Being conscious of our words and how they affect others
The trouble with most of us is that we’d rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism. Norman Vincent Peale
One of the greatest signs of success is when people try to stop you from doing what you’re good at by trying to bring you down. Actually, Habeeb Akande said it best:
Whoever is trying to bring you down is already beneath you.
In my experience, from many years ago when I had my own business promoting unsigned bands, it is these negative comments that can actually stop you going further. In fact, you’ll never know how close you were to success if you give up somewhere in the middle. And it only takes one or two people to get inside your head and plant that seed of doubt, that could cause you to turn your back on everything you’ve worked for.
Let me tell you, the biggest mistake you can make is to quit what you are doing based on a couple of complaints. Remember, the glass is half full, don’t forget who you’re there for and remember all your other followers and supporters before giving up. Sure, if you’re only making a difference to two people and one makes a malicious complaint, then perhaps it’s worth reconsidering if you should continue or not. But if you’re getting hundreds of clicks a day, and regular comments and it’s one person who complains … stick with it!
What inspired this blog today? A couple of things.
I follow a gorgeous Facebook page called “” by Jolita Kelias, who recently posted this:
“Now that the number of my followers have increased immensely in the past couple of weeks due to the work that I do and the message I share, I started receiving plenty of promotional emails which I delete without reading and Hate messages from some of you. I guess some of you are having issues with another person’s happiness and goodness. So here is my message to you:
You have a problem with something, deal with it. Some of you write to me demanding to delete some posts you don’t like. So my answer is – You don’t like it, don’t look at it. No one is holding you here. The exit is in front of your nose – turn that way.
And to the ones who harbour beautiful feelings I say – Thank you for journeying together with me. Hugging you all. Jolita Kelias”
Today I went onto YouTube to look up trailers for some upcoming movies and instead came across these. This is how celebrities respond to mean Tweets directed at them (I found some of them hilarious!):
When I consider the whole scenario of these people going out of their way to be deliberately mean to others, all I could think was this…
The fact that all these negative people that are being referred to – all the trolls, all the complainers, all the “haters”, whatever you want to call them – they’re all old enough to write. Most of them can even spell. They’re all intelligent enough to access and use social media. Using that to deliver such hurtful, hateful messages in a bid to bring someone down who is working to pull everyone up is beyond me. Clearly something is going wrong with the values we are now teaching or maybe we’re overlooking values all together with much faster-paced lifestyles.
And not just the celebrities, but just people and their ignorance in general. Bullying is not ok. Anyone who follows my blog knows Happiness Weekly’s stance on that.
Trying to tear someone down when they’re on their way to success is not ok.
Interfering in anyone’s life in a negative way is not ok.
Pulling someone down when you see them succeeding is not ok.
In fact using words for anything negative is simply not ok.
We all have a right to freedom!
The intention of Happiness Weekly is to make a positive difference to many, many lives. This blog is dedicated to helping people, loving each other and building others up so we can work together as one big team to create a very positive and harmonious future for everyone to live in. If you wish to unsubscribe from something you’re following, and you’re not sure how, Google it! That’s what it’s there for.
If you’re not here to do that, and you’re on my page, or their page or any page that you just want to rip down, then I ask that you please don’t be there because these people are making a positive difference to many other people. And it’s not about you. In fact, I ask anyone with any negative thing to say about someone to first look beyond themselves. Why? Because a blogger can shut a page down and it won’t make a huge difference to their lives – if anything it could enhance it by giving them more time for themselves and to do other things they enjoy without the focus on others. But it’s not about them. It’s about the people who they are selflessly helping, who they are making a difference to, who will be hindered by the blog or Facebook page or other medium closing down because of your negative comment. Same goes for celebrities. What if these celebrities stopped entertaining because of the mean things people said to them? So that’s why I ask, anyone with anything negative to say, to think beyond themselves first.
And on that note, I wish to share this with you, it’s an absolutely incredible YouTube video by motivational speaker Lizzie Velasquez. It’s a little lengthy, but please watch it the whole way through if you have time:
Life Coach Darren Poke who writes the Better Life Coaching blog recently released this easy-to-digest blog about revealing our critics for who they are, it’s well worth the read. It’s called How to stop the hyenas laughing – a story about dealing with critics. Well done, Darren.
So finally I want you all to remember this: negativity can inspire rather than hinder. It can make people stronger. Everyone has a choice about how negativity will affect them. If you’re a blogger, or getting bullied, or have had hurtful things said about you that have knocked you down – which we all have at some stage – then look for the positive and keep going.
Don’t give up.
How to encourage, motivate and inspire others
Treat a man as he appears to be, and you make him worse. But treat a man as if he already were what he potentially could be, and you make him what he should be. Von Goethe
In a world where there is so much choice and people are extremely conscious of their decisions and the consequences of them, it is very hard to motivate, influence, encourage or inspire a group of people with a single motivational technique.
What motivates people?
Different things motivate different people. Some say the call to action simply needs to appeal to people’s values – but that’s pretty broad. Some suggest that it’s more 50/50 – all it takes is a simple call-to-action and a willingness to do them. Then there are the step solutions:
Step 1 – Clearly articulate the call to action and why
Step 2 – Involve people in finding the solutions
Step 3 – Explain the rules
Step 4 – Link personal goals to organisational goals
Step 5 – Eliminate the weakest links (aka negative people).
There isn’t really a single one-stop-shop to motivating people – it’s a simple fact that different things will motivate different people. There is never any one thing that can motivate a whole crowd of unfamiliar strangers to do the same call to action. It will always appeal to some and not to others. However, generally if there is a need – there’s a motivation, so if you want to motivate someone to change or to do something then you must first understand his needs and wants, then tie the change to these needs. Ultimately, the more you understand a person or the audience you wish to motivate, the easier it will be to access their triggers and get them to do as you ask.
How to motivate people and encourage them to do what you want to do?
Accessing triggers is easy. Show them a picture to remind them of something, play a song that will take them back to a moment in time… whatever key you use doesn’t matter as long as it opens the doors to the target person’s mind.
Once you have motivated your target audience, you need to:
– Follow up with a call to action – tell people exactly what you want them to do
– Keep your request simple – limit the time or effort that people need to put in to do your call to action and set a date so people have something to work towards
– Set the example and share in the sacrifice. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander
– What’s in it for them? Appeal to people’s positive emotions and highlight the thrill of achievement with little extras that cause excitement, pride and a sense of belonging (being part of a team)
– List multiple reasons WHY you want them to do what you’re asking
– Challenge your target audience. Inspire them by being creative and challenge them to reach slightly beyond their limits
How to encourage people
– Show genuine interest. Ask open-ended questions. Listen actively
– Acknowledge what’s important to them. Affirm and validate what they are saying and believe
– Congratulate them. Worthwhile things take time and effort, acknowledge that you have seen what they have done and say “well done”. These words of encouragement at the right time can make a big difference to someone’s motivation
– Be grateful for the small things. Use your manners, it lets your friends know they’ve done something worthwhile and meaningful
– Reciprocate the favour. Show your appreciation by reciprocating – it’s like a pendulum
– Be spontaneous. This delivers maximum impact. Such acts can reach them at an emotional level and we are hard-wired to respond to emotional things
– Confide in them. It’s a form of flattery!
– Offer to help. If someone sees that you are willing to commit your time and energy in their interests, they will be more committed to seeing it through.
Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be. Ralph Waldo Emerson
How to inspire people to be their best
– Be a courageous role model – take risks and lead by example
– Have a strong vision on how things should be, be forward thinking and share your perspective
– Reject politics – spend your energy on positive things
– Value other people’s input, perspective and encourage collaboration
– Set goals and work to exceed them before starting on the next challenge
– Show empathy – try to understand their world and how it feels and help them move ahead to be their best
– Be inspired by others and share your role models with people, explain what it is that they’re doing that inspires you
– Express your enthusiasm as often as possible. People are drawn to positive people
– Make people feel good about themselves. People will rarely remember what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel
– Share lessons from your successes and failures
– Focus on the positive. Everything that happens in life is neither good nor bad: it just depends on your perspective.
The truth about trust
You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough. Frank Crane
Trust is like love: you must have it for yourself before you can give it to someone else. No one wants to mistrust the people around them – especially when they feel themselves falling in love with someone – but sometimes finding that trust is a frustrating battle that can only be won with patience and time.
Everybody has a past that will, in some way, affect their ability to trust. Experts have said that trust is predominately based on expectation – when someone behaves as you expect, it builds trust. The more consistent the person is, the easier it is to establish their habits and patterns and form expectations.
It’s important to note that love is always trusting. So in order to truly love someone, you need to trust them. Learning to trust someone takes patience and hard work. Trust can only be rebuilt over a period of time with repeated positive experience. For example, if your partner is unfaithful, you won’t initially trust your next lover. But when someone consistently demonstrates their reliability, despite your more critical evaluation of their actions, they might earn your trust. If you really want to trust someone – be patient and don’t give up.
A lot of the time, the way back to trusting someone, particularly a new lover, is counterintuitive. You need to trust yourself to make the right decisions before you can trust somebody else. You also need to trust that you will be ok if you do happen to get betrayed in the relationship.
If you’re in a love relationship with someone who you’re unfamiliar with, and you start experiencing anxiety about the stability of the relationship, this isn’t about trusting others – it’s about trusting yourself. It’s an issue that is likely to get worse until it is accurately identified and dealt with.
To start trusting again after you have been hurt, it’s advised that instead of looking at what you don’t trust and looking for reasons not to trust, focus on the positives and look at the things you do trust. Every time someone does something to earn your trust, remember it. If they betray your trust, try not to waste too much energy on it and move on.
According to Kathryn Williams (Fourteen things that make us trust someone, Williams, 2010 http://www.divinecaroline.com/22189/102178-fourteen-things-make-us-trust), some other elements that influence the way we trust include:
Familiarity: the more contact you have with someone, the more you learn to trust them
Resemblance: if they look, dress or act like you – you’re more inclined to trust them
Punctuality: someone regularly on time signalises consistency and conscientiousness towards people
Flexibility: we avoid people who try to explicitly negotiate or force a binding agreement
Discretion: the ability to keep a secret and exercise tact
Transparency: self-disclosure binds trust
Competence: getting the job done correctly
Reciprocity: if someone does not appear to invest in you – they will lose nothing by betraying you.
Tips on how to trust someone
– Leave the past behind – give the new person a chance. It’s easier said than done, but if you make a conscious effort, it will eventually become a habit and before you know it, you will be trusting this person fully
– Communicate effectively. If you can talk to each other about your thoughts and feelings, you’re already halfway there
– Learn more about the person – you can’t develop trust until you understand them. Discover what motivates them. See if you can predict a situation and what they would do… if you can’t, you don’t know them well enough to trust them yet – keep learning
– Watch how your new interest, or the person you are trying to trust, treats others
– Giving second chances along the way is ok if they break your trust. Try to make sense of the situation and show that same understanding in return – it builds trust. Empathising with each other and building each other up will build trust
– Test it: try relying on them. You may trust them more than you think. When you trust a person, you believe that they have your best interest at heart. They wouldn’t do something to hurt you for the fun of it, or for selfish gain
– Remember to be positive and live in the now. Try to recognise this is a completely different person to the one who hurt you in the past and avoid looking at the relationship through lenses coloured by your past. Enjoy the relationship for what it is. Try not to look too far into the future
– Use your intuition as much as possible and let your feelings guide you. It’s ok if things take time. Read their body language where you can, but be careful not to over-analyse things
– Discuss your fears and concerns openly. Help your partner understand if you’re struggling with trust – it can create a sense of connectedness, which can lead to trust and caring
– Communicate your expectations of the new relationship early and set boundaries. Make your feelings clear on topics of fidelity, sex, money, social networking, texting and phone calls from the opposite sex.
Patience is key. Relationships aren’t meant to be rushed and if the person you’re interested in is the right one, they will have a lot of time and patience for you to build your trust. Don’t allow them to pressure you into trusting them. If they’re impatient, don’t understand or even end the relationship over it – they weren’t the right person for you to begin with. Everything happens for a reason.