Positive ways to deal with your frustration by Aurelia Williams
http://www.hinduwebsite.com/selfdevt/mental/angerways.asp
Turning failure, disappointment and frustration into accomplishment by the Ultimate Happiness Secret
http://www.ultimatehappinesssecret.com/life-mastery/turning-failure-disappointment-and-frustration-into-accomplishment
Photo: Sarah Webb by Tony Palliser (Sydney, Australia)
Being conscious of our words and how they affect others
The trouble with most of us is that we’d rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism. Norman Vincent Peale
One of the greatest signs of success is when people try to stop you from doing what you’re good at by trying to bring you down. Actually, Habeeb Akande said it best:
Whoever is trying to bring you down is already beneath you.
In my experience, from many years ago when I had my own business promoting unsigned bands, it is these negative comments that can actually stop you going further. In fact, you’ll never know how close you were to success if you give up somewhere in the middle. And it only takes one or two people to get inside your head and plant that seed of doubt, that could cause you to turn your back on everything you’ve worked for.
Let me tell you, the biggest mistake you can make is to quit what you are doing based on a couple of complaints. Remember, the glass is half full, don’t forget who you’re there for and remember all your other followers and supporters before giving up. Sure, if you’re only making a difference to two people and one makes a malicious complaint, then perhaps it’s worth reconsidering if you should continue or not. But if you’re getting hundreds of clicks a day, and regular comments and it’s one person who complains … stick with it!
What inspired this blog today? A couple of things.
I follow a gorgeous Facebook page called “” by Jolita Kelias, who recently posted this:
“Now that the number of my followers have increased immensely in the past couple of weeks due to the work that I do and the message I share, I started receiving plenty of promotional emails which I delete without reading and Hate messages from some of you. I guess some of you are having issues with another person’s happiness and goodness. So here is my message to you:
You have a problem with something, deal with it. Some of you write to me demanding to delete some posts you don’t like. So my answer is – You don’t like it, don’t look at it. No one is holding you here. The exit is in front of your nose – turn that way.
And to the ones who harbour beautiful feelings I say – Thank you for journeying together with me. Hugging you all. Jolita Kelias”
Today I went onto YouTube to look up trailers for some upcoming movies and instead came across these. This is how celebrities respond to mean Tweets directed at them (I found some of them hilarious!):
When I consider the whole scenario of these people going out of their way to be deliberately mean to others, all I could think was this…
The fact that all these negative people that are being referred to – all the trolls, all the complainers, all the “haters”, whatever you want to call them – they’re all old enough to write. Most of them can even spell. They’re all intelligent enough to access and use social media. Using that to deliver such hurtful, hateful messages in a bid to bring someone down who is working to pull everyone up is beyond me. Clearly something is going wrong with the values we are now teaching or maybe we’re overlooking values all together with much faster-paced lifestyles.
And not just the celebrities, but just people and their ignorance in general. Bullying is not ok. Anyone who follows my blog knows Happiness Weekly’s stance on that.
Trying to tear someone down when they’re on their way to success is not ok.
Interfering in anyone’s life in a negative way is not ok.
Pulling someone down when you see them succeeding is not ok.
In fact using words for anything negative is simply not ok.
We all have a right to freedom!
The intention of Happiness Weekly is to make a positive difference to many, many lives. This blog is dedicated to helping people, loving each other and building others up so we can work together as one big team to create a very positive and harmonious future for everyone to live in. If you wish to unsubscribe from something you’re following, and you’re not sure how, Google it! That’s what it’s there for.
If you’re not here to do that, and you’re on my page, or their page or any page that you just want to rip down, then I ask that you please don’t be there because these people are making a positive difference to many other people. And it’s not about you. In fact, I ask anyone with any negative thing to say about someone to first look beyond themselves. Why? Because a blogger can shut a page down and it won’t make a huge difference to their lives – if anything it could enhance it by giving them more time for themselves and to do other things they enjoy without the focus on others. But it’s not about them. It’s about the people who they are selflessly helping, who they are making a difference to, who will be hindered by the blog or Facebook page or other medium closing down because of your negative comment. Same goes for celebrities. What if these celebrities stopped entertaining because of the mean things people said to them? So that’s why I ask, anyone with anything negative to say, to think beyond themselves first.
And on that note, I wish to share this with you, it’s an absolutely incredible YouTube video by motivational speaker Lizzie Velasquez. It’s a little lengthy, but please watch it the whole way through if you have time:
Life Coach Darren Poke who writes the Better Life Coaching blog recently released this easy-to-digest blog about revealing our critics for who they are, it’s well worth the read. It’s called How to stop the hyenas laughing – a story about dealing with critics. Well done, Darren.
So finally I want you all to remember this: negativity can inspire rather than hinder. It can make people stronger. Everyone has a choice about how negativity will affect them. If you’re a blogger, or getting bullied, or have had hurtful things said about you that have knocked you down – which we all have at some stage – then look for the positive and keep going.
Don’t give up.
Inspiration for the New Year
Happy New Year to all my friends and followers. 2014 is going to be amazing! x
Moving on! How to move on quickly or help someone move on from something traumatic
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it. Charles Swindoll.
Everyone gets stuck from time to time, but remember – it’s not what happens to us but how we recover that matters the most. Following a traumatic event if you could leap past the awful, paralysing emotions and land safely back into positive, happier times – you would do it in a heartbeat, wouldn’t you?
Unfortunately it’s impossible to predict how long it will take someone to overcome grief – your feelings will come and go and you’ll endure frustrations that will make it feel like it’s two steps forward, followed by three steps back. Time is the best healer.
While we can’t speed up time for you, there are things you can do to help you move on from a traumatic event. This week Happiness Weekly looks at how you can move on as quickly as possible.
Recognise what you’re feeling
It’s really important to recognise what you are feeling rather than judging why you are feeling the way you are. Try not to look at what’s happened, tell yourself it has happened – there is nothing that can be done to change it – and take notice of your feelings when you start thinking of the exciting things the future may have in store for you. It may take time to feel excited about anything again, but eventually that spark will return.
Sit with the pain for two minutes
If you can sit with the pain for two minute increments and then try to distract yourself, whether it’s reading or writing or going for a walk, you will soon find the painful moments will be further and further apart. In fact, you may even be able to experience moments of happiness and peace again. Concentrate on the good moments, but also let yourself have time to grieve as well.
Keep as positive as you can
If the voice inside your head says “I’m never going to love again –” add something to make it more positive “in that way”. Positive thinking will prevent you from dwelling for too long. When you eliminate the negative voice, which can appear so conclusive and certain, you will also take away some of your worries. Keep reminding yourself that there will be a tomorrow – and it may even be better than today!
Make acceptance a priority
It’s important to work on accepting what has happened as soon as possible. Don’t sit with denial for too long. Take charge! Decide to accept what’s happened, regardless of how you feel about it. Take a proactive philosophy to the situation – instead of waiting for your feelings to change in order to take action – take action and trust that your feelings will change as a consequence to your efforts. Remember, every action has a reaction. Feeling outraged by life’s injustices won’t change anything beyond your control – try to remind yourself if it what it is and keep stepping forward.
Grow from the experience
Pretend that everyone is enlightened except for you. Look for every lesson that comes your way. Be open to learning. Practise some patience. This mindset can help improve the way you interpret and respond to even the most painful events in your life. Be honest with yourself during this part of the healing process. As you look back on the relationship you will have an opportunity to learn more about yourself, how you relate to others, and the problems you need to work on. If you are able to objectively examine your own choices and behaviour, including the reasons why the situation happened to you, you’ll be able to see where you went wrong to enable you to make better decisions next time around!
Get set for something better
Avoid turning minor upsets into bigger issues in your mind and look at the bright side. It’s just another challenge – focus on how you’re going to resolve it for the most positive outcome! The faster you step forward, the sooner the pain will stop. Also consider the worst case scenario in your situation – is it really the end of the world? More importantly, is it possible – and probable – that the situation could get a lot better? A higher paying job? A more satisfying relationship? Spend some time considering what could go right.
Work with what you have
It’s easy to get comfortable with the way things are and then feel completely disconnected from who you want to be or what you want to do in life when things go wrong, but this hurdle doesn’t need to annihilate your plans! Use your time to find a new way to achieve your goals and start putting effort into getting there again – it’s the fastest way to turn a bad thing good!
Consider what others would do
Think about how someone with integrity handle the situation. If you have an idol, what would they do in your situation? Identify what you have learned from the situation, pick yourself up with grace and maintain your dignity. Move on to the next goal with your head held high. Acting to someone else’s expectations will eliminate the opportunity for disappointment in yourself if you were to lose control over the situation.
Put it on the backburner for a while
Concentrate on something else rather than worrying about your current situation. Exercise to boost your endorphins – you could go for a walk, practise yoga or do something more fun like rollerblading. Start a new diet. Practice being in the present – do one task at a time, mindfully. Remember: if you don’t mind – it don’t matter.
Start creating new memories as soon as you can
Take new photos to look back on. Enjoy some new experiences. Do things you’ve put off for a long time. Get out and enjoy nature. Speak your truth where you can – it’ll help you to feel authentic, heard and improve your confidence. Avoid procrastinating, generally the anxiety about a task is worse than the task itself. Force change by beginning a new routine – it can be small such as adjusting your sleeping pattern or starting to eat breakfast.
Other quick tips for moving on:
– Allow yourself to cry
– Take time out for yourself
– Smile at old memories if you want to
– Write a letter to say goodbye
– Avoid bottling things up
– Keep a diary of your feelings and memories as you grieve
-Talk to someone about how you’re feeling
– Keep healthy
– Recognise it’s ok to have different feelings
– Give yourself permission to feel and function at a less than optimal level for a period of time
– Get help from a counsellor or psychologist if you need it (recognise when you need it!)
– Remember that moving on is the end goal
– Remind yourself that you still have a future
– Spend time with supportive people who energise you
– Make new friends, don’t just hold onto old or mutual friends
– Reach out to others that have been through your situation, they can be particularly helpful!
The trick is to treat yourself like you’re getting over a bad flu for the first couple of weeks. Get plenty of rest, minimise other sources of stress in your life and reduce your workload if you can.
Always remember – whether you have been through a traumatic event or not: you can’t always get what you want – but you can work at being who you want to be no matter what life throws your way!
Why working for a charity will improve your life
No one has ever become poor by giving. Anne Frank
Many people are interested in working for a charity or not for profit organisation that has a good cause – however there’s not a lot of work available in these workplaces as many people stay in their role. Why? Because not only is helping other people satisfying, and particularly if you’re passionate about the cause you are supporting, but there are great benefits!
Today, Monday, 12 August is International Youth Day recognising the positive contribution youth make and this year the theme celebrates Youth Migration: Moving Development Forward. “While migration can often offer valuable opportunities and contribute to the development of communities and society at large, it can also pose risks and lead to unacceptable situations, including discrimination and exploitation,” the United Nations says.
Many organisations have been set up to help youths in that may be in this situation or with complications as a result of migrating (such as mental health problems: anxiety and depression) including the Commonwealth Students Association (empowers and encourages students to have a coordinated voice in decision making in the Commonwealth Education Sector), St Vincent de Paul (helps people in need and combats social injustice across Australia), Headspace (Australia’s National Youth Mental Health foundation – they help young people who are going through a tough time) and BeatBullying (all about young people helping and supporting each other online). Meanwhile, World Vision’s 40-Hour Famine begins this Friday, 16 August and is also one of Australia’s biggest community awareness and youth fundraising events.
This week Happiness Weekly looks at how working for a charity or Not For Profit organisation with a great cause improves your outlook on life.
1. Like volunteering – it’s all about the purpose
There is nothing more rewarding than helping others and giving back to the community. The best thing about working for a charity is you have all the benefits of volunteering (aside from the flexibility of working whatever hours you like) and you get paid while you do it. There’s no doubt it can be hard work at times, but it’s always rewarding – add passion for the cause and you could well find yourself in your dream job!
2. It makes you more self-aware
If you’re working for a cause you’re not familiar with, it will be like becoming a doctor. You’ll learn the symptoms of the problem, hear about the debilitating consequences and complications associated with the cause and you’ll do everything in your power to avoid the problem you’re working to solve for everyone else! On a brighter note, you will be the first to know if you have even the slightest symptoms of developing the problem. While it can make some people paranoid, others just grow with self-awareness.
3. You’ll learn A LOT as you grow and develop
Not only will you grow and develop in your role as you will in any organisation (we hope!), but you will also learn a lot about: the cause, the complications, advocacy and government, the people you are helping, volunteering, education techniques, various payroll benefits… the list goes on. You name it, there is a lot to learn when you enter the world of working for a charity organisation and it’s not just about role development and climbing the corporate ladder. Day one – prepare for information overload!
4. It’s family-friendly and flexible
The general consensus looking at people who work for charity organisations is that they are family-friendly and flexible. It’s almost like working for a family business … but with more people! Everyone generally leaves on-time and there are usually part-time and flexi-time (or time in lieu) options to ensure employees maintain a healthy work/life balance. So if you’re chasing balance and want to work somewhere that appreciates you’re human not robot, working for a charity may be the best option for you! A work/life balance means more time for you and the things and people you love.
5. People appreciate you
Not just the people at work, but the people you are helping and the volunteers who can see the work you do will always appreciate you. Each day there’s generally someone in your building who will say or do something lovely that will inspire you and keep you motivated to continue working to the cause. Work becomes a great place to make friends! Why? It’s stereotypical, but the people who work in these kinds of organisations are generally very supportive, nurturing and caring.
6. You’ll be inspired
Sometimes it’s the people who haven’t got things, have less of things, or are missing something who are happier and have a more positive outlook than other people. Speaking to some of the volunteers and even employees with the illness at the charity I have been working for has been extremely inspiring, and I must say it has motivated me to work to my full potential every day.
Want to know more about what it’s like working for a charity? Read this fantastic interview by TotalJobs.com, with Fundraising Development Manager Eve Robinson from the Epilespy Society.
How to be inspired
If we look at the world with a love of life, the world will reveal its beauty to us. Daisaku Ikeda
People often ask me how I get inspired to write my blog posts – how do I always have a topic to address? Where do I find my inspiration? How do I know what people want to read? The truth is, my instincts tell me.
I have a basic plan that I follow throughout the year which prevents me from getting “writers block”, and I sometimes blog a couple of weeks ahead to ensure I fulfil my commitment of a blog a week – after all, it is Happiness Weekly! But my inspiration comes from living my daily life. If something comes up professionally or personally that I have learnt from, particularly any big lessons, then I will share that instead of going ahead with the planned blog. I keep my ear out and my heart on my sleeve – generally if I’m passionate about it and it’s something I am feeling at the time, it comes through my writing.
But it’s not just writing. Often when we’re depressed or feeling out of sorts, we can spend long periods of time at home, lounging around or in bed. This week Happiness Weekly looks at how you can be inspired to get up and go every day!
1. Have something to look forward to
Often when things become routine they can also become a bit boring or demotivating and we start to drop off as our passion for something we may have once enjoyed, also dims. Whether it’s a job, going to the gym, or even catching up with our partner – our feelings for things are always changing. The way to resolve this problem effectively is to always have something to look forward to. If it’s work getting you down – set up a lunch with a colleague you enjoy spending time with or find a local walk you enjoy that you could only do by working in your location or find a boutique shop nearby that you enjoy going to and go during your lunch break; if it’s the gym, perhaps scheduling a reward after you go to the gym, or mix up your routine to keep it interesting … or just weigh yourself – it generally works for me! And if you’re having a lull with your partner, don’t threat – we all do! Why not plan a nice date night out – often people forget how great it feels to dress up really nicely and enjoy the company of our favourite person in the world. Spice things up. Go away for a weekend. Instead of rejecting your partner, as many of us do during those lulls, encourage them to come closer – the hug and kiss at the end of the night make everything worth it!
2. Remind yourself why it’s important to do what you’re doing
Sometimes, no matter how much I enjoy my job, I find myself dragging my feet to work. Maybe I feel I have too much on my plate and I’m burdened; maybe I disappointed a colleague the day before and I’m scared of repercussions… I have done two things to prevent this from happening. First of all, I have made a promise to myself to look forward to every day no matter what – because each day is a gift, not a right (thank you, Nickelback!) and secondly, I remind myself how lucky I am to have a job in the first place. I look at everything I have, the bills I’m paying, the clothes on my back … and no matter how hard everything feels, I realise how fortunate I am to have this role and I continue to promise myself to do the best I can in that role every day that I am there. If this positive thinking isn’t helping, go with your negativity – what would it be like without this role? Have you ever been unemployed? Speak to someone who doesn’t have a full time role at the moment who is seeking work and believe me, it will be a ten minute conversation before you’re appreciating what you have again! Nothing is more depressing than not having a purpose to get out of bed each morning.
3. Know what you want
As outlined above, sometimes in order to be inspired, you need to dig a little deep into what is really bothering you and find out what you really want from your situation. Spend a weekend once every few months to reassess what you really want out of life. What is your motivation, your ambition, your purpose for being on earth. Start planning how you will chase your dream – even if you only start with a course or trying something slightly new, the only thing holding you back from getting what you want is you.
4. Find out what others want
If you’re looking to be inspired, and you’re completely directionless with your life – you’re not alone! You can resolve this by simply finding out what other people want from their lives. Ask a few friends about their interests and passions. Once you have this information you can have a look through it and take the ideas that you like and disregard the ideas that don’t resonate with you as much. I always find that finding various ways that I may be able to inspire others also helps to inspire me.
5. Fill the voids
Have you ever got that feeling where you have so much … STUFF … in your life but you feel completely empty? Like nothing you have is anything you want or need? And then it’s hard to know what to do next … we can’t have a garage sale with our life! You need to stop filling your life up with things and start looking for the voids and finding what you can do to satisfy these areas in your life. Soul searching is required and it may be exhausting – if you need help, a good psychologist or life coach is recommended.
6. Write it down
I must drive you all crazy with the amount of things I say to write down. Maybe it’s because I enjoy writing lists (as some of you may have noticed?) – but by writing down the things that inspire you, you have a tangible list to refer back to. Then if you’re feeling lost or stuck for inspiration at a later date, you can refer back to it again.
7. Take photos/screenshots
When you find something that inspires or motivates you, take a screenshot or photo of it. If it makes you laugh, take a video on your phone – post it to your Facebook page – trust me, you will still find yourself laughing when you look back in time to come. If you appreciate something now, you may well appreciate it later. By taking a photo or screenshot of something that inspires us, it makes our feelings towards that thing more vivid – it takes us back to the time when the photo was taken and draws us into the picture, that’s what photography can be so powerful.
8. Talk to people and LISTEN
Talking to people can generally involve listening to their thoughts and feelings about certain things, but if you listen really hard, you can build on that for yourself. Similar to trying to find out what others want, you can draw your inspiration from everyday conversation – the same way you can drop something you’ve been working on and pick it up a week later with a fresh perspective to create it into something better. This is actually a powerful one – it is mainly through talking to people and really listening to what they have to say that I am mostly inspired for my Happiness Weekly blogs! Let’s hope people still talk to me once they read this…!
Other ways to be inspired include: getting back to nature – taking a walk or going camping, calling a friend, reading something, listening to music, smelling something, listening to an expert, reading, exercising, eating something, meditating, free-writing, doing something different or trying something new, reading a biography, interviewing someone you admire, watching something interesting or different on television, search for more ideas on the internet…
Why labels are destructive
Build a resume that doesn’t simply tell a story about what you want to be, but who you want to be. Oprah.
It’s as simple as this: labels and stereotypes can prevent us from being who we want to be.
Let’s face it, sometimes it feels good to call our ex-partner a narcissist after they hurt us or suggest “perhaps you have this condition, or that condition, or this addiction or that addiction” when a friend comes to us for help – but ultimately, labels are meaningless as everyone’s experiences and feelings are so different.
Several top psychologists and psychiatrists have said there is nothing positive about “labels”; they are unhelpful and there is no mental health test to scientifically and/or medically prove someone’s conditions.
“Generally speaking that person learns to believe that they have whatever that disorder or disease is labelled which in turn gives them a very good reason to not have to be responsible for themselves. They are the victim,” said Suzanne Kellner-Zinck.
This week Happiness Weekly discusses why labelling isn’t helpful and how you can avoid labelling others, focus on yourself and moving forward.
The history
Categorical labelling is a tool that humans use to resolve the impossible complexity of the environments we grapple to perceive. Researchers began studying the cognitive effects of labelling in the 1930s and over time it’s been discovered that there generally isn’t one single label for one thing – everyone has different ideas of what a label should be – and through labelling, we form a lens for people to see ourselves or others through and they may become incapable of perceiving the subject independently of that label.
Why labelling is destructive
“In the majority of cases the person who has made the decision to shed the label is able to create healthier ways of being in the world and in so doing no longer fits the label given. In fact what I have found from my work is that if people are given the chance to be accepted for who they are and have the opportunity to shed the label by doing and thinking in a manner that would no longer support the label, amazingly enough they are healed and able to move on in their lives in a much more productive manner,” said Suzanne Kellner-Zinck.
Last week I attended a meeting for Co-dependents Anonymous (CODA) out of years of curiosity about addiction meetings (similar to Alcoholics Anonymous) – perhaps it was a Fight Club moment. But as I sat there and listened, each person who presented said “Hi, my name is … and I’m co-dependent”. And it happened every time they spoke about themselves. I listened respectfully, but I couldn’t help but think that people aren’t their condition and by saying it aloud like that, that it could hinder taking responsibility. People could actually think “It’s ok if I act like this or do this, because I’m this!”
Labelling can often cause discrimination. When using labels we may innocently be taking short cuts in language to describe something quickly – however, it’s important to be mindful that we may also be creating stigma to a person and it could be received as being offensive.
For example, if you talk about a person with a condition, such as a “person with diabetes”, it comes across that they won’t be rejected by society, have trouble finding a job or be stigmatised at school. But if we call them “a diabetic” – it makes it sound as though they are their condition and everyone with diabetes is the same, with the same emotions, experiences and problems. Of course this is incorrect: they are humans like the rest of us, and that is why we should say “a person with diabetes”. From this example we can see how labels can lead to a person becoming an object rather than the person behind the label.
How to avoid labelling someone
Labels are just shells that contain assumptions and stigmas towards a person. Next time you are tempted to label someone based on something they have done or in describing them, think carefully before you say they are a condition, rather than having a condition that may impair them. It’s important to know the distinction and always respect each other.
- Be honest with yourself, don’t discriminate or hold judgemental ideals. Know the areas that you’re particularly prone to stereotyping people (for example, people who have hurt us are not necessarily “narcissistic”)
- Consider when people have made assumptions about you that were untrue, and how you felt. Labelling doesn’t substitute the facts
- Think of a time when you incorrectly labelled someone – was it an assumption? How did you feel when you got to know the individual to realise you were incorrect?
- What causes you to label someone? Before you stereotype someone again, consider all the facts to ensure you’re making an accurate assumption and don’t appear foolish
- Instead of stereotyping, adopt logic, critical thinking and actual facts before speaking. Allow people to prove themselves
- Aim for diversity and exposure – surround yourself with your stereotyped group and see how you feel. Labelling often springs from unfamiliarity with a group and the desire to see an individual as representative of their group rather than as an individual
- Be accountable – act as though the labelled group or person can hear you when you speak about them.
- Develop empathy – consider how the other person would feel if they heard you, listen to complaints from minority groups
- Accept that everyone is different and diversity is the spice of life! It would be boring if we were all the same
- Catch yourself in the act – tell your friends and family that you’re trying to make the change to stop labelling and stereotyping and ask them to catch you in the act. Make sure you hear them when they pull you up, and always try to pull yourself up first
- Correct others when they label someone – it will make you more conscious of the changes you need to make as well. Avoid racist or sexist jokes and stories, disengage in anything that will hinder your progress
- Educate yourself – research as much as you can about the label you tend to use. Generally we tend to use labels when we’re not educated in a specific area
- Avoid getting personal – even if they do. Don’t hold a grudge – learn to forgive quickly. Instead of taking things personally, be open to new situations and opinions and see them objectively
- Don’t compare yourself to others – it encourages you to judge which is what leads us to labelling people
- Never assume others are judging or labelling you – this is a very bad habit. Always tell yourself that it’s not all about you, this will help you step out of situations rather than complicating things and creating negative assumptions
- Actively stop yourself from making quick assumptions. Being quick to judge others hampers your change to build good relationships with this person or group in the future.
What has been your experience with being labelled or stereotyped?
How you can ‘pay it forward’
A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. James Keller
Thursday, 25 April 2013 was not only ANZAC day for Australians and New Zealanders – a day of remembrance for those that served in World War I – but it also marked my favourite day of the year: Pay It Forward Day! If you haven’t already seen the film “Pay it forward” starring Kevin Spacey, Haley Joel Osment and Helen Hunt, make some time for yourself and watch it! It’s a fantastic movie that inspires everyone to be kind to each other no matter what their circumstance is.
Read more about the movie here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0223897/plotsummary
Last year more than 500,000 people in 60 different countries around the world were participating in the Pay It Forward day. This year Happiness Weekly is endorsing the day and hoping to raise further awareness of how your kindness can impact others and encourage the ripple effect – get involved!
“There is a tremendous power and positive energy in giving, it is a shame that not enough people have experienced it to the fullest. Pay It Forward Day is about all people, from all walks of life, giving to someone else and making a positive difference,” the website says.
Why should we Pay It Forward?
There are several reasons why Happiness Weekly endorses the kind of kindness that comes with “paying it forward”:
* It encourages all of us to embrace the power of giving
* It demonstrates that we care and there is love and hope all around us
* It takes the focus away from ourselves and begs the question: “How can I create a little happiness for someone else?”
* It encourages joy among both people involved – the person giving and the person receiving
* It illustrates that while we may only be one person in this world, to one person – at one time, we are the world.
Everyone likes to make a difference to the world, so this week Happiness Weekly shares some suggestions for how you can ‘Pay It Forward’:
– Pay for someone’s coffee in the coffee shop
– Pay for a stranger’s petrol at a petrol station
– Get the next person’s meal at a fast food restaurant
– Shout someone a journey on the bus/train/ferry
– Let someone cut in front of you at the grocery store
– Help family members by doing chores without being asked
– Forgive someone that has wronged you and demonstrate your forgiveness to them
– Visit an elderly person in a retirement village who hasn’t had visitors or who lives alone
– Lend someone your car for something
– Help a student with their tuition
– Buy a stranger a drink
– Be a mentor
– Walk a neighbour’s dog for them
– Baby-sit for free
– Write a letter to someone thanking them for influencing your life in a positive way
– Have a conversation with a taxi driver and then tip generously
– Clean someone’s house
– Offer someone a lift and drive them around
– Leave a tip whenever you can
– Buy a lottery ticket for a stranger
– Spend an afternoon baking and bring what you made to work or give it to the local fire or police station
– Pick up someone’s tab when you dine out
– Go through your wardrobe and donate as many of your clothes as you can
– Mow someone’s lawn
– Cook a meal for a friend
– Wash someone’s car for them
– Look after someone’s house while they’re away as though it’s your own
– Put some money in the parking metre for someone
– Leave a copy of a good book or magazine you’ve read in a café for someone else to enjoy
– Treat customer service staff with the highest level of respect
– Offer to do pro bono work where your skills are needed
– Give a homeless person one of your warm coats
– Make a donation to a charity
– Compliment a stranger
– Praise generously
– When leaving a foreign country, leave your currency to someone that lives there
– Give a tourist local advice (e.g. your favourite restaurants, sights, cafes, bars etc)
– Tip a street musician
– Tell someone a funny joke you just heard
– Hold the door open for someone
– Volunteer at a woman’s shelter
– Spend some time with someone who’s terminally ill
– Give up your seat on a crowded bus, train or ferry
– Offer someone an experience they may not usually have that you have access to (for example, take people into the wheelhouse/drivers carriage on public transport or teach someone something your skills can give them)
– Inspire someone to be the best that they can be
– Donate blood
– Help someone carry their groceries to their car
– Purchase umbrellas, blankets and ponchos from a cheap shop – on a rainy day, drive around and offer it to people who need it
– Leave your change in a vending machine
– Send someone a small gift anonymously
– Drop some flowers in to your next door neighbour
– Send a card to someone in the military overseas
– Write to someone in jail
– Write letters of appreciation to groups helping the community/environment
– Offer to take photos of families or couples at tourist spots
– Wave back to children who wave to you
– Sit with someone who is sitting alone
– Water someone’s plants/flowers/garden
– Donate your organs for when you pass
– Volunteer at an animal shelter
– Love your dog? Train it to volunteer at hospitals and nursing homes
– When you get flowers, share them with friends, family or co-workers
– Adopt someone that needs a friend and check in periodically to see how they are
– Buy something for someone because it reminded you of them
– Slip paper hearts under windshield wipers that read: “It’s Random acts of kindness week! Have a great day!”
– Write a note to someone telling them why you love them
– Tell your manager that you think he or she does a great job
– Tell your co-workers that you appreciate their work
– Encourage Random Acts of Kindness in your workplace by drawing office names out of a hat and having a buddy that you need to do a random act of kindness for that week
– Call an estranged family member
– Invite someone new over for dinner
– Go to your favourite outdoor location and pick up rubbish
– Greet someone in the elevator
– Allow someone to merge into your lane
– Don’t beep someone unless it’s a friendly goodbye toot or absolutely necessary
– Return your shopping trolley to the store
– Help a friend pack for a move
– Tape a nice thought or saying to the bus/train/ferry window
– Hug a family member
– Pull a chair out for someone at the dinner table
– Take a newspaper laying on your neighbours driveway to their front door
– Let a manager know your compliment for outstanding customer service
– Print some inspiring signs and post them around town
– Do many kind things for many people as anonymously as you can
– If you see a gap, change it (for example, I used to promote unsigned bands online because no one seemed to know when gigs were on and where. My business made it more accessible and changed the Sydney scene)
– Take your parents out to dinner
– Sign someone up to receive Happiness Weekly posts
– Always smile at people around you
– Actively listen to a stranger
– Tell someone else about the Pay It Forward concept.
All about laughter therapy
Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face. Victor Hugo
According to the Humour Foundation, Monday, 1 April 2013 was National Smile Day. National Smile Day is the annual fundraising day to raise awareness and support for Clown Doctors in the local community. Did you miss it? It’s not too late to show your support and participate – the entire month of April marks Smile Month at Clown Doctors and Commonwealth Bank.
From October, there will be an increase in Clown Doctors visiting children in hospital around Australia – with the aim of reaching 10,000 more children each year. Clown Doctors currently visit 21 hospitals around the country drawing with them the inspiration that laughter is still the best medicine.
More information about the Humour Foundation’s Smile Month is available here.
To celebrate Smile Month, Happiness Weekly is looking into laughter therapy and how it can help you!
Laughing is the simplest, easiest and cheapest stress management there is. In fact, all humans, apes, and surprisingly dogs and rats, have the ability to laugh from birth. As the name suggests, laughter therapy is about laughing to get a particular result – usually to make us feel better in some way, but it can also relieve pain, reduce blood pressure and decrease stress.
There are various types of laughter therapy including laughter yoga (laughing out loud until it does become funny), laughter groups (sharing jokes, funny props, watching humorous videos), and Clown Doctors (who visit sick children in hospital). Generally one type of laughter therapy will appeal more than the others depending on your condition and circumstances.
When laughter is spontaneous and in response to something we think is funny, we get a better result than if it is forced. Understanding a joke increases happy hormones and endorphins, but it also lifts a weight off the brain. Having said that, it doesn’t matter how or why you laugh, because the mind responds in the same way – whether it’s real or fake. Having a bad day? Stand in front of the mirror and smile at yourself – eventually you will feel better.
Laughter Yoga Groups involved a group of people coming together to make the noise of laughter until it generates its own hilarity. The sessions include breathing, ho-ho-hoing and producing different laughs (with bizzare names such as: one metre, silent, cocktail and lion). Although it can be intimidating to start, laughing in a group is contagious.
Laughter groups are slightly more difficult to find but can help with pain management and weight loss. It encourages participants to take part using funny toys, props, jokes and fancy clothes. By attending a laughter group you will learn to laugh at yourself more easily and to treat life less seriously as a way to reduce stress.
Clown Doctors are recognised as the most important and useful form of laughter therapy. Sick children in hospital are “treated” with “doses of fun” to help them deal with laughter, fear, pain and anxiety. Clown Doctors have professional training within the Humour Foundation to offer high level skills in the midst of serious hospitals and illness, often making frightening hospital equipment and procedures into a parody.
Laughter is a great workout as it uses most of your body – including the heart and lungs. It breaks down barriers, makes you feel relaxed and encourages positive communication and enables smoother problem solving.
Without being crude, what is the funniest joke you know?