How to get angry and seek healthy revenge
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. Buddha.
You probably think I’ve lost it – the chief blogger of Happiness Weekly who prides herself on spreading peace and happiness worldwide is writing about getting angry and seeking revenge? What good could come out of embracing an emotion such as anger and responding out of revenge? And I’m not only talking about getting angry but actively seeking revenge?
Yup … I’m crazy. Or am I?
Holding anger in, or suppressing it – which is basically the same – can be unhealthier and even more detrimental to your long-term health, than to actually get angry and respond. Suppressed anger leads to premature death (ie. by 50 years old), long-term depression, increased risk of heart disease, cancer, accidents and suicide.
Not a lot of us have been taught how to get angry. In fact from a young age it’s an emotion that is often to be neither seen nor heard – in my social circle I’ve found that particularly being female impacts this as you’re almost expected not to get angry. Unfortunately when we swallow anger, we also swallow other emotions along with it – such as fear.
I’m often told of people doing the wrong things by each other. It’s happened to me, it’s happened to my friends, it’s happened to colleagues and I’m almost certain at some stage in your life it would have happened to you. In fact, maybe you’re even the person who does the wrong thing sometimes out of anger. That can happen – we’re all human and sometimes we make mistakes – so long as no one gets hurt. So I’m excited about this week’s blog post because this week Happiness Weekly looks at how you can get angry and seek healthy revenge.
Embracing anger
Have you felt that overwhelming sense of anxiety, where you have so many emotions as a result of someone hurting you that you actually don’t know what to do so you’re trembling in silence and almost suffocating in agony? All you seem to be able to feel is sheer frustration combined with immense pain? You may have also felt fear.
Anger, when we don’t know how to deal with it properly, will often manifest as other emotions. When our anger finally does explode, we will generally overreact to something impulsively, irrationally and also may not have as much control as we would if we’d dealt with our anger at the time we felt angry. By dealing with our anger at the time, rather than keeping it suppressed, we can continue living a harmonious life. This doesn’t mean you can punch people out when they do the wrong thing by you, although it may be tempting, so today we’re going to look at the healthy ways you can express your anger.
First, it’s important to acknowledge the upside to anger according to Dr Gary J. Oliver, “One of the many potentially positive aspects of anger is that it can serve as a very powerful and effective warning system. Healthy anger can help us identify problems and needs and provide us with the energy to do something about them.”
How to express your anger in a healthy way
As I said, it’s best not to go knocking people out every time they wrong you – but it’s almost important to allow yourself to have your feelings and ensure you feel validated in feeling the way you do.
When I first considered the concept of getting angry in a healthy way, it was such a foreign concept to me that I kind of laughed. “I don’t even get angry! I just cry!” It was brought to my attention that those tears were caused by years and years of swallowed and suppressed anger. I had actually had a lot of anger bubbling under the surface but I didn’t know how to let it out so I’d never released it.
One concept I had grasped correctly about anger is that anger is an emotion, not an action. This means you need to express it and in expressing it, you need to figure out a healthy way of doing it – such as seeking “healthy revenge”.
Recognising that you’re angry and dealing with it appropriately won’t hurt you or anyone else. As Dr Gary J. Oliver pointed out, anger can carry messages that act as warnings to us – when we swallow our anger for a long time these loud warning bells start getting dimmed and we start overlooking them and accepting circumstances we don’t like, which links back into my article about cognitive dissonance.
How to express your anger in an acceptable way
There’s no right or wrong rule of thumb here, but let’s set some ground rules and boundaries around this to ensure we’re safe and the people around us are safe as well.
– No one (you or others) should get hurt as a result of your expression of angry (this includes hurting their wellbeing or negatively affecting their life)
– There should be no consequences from your actions and if there are, you need to accept the punishment
– Part of knowing how to get angry properly is knowing how to fight fair – if you get angry and then don’t fight fair then you never actually won that fight, whether you feel better about the outcome or not.
Anger Management classes will obviously identify and establish healthy responses to anger. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re passive aggressive (as the movie may suggest) or that you have issues in over-expressing your anger. A few tips for expressing your anger in an acceptable way may include:
– Assertive communication or waiting until the anger has died down and then communicating
– Acknowledge that you feel angry and validate yourself
– Go for a run and really pound your feet against the pavement
– Smash a pillow onto your bed
– Healthy revenge – which I’m going to tell you more about now.
How to seek healthy revenge
The first thing you need to do is cut the fantasy. Yup, you have to stop fantasising over writing rude words in your neighbour’s lawn with weed killer because their loud partying kept you awake til 3am last night. Stop thinking about slashing your ex’s tires because they cheated on you. Stop thinking about picking up your ex-girlfriend’s sleazy best friend to get back at her. Can you see how these fantasies only make one person look bad at the end of the day? Carry it out and I guarantee the only person who will feel bad will be you. Although I’m sure each fantasy may enable you to express your anger, none of them do anyone any good. In fact, these thoughts waste energy, people’s time and money at the end of the day. Although it may make you feel validated at the time and as though you “won”, none of these things will lead to a positive conclusion. So, instead of bothering with any of that, we’re going to concentrate on how you can really get your anger out and win. The best way to do this is to act for the greater good.
OK, now you’ve quit wasting your time on fantasising and let’s work out how you can actually deal with this anger in a healthy way and then how you can seek healthy revenge.
How do you seek revenge in a healthy way?
Warning: DO NOT SEEK REVENGE WHILE YOU’RE STILL ANGRY! If you’re still angry, keep on with the first part of this blog or see a professional psychologist about how you can deal with your anger. Anger is the strongest emotion that can manipulate our responses, causing us to act irrationally.
Now that you’ve dealt with your anger and released it in a healthy way, you’re in a better position to seek revenge. That’s what the first part of this blog was all about, getting in the best possible position you can so that you can use your anger to seek healthy revenge. OK – we’re going to do is something quite radical now…
Instead of seeking revenge on the people who did us wrong, we’re going to look at how we can use this incident to help other people. So literally we’re taking the pain from the situation and we’re going to turn it into power. This is what I’ve been referring to as healthy revenge. This is the only actual revenge that shows you as a positive and balanced individual that is striving for success rather than hurting others as a result of the pain you are feeling. Your response by taking action this way will speak louder, encourage powerful outcomes and create a positive difference – people can see that you got angry in order to take that action but they, and you, will be grateful for the outcome. A really good example of this is Tom Meagher from Melbourne, who contacted the parole board to change their system in order to enable our justice system to protect other women so they don’t get hurt like his wife did. The value that he has added to our world by using his anger to seek positive revenge is incredible.
Well that sounds great! But how do we know what action to take?
This is similar to how you were fantasising about plotting revenge, but instead of listing negative scenarios, we’re listing positive scenarios that will assist you in moving forward from the event that hurt you and left you angry.
The best, most dignified way to get angry about something that happened to you, is to make something positive from it. It’s just up to you to come up with what action that may be.
Here are a few steps you could take in order to take healthy revenge:
Step one: Give yourself permission to go on a healthy revenge mission. A big part of this will include forgiving yourself for any part in what happened
Step two: Consider the most positive thing you can do with your anger – for example, I started supporting a domestic violence charity that shuns violence against women after my experience with narcissistic abuse. This action was just one step in seeking healthy revenge, but it was certainly the most empowering response I could’ve had to the situation.
Step three: Get creative. If you’re really angry, spread it out and get creative about it. Contact politicians, start your own business based on the event that affected you, write the story and educate as many people about what happened to you as possible (imagine if it went global and you saved thousands of people from going through the same thing), hit the gym and workout to be strong enough to defend yourself in case it happens to you again … the list goes on.
Events are just events until we add perspective to them. Anger is the one emotion that leaves us feeling completely powerless – unless we do something positive with it. Even negative revenge is a temporary fix. Don’t let your anger beat you.
Recommended articles
One step to achieving positive change in your life
You don’t drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there. Edwin Louis Cole
Last year my life didn’t move. It was like I was frozen in time. Nothing changed. At all.
I didn’t learn anything (other than what I researched for my blog), I didn’t do anything new or exciting (because I was so busy trying to facilitate that for others) and my life just stayed exactly the same. I couldn’t help but compare it to the year before when everything changed all at once: new job, new home, new relationship.
It was frustrating for me because I am usually good at initiating change in my life, but I couldn’t find what was anchoring me down. I was stuck. My self-esteem was at an all-time low. I couldn’t make anything happen and just as I was on the verge of making something happen, I’d back down.
I stopped believing in myself.
Yet here’s the thing: in this year of nothingness I wanted change and almost expected it to happen without me even trying.
It wasn’t long before I developed something that I call “I’ll believe it when I see it depression” – unless something happened to demonstrate change was imminent, I didn’t believe anything would change, so I wasn’t going to bother trying. I remained completely unmotivated.
Fortunately, once I cut myself from the anchor, and started working on myself, I was able to turn things around. I started by taking a big step and left that relationship I’d gotten into – over time I have found the bigger the step you take, the greater the change. Not surprisingly, this year is completely different. My confidence is restored, I feel as though I’m in control again and I love life!
This week Happiness Weekly looks at how you can overcome this “I’ll believe it when I see it depression” and make positive change happen in just one simple step.
I heard a fantastic quote the other day that I wanted to share with you:
“If the road to hell is paved with good intentions, the road to heaven (happiness) is created by good actions. To take action, just do it. Do it now!”
The rule of thumb here is: in order to get out this “I’ll believe it when I see it depression”, we need to take action to encourage positive change and keep taking steps until we reach our goal. In other words, we’re turning things around to enables us to see it before we believe it! How do we do that?
1. Stop what you’re doing
Stop what you’re doing and be mindful of any rituals you’re currently following. Think about where your values are and whether your priorities align with them. What is most important to you – and why? Are you following through with these things or have you forgotten about yourself? How are these rituals you are following serving you?
2. Discover what’s holding you back
Realistically assess what you’re spending your time on – is this holding you back? It didn’t take me long to realise what I was spending my time on was doing nothing for me, and when really honest with myself, I acknowledged it was depleting my self-esteem – and it was my fault! I was spending 95% of my energy on a relationship with a narcissist – my anchor – and I was choosing to remain in it even though friends and family disapproved, it didn’t align with my values (despite his best attempts to cover it up – it was an affair), and it wasn’t doing anything positive for me at all. Once acknowledging this, I could concentrate on the steps I needed to take in order to get out of there.
3. Do what’s in your control
If you can make change happen, within your control, do it! Generally if you have “I’ll believe it when I see it depression” you would have been procrastinating for quite some time… so you know what changes you want to make but you never quite got there. Today is the day you give yourself permission to make change within your control happen. If you’ve been looking at renting a property, if you’ve been thinking about studying, if you’re looking at jobs but not applying… STOP HOLDING YOURSELF BACK! Make it happen!
4. Don’t be scared of eliminating blocks
This is a big one – sometimes taking steps to remove our blocks is exactly what is holding us back from making positive changes to our life. What if it means the difference between being with your partner and being on your own? It sounds scary. OK, go into your imagination for a moment – and fast forward time by 10 years, imagine your life once you have removed the block and the positive change has happened as result. What do you look like? How are you behaving? What’s changed around you? Now weigh up if you want that anchor tying you down, or not.
5. Empower yourself
We all have a lot more control than we think we do in any given situation – don’t wait for someone to save you, save yourself! Empower yourself. Depend on yourself to make the right decision. Trust yourself. Love yourself enough to let go of something that’s hindering your happiness. The key to making positive change happen is setting goals to help you out of your situation. Define a goal as positively as you can and then write down what steps you need to take to get there. Then choose just one of those steps and action is today! Some people take little steps, others – like me – like to start with the toughest step to get the biggest impact and make the most dramatic change. There’s no right or wrong. Once you have actioned that one step, you are one step closer to achieving positive change in your life.
Remember this in trying to move forward, no matter how scary that first step appears to be:
If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place. Nora Roberts.
Charlotte Dawson – you will be missed
Sometimes, especially if people are wanting you to kill yourself, and you’re somebody who has previously tried to end your life, it’s very, very easy to feel like that’s exactly what you want to do. Charlotte Dawson – Sixty Minutes 2012.
In all the footage you find of her, Charlotte Dawson appears very brave and courageous – something that adds to the shock of today’s news.
Time and time again Charlotte Dawson appeared as strong as her message. Her intentions in campaigning against bullying, among other things, were so good. She was a role model! She may not have done everything right, but the way she kept getting back up, her strength, her courage … she was a positive figure to aspire to.
But today Charlotte lost her battle with depression. Is it another bullycide? The public may never know.
I didn’t know her personally, but we had something in common: campaigning against bullying and that is why I want to dedicate this post to her.
Charlotte Dawson was a model and television presenter who in recent times had a very public battle with Twitter trolls, some of whom she exposed. You just need to watch this to see for yourself that they were absolutely no match for her – she lived a lavish lifestyle in Woolloomooloo which, despite her struggles, she managed to maintain. Along with the brave front she held together, that’s a massive credit to her!
In this interview she appears so strong about her circumstances, you’d never pick her for having such a horrific battle with depression behind the scenes. And this is exactly why we need to be so careful with what we say to other people. Everyone has their own battles and demons they’re fighting. In fact, just a couple of weeks ago I blogged about being Being conscious of our words and how they affect others and this scenario is exactly why. Bullying is not ok and perhaps Charlotte’s Twitter trolls need to take a long hard look in the mirror before they post again!
Depression affects 1 in 4 four people and by 2020 it will be the world’s second largest killer.
Charlotte leaves us with her messages of hope and strength for those who suffer from depression and a book called Air Kiss and Tell – a very raw biography about her life. Check out this YouTube clip for more: The truth about Charlotte Dawson.
Charlotte Dawson – you may not have felt like much in your final moments – but you will be missed.
In 2012 I wrote a blog about Being proactive against bullying, with solutions – one being to start an online support network where those suffering at the hands of cyber bullies can get instant assistance from someone qualified. Or even unqualified! The idea of having Lifeline online.
“If you’re going to express those points of view, you should do it with a face and a name so you can be accountable,” Charlotte Dawson was quoted saying in an interview with in September 2012 following her Twitter attack that landed her in hospital following an attempted suicide.
Domestic Violence organisation, 1800 RESPECT, has recently introduced a similar functionality on their website where people can go online for direct assistance. We need that for anti-bullying and if anyone has the skills to put it together, I would be more than happy to team up, share ideas and start building it to make it happen.
In the meantime, if you are in crisis or are struggling with depression, please contact Lifeline for assistance: 13 11 14.
Related articles:
Charlotte Dawson found dead
TV celebrity Charlotte Dawson found dead at her Sydney home
Charlotte Dawson found dead in Woolloomooloo home
The 24-Hour Happiness Makeover
I think happiness is what makes you pretty. Period. Happy people are beautiful. They become like a mirror and they reflect happiness. Drew Barrymore
When we’re feeling miserable, it’s human instinct to find the fastest source of happiness in the shortest amount of time. Some people turn to drugs and alcohol for this reason. But there are other healthy options available that you should be aware of. Whenever I’m down, I give myself time for a 24-hour makeover to revitalise my happiness.
This week Happiness Weekly shares a 24-hour makeover plan that could have you feeling happier than doing nothing but sitting in the slump of a depression. If nothing else, it’ll distract you long enough to feel OK again! Your day will be broken down into various parts and activities, try to follow it as closely as you can.
Take the day off work
The best way to make the 24-hour happiness makeover most effective is to take the day off work to complete it. Whether it’s a planned annual leave day or an urgent sick day, make sure you take the time for yourself and ensure your happiness is shining as bright as can be.
Watch the sunrise/sunset
If you live in Sydney (Australia), one thing you must do is catch the 5.30am Manly Ferry (wharf 4) from Circular Quay to Manly and watch the sunrise on Manly Beach. It’s well worth getting out of bed for! The energy around you as you watch the sunrise is magic as fitness freaks pass you by, meanwhile you can relax, concentrate on your breathing and the beauty of a new day beginning. If you’re not in Sydney, any beach where you can see a magnificent sunrise is recommended … if you’re on the west coast, make some time in the afternoon to catch the sunset over the water.
Go for a 7-10km walk
There are three essentials for this walk: water, happy and motivating music and sunshine! Now find a flat path that enables you to be in the sun for half to two-thirds of the time and walk as fast as you can – really stretch it out – for seven to ten kilometres. Why seven to ten kilometres? Because this is enough time to awaken your endorphins, raise your heartbeat and it will clear your mind. Spare some time to race home and have a quick shower before you start the next part of the day.
Take yourself out to brunch
Choose a nice café or restaurant and go and enjoy some brunch on your own. While you do some people watching, pick out the features in those surrounding you that you like. Nice eyes, nice dress, nice suit … whatever it may be. Make sure you choose something healthy on the menu, the idea is to feel as good as possible. Don’t eat too much because feeling bloated will just weigh you down. Perhaps go for eggs or fruit salad and yoghurt. Once your food arrives, go on your phone and pick out something you would like to do this evening – options may be: theatre, going to the movies, watching a stand-up comedian, seeing a concert, going salsa dancing etc. Make it something you really want to do, but generally you can’t find someone to accompany you.
Hit the beauty salon and/or hairdresser
If you’re a lady, you’ll know that nothing makes you feel better than a good overhaul. Have your eyebrows shaped, get a pedicure and manicure, get a spray tan … and once you’re finished in the beautician, head to a hairdresser and have your hair done! Splurge as much as you can afford to make yourself feel as good as possible. If you’re a man, you can keep it simple but do something to a similar effect: have a shave and get your hair done. If you can afford it, and have time, throw in a massage on top of this – there’s no rush!
Relax for two hours
You’ll probably be a little tired from the early start, particularly if you’re not a great morning person – and not everyone is – head home and relax for a couple of hours. Spend your first hour lying down and/or meditating. Make sure you set your alarm in case you fall asleep. If you do fall asleep, let yourself. During the second hour watch YouTube interviews with models, actors, actresses, motivational speakers and other people who inspire you to feel good about yourself. If you can’t think of someone or can’t find a good interview, watching a movie that makes you feel happy may also help.
Listen to music as you get ready to go out
Now turn on some music that you really enjoyed about five to ten years ago. Be shameless. For example, I would choose Spice Girls. Why? Because their music makes me feel happy and it’s all about positivity. Crank it up nice and loud and start getting ready to go out! Take your time, make yourself look as good as you possibly can, if you make a mistake or you can’t do something exactly, give yourself a break – tonight, good is good enough!
Now head out!
Get ready to party with your brightest smile – don’t let anything hold you back. You look fantastic, you’ve had a day off, you should be feeling quite good. Grab something light to eat and enjoy whatever entertainment you chose! Tonight is all about you! If you want something while you’re out, get it.
Bonus tip
If you find yourself with spare time throughout the day, it may be worth contacting a photographer and seeing if you can get a few last minute photos, now that you are feeling a little more vibrant.
Note: It’s important to note that this blog is based on quick-fix activities rather than a long-term sustainable solution to your happiness. It should certainly give you the burst you need! Have fun!🙂
How to be the best person you can be
You’re lucky enough to be different, never change. Taylor Swift
Every day our aim should be to be the best person we possibly can be, whether someone is looking at us and watching what we are doing or not. We should always act in line with our values and morals and strive to be the person we want to be. This is not only a key to happiness but if you’re currently suffering from depression, this is the key to moving you beyond your current state.
The first step is figuring out what you can do to be the best person that you can be. This week, Happiness Weekly gives you some ideas for where to begin.
Write down your values
Ask yourself what really matters to you – not just in yourself, but also consider the qualities you value in other people. Sometimes it’s easy for us to look at people and see what we don’t like, but spend another second and consider the features you do like. Write a list of the things you value – whenever you feel as though life isn’t heading in the direction you want it to, refer back to these – they will keep you grounded and remind you of who you are and who you want to be.
Figure out who you want to be
Which leads us to the next point! You need to take some time to figure out who you want to be. Consider all your close friends and all the things you really admire in each of them. You can even look at celebrities you want – even physical features – what hairstyle you like, fake tan or no tan, how you like your makeup done etc. Pick all the best qualities and features from the people you have selected to act as role models – physical and psychological features – and form a list of things you need to do to become the best you that you can be. Then start setting some goals to help you become the person you want to be.
Diet
It’s no surprise that what you put into your body helps with the way you feel about yourself, and also how you feel about others. If you eat fresh foods and plenty of fruit and vegetables you will feel better about everything, therefore contributing to you becoming the best person you can be. Simple!
Exercise
If you sit at home like a couch potato all day, I can guarantee – you will feel that way. But if you look forward to the sunshine and take yourself out for some exercise each day – even if it’s just a walk, I can promise you will feel a lot better about yourself. No one compliments the person who sits on the couch, the best figure is earned. To get energy that shines from your soul, try to do 40 minutes to an hour of exercise a day.
Do what you like to do
Everyone has at least one thing they enjoy doing. Whether it’s taking part in a hobby, going out with friends or family, or having a full on pamper day. Whatever it is – do it! Treat yourself. If you can’t afford it, set goals so you can. Particularly if you are suffering from depression or anxiety, it’s ideal to complete an activity you enjoy a couple of times a week. Not sure what you enjoy? Don’t enjoy much because you feel so low? Push yourself! No one will take any pain that you’re suffering away from you – not even the person who caused it. If you push yourself to do the activities you usually enjoy, before you know it – you’ll be back on the path to being your old, vibrant self again.
Act with integrity
The key to being the best person you possibly can be is acting with integrity. Do what you say you will do. Keep promises. Turn up on time. Be accountable. Take responsibility. Do the right thing all the time. Metaphorically speaking: don’t do things behind closed doors that you wouldn’t do while those doors are open. The truth always comes out in the wash. It’s when we don’t do the right thing that our conscience interferes with our moods and actions and we can actually never be happy in that state. So if we do the right thing all the time – by ourselves and those around us – we will feel a lot happier, than if we’re sneaking around.
Get the job you want
Being employed is really important, even if you’re suffering from depression and finding it impossible to get out of bed. Losing your job would just add to the pain. The trick is to find a job that works for you – no puns intended. Work the hours that you want to work and get the income that you want to earn. Your dream job is out there – the trick is finding it. If you aren’t feeling on deck, I strongly advise avoiding the interviewing process until you are. An added rejection will not make you feel any better – but you could use this as incentive to get back on track faster!
Reassess your friends
Look at the people in your life that you have surrounded yourself with. Reassess if you really need them there or not. Consider how they make you feel about yourself. Remember in order to be the best, you need to be surrounded by the best. Get rid of anyone from your life who is holding you back or trying to drag you down. Remember, if they’re dragging you down, they’re beneath you already so moving forward from that relationship would be doing yourself a favour!
Don’t give up
Everyone has good days and bad days. You’re not always going to be the person you want to be. Sometimes you will do something that’s not like you at all – you’ll probably feel guilty and horrible rather than validated and good. Forgive yourself openly and get back on track as soon as you can. And remember, sometimes what we wish for isn’t what we need. Sometimes we need to carefully re-evaluate the things we want in order to live a happy and fulfilling life.
Set goals
Every achievement makes us feel a little better, more validated and more powerful within ourselves. Set realistic goals to lead you to becoming the best person you can be. Don’t tie the goals to someone else, ensure they’re all about you. Remember to be patient with yourself and that every sunrise leads you further from the storm.
As a general rule: if it makes you feel bad, don’t do it. Being the best person you can possibly be will only ever make you feel good! Best of luck in your journey to becoming the best person you can be.
55 things to do before you self-harm
Why bother inflicting enormous pain on yourself when sooner or later Life would certainly get around to doing it for you? Jeff Lindsay
This week marked R U OK? Day – a national day of action (12 September 2013), dedicated to reminding people to regularly check in with family and friends. It was founded by Gavin Larkin in 2009 after his father committed suicide. It also marked Work Suicide Prevention Day (10 September 2013), which BeyondBlue promoted, noting that 44 Australians take their lives each week.
To pay tribute to these two very important mental health days, Happiness Weekly looks at alternatives to self-harm. It is important to note that just because someone self-harms does not necessarily mean they are intending suicide. However, if you or someone you know is self-harming, please contact Lifeline 13 11 14 or go to a local hospital where you or the person who is hurting themselves can receive the appropriate care they need.
Sometimes, it can be difficult but the fact is, we just need to save ourselves from ourselves … but when you don’t know where to start, it can be nearly impossible. With the idea being to distract yourself, here are some ideas for things to do before you self-harm:
1. Write down why you want to self-harm and what you hope to achieve. Generally you won’t be rational at this time, but really think to yourself whether you will get what you want to achieve by hurting yourself. For example, if this is to win someone’s affections, will they honestly love you more if you do that to yourself? Do you really want other people to see the marks you made during the heat of the moment?
2. Write a bucket list. Before you start hurting yourself, consider everything you want to do, try and achieve in your lifetime. You don’t need to set goals – it could be the smallest of things … but just write them down.
3. Complete a full workout. If nothing else, your endorphins should give you a slight boost. Push yourself until you feel a bit better. It could take up to 45 minutes of solid activity until you feel it, so just keep going!
4. Write it out – keep a diary, write a poem, write the story … whatever it takes. Sometimes the best way to vent is just put it on paper.
5. Plan what you’re going to do on your next free day off work. How are you going to fill in the time for you? Do something nice for yourself. Make sure it’s something you will look forward to.
6. Catch up with a trusted friend and vent. Tell them exactly what you’re feeling and thinking. Explain why you feel that way. If you haven’t got someone you feel close enough to, then call Lifeline on 13 11 14 – they are qualified to hear this information.
7. Access your senses. Smell perfumes. Cuddle a soft toy. Eat something nice. Be mindful with whatever you are doing. Do it slowly and enjoy it completely.
8. Do some self-soothing activities. Paint your nails, get a massage, go and see a movie… whatever you feel like doing, go out and do it. The trick is to get out of the house and away from any self-harming temptation or triggers.
9. Try to find a support group that will specifically offer you the help you need, and the help people in your situation need. For example, if you’re suffering at the hands of bullying, try to find a support group for that.
10. Get back to nature. Go camping. Walk outside and look at the sky. If it’s night, look at the stars and try to find as many sequences as possible. If it’s during the day and it’s nice and sunny, sunbake for a while. If it’s raining, watch the rain fall.
11. Put your gloves on and punch a punching bag. This beats hurting yourself and it’s better than hitting someone else. No one honestly feels good after punching someone, and it’s best to avoid making yourself feel any worse than you already do in your situation.
12. Find some self-harm alternatives. Squeeze ice. Snap a rubber band on your wrist. Have a really hot shower. Do similar activities that hurt but will not permanently mark you. It doesn’t release instant frustration but it’s better than suffering from the consequences of self-injury.
13. If you’re a repeat offender, write what you really hated about self-harming the last time you did it. Was it the reaction people gave you? Was it the itchy feeling when it was healing? Was it hiding under long shirts and jumpers in summer heat?
14. Change your bedroom or house around until it looks different. There’s no reason you need to live in the same circumstances day in and day out. Move things around until you feel better about things or until things look different to what they have.
15. Find a new hobby – read a book, surf the net, write a blog, knit or sew something, paint, cry, draw, sleep, meditate, play a computer game … whatever it is, just try it for an hour and see how you go.
16. Try something new. We all feel good when we try something new. It’s a whole new experience. Why don’t you take yourself out and just try something you’ve never done before? What’s stopping you.
17. Do something you’re good at. We all have something that we know we’re really good at. It might be a particular dish that you know you cook well, or it could be creating something … whatever it is, go and do that one thing you know you do well and then spend some time reflecting on it.
18. Write a list of supportive friends and family that you can contact in a time of crisis and start going down the list. Contact anyone and everyone until you are feeling better about things.
19. Change your hair. Cut it. Colour it. Have an entire makeover. Whatever you choose – just changing the way you look can make you feel better about yourself.
20. Pay for a photoshoot. There are some REALLY good photographers out there that can show you your beauty without too much effort from either you or them. Why not get dressed up, make yourself look amazing and have your photo taken? You may not feel like it but when you see the results, you may just be glad you did!
21. Relax. Watch a candle burn, listen to soothing or tranquil music and just take some deep breaths to try to relax. Life really isn’t that bad.
22. Watch a movie that has nothing to do with your current situation. Want something funny? Try watching The Heat with Sandra Bullock. There’s no real love scenes and I promise it will have you laughing by the end!
23. Go for a walk. If you’re in Sydney try a nice walk through the Botanical Gardens or Centennial Park. Take yourself somewhere public where you can still be alone. Alternatively, get lost in a bookshop.
24. Buy yourself a dog. If you don’t like dogs (which you should), get another kind of pet. It holds you accountable at a time when you may not feel as though you can be.
25. Write someone a hand written letter and send it. The trick is to avoid talking about your current situation and feelings but to still write from the heart. It’s easier if you haven’t seen the person in a long time and you’re looking to break the ice and become friends again.
26. Revisit some of your favourite childhood activities: play with a pet, make a bead necklace, bake cookies, rip paper into itty-bitty bits, hug a pillow or soft toy, fly a kite, play jacks or pick-up-sticks, finger paint a picture, play with a slinky, dance, play on the swings at a park, pop bubble wrap, play with play-dough, build a cubby house etc.
27. Consider changing jobs. Generally if self-harm is on your mind, there may be a couple of areas in your life that are not working – whether it’s social and work, or work and relationship or relationship and social etc. Go online and look at groups you could join or job hunt for your dream job.
28. Flick through a magazine or photo album and consider what looks great about someone else’s life that you don’t have. Start making a list of ideas for how you could have that quality or outcome in your life.
29. Throw socks at the wall. I haven’t done this before but it sounds kind of fun! It’s also repeated on several suggestions lists for alternatives to self-harm so this one may be highly recommended.
30. Throw darts at a dartboard. Try to get the bullseye. Now try to get it three times in a row. If nothing else, you’ll become a very skilled dart player in the end!
31. Write an email or Facebook message to someone to make peace with them. I call it my “My name is Earl” moments – it’s actually pretty fun and it’s nice to be forgiven, especially when you’re having trouble forgiving yourself for something. In fact, sometimes I find it easier to forgive myself when the other person openly forgives me first.
32. Colour coordinate your wardrobe. This is a really handy activity, because you can then go to your wardrobe, see exactly what you want and take it from its place. When everything is mixed up, it takes a lot longer to select your clothing.
33. While you’re in your wardrobe – why not pick out all the old clothes you don’t wear so much anymore and put them in a clothing bin for the less fortunate? It’s also easier to find your clothes when they’re not mixed in with the clothes you rarely wear. Did you know women only tend to wear 20-30% of their wardrobe? And generally keep three different sizes of clothing. It’s time to chuck it, ladies!
34. Go to a gig or bigger concert, or join a boat party. Generally everyone is really nice and easy to mingle with and it could very well change your perspective. You can look both up on the internet at any time – book your ticket and have fun!
35. I like this one: Trace your hand on a piece of paper. Write something you like to look at on your thumb, write something you like to touch on your index finger, write your favourite scent on your middle finger, write something you like the taste of on your ring finger, write something you like to listen to on your pinky finger, and on your palm, write something nice about yourself.
36. Pick a random object, such as a paper clip and try to list 30 different uses for it. This is a great lesson in mindfulness and seeing the good in even the smallest of things.
37. While you have some time on your hands, which you’re not going to use to self-harm, write a mental health plan for yourself. It should include various things to do (consider your favourite things to do – like walking on the coastline of places etc), people to call, triggers to avoid etc.
38. Be mindful of the HALT signals your body could be giving you in order to make you feel like self-harming. Are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired? Once you narrow it down, concentrate on finding a solution to this individual problem and/or emotion.
39. Get a fake tan, give yourself a facial, have your makeup done professionally, pamper yourself and then go on a shopping spree. You’ll probably spend a lot of money, so make sure you stick to some kind of budget, but it will make you feel better.
40. Find a supportive chat room and see if you can talk to someone different online about anything and everything. I even found trawling dating websites when I was single and feeling down could act as a nice ego boost.
41. If you think you know the major problem – and it could be love addiction, attachment or something that you’re going through, you could try hypnosis as a way of dealing with it and having your mind distracted from the problem.
42. Make a playlist of soothing music and listen to it.
43. Accept where you are in whatever process you’re going through. Accept everything that has happened and everything that may be ahead, and get set for whatever changes you need to take to be the best and happiest person you possibly can be.
44. Make a pact with someone who you truly love that you will not self-harm or even consider it openly because you don’t wish to bring all the ugliness that comes with it into your relationship.
45. Realise you’re actually hurting enough at the moment without hurting yourself more. And self-harm not only hurts you physically but it will deeply scar you emotionally. It’s a habit that can take quite some time to recover from – I’m talking several years – so if you don’t self-harm generally, do not start!
46. Empower yourself with your right to choice and choose not to harm yourself. When you make it through the recovery process and stop self-harming you are able to recognise the power of choice a lot more clearly.
47. Focus on your own beauty as much as you can. You may feel hideous at the moment – but focus on all the things you like about yourself and all the things you do well. I also find it helpful to watch Victorias Secret shows and model interviews or interviews with someone you admire. Picture that person in your situation or sitting with you now and what they would say to you.
48. Make a list of things you need to do in order to live safely for a while and make that happen. Treat it like an addiction and get rid of all temptation from the house for a while. Soon enough you’ll get frustrated with not having things which they were originally intended for. Before you introduce it back into the home you need to make a promise to yourself that you will not use it for anything other than it’s original intended purpose. For example, respecting a knife as something to cut food with. If you can’t do it, don’t let it back into the house.
49. Instead of blaming yourself or anyone else and saying “should have”, change it to “could have” and consider “what if”. It’s never too late to change the course of your life.
50. Remove yourself from your old life as much as possible. Choose to take a different direction and be happy rather than wallowing in pain. Change your number. Move house. Change jobs. Whatever change you make, make it a positive one.
51. Now is a great time to start a gratitude journal if you haven’t already. Decorate the first page with magazine clippings of various things that make you happy. And from then on write down everything you’re grateful for and why you appreciate it so much.
52. Watch a funny TV show. I really enjoy watching The Big Bang Theory. It totally takes my mind off things and generally it makes me laugh.
53. Plan to perform one act of kindness each day and add this into your gratitude journal. It could be for someone you know or a complete stranger. Each time you perform an act of kindness for someone, record the person’s reaction to it. Volunteer work may also help.
54. Write down the reasons you love yourself and your life and read it back to yourself whenever you’re feeling down.
55. Complete something you have been putting off or start something completely different that you have never done before. Challenge yourself.
Still not feeling any better? Book an appointment with a good psychologist or try one of these random activities:
– Google beautiful pictures
– Learn a new joke
– Go outside and take photos of things you think are beautiful
– Look for a four-leaf clover
– Make a wish on a dandelion
– Find a pond where you can feed the ducks
– Take yourself on a road trip
– Go people watching for a morning in a café, at the beach, where ever you want to be
– Watch the sunrise and sunset on the same day.
Why working for a charity will improve your life
No one has ever become poor by giving. Anne Frank
Many people are interested in working for a charity or not for profit organisation that has a good cause – however there’s not a lot of work available in these workplaces as many people stay in their role. Why? Because not only is helping other people satisfying, and particularly if you’re passionate about the cause you are supporting, but there are great benefits!
Today, Monday, 12 August is International Youth Day recognising the positive contribution youth make and this year the theme celebrates Youth Migration: Moving Development Forward. “While migration can often offer valuable opportunities and contribute to the development of communities and society at large, it can also pose risks and lead to unacceptable situations, including discrimination and exploitation,” the United Nations says.
Many organisations have been set up to help youths in that may be in this situation or with complications as a result of migrating (such as mental health problems: anxiety and depression) including the Commonwealth Students Association (empowers and encourages students to have a coordinated voice in decision making in the Commonwealth Education Sector), St Vincent de Paul (helps people in need and combats social injustice across Australia), Headspace (Australia’s National Youth Mental Health foundation – they help young people who are going through a tough time) and BeatBullying (all about young people helping and supporting each other online). Meanwhile, World Vision’s 40-Hour Famine begins this Friday, 16 August and is also one of Australia’s biggest community awareness and youth fundraising events.
This week Happiness Weekly looks at how working for a charity or Not For Profit organisation with a great cause improves your outlook on life.
1. Like volunteering – it’s all about the purpose
There is nothing more rewarding than helping others and giving back to the community. The best thing about working for a charity is you have all the benefits of volunteering (aside from the flexibility of working whatever hours you like) and you get paid while you do it. There’s no doubt it can be hard work at times, but it’s always rewarding – add passion for the cause and you could well find yourself in your dream job!
2. It makes you more self-aware
If you’re working for a cause you’re not familiar with, it will be like becoming a doctor. You’ll learn the symptoms of the problem, hear about the debilitating consequences and complications associated with the cause and you’ll do everything in your power to avoid the problem you’re working to solve for everyone else! On a brighter note, you will be the first to know if you have even the slightest symptoms of developing the problem. While it can make some people paranoid, others just grow with self-awareness.
3. You’ll learn A LOT as you grow and develop
Not only will you grow and develop in your role as you will in any organisation (we hope!), but you will also learn a lot about: the cause, the complications, advocacy and government, the people you are helping, volunteering, education techniques, various payroll benefits… the list goes on. You name it, there is a lot to learn when you enter the world of working for a charity organisation and it’s not just about role development and climbing the corporate ladder. Day one – prepare for information overload!
4. It’s family-friendly and flexible
The general consensus looking at people who work for charity organisations is that they are family-friendly and flexible. It’s almost like working for a family business … but with more people! Everyone generally leaves on-time and there are usually part-time and flexi-time (or time in lieu) options to ensure employees maintain a healthy work/life balance. So if you’re chasing balance and want to work somewhere that appreciates you’re human not robot, working for a charity may be the best option for you! A work/life balance means more time for you and the things and people you love.
5. People appreciate you
Not just the people at work, but the people you are helping and the volunteers who can see the work you do will always appreciate you. Each day there’s generally someone in your building who will say or do something lovely that will inspire you and keep you motivated to continue working to the cause. Work becomes a great place to make friends! Why? It’s stereotypical, but the people who work in these kinds of organisations are generally very supportive, nurturing and caring.
6. You’ll be inspired
Sometimes it’s the people who haven’t got things, have less of things, or are missing something who are happier and have a more positive outlook than other people. Speaking to some of the volunteers and even employees with the illness at the charity I have been working for has been extremely inspiring, and I must say it has motivated me to work to my full potential every day.
Want to know more about what it’s like working for a charity? Read this fantastic interview by TotalJobs.com, with Fundraising Development Manager Eve Robinson from the Epilespy Society.
What to do if your loved one goes missing
We do not suffer from the shock of our trauma, but we make out of it just what suits our purposes. Alfred Adler.
I couldn’t imagine anything more distressing than a loved-one going missing. Last year, I remember flicking on the news one evening and there was Tom Meagher pleading for public assistance in finding his wife, Jill Meagher. That scene struck a chord for me and has since been etched in my mind. Meanwhile, the story itself, which came to a devastatingly grisly end with too light a punishment, struck a chord with hundreds of thousands of women across Australia. The fact that the offender is even contemplating appealing his sentence will have many Australians up in arms. As it stands, many have taken to the internet with suggested solutions: tougher parole laws, chemical castration for repeat offenders, life in solitary confinement… 30 years will never be enough to console the Meagher family or the Australian public for their loss.
However, this blog is not about Jill’s story or Tom’s relentless quest to find his beautiful wife – it is designed to assist everyone in our communities, across the globe, in staying safe and knowing what to do if someone we love does go missing.
A missing person is defined as anyone who is reported missing to the police, whose whereabouts is unknown and there are reasonable circumstances to cause serious concerns and/or fears for their safety or welfare.
Each year in Australia an estimated 35,000 people are reported missing according to the Australian Federal Police – that’s one person every 15 minutes. Meanwhile, in the UK approximately 210,000 people are reported missing each year – this includes The Sun’s frightening statistic that a child disappears every three minutes. And throughout the USA in 2012, the National Crime Information Centre recorded 661,593 missing persons, and of these reports: 2,079 remain unsolved.
Thankfully, in most reported incidences of a missing person, the people are quickly located after being reported missing. But with statistics as high as these, it’s important to know what to do if one of your loved ones happens to go missing.
There are many reasons people go missing, but some include anxiety and depression, misadventure, homelessness, dementia, domestic violence, becoming a victim of crime, drugs/alcohol abuse, family dysfunction and conflict and other mental health issues.
This week from Monday, 29 July until Sunday, 4 August it is National Missing Persons Week with a mental health theme, and to promote it, Happiness Weekly is going to look at what you can do if someone you love goes missing.
Step one – keep calm and make some calls
Naturally, your first instinct is going to be to panic. It’s best to conserve your energy for finding your missing loved one. Once you have sufficient reason to believe your loved one is missing, start making contact with people associated with your loved one and ask if they know where the person may be. You may also want to broaden your search without doing it all yourself and ask each person you make contact with to do some calling around. Be sure to keep a record of everyone you speak with (name, time, phone number) because you may be calling back to let them know the person has been found and thank them for their help.
Step two – stay by the phone
Have someone stay by the phone, or if you’re using a mobile – carry it on you at all times – in case someone has an update. Keep the number that the missing person is likely to contact you on available, in case they do try to call – or have call waiting on and ensure you answer it.
Step three – report it
If no one is able to provide much assistance, and you’re feeling suspicious because it is completely out of character for this person, call the police with as much information you have gathered as possible. It doesn’t actually matter how long the person has been missing for. If the person missing is under 18, over 65, suffering from physical or mental illness, depressed – ensure you make mention of this.
How to report it?
When you contact the police, let them know you want to file a missing person’s report.
What information will you need when making a report?
a) Basic information about the missing person
– Full name
– Date of birth
– Birthplace
– Nicknames, if any
– Current and previous addresses and who else lived there?
– Current and former employers.
b) Physical description of the missing person
– Height
– Weight
– Age
– Build
– Hair Color/Length of Hair
– Eye color?
– Any Markings – such as tattoos, birthmarks, scars, etc.
– Beard/Mustache/Sideburns
– Find the most recent photo of the missing person
c) Habits and personality of missing person
– Does the person smoke? If yes, what brand of cigarettes?
– Does the person drink alcohol? If yes, what type?
– Does the person use recreational drugs?
– Does the person chew gum?
– What type of recreation or activities does the person engage in including hobbies?
– Are there novel habits that the person has? For instance, does the person have a place where they always go for coffee?
– Does the person have particular banking habits?
– What type of personality does the person have? Is the person outgoing or quiet? Is the person friendly or depressed?
– What are the values and philosophy of the person?
– Is the person religious?
– Does the person have any emotional problems?
– What level of education or training does the person have?
– Does the person go to any particular areas, bars, taverns or places of interest?
d) Clothing that the missing person was wearing the last time seen
– Style and colour of shirt
– Style and colour of pants
– Style and colour of jacket or outerwear
– If applicable, type of headwear
– Type of glasses
– Type of gloves
– Type of footwear
e) Trip plans of the missing person the day they went missing
– What were the missing person’s plans and/or activities on the day they went missing?
– Where was he/she going? Why was he/she going there?
– Was the person traveling by car? If so, provide the make and model number, license plate number and registration.
– Does the person have access to any other vehicles or mode of travel?
f) Information about the last time the missing person was seen
– The time and location of where he/she was last seen
– The name of the person who last saw the missing person
– The name of the person who last talked at length with the missing person
– The direction the missing person was traveling the last time seen
– The attitude of the missing person the last time seen
– Was the missing person concerned about anything before he/she went missing?
g) Overall health and condition of the missing person
– Physical condition
– Any known medical problems
– Is the person suffering from Alzheimer’s disease/dementia/memory loss? If so, are they registered on Safely Home? If they are registered on Safely Home, what is their registration number? Are they wearing a Safely Home identification bracelet or carrying an identification card?
– Any handicaps or disabilities
– Any psychological problems
– Any medications that the person is taking
– Any addictions that the person has
– Provide the name of the missing person’s family physician and their health card number, if possible
– Provide the name of the missing person’s main dentist, if possible
h) Potential people that the person would contact
– List all of the people who the missing person may try to contact. Try to include addresses and telephone numbers.
Note: When the missing person’s report has been filed, ask the police for the missing person’s file number. As well, ask for contact information for the investigator in charge of the file.
The Police will likely request that there be one family contact with the police. This simplifies contact between the Police and the family. Police officers will only have to update one person about the investigation. In addition, they will know who to contact when information is needed from the family. Talk with your family and close friends about who will be the family contact. The members of your family may not want to take on this role. If so, you may decide that a close friend should be the contact person.
Step four – retrieve their belongings
Secure the personal belongings and living space of the missing person until the police provide further direction. Below is a list of items of importance.
– Items such as a hairbrush, a toothbrush, or undergarments. Investigators may need to undertake DNA analysis.
– Any electronic equipment such as a cell phone or computer. What is the make of phone and the cell phone provider? Do you know if they were active on a chat line or other social media network such as MSN, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn or Skype?
– Any personal documents such as banking statements and credit card statements as well as all bank card information.
– Any written material such as a journal.
Step five – ask the public for help
Make a poster including the person’s date of birth or age, description, where they were last seen, what they were wearing when last seen, any belongings they may have had on them, any noticeable marks or tattoos, police contact details etc. Don’t forget to include a recent head-and-shoulders photo (no sunglasses or hat, if possible). Place your appeal on as many social media channels as possible (such as Facebook) or post it on appeal websites and distribute posters around the neighbourhood (and particularly the areas they were last seen) asking people to contact the police if they have any further information. Go to the media: radio, newspaper and television!
Step six – be your own private investigator
You need to access as much information as you can. Contact their phone company and request an itemised bill so you can see who they were in contact with, get a bank statement to see if they are still withdrawing money and where, check bus stations, train stations, cruise lines and airports to see if they travelled somewhere. Check security footage, depending on where they went missing.
Step seven – keep a journal
To make things more manageable, start a log or journal. Include all information about the missing person’s case in the journal.
Step eight – tell the people that need to know
Tell all necessary people about the disappearance of the missing person. This may include the missing person’s employer, their bank, and their doctor. If the missing person is a child you will need to contact the school they are attending. If you need extended leave from work, discuss your options with your employer.
Step nine – help the missing person
You may need legal advice before proceeding with this one but you will need to arrange payments for the missing person’s mortgage or rent and other bills.
Step ten – stay as healthy as possible
In order to be useful in the search for your missing loved one, make sure you look after yourself and remain as healthy as possible. This includes eating, sleeping and exercising on a regular basis. Try not to blame yourself for the disappearance and seek counselling if required.
What NOT to do if a loved one goes missing
* Do not panic
* Do not delay in searching. Time can be of the essence
* Do not keep their disappearance a secret, the more you tell, the more people you have looking on your behalf and speedier the results might be
* Do not tidy up their bedroom until the police have seen it, mess or not
* Do not dust before fingerprints have been taken
* Don’t be put off … you know your own … follow your intuition
* Do not wait – if missing person is vulnerable, notify the police as soon as you think something is wrong
* Do not put your own telephone numbers or address on posters or advertisements, to avoid hoaxes – use the police numbers
* Do not give up, keep appealing and searching. Remember, people want to help. Try and keep the name and photo in the public eye
You should know
– Details of the missing person are kept confidential from the public unless permission has been granted by the family and investigating officers
– If the person goes missing again, they can be reported missing again – it will be treated as an individual report
– When a missing person is located, they must give permission before their whereabouts is released. It is not a crime to go missing. If it is a child, a decision will be determined around the circumstances surrounding the reasons the child went missing
– If an Australian goes missing overseas, the Australian Federal Police and the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade work with agencies in investigating these cases. Australian Red Cross, the Salvation Army and the International Social Service of Australia also work to reunite these people
– Don’t be afraid to follow up with police or people you have called to see if they have any further information and don’t feel guilty if you need to return to work
– Parental abductions are handled by the Family Court of Australia and the Australian Federal Police.
Very helpful websites
www.missingpersons.gov.au
http://www.missing.ws/checklist.htm
http://www.essex.police.uk/pdf/missing_persons.pdf
Not enough information? There’s also this extremely comprehensive list posted by “Concerned” on an Unsolved Murders forum based in Canada:
Things to do when someone goes missing
Your options
Call police
File a police report
File a border report
Hire a private investigator
Supply the police with as much of the following information as possible:
Identification Papers
Birth Certificates
Driver’s Licenses
Passports
Wallet
Alias
Vehicle (car, make, model, license, VIN)
Public transportation used and typical schedule
Credit cards/debit cards, checking account
Savings, checking accounts and loans
Health condition and state-of-health
Several recent pictures
Shoe Size/Clothing size
What last wearing
What clothing missing
Height, Weight
Hair Colour
Tattoos (pictures if possible)
Piercings
Birth marks
Identifiers
Dental records
DNA
Blood type
Scars
Past surgeries
Fingerprints
Emails, and social media accounts
Make a timeline, last seen, last talked to, last text, last messaged
Regular daily routine
Anything missing or disturbed
Who dating, who broke up with, who turned down
Provide contact information and point of contact
Recall significant events, attitudes, moods, conversations, stressors
When the trash is picked up
When the snow is removed
What has been new in their life
What has changed recently
Enemies, buddies and friends, co-workers and significant acquaintances
Medical Prescriptions
Medical Conditions
Past unsavoury behaviour (drinking, drugs, gambling, abuse, crimes)
Don’t touch anything including:
House
Car
Toothbrush
Hairbrush
Bathroom
Bedding
Purse/wallet/bank cards/passports
Garbage
Kitchen sink and dishes
Cigarette holders
Door knobs
Get media attention as soon as you can:
Make media kits
Have photographs available
Create press release/media release
Call a news conference
Visit radio stations, TV stations, Cable channels, Newspapers
Hold candlelight vigils
Hold fundraisers to raise funds for search efforts
Know how to get word out:
Post on social media pages
Post on local news blogs
Take out an advertisement in the newspaper
Create a direct mail campaign
Make an email blast campaign
Make a website
Post on missing websites and participate on their blogs
Purchase billboards, bus cards, bus stop posters
Make posters and flyers, distribute to:
— Media outlets
— Area businesses to post
— Area employers to put with paychecks
— Police forces
— Ambulance services
— Food kitchens
— Homeless shelters
— Truck Stops and Trucker pay checks
— Area hospitals
— Area mental hospitals
— Ambulance services
— Sanitation workers
— Newspaper delivery personnel (to add with their paper delivery)
— Rest Stops
— Campgrounds
— Motels/Hotels
— Places with locker and shower facilities
— Temporary employment agencies
— Transportation services (airplane, train, bus, cabs)
— Car rental facilities
— Coffee shops
— Church (bulletins, corkboards, direct distribution through newsletters)
Know how to conduct a thorough search on your own:
Door-to-door
Houses, cabins, sheds and favourite spots
Attics, rooftops, locked doors
Walking paths
Driving paths
Nearby parks
Nearby railroad tracks
Rivers, streams and lakes
Wells
Retrace their last 24 hours
Business owners videos
Dumpsters
Places where they could have fallen
Places where they could hide
Under viaducts
Camp sites
Snow banks
Cliff sides
Roadsides
Rest-stops
Contact their employer:
Look in lockers, in their desks, amongst their personal items
When did they last work?
Any problems with co-workers or boss?
When was the last performance review or raise?
Had they been reprimanded for anything lately?
Did they have any enemies?
Talk to their close co-workers
Any recent interoffice affairs?
Did they go on any business trips lately, if so who else went?
Is their desk or locker cleared out?
Make note of their vehicle:
Vehicle description (make, model, VIN, license, year)
Is it missing?
Have GPS traced on vehicle
Can local business area cameras capture its image, and whose inside?
Whose got the keys?
Did you check the trunk?
Look into their mobile phone (from their phone itself or by accessing their phone bills):
Phone every contact
Look at all text
Run GPS on their phone
Run activity report on their phone (incoming/outgoing calls, text and online activity)
Log when last activity took place
Log into their computer and conduct your own computer forensics (at home, at work, etc):
Trace their computer activities for clues to areas of interests?
What did they search?
What sites did they visit?
Look at computer history
Who did they messenger and what were those conversations?
Investigate their email activity, conversations, dating sites, social media activities, posts and messages
Log their blog activity
What sites were they members on and what was their recent activity?
Game site history, conversations and sites
Did they leave a message on their computer desktop?
Did they leave any notable documents in their computer?
Check their bank information regularly:
When was the last bank activity?
Does there still continue to be bank activity? (If so have the banks provide video)
Do they have their credit/debit cards, checks or were they left behind?
Do they have secret accounts outside of those the family is aware?
Were they in debt?
Did they have any unusual payments or withdrawals?
Did they have any unusual deposits?
Did they foreclose or go bankrupt lately?
Are their bills all paid up?
Did they have a gambling debt?
Find out about their financial situation – wills, trusts and insurance:
Did they make a will, trust or financial arrangements lately?
Did they take out a life insurance policy recently?
Did anyone else take out a life insurance policy on them?
Did they leave behind a note in their bedroom, on the computer, in a bible, at their work desk?
Consider their emotional wellbeing:
Were they depressed?
Quiet?
Abused?
Were they being bullied?
Were they in a recent relationship breakup?
Did they have any family members pass away recently?
Is this a memorable anniversary of any kind?
Did they just lose their job?
Did they lose a lot of money lately?
Were they recently diagnosed with any type of illness or disability?
Were they on any medications? If so, did they take them as prescribed? (i.e., not taking meds as prescribed, or overdosed?)
Were their dosages or brand changed?
Were their medications checked at pharmacy to insure they were correctly filled?
Were they suffering from PTSD?
Do they have a mental condition?
Do they have a medical condition?
Do they have a physical impairment?
Interview the neighbours:
Did they hear anything?
Did they see anything?
Was anything unusual lately?
Did any routines seem to change?
Were there any strange vehicles in the area?
Any strangers knock on doors lately?
When are meters read?
When is snow removed?
When is garbage taken out?
Any disputes with neighbours lately?
When do they recall last seeing person? Doing what?
Did they have any conversations lately? What about?
Search the internet for:
Human remains found
Bodies found
Bodies identified
Unidentified
Found wandering
Disoriented individual
Accidents
Area crimes
Arrests
Obituaries
News reports
Crimes around time missing in areas likely to be
Other like crimes
Newly released criminals in area
Area offender locations
And then, if you have thirty seconds having read this blog, I recommend viewing the Australian Federal Police community service announcement.
This year the National Missing Persons Coordination Centre is working in partnership with numerous mental health organisations, to inform the Australia community of the link between mental health and missing persons.
Thank you for reading, and please keep your family and friends safe – don’t forget, if you have any tips, stories or advice to please share them with us below.
Volunteering: There is a lot in it for you!
The only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. Dr Albert Schweitzer
Your time is the most precious gift you can give to someone and this week Happiness Weekly celebrates that. In fact, from today – Monday, 13 May until Sunday, 19 May 2013 is National Volunteers Week – a day celebrated among many charities across Australia.
Volunteering is estimated to be worth more than $10 billion to the Australian economy with approximately 4.4 million people contributing around 701 million hours of their time per year volunteering in Australia. In America, more young people volunteer than vote.
The most common reason people volunteer is to “improve society and the environment”, although there are several other reasons people volunteer:
- To help people
- To help the community
- To pass the time
- To meet new people
- For enjoyment and fun
- To keep active
- To increase skills
- To improve chances of getting paid employment.
Improving skills
More and more people are realising the mutual benefits of volunteering – not only is it a way to help others but it’s recognised as a way that people can help themselves. “Volunteering is a way of gaining new skills to step into paid work,” Lonsdale’s research has found.
General health
Other positive side effects for the volunteer include better physical health and enhanced social skills. Studies have shown the relationship between numbers of hours spent volunteering and numbers of times visiting a doctor also indicates there may be health benefits to volunteering for older people.
Relationship building
It can also be a way of bringing families closer together, by providing a common goal and the opportunity to spend some quality time together. Volunteering encourages a high level of teamwork – so bringing loved ones and family members along with you when you volunteer is highly recommended to help build on your relationships. If you’re single it’s also a great way to meet your perfect match – you have something in common and it makes a great story!
Mental health
Researcher Carolyn Schwartz found that people who made others feel cared about report better mental health than the people they were helping. Donating your time may also improve your mental health because it gives you access to psychological and social resources which reduces negative moods such as anxiety and depression. Research has found 61% of people who volunteer at least five times a year feel less stressed, and those over 65-years-old who volunteer have lower levels of depression. Older adults who participate in additional hours of volunteering report improved wellbeing.
Recovery therapy
There is also an opportunity to volunteer if you have a disability. Programs currently running provide volunteer opportunities for those living with a mental condition. As acknowledged previously, it is particularly good for those suffering from depression.
A number of studies and individual testimonies clearly indicate that volunteer work has immense benefits for many individuals. There is a vast range of volunteer programs available and many opportunities for a diverse number of individuals to participate.
Volunteering and happiness
“Happy people take greater interest in the problems of the people around them, and in social problems. They spend more time helping others, and are more likely to volunteer and give away money. Happiness gives people the emotional wherewithal to turn outward, while the less happy are more likely to feel distrustful, isolated, and preoccupied with their own needs. So if it’s selfish to be happy, we should aim to be happy, if only for selfless reason,” Gretchen Rubin said.
Start volunteering!
Call around local charities that specialise in areas of your interest and offer your services. Send your resume if you are skilled and find out if there is anything you can assist with. Or you could even contact Centrelink to find out where to start.
When was the last time you volunteered your time? How did it make you feel?