Being conscious of our words and how they affect others
The trouble with most of us is that we’d rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism. Norman Vincent Peale
One of the greatest signs of success is when people try to stop you from doing what you’re good at by trying to bring you down. Actually, Habeeb Akande said it best:
Whoever is trying to bring you down is already beneath you.
In my experience, from many years ago when I had my own business promoting unsigned bands, it is these negative comments that can actually stop you going further. In fact, you’ll never know how close you were to success if you give up somewhere in the middle. And it only takes one or two people to get inside your head and plant that seed of doubt, that could cause you to turn your back on everything you’ve worked for.
Let me tell you, the biggest mistake you can make is to quit what you are doing based on a couple of complaints. Remember, the glass is half full, don’t forget who you’re there for and remember all your other followers and supporters before giving up. Sure, if you’re only making a difference to two people and one makes a malicious complaint, then perhaps it’s worth reconsidering if you should continue or not. But if you’re getting hundreds of clicks a day, and regular comments and it’s one person who complains … stick with it!
What inspired this blog today? A couple of things.
I follow a gorgeous Facebook page called “” by Jolita Kelias, who recently posted this:
“Now that the number of my followers have increased immensely in the past couple of weeks due to the work that I do and the message I share, I started receiving plenty of promotional emails which I delete without reading and Hate messages from some of you. I guess some of you are having issues with another person’s happiness and goodness. So here is my message to you:
You have a problem with something, deal with it. Some of you write to me demanding to delete some posts you don’t like. So my answer is – You don’t like it, don’t look at it. No one is holding you here. The exit is in front of your nose – turn that way.
And to the ones who harbour beautiful feelings I say – Thank you for journeying together with me. Hugging you all. Jolita Kelias”
Today I went onto YouTube to look up trailers for some upcoming movies and instead came across these. This is how celebrities respond to mean Tweets directed at them (I found some of them hilarious!):
When I consider the whole scenario of these people going out of their way to be deliberately mean to others, all I could think was this…
The fact that all these negative people that are being referred to – all the trolls, all the complainers, all the “haters”, whatever you want to call them – they’re all old enough to write. Most of them can even spell. They’re all intelligent enough to access and use social media. Using that to deliver such hurtful, hateful messages in a bid to bring someone down who is working to pull everyone up is beyond me. Clearly something is going wrong with the values we are now teaching or maybe we’re overlooking values all together with much faster-paced lifestyles.
And not just the celebrities, but just people and their ignorance in general. Bullying is not ok. Anyone who follows my blog knows Happiness Weekly’s stance on that.
Trying to tear someone down when they’re on their way to success is not ok.
Interfering in anyone’s life in a negative way is not ok.
Pulling someone down when you see them succeeding is not ok.
In fact using words for anything negative is simply not ok.
We all have a right to freedom!
The intention of Happiness Weekly is to make a positive difference to many, many lives. This blog is dedicated to helping people, loving each other and building others up so we can work together as one big team to create a very positive and harmonious future for everyone to live in. If you wish to unsubscribe from something you’re following, and you’re not sure how, Google it! That’s what it’s there for.
If you’re not here to do that, and you’re on my page, or their page or any page that you just want to rip down, then I ask that you please don’t be there because these people are making a positive difference to many other people. And it’s not about you. In fact, I ask anyone with any negative thing to say about someone to first look beyond themselves. Why? Because a blogger can shut a page down and it won’t make a huge difference to their lives – if anything it could enhance it by giving them more time for themselves and to do other things they enjoy without the focus on others. But it’s not about them. It’s about the people who they are selflessly helping, who they are making a difference to, who will be hindered by the blog or Facebook page or other medium closing down because of your negative comment. Same goes for celebrities. What if these celebrities stopped entertaining because of the mean things people said to them? So that’s why I ask, anyone with anything negative to say, to think beyond themselves first.
And on that note, I wish to share this with you, it’s an absolutely incredible YouTube video by motivational speaker Lizzie Velasquez. It’s a little lengthy, but please watch it the whole way through if you have time:
Life Coach Darren Poke who writes the Better Life Coaching blog recently released this easy-to-digest blog about revealing our critics for who they are, it’s well worth the read. It’s called How to stop the hyenas laughing – a story about dealing with critics. Well done, Darren.
So finally I want you all to remember this: negativity can inspire rather than hinder. It can make people stronger. Everyone has a choice about how negativity will affect them. If you’re a blogger, or getting bullied, or have had hurtful things said about you that have knocked you down – which we all have at some stage – then look for the positive and keep going.
Don’t give up.
How to get what you want
There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want; and, after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second. Logan Pearsall Smith
Have you ever noticed that a lot of people seem to go about asking for something in the wrong way? Complaints turn people off and build resistance – so how do you ask for something without sounding as though you’re complaining? The key to getting what you want is all in the way you approach the person.
Instead of focusing on the reasons why you are acting or feeling a certain way as a result of not having what you want (which this person can help you achieve), focus on putting your request forward as simply and straight forward as possible. For example, I recently had a dispute with my boyfriend (my favourite person on earth, by the way!) and it was all over the fact that he wouldn’t plan, therefore I felt that he wasn’t thinking of me and therefore he didn’t care about me. We sat down and had a long-winded conversation, and all it came down to was that I needed to say: “Sweety, once a month, can you plan a date for us, please?”
While my initial intention was to state facts to justify asking him to do something for me, I was sending out the wrong message, but by asking directly for what I wanted, he was more willing to oblige.
Timing is also very important because while selecting a good time to ask for what you want won’t necessarily guarantee success, choosing a bad time will guarantee failure.
Quick Tips: Getting what you want
1. Ask for it. Overcome your fear of rejection and say what you mean.
2. Focus your thoughts on what you want so your actions follow.
3. Set goals and take action, be proactive in working towards them. Write it down.
4. Depend on reciprocation – it’s satisfying. Be the first to give and give generously because sooner or later it will come back to you.
5. Be passionate and enthusiastic. Don’t give up! If you’re passionate it will come across in your enthusiasm and will influence others to more readily help you. If you share your passion and demonstrate a high level of enthusiasm for what you want, you are also more likely to get what you want.
How to persuade people effectively
Learning to persuade people to do what you want is a skill. Here are some quick tips on how to do it effectively to get what you want:
* Stand in their shoes. Look at the issue from their perspective. Ask what they’re looking for and discuss how your request will benefit them and their goals.
* Ensure your request is consistent with that person’s feelings, beliefs and actions. Frame your request into something that interests them and is in line with their values and goals.
* Make the person like you, because if they like you, they’ll trust you and are more likely to give you what you want. Having said that, other ways you can earn trust is to show your credentials and highlight your experience, be consistent, and act with integrity. Let them in on some private information – this is a subtle trick to earning trust. Always be honest with the person.
* Give examples of how others have agreed to your proposal and the outcome, and you will be more likely to persuade them. Make sure you’re comparing apples to apples when you do, the person in your example needs to be someone that person can relate to.
* Work as a team and play to win – together! Successful persuasion occurs when both sides are happy. Look for the win-win outcomes and work towards that.