How to ignore other people’s judgements
No one has it all figured out, especially not the people who are acting like they do and judging you because of it. Pretending to be something you aren’t because you’re trying to please a bunch of judgemental hypocrites and shitheads is not the way to be happy. Tucker Max
Do not judge and you will never be mistaken. Jean Jacques Rousseau
It can be extremely painful when other people judge us based on stories they have been told, something they have heard through the grapevine or maybe they simply believe a narcissist’s smear campaign after we finally worked up enough inner-strength and courage to walk away from a toxic relationship or a friendship that no longer serves us.
Some celebrities – such as Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus – embrace it openly, going with the “any news is good news” philosophy, but many others they talk about how daily rags and trashy magazines got their stories wrong and it impacted their reputations.
Most people would agree that they would rather not be the centre of controversial conversation that could lead to negative criticisms and judgements. Read more here.
Being conscious of our words and how they affect others
The trouble with most of us is that we’d rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism. Norman Vincent Peale
One of the greatest signs of success is when people try to stop you from doing what you’re good at by trying to bring you down. Actually, Habeeb Akande said it best:
Whoever is trying to bring you down is already beneath you.
In my experience, from many years ago when I had my own business promoting unsigned bands, it is these negative comments that can actually stop you going further. In fact, you’ll never know how close you were to success if you give up somewhere in the middle. And it only takes one or two people to get inside your head and plant that seed of doubt, that could cause you to turn your back on everything you’ve worked for.
Let me tell you, the biggest mistake you can make is to quit what you are doing based on a couple of complaints. Remember, the glass is half full, don’t forget who you’re there for and remember all your other followers and supporters before giving up. Sure, if you’re only making a difference to two people and one makes a malicious complaint, then perhaps it’s worth reconsidering if you should continue or not. But if you’re getting hundreds of clicks a day, and regular comments and it’s one person who complains … stick with it!
What inspired this blog today? A couple of things.
I follow a gorgeous Facebook page called “” by Jolita Kelias, who recently posted this:
“Now that the number of my followers have increased immensely in the past couple of weeks due to the work that I do and the message I share, I started receiving plenty of promotional emails which I delete without reading and Hate messages from some of you. I guess some of you are having issues with another person’s happiness and goodness. So here is my message to you:
You have a problem with something, deal with it. Some of you write to me demanding to delete some posts you don’t like. So my answer is – You don’t like it, don’t look at it. No one is holding you here. The exit is in front of your nose – turn that way.
And to the ones who harbour beautiful feelings I say – Thank you for journeying together with me. Hugging you all. Jolita Kelias”
Today I went onto YouTube to look up trailers for some upcoming movies and instead came across these. This is how celebrities respond to mean Tweets directed at them (I found some of them hilarious!):
When I consider the whole scenario of these people going out of their way to be deliberately mean to others, all I could think was this…
The fact that all these negative people that are being referred to – all the trolls, all the complainers, all the “haters”, whatever you want to call them – they’re all old enough to write. Most of them can even spell. They’re all intelligent enough to access and use social media. Using that to deliver such hurtful, hateful messages in a bid to bring someone down who is working to pull everyone up is beyond me. Clearly something is going wrong with the values we are now teaching or maybe we’re overlooking values all together with much faster-paced lifestyles.
And not just the celebrities, but just people and their ignorance in general. Bullying is not ok. Anyone who follows my blog knows Happiness Weekly’s stance on that.
Trying to tear someone down when they’re on their way to success is not ok.
Interfering in anyone’s life in a negative way is not ok.
Pulling someone down when you see them succeeding is not ok.
In fact using words for anything negative is simply not ok.
We all have a right to freedom!
The intention of Happiness Weekly is to make a positive difference to many, many lives. This blog is dedicated to helping people, loving each other and building others up so we can work together as one big team to create a very positive and harmonious future for everyone to live in. If you wish to unsubscribe from something you’re following, and you’re not sure how, Google it! That’s what it’s there for.
If you’re not here to do that, and you’re on my page, or their page or any page that you just want to rip down, then I ask that you please don’t be there because these people are making a positive difference to many other people. And it’s not about you. In fact, I ask anyone with any negative thing to say about someone to first look beyond themselves. Why? Because a blogger can shut a page down and it won’t make a huge difference to their lives – if anything it could enhance it by giving them more time for themselves and to do other things they enjoy without the focus on others. But it’s not about them. It’s about the people who they are selflessly helping, who they are making a difference to, who will be hindered by the blog or Facebook page or other medium closing down because of your negative comment. Same goes for celebrities. What if these celebrities stopped entertaining because of the mean things people said to them? So that’s why I ask, anyone with anything negative to say, to think beyond themselves first.
And on that note, I wish to share this with you, it’s an absolutely incredible YouTube video by motivational speaker Lizzie Velasquez. It’s a little lengthy, but please watch it the whole way through if you have time:
Life Coach Darren Poke who writes the Better Life Coaching blog recently released this easy-to-digest blog about revealing our critics for who they are, it’s well worth the read. It’s called How to stop the hyenas laughing – a story about dealing with critics. Well done, Darren.
So finally I want you all to remember this: negativity can inspire rather than hinder. It can make people stronger. Everyone has a choice about how negativity will affect them. If you’re a blogger, or getting bullied, or have had hurtful things said about you that have knocked you down – which we all have at some stage – then look for the positive and keep going.
Don’t give up.
How to be the best person you can be
You’re lucky enough to be different, never change. Taylor Swift
Every day our aim should be to be the best person we possibly can be, whether someone is looking at us and watching what we are doing or not. We should always act in line with our values and morals and strive to be the person we want to be. This is not only a key to happiness but if you’re currently suffering from depression, this is the key to moving you beyond your current state.
The first step is figuring out what you can do to be the best person that you can be. This week, Happiness Weekly gives you some ideas for where to begin.
Write down your values
Ask yourself what really matters to you – not just in yourself, but also consider the qualities you value in other people. Sometimes it’s easy for us to look at people and see what we don’t like, but spend another second and consider the features you do like. Write a list of the things you value – whenever you feel as though life isn’t heading in the direction you want it to, refer back to these – they will keep you grounded and remind you of who you are and who you want to be.
Figure out who you want to be
Which leads us to the next point! You need to take some time to figure out who you want to be. Consider all your close friends and all the things you really admire in each of them. You can even look at celebrities you want – even physical features – what hairstyle you like, fake tan or no tan, how you like your makeup done etc. Pick all the best qualities and features from the people you have selected to act as role models – physical and psychological features – and form a list of things you need to do to become the best you that you can be. Then start setting some goals to help you become the person you want to be.
Diet
It’s no surprise that what you put into your body helps with the way you feel about yourself, and also how you feel about others. If you eat fresh foods and plenty of fruit and vegetables you will feel better about everything, therefore contributing to you becoming the best person you can be. Simple!
Exercise
If you sit at home like a couch potato all day, I can guarantee – you will feel that way. But if you look forward to the sunshine and take yourself out for some exercise each day – even if it’s just a walk, I can promise you will feel a lot better about yourself. No one compliments the person who sits on the couch, the best figure is earned. To get energy that shines from your soul, try to do 40 minutes to an hour of exercise a day.
Do what you like to do
Everyone has at least one thing they enjoy doing. Whether it’s taking part in a hobby, going out with friends or family, or having a full on pamper day. Whatever it is – do it! Treat yourself. If you can’t afford it, set goals so you can. Particularly if you are suffering from depression or anxiety, it’s ideal to complete an activity you enjoy a couple of times a week. Not sure what you enjoy? Don’t enjoy much because you feel so low? Push yourself! No one will take any pain that you’re suffering away from you – not even the person who caused it. If you push yourself to do the activities you usually enjoy, before you know it – you’ll be back on the path to being your old, vibrant self again.
Act with integrity
The key to being the best person you possibly can be is acting with integrity. Do what you say you will do. Keep promises. Turn up on time. Be accountable. Take responsibility. Do the right thing all the time. Metaphorically speaking: don’t do things behind closed doors that you wouldn’t do while those doors are open. The truth always comes out in the wash. It’s when we don’t do the right thing that our conscience interferes with our moods and actions and we can actually never be happy in that state. So if we do the right thing all the time – by ourselves and those around us – we will feel a lot happier, than if we’re sneaking around.
Get the job you want
Being employed is really important, even if you’re suffering from depression and finding it impossible to get out of bed. Losing your job would just add to the pain. The trick is to find a job that works for you – no puns intended. Work the hours that you want to work and get the income that you want to earn. Your dream job is out there – the trick is finding it. If you aren’t feeling on deck, I strongly advise avoiding the interviewing process until you are. An added rejection will not make you feel any better – but you could use this as incentive to get back on track faster!
Reassess your friends
Look at the people in your life that you have surrounded yourself with. Reassess if you really need them there or not. Consider how they make you feel about yourself. Remember in order to be the best, you need to be surrounded by the best. Get rid of anyone from your life who is holding you back or trying to drag you down. Remember, if they’re dragging you down, they’re beneath you already so moving forward from that relationship would be doing yourself a favour!
Don’t give up
Everyone has good days and bad days. You’re not always going to be the person you want to be. Sometimes you will do something that’s not like you at all – you’ll probably feel guilty and horrible rather than validated and good. Forgive yourself openly and get back on track as soon as you can. And remember, sometimes what we wish for isn’t what we need. Sometimes we need to carefully re-evaluate the things we want in order to live a happy and fulfilling life.
Set goals
Every achievement makes us feel a little better, more validated and more powerful within ourselves. Set realistic goals to lead you to becoming the best person you can be. Don’t tie the goals to someone else, ensure they’re all about you. Remember to be patient with yourself and that every sunrise leads you further from the storm.
As a general rule: if it makes you feel bad, don’t do it. Being the best person you can possibly be will only ever make you feel good! Best of luck in your journey to becoming the best person you can be.
Be proactive against bullying
Some people won’t be happy until they’ve pushed you to the ground. What you have to do is have the courage to stand your ground and not give them the time of day. Hold on to your power and never give it away. Donna Schoenrock
I’ve been actually really very pleased to see how much awareness was raised around bullying, and how deeply it affects everyone. You know, you don’t have to be the loser kid in high school to be bullied. Bullying and being picked on comes in so many different forms. Lady Gaga
The words of a bully can haunt for a lifetime, but a victim’s words – describing their pain – never feels enough. Unknown
More and more suicides caused by bullying, or bullycide incidents, are occurring as the brutality takes to the internet. Amanda Todd (pictured) is the recent poster girl as her story hit international headlines following a cry for help posted on YouTube. She’s not the first to take her life because of bullying and the eerie truth is: she won’t be the last.
According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics 2012, reducing bullying in schools is one of the top social issues consistently important to students across the country. It’s hard to believe that 1 in 10 students that drops out of school, does so because of repeated bullying. Celebrities, such as country singer Taylor Swift, claim to have been bullied at school. Many, including Taylor, write popular songs about their ordeal, and while this may glamorise a very ugly subject, it also raises awareness for a highly under-rated issue.
With more and more organisations fighting to combat bullying, there is still little information and support out there for victims that are suffering in silence. The scars from bullying are rarely acknowledged – possibly because past victims don’t want to open those old wounds to discuss and revisit what happened to them. I am absolutely passionate about combatting bullying – in schools and the office. More can be done! It is National Anti-Bullying Week this week (starting today), so Happiness Weekly looks at how YOU can be proactive against bullying and what more we can do.
What does bullying do to a person long-term?
It affects their…
– Self-worth: they’re so used to hearing that they’re a failure and all the things they can’t do that they’re filled with self-doubt. This affects victims for a long time after the bullying stops. It’s exhausting trying to get the energy to find self-worth again! If nothing is done, this self-doubt becomes so ingrained in the victim’s mind that when applying for jobs or going for a promotion, they will tend not to over-extend themselves and will stick to roles they are confident they can do. Not out of laziness, but out of doubt. Doubts they only have because other people put them there.
– Commitments: They will probably avoid any situation where they feel as though they will be harassed, caged-in, anxious, bullied or defeated. This could affect things such as serious relationships and job prospects going forward – because if something that is said is taken the wrong way, that person who was once a victim of bullying will replay the tape in their mind and feel the same emotions they felt at the time of the bullying, can take it a lot more personally than originally intended and will more than likely avoid the situation by leaving the relationship or job – which could ultimately affect their career.
More symptoms published by the Herald Sun are available here or read what victims and bullies say upon reflection here.
*** BE PROACTIVE AGAINST BULLYING ***
Generally adults with power (teachers, parents and managers) will tell victims not to respond or fight back: “just ignore it” – an unproductive response that doesn’t validate their feelings or needs. We all need to start taking responsibility and empowering our youth! Children need to learn assertive communication and be given practical tips for how to overcome the feelings they have after suffering at the hands of bullies. Some more practical solutions and alternatives to the “just ignore it” response, may include:
VICTIM: What you can do before it becomes a problem
– Choose not to be the victim (avoid the bully, don’t play into their hands)
– Seek courses in leadership, conflict management, assertive communication, self-esteem
– Be proactive in shifting your focus from the suffering and feelings of self-worth and guilt
– Find a way to take advantage of the situation – look for the lessons, let it strengthen you
– Speak to the school counsellor, a teacher or year advisor: suggest an afterschool class for victims – if you’re at work, speak to your HR department recommend team building if the bully is in your team and see if you can find a common ground to relate to them
– Tell your parents or a close friend and ask them to take part in an educational program with you
Remember, bullying doesn’t stop in high school – statistics show that workplace bullying and harassment is on the rise. The fact is you can’t change the bully or make them go away, but you can change yourself (choose not to be the victim), take control and ultimately change the result.
BULLY: What you can do before it becomes a problem
– Find out what is causing them to be nasty and need the power associated with bullying
– Fill the void with a healthy alternative such as taking a class: kindness, leadership, anger management, mindfulness programs etc.
– Speak to a counsellor
– Avoid toxic friends and people who support or encourage the behaviour
Bullies need to first realise they have a problem before they can be proactive in seeking the help and guidance they need. A key area to shift the bully’s focus is to concentrating on how they can change for the better and becoming the best person possible.
PARENT: What you can do before it becomes a problem
– Communicate a zero-tolerance for bullying behaviour by applying negative consequences if displayed. Clear, fair and significant consequences may include grounding, repaying stolen money, restoring damage etc.
– Teach your child to control their anger productively
– Teach your child good values and behaviours, tell them that their behaviour affects others
– If you find your child bullying someone, ask them to explain their events before turning them in (this is the best way for them to take responsibility)
If your child is being bullied:
– Keep a diary of any injuries, report physical assaults to the school and police
– Monitor your child’s friendships and whereabouts.
FACTS AND STATISTICS
– One student in every four in Australian schools is affected by bullying, says recent research commissioned by the Federal Government
– An estimated 200 million children and youth around the world are being bullied by their peers, according to the 2007 Kandersteg Declaration Against Bullying in Children and Youth
– According to the Centre for Adolescent Health, kids who are bullied are three times more likely to show depressive symptoms
– Children who were bullied were up to nine times more likely to have suicidal thoughts
– Girls who were victims of bullying in their early primary school years were more likely to remain victims as they got older, according to British research
– Girls were much more likely than boys to be victims of both cyber and traditional bullying, says a recent Murdoch Children’s Research Institute study
– Young people who bully have a one in four chance of having a criminal record by the age of 30
– Bullying is the fourth most common reason young people seek help from children’s help services.
– Around the world, more than one in six children are bullied at school, every week. More than one in six employees are bullied at work, and some research suggests that more employees are bullied at work!
– Bullying causes billions of damage to everyone concerned, the target, bully, onlookers, families, school, workplace, employers and the community.
– Bullying causes accumulative layers of primary and secondary injuries. These include physical, psychological, social and identity injuries. It can affect studies, career, relationships and financial wellbeing. It can cause a severe Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, lasting many years.
BEATING THE CYBER BULLIES
What is CYBER BULLYING?
Cyber bullying chases victims onto the Internet – it involves the digital communication (text messages, emails, phone calls, internet chat rooms, instant messages and social media using sights such as Bebo, Facebook and MySpace) to support, deliberate, repeated and hostile behaviour.
While it’s fantastic that technology is evolving, unfortunately bullying is evolving with it which means you can be bullied anywhere, any time – even receiving cruel taunts in the privacy of your own bedroom. Studies show that cyber bullying is on the rise, with one third of teenagers in a recent survey having had mean, threatening or embarrassing things said about them online. Stop Cyber Bullying Day is this Wednesday, 14 November 2012.
What can you do to prevent cyber bullying happening to you?
Tell someone you trust: parent, friend, teacher, school counsellor, neighbour etc.
Block the cyber bully: delete your social media account, or simply empower yourself by blocking the cyber bully. Unsure how? Check with your phone or internet service provider or ask Google.
Report it: Report abuse on Facebook/MySpace, alternatively your ISP or phone provider may help provide a log which you can take to your school, university, place of work or even the police.
Keep the evidence: Keep any texts, emails, online conversations or voicemails as evidence which can help track down the bully. If you’re tempted to look at it, keep a log including the time and date it took place to avoid further torturing yourself.
Change your details: Get a new phone number, a new username for the internet, a new email … and ensure only your closest friends get the new information.
Happiness Weekly’s suggested solution to assist victims of cyber bullying and provide an alternative to bullycide
Now that the internet is becoming more popular, and is certainly a place that bullies turn to in order to further insult and humiliate their victims, more can be done right here – online! And I don’t mean more information and more facts…
A quick Google search retrieves information on schoolyard and workplace bullying. Sprinkled with a few stats and facts – suggesting you are not alone. The fact is anyone who is being bullied – for whatever reason – feels alone. No one can take the sting away, but someone can be there to listen and support those in need.
If Happiness Weekly had the capacity to become an anti-bullying organisation, the first thing I would suggest would be an online support group for those being bullied. That’s right – let’s take some of the people off the phones for Lifeline and sit them on a computer to share advice and help these kids (or adults) without them having to speak a word.
And I’m not talking about a lazy forum with a single moderator – I mean a full on page, where people can INDIVIDUALLY talk to a counsellor they choose in a chat session. FOR FREE! The government should support this – with trained professionals. The aim of the idea is to offer 24 hour support, seven days a week, on an international level.
Making a phone call is powerful, but how many kids refuse to talk? Saying it out loud may mean admitting the problem, it may be failure, it may mean kids won’t seek help. Having somewhere online, where kids can set up an appointment with an expert (possibly via text?), join a chat room or even meet them on MSN Messenger, Windows Live or even Skype and just chat it out for an hour or two – feel validated and then put some positive advice into practice could be what leads to a saved nation.
I admit that I am exceptionally passionate about this idea and that stems from having being bullied. The thing is, I didn’t call a helpline for fear someone would overhear the conversation, leading to further embarrassment – and admitting the problem out loud is also unsettling, while it may be the first step to recovery. Our counselling professionals and specialists need to band together to create a safe-haven online and produce some real-time online support – that way victims will always have someone there for them when they need them without the fear of being overheard.
If such a network existed, there would certainly be a reduction in bullicides. Start locally, if a counsellor, or five, from each state got together, we could start with Australia – with the hope of expanding the movement as a global support hub.
What is often overlooked is that bullying not only affects those who are being traumatised, but also those who are watching on. Such a support group could offer real-time advice to school counsellors out of ideas, or people watching victims who won’t defend themselves.
A lot of bullying has taken to Social Media sites such as Facebook and Twitter, and they need to stand up and take responsibility as well. Why not employ hackers to shut down access from their IP address – or no hackers, just block the IP address from accessing their site anymore. Bullies will get tired of buying new computers eventually! Nip it in the bud! Don’t block an email account, they can easily start a new one and continue their horrible mission… wipe their IP from having access to your system – ever again! People that bully online are not responsible enough to re-join social networking communities.
What do you think? Would it work? Why or why not?
Need support? You can speak to trained counsellors by phoning these 24-hour telephone counselling services:
Lifeline 13 11 14
Kids Help Line
Information and support is also available from the following websites:
Beyondblue – http://www.beyondblue.org.au
Youth Beyondblue – http://www.youthbeyondblue.com
Info Line
Sane
More organisations that recognise bullying as a major problem:
– Happiness Weekly (there’s more practical and beneficial things to do than bullying!)
– World Kindness Australia
– Enough is Enough
– Human Rights Anti Bullying
– Beat bullying
Please remember Bullying Awareness Week starts today and Anti Bullying Week in the UK follows the week after. Donate to the above organisations, spread word about them to friends and colleagues or be proactive this week against bullying!
Please leave your suggestions for how we could be more proactive against bullying below. Alternatively if you are interested in discussing the topic further or need more direct assistance, contact me and I’ll get back to you! Bullycide is completely preventable. Stop bullying.
Male role models: Celebrity men you SHOULD look up to
Being a role model is the most powerful form of educating…too often fathers neglect it because they get so caught up in making a living they forget to make a life. John Wooden.
Good male celebrity role models are as hard to find as good female celebrity role models. Consider the following and what you think of when their names are mentioned: Bill Clinton, Tiger Woods, Chris Brown, Kyle Sandilands…
Continuing on from my last blog which examined female celebrity role models, Happiness Weekly looks at male celebrities and recommend who our younger generations SHOULD look up to.
Top Role Models: Happiness Weekly’s favourite celebrity men
Dalai Lama
6 July 1935
Known to be friendly, happy, sane, compassionate and wise, the Dalai Lama inspires millions of people with his Buddhist and balanced approach to life. Working with psychiatrist Howard Cutler, he recently published “The Art of Happiness – a handbook for living” which reached number 2 on the New York Times best seller list. He believes that every action has a reaction, and that reaction will seed another result. “My life has not been easy… I learned that one’s own mental state is crucial. If one remains calm one creates a peaceful atmosphere. If one loses one’s temper and calmness, the situation becomes more complicated and more trouble is created,” he said.
Eamon Sullivan
30 August 1985
Not just a pretty face, this Olympic swimmer was the first winner of television’s MasterChef, then going on to open a café Louis Baxter in Subiaco Square near Perth, and released his own cookbook: Eamon’s kitchen – 130 robust, no fuss recipes for everyday and entertaining. In 2008 he held the world record for the 50m and 100m freestyle and he broke the 100m world record twice at the Beijing Olympic Games. To top off his list of achievements, he won the 2011 CLEO Bachelor of the Year. “A balanced diet is key to maintaining good health. I am a big believer in not robbing yourself of the things that you enjoy eating, however then balancing this out with healthy options throughout the week.”
Liam Neeson
7 June 1952
He’s been through the greatest heartache in the public eye when his wife passed away after a devastating skiing accident, but Liam has managed to bounce back into his usual successful routine. The selfless actor quit smoking for his children and has been known to donate and be associated with several charities including Make Poverty History, Clothes Off Our Back, Bicycle for a Day and ONE Campaign. He has worked as a forklift operator, a truck driver, an architect, an amateur boxer and a teacher before pursuing his successful career in acting. “I’ve had an unbelievable life. I’ve been very lucky. You do create your own luck too, you know? I never forget where I’m from. Whenever I pass a building site or see somebody digging a ditch, I always think, ‘That’s real work.’…” He also said: “It’s interesting, the more successful you become the more people want to give you stuff for nothing,” he said.
Brad Pitt
18 December 1963
Down-to-earth, masculine and charming, good looking, and wanted by Hollywood’s hottest actresses! This easy-going actor and film producer has been described as one of the most attractive men in the world. Despite bringing up six children with partner Angelina Jolie, Brad still finds time to support 33 different charities and assist with humanitarian crisis around the world. “I believe you make your day. You make your life. So much of it is all perception, and this is the form that I built for myself. I have to accept it and work within those compounds, and it’s up to me,” he said.
John Lennon
9 October 1940
One of the most influential people in history, John’s quest for peace, love and understanding will always be remembered. In the 1960s and 70s, he was revolutionary in changing negative social values as he formed and led the most successful band of all time, The Beatles. He spoke out against things such as inequality and the Vietnam War. “We’re trying to sell peace, like a product, you know, and sell it like people sell soap or soft drinks. And it’s the only way to get people aware that peace is possible,” he said. Best of all, John was proud of who he was: “I’m not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I’ve always been a freak. So I’ve been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I’m one of those people,” he said, also saying: “You don’t need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!”
Barack Obama
4 August 1961
The President of the United States of America is arguably the best role model for the new generation. When he took the oath, Barack became the 44th president of his country. Despite his humble beginnings, he overcame all obstacles and achieved what he set out to do. He has a great personality – his charisma comes across when he speaks, and a charming family. He also gives a vibe of hope, courage and enthusiasm, with a strong “can do” attitude. His message is that if you have determination you will reach your destination, it doesn’t matter if the odds are in your favour or not. When your heart is in what you do, you produce the best you can. The love and joy that you feel is reflected in your work. Whatever it is then that you produce, be it a product or service, it not only improves your life spiritually and financially but it also improves the lives of other people too. “If you’re walking down the right path and you’re willing to keep walking, eventually you’ll make progress,” he said.
Harrison Ford
13 July 1942
He started out working as a carpenter but was made famous for his role as Han Solo in Star Wars and four years on, for his star roles in the Indiana Jones movies. In 1997, he was ranked #1 in Empire magazine’s Top 100 Movie Stars of All Time list, he has starred in a film that grossed at least $100m at the US Box Office for five consecutive decades and in 2000, he received an AFI Life Achievement Award. He has four children, has been married three times – currently to Calista Flockhart – and has had great involvement with charity work – particularly to do with environment, donating $100m to conservation partners around the world. “It took me a long time to figure out how to act, and how to conduct myself in the business so I could get what I felt I needed to support my potential and give them what they wanted.”
Tom Hanks
9 July 1956
He has been married to Rita Wilson since 1988, won Academy Awards for his performances in Forest Gump, Philadelphia, Apollo 13, and Saving Private Ryan, and he is known to be one of the nicest actors in Hollywood. Involved in every part of film, Tom is an actor, writer, producer and director. On Veterans Day in 1999, he received the Distinguished Public Service Award (the US Navy’s highest civilian honour) for his work in Saving Private Ryan. “People always think that there has got to be a dark side to everyone, a closet with skeletons, demons under the bed. People think all kinds of things about one another. They feel compelled to make up fears and false assumptions about their closest friends. Truth is, I’ll never know all there is to know about you just as you will never know all there is to know about me. Humans are by nature too complicated to be understood fully. So, we can choose either to approach our fellow human beings with suspicion or to approach them with an open mind, a dash of optimism and a great deal of candour,” he said.
Jesse Spencer
12 February 1979
Australian actor and musician – he’s played the violin since he was 10 years old and also plays the guitar, bass and piano – he started out on Aussie drama Neighbours. He speaks fluent French, currently acts in US series House as Dr. Robert Chase, and in 2007 was listed in People magazine’s 100 Most Beautiful People. Although he hasn’t been in the public eye a lot, and there’s not too much mention of charity work, he has done very well to get to where he is, which is why I’ve included him in my role model list. “I`ve never thought of myself as a big star or a teenage pin-up. I`m just me. It`s probably Billy that people really like anyway, rather than me,” he said referring to his Neighbours character Billy Kennedy.
Shane West
10 June 1978
He won my heart playing the bad boy in A Walk to Remember opposite the beautiful Mandy Moore. Shane started acting when he was forced to take drama class in high school because he needed one more credit to graduate. He’s now acting in CW’s hit series Nikita. “Being a role model is tough. It’s tough because everyone is their own person, we all have our own faults you know, so it is hard to think that someone would consider having me as a role model when I know all of my faults (laughing) … Role models for me are my parents, so I try to be the best I can; if I am going to be a role model for somebody I try to be my best in and for the public,” he said.
There are still so many male celebrities worth mentioning in this blog including Steve Martin, Jack Nicholson, Ethan Hawk, Christian Bale (particularly for visiting the victims in Aurora recently), Clive Owen, Jake Gyllenhaal, Hugh Jackman and Wentworth Miller, Channing Tatum – but I wanted to leave room for discussion: who are your favourite male celebrity role models and why?
Female role models: Celebrity women you SHOULD look up to
Play like anyone you care about but try to be yourself while you’re doing so. B.B.King
As I was passing the news stands this week, I got thinking about all the celebrities. Open any newspaper or magazine and if you find yourself reading about a celebrity it is generally negative or bad news … or they’ve simply done the wrong thing. This week Happiness Weekly is looking at female celebrities, and we’ll get to male celebrities over the next couple of weeks.
Just from today’s tabloids this week, you would see: Amanda Bynes gets caught drink driving … twice, Lindsey Lohan’s step-mother encourages her to drink despite her problem, Victoria Beckham drops weight while Lady Gaga gains weight, the paparazzi captures Kate Middleton’s breasts, Paris Hilton thinks most gays “probably have AIDS”, and Fiona Apple arrested for cannabis on tour… the list seems never ending!
What’s a little scary is that the people buying these magazines and reading this news are generally teenagers or young adults. Is this really who we really want them looking up to? Probably not – but the question is: who SHOULD we encourage our younger generations to look up to?
What is a role model?
According to Psychology Wiki, a role model is “a person, real or fictional, who fills his or her role as a good or bad example for others.” It goes on to define a positive role model as someone who “carries out a role demonstrating values, ways of thinking and acting, which are considered good in that role. Others will hopefully follow the example.”
Is it important to have a role model – good or bad?
According to Health Guidance, role models are extremely important to us psychologically because they help to guide us through life during our development and to make important decisions that affect the outcome of our lives. “Having the correct role model will ensure that we learn to be successful and adaptive in later life, and that we are happy when we are older having achieved that aim … a good role model should be someone hard working, creative, free thinking and moral.”
Top Role Models: Happiness Weekly’s favourite celebrity women
Oprah Winfrey
29 January 1954
America’s most-loved talk-show host and highest paid celebrity is also a crusader for human rights. Oprah inspires people to live fully and be the best they can be, encourages them to read and changes lives with her generosity. She gets respect without demanding it, she is empathetic and humble, and she asks celebrities the questions we really want to know! Better still, she has a great website, blogs, her own magazine, and has created OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) sites and social media pages that keeps us updated with her Next Chapter. “The big secret in life is that there is no big secret. Whatever your goal, you can get there if you’re willing to work,” she said.
Jennifer Hawkins
22 December 1983
This Australian beauty was overnight sensation when crowned Miss Universe back in 2004, but Jennifer Hawkins certainly didn’t exit as quickly as she appeared – she is now one of Australia’s hottest exports! It may have started with a few unflattering slips and losing a skirt on the runway, but she has always maintained her dignity. Her achievements include presenting on The Great Outdoors, being the face of Myer and Loveable, and having her own swimwear line, Cozi, and shoe range. A great success, yet she remains realistic and grounded: “I hate the whole tall-poppy syndrome. I don’t want people to think it’s all gone to my head, because it isn’t. That’s why I’m a little bit stressed, because in the back of my head I’m like, ‘When, when, when?’”
Goldie Hawn
21 November 1945
Known for her acting career, Goldie is currently promoting her international best seller and meditation manual: 10 Mindful Minutes. She’s won an Oscar Award, a People’s Choice Award and a Golden Grammy Award and raised two children (one being actress Kate Hudson), and with her experience, Goldie brings a cool feminist attitude and a wealth of inspiring knowledge: “Once you can laugh at your own weaknesses, you can move forward. Comedy breaks down walls. It opens up people. If you’re good, you can fill up those openings with something positive,” she said. “The only thing that will make you happy is being happy with who you are, and not who people think you are.”
Tyra Banks
4 December 1973
From the runway to the stage as a talk-show host, Tyra has become an ambassador for self-esteem and body image. There is no doubt this supermodel is successful with a big list of achievements: she was the first black model on the cover of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit at the age of 23, she then made a transition into television and film, published a book: Tyra’s Beauty Inside and Out and eventually had her own successful talk show – the Tyra Banks Show – which she used as a forum to discuss body image, bullying and self-esteem. Her success is owed to being in a league of her own: “I’m competitive with myself. I always try to push past my own borders,” she said.
Miranda Kerr
20 April 1983
Not just a pretty face, this top Victoria’s Secret Angel model studied nutrition and psychology before putting her full focus into modelling. Another Australian stunner, Miranda won a model competition in Dolly Magazine in 1997 when her career began. She was one of the first models to promote proper nutrition and exercise as a way of maintaining her beauty: following an organic diet and practising yoga daily. Miranda also promotes happiness, often talking about the importance of a healthy diet, regular exercise and a positive attitude contributing to being a successful person. “When you are healthy you look your best, and in modelling when you look and feel your best, you get the best results,” she said.
Martha Stewart
3 August 1941
An ambassador for change, Martha has appeared successful in every career move she’s made. She started out in television and modelling, then worked as a stockbroker (one of the first women to enter this field), then she began a catering business which inspired her to write a cookbook, followed by writing starting a magazine: Martha Stewart Living, starting a television show based on the magazine… “My new motto is: When you’re through changing, you’re through,” she said. Although there have been a few ups and downs, Martha said her success was driven by her winning attitude: “Without an open-minded mind, you can never be a great success,” she said.
Taylor Swift
13 December 1989
Beautiful, fresh-as-a-daisy, dignified and vintage-loving – there is no doubt that Taylor Swift is a great role model for the younger generation. Despite earning multi-millions of dollars, this polite country singer is known for her polite, respectful manner and good-girl image – and best of all she has stayed true to herself. Taylor has been nominated for 162 awards and won 113 of them, she was the youngest musician to win the Entertainer of the Year award at the 43rd Annual Country Music Association Awards. Here’s Taylor’s thoughts on being a role model: “I think it’s my responsibility to know it and to be conscious of it … The truth of it is that every singer out there with songs on the radio is raising the next generation”.
Dame Judi Dench
9 December 1934
They say Hollywood has an age limit for success, particularly for its actresses, but Judi is still going strong, in November 2011 she was awarded a Lifetime Achievement Award by Harper’s Bazaar Magazine. She started acting in a television series Hilda Lessways in 1959 – at 25 years old – and according to IMDB, still has some appearances scheduled ahead of her in 2013, Judi made her debut as a director in 1988 for several stage shows. At 78 years old, she suffers from macular degeneration, an eye disease that is treated with injections into the eye. Although her vision is impaired, she gets someone to read scripts to her and continues memorising her lines and working. “I think you should take your job seriously, but not yourself – that is the best combination,” she said.
Dakota Fanning
23 February 1994
Although young, this gorgeous teen has already acted with Hollywood’s hottest A-list celebrities including Tom Cruise, Brittany Murphy, Sean Penn and Denzil Washington. She learned to read at age two, began acting at age five, and she ranked number 14 on the Forbes List of The 20 Top-Earning Young Superstars in 2007 but still went on to graduate high school in June 2011 and go on to study at New York University. “I think that when you’re in the public eye, you automatically become a role model, because people are reading about you and looking at pictures of stuff you’ve done. But, you know, no one’s perfect, everyone makes mistakes. I have made mistakes and I will make mistakes. I’m only human,” she said.
Meryl Streep
22 June 1949
Known to be one of the most talented actors of all time, she has been nominated 17 times for Academy Awards and won three. The perfectionist says her success is owed to preparation for her roles, she is known for her ability to master almost any accent. Meryl has been married to Don Gummer for 34 years and raised four down-to-earth children. At 62 years old, she modelled for her first Vogue cover making her the oldest cover girl in the magazine’s history! “It is not a simple job to be a role model. It is not just being endlessly compassionate, polite, and well groomed. It’s equal parts being who you actually are, and what people hope you will be. It’s representing for all women to be our best selves,” she said.
Jessica Alba
28 April 1981
There’s no doubt this sporty health-freak is a great role model for all women. Jessica admits to cooking for herself from the age of 12 because she didn’t want to end up as overweight as her family. In 2001, Alba was ranked No. 1 on Maxim magazine’s Hot 100 list. She married Cash Warren in 2008 and has two children: Honor Marie and Haven Garner. In August 2005, Jessica hosted the BeMoreYou.com retreat in Los Angeles, which aimed to empower and improve the self-image of teenage girls. “It’s not about being skinny by any means. It’s about being healthy, loving yourself. It’s about being proud of who you are and proud of how God put you together,” she said.
Ellen DeGeneres
26 January 1958
Ellen is the world’s most famous lesbian (she came out about her sexual orientation in 1997) and inspirational for her persistence. Initially the Ellen Show failed with poor ratings! Now Ellen is a talk show host (same show, different time-slot) and is a strong campaigner for equal rights and anti-bullying with her “Be Kind” campaign. In 1982 she was voted the funniest person in America, and in 1991 she won the Best Female Club Stand-Up at the Comedy Awards. In August 2008, Ellen married successful Australian actress Portia De Rossi. “Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that,” Ellen said during her Tulane Commencement Speech in 2009.
Rachel McAdams
17 November 1978
We all fell in love with Rachel after her stunning performance in The Notebook: her smile is confident but not cocky, she’s classy, dignified and easy to identify with. In 2005, Rachel ranked #14 on the Maxim magazine Hot 100 Women list. While she knows how to drive (learning after a bike accident), in a bid to conserve energy she refuses to own a car opting to ride a bicycle or take public transport instead – further to this, she was a co-founder of http://www.greenissexy.org, a website which helps raise awareness about the environment. “I’ve sort of heard that “it” girl thing, but not really. Hearing it from a few people doesn’t solidify it in my mind and I wouldn’t know how to solidify that title. It’s so elusive and what does it mean, I don’t know?”
Jennifer Connelly
12 December 1970
This natural beauty began modelling for print advertisements when she was 10 years old before moving into television commericals. She has since played a variety of roles in successful movies, including A Beautiful Mind which she won an Oscar Award for Best Supporting Actress. Jennifer attended Yale University to study English for a couple of years before moving to Stanford University to study drama and classical theatre. Multilingual, she can speak French and Italian. In November 2005, she became an Amnesty International Ambassador for Human Rights Education, stressing the need for clean water and participating in drilling projects in Africa, India and Central America. “I try to stay focused on my life and do try not to be brought into the Hollywood fantasy.”
There are still many more female role models that deserve to be in this blog including Gwenyth Paltrow, Beyonce Knowles, Meg Ryan, Anne Hathaway, Kate Winslet, Alexis Bledel… this list continues – but I wanted to leave room for discussion. Who are your favourite female celebrity role models and why?