The words people in Toxic Relationships WISH they could say…
“And then I was free”…
These are the words people in toxic relationships WISH they could say every time they walk out the door after another soul crushing interaction with the person they are currently seeing.
People in toxic relationships often want to leave the relationship but “can’t” and they don’t know why. Meanwhile their friends watch as they get sucked in again and again, generally by a partner fearing abandonment. The toxic partner in this case will be (very subconsciously) hurting the person’s self esteem in a bid to keep them, because they know they often know their mate can do better than them.
Unfortunately their attempts to hurt them, often works. So by the time the person gets set to leave the toxic relationship they have self doubt which is over-riding what their rational mind is telling them. This is often confused for the heart ruling the mind, but in reality between the fantasy they have of who the person is and this massive self doubt combined with low self esteem … it’s easy to get stuck in a toxic relationship.
What is difficult is explaining to people what is really going on in order for them to understand the yoyoing relationship. When there are no feelings towards anyone it’s easy to stand back and with judgement and authority say “You should break up!” or “I can’t stand watching this, I’m not going to be your friend until you break up…” and the list of things “supportive” friends say in this scenario are endless.
I put supportive in inverted comas here, not because they’re not supportive but because they actually are. When the person in the toxic relationship (who wants to leave but can’t follow through) is confronted with this situation, it’s easy to dismiss the friend. “Fine! I don’t need a friend that’ll abandon me right now!” However, what is important to keep in mind is that this person is doing the best thing they know how by them, with their own experience, beliefs and knowledge on the topic and the relationship.
Many people mishandle toxic relationships – and with emotions running high, often because it’s very stressful and you feel as though the whole world is shouting at you what you should do and everyone knows better than you – but it doesn’t have to be this way.
All about toxic relationships and how to let go
Don’t be upset if people prefer another to you, it’s difficult to convince a monkey that strawberries are sweeter than bananas. Anonymous
Are you in a relationship that is making you feel bad about yourself? Are you doubting yourself or finding you’re having paranoid thoughts about your actions and their impact? Do you find yourself acting out in ways that you never have before? Are you constantly distressed and not sure if you’re relationship is coming or going? Are you isolated from your loved ones or has your self-esteem plummeted due to continuing this relationship? I bet you can’t recognise yourself anymore too… DROP IT LIKE IT’S HOT!
We have all encountered toxic people in our life, but for those of us unlucky enough to experience a toxic relationship, you will understand how these feelings and symptoms mentioned above crept subtly into your relationship and started affecting it, and how painful it is to let the person go – particularly because you will generally love them and care for them that little bit extra because they have needed you and dragged you down at the same time. Sometimes we need to love someone from a distance and unfortunately this means the process of detoxing yourself from them. If your partner is putting you down, crushing your spirit or you have found out that they are cheating on you, this blog is for you. This week, Relationship Free looks at how you can release yourself from a toxic relationship and get on with a happier life – even if it means being alone.
Losing friends for bad relationships
One of the biggest tell-tail signs that you’re in a bad relationship is when you start losing your friends, and particularly friends you value. Generally by the time this starts happening, you’ve been with the person for long enough that you have developed serious feelings for them, and sometimes these friends come second to your heart.
I have been in this situation. I’ve watched many close friendships fade over the years because of my stubborn choice in partner. And only for a month or two after the friendship ending for the relationship to break up … and it feels, like agony! It feels like losing two really big parts of yourself only to gain nothing. It’s even happened to my close girlfriends who are people I aspire to be like, who sit across from me in cafes and tell me they have lived through the pain of losing friends for a relationship that hasn’t worked out anyway.
But what if your partner isn’t bad for you at all? What if the things you were telling your friends was just to clear your mind from it, get their opinions in that moment and to help you strengthen your relationship with more ideas?
Everyone has their own methods and solutions for resolving this predicament.
“If they’re good friends, they would stand by no matter what.” “If you valued the friendship, you’d prioritise your friendships.” You kind of hear it all, people are very opinionated about where they stand … but it’s never fifty/fifty. It seems difficult in these situations that you can have it all. But you can!
So the question isn’t, ‘How do you juggle your friendships with a toxic relationship’ because the relationship may not be toxic – you may just be venting to your friends some pain stemming from the relationship, but for the most part it is good. It’s difficult from a friend’s point of view not to judge, particularly when they care for you. Let’s face it, that’s what good friends do!
So how do you keep your friends?
1. Talk about your relationship with balance
If you truly care for your partner, talk about them to your friends with love. Tell stories in the most factual but balanced way you can. Try to see both sides. Where something happens that you really can’t process, understand your friends may also struggle to process it and either speak about it with your partner or seek outside support.
2. Praise your relationship
If you’re ever going to practise gratitude in your life, my greatest suggestion (unless you’re in an abusive relationship, in which case, seek help and please don’t take on this advice) is to practise gratitude in your relationship. Often people pick apart the person they love and everything they do for them: it’s not Hollywood, just be happy! Same with your friendships. I try to make everyone of significance to me know how important they are to me as often as I can. You never know when something may happen to you and you may not be able to tell them how they’ve positively impacted you anymore.
3. Catch up with your friends
It’s easy to get caught up with your close friend, working a lot and your partner who you want to spend every moment with, but it’s important to remember the little guys! You know who I’m talking about, these are the friends who have been there unconditionally for you and supported you and are available to catch up and come to your birthday parties … but they’re not your BEST friend. You need to make time for these people and still demonstrate their importance in your life or you will lose them.
4. Act with love
Keep your head on your shoulders and always act with love: towards your friends and partner. Where a problem arises, act with compassion – always try to see things from the other person’s perspective and try to demonstrate understanding. You will still do what you do, but it’s ok to communicate that you hear people. If you value your friends AND your love, you need to act with the same love and compassion toward both.
5. NEVER choose
Even if a friend throws down their sword and demands you make a choice, I still think you’re safer remaining on the fence. If you make a choice, they’ll forever remember it. Whereas, it’s often these friends that demand a decision who turn around and apologise … if they never do, then let them go. It’s easier to accept someone back in your life and have them WANT to come back at times when you haven’t antagonized the situation.
6. Continue to focus on the positive
Remember, people like positive people, and they like people who focus on the positives. So no matter what’s going on between your partner and your friends, try to rise above it and continue to be positive and to choose to see things positively! When sharing something bad that’s come up in the relationship, or something that has hurt you, express that this doesn’t occur all the time and that you just want their opinion to help you decide your next steps. Make the distinction very clearly that you’re not looking for a solution, you’re looking for an opinion which will help you find the solution.
Don’t let toxic people infect you with the fear of giving and receiving one of the most powerful forces in this world… LOVE! Yvonne Pierre
With all different people and personalities on social media, it’s not surprising that some people are more toxic than others. However, some toxic behaviours that are unacceptable in reality are now becoming more and more common in these digital settings. Some of these behaviours may be things you do to certain people on your digital channels.
Everyone decides who joins their digital space differently. However, if you’ve invited someone into your circle who you don’t actually enjoy spending time with you receiving information from – that is not just toxic for the other person, but it is also toxic for you and can hurt your self esteem by causing you to think negatively every time they pop up in your feed.
First, it’s important to acknowledge, if it’s no longer fun – it’s toxic. If you’re tired or drained after cruising through your Facebook feed, it’s fair to say you have toxic people in your social circle and it’s time to re-evaluate. Remind yourself of this like a mantra: quality not quantity – it will be essential to your wellbeing.
The toxic behaviours which I’m exposing today to draw consciousness to include:
Social exclusion
I don’t know why people do this because if you ask me, it just makes them look like a complete jerk –but if you look at some feeds you’ll notice someone says a comment and a series of people respond to it. You like it and the comment goes away. The person who is hosting the conversation (aka posted the comment) then writes on it again and it appears in your feed. You notice they went back through and acknowledged every single comment on their post with a like or reply except for ONE person! Another example of this kind of social exclusion is scrolling down someone’s wall and you notice someone has asked them a question – say they want to meet up to reunite after years apart because they’re in the neighbourhood, or they want a hand with something – and the person they’re trying to communicate with didn’t acknowledge it, but a post made by other people on either side of that person’s comment has their undivided attention… It’s just RUDE! Sure, maybe they missed that one comment, but it appears unlikely if they’re particularly active before and after it.
OK, so if this has happened to you – I recommend deleting the person who ignored you because that is not a friend, in any sense of the word.
My digital rule of thumb is: if I have time for you and put energy into responding to something, I’d appreciate the same courtesy from people who I invite into my social circle.
The shameless pessimist
Have you got a constantly negative friend? They’re always down on this, that and the other and if they’re not down on that, they’re down on something you say? It’s like you’re Pooh Bear and they’re Eeor.
.
Are you toxic?
Many people come to me about their toxic or abusive relationship to see if I can help them leave or fix it. What a lot of them don’t ask is if it’s really their partner or if it’s them who is toxic. Often we are so busy blaming things and judging other people that we forget to take a moment to stop and look at ourselves.
If you think you’re in a toxic relationship right now, this blog is for you – because the first thing you need to do, before analysing too much about the other person, is to check in with yourself. Ask yourself: Is the relationship I have with myself toxic? Because if it is, you are going to be toxic to people around you and also encourage toxic people into your life. It’s only when we truly care for ourselves and value ourselves that we can find and maintain consistently healthy relationships all throughout our lives.
Today Relationship Free checks in to help you decide if the relationship you have with yourself is toxic and what you can do about it. Read the full article here.
All about Relationship Free
Saving long term relationships, putting the spark back in marriages, helping people break free of toxic relationships and getting people excited about being single and living life again is all in a day’s work at Relationship Free. Don’t let the name fool you – every day we work to help people decide who is the best partner for them, how to save a current relationship or marriage – even after infidelity, and finding yourself again.
We get to the core of the issue and work to resolve underlying issues while offering tools to correct the current issue causing people pain.
What makes us different?
Generally when we’re looking outside a relationship for someone else, or we’re feeling controlled in an abusive relationship, or we’re bordering on leaving the relationship we’ve been in for a long time or a partner we chose to marry, we may be excited by the idea of some freedom. What if we told you that you don’t need to look too far? Relationship Free helps clients find the freedom within to be your best self and work towards resolving unconscious issues, cycles and patterns that are bringing your relationships down or leading you to unhealthy relationships. Our tagline is “Find the freedom within to be your best self”.
What makes us awesome?
We don’t judge! Client after client we receive feedback at the end of a call telling us how great we were because despite whatever information may be disclosed we withhold judgement. A lot of people find it difficult to get the most out of therapy and counselling because of the fear holding them back from being completely open and honest during their session. Relationship Free quickly builds rapport and works to resolve the problem and empower the client at the same time as making them feel better about things. Where there’s a fork in the road, we cut through and help people decide the best path to take for them and equip them with the steps to follow through with it.
What makes us special?
You never know when that moment will come up in life where you need support around your relationship and everywhere you turn you feel alone, abandoned and as though either decision is a loss or someone will get hurt. Sarah Webb is a relationship coach and expert equipped to handle even the trickiest relationship traumas and issues with a knowledge and her own experiences extending well beyond life coaching. “I’ve been in toxic relationships, I ended up in a relationship where I was abused in every way possible, so badly I thought I’d never escape – and I didn’t want to leave at the time – that man tried to take my life three times. I survived and now I want to help others through it and offer an alternative to traditional therapy – just because you feel as though you may be going insane, doesn’t mean you are,” Sarah says.
What do we believe?
Every issue has a fundamental underlying issue that comes back to us. We each have the power within to shift and change this and to offer ourselves the freedom from the problem we seek. At times when we are stuck, cycles are repeating or patterns are occurring, it’s because these underlying issues are often unresolved. Relationship Free cuts through this and works to develop the steps and offer support to strengthen you in your journey. We help men, women, married couples, singles and everything in between – our work is tailored for the individual.
Where can you find us?
Our website is at www.relationshipfree.com – and you can book your appointment online. You can also find . Spread the word – it could save a marriage, a relationship or even a person.
BIG news – launching Relationship Free
If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living. Gail Sheehy
Just like that…
Like a flick of a switch.
In just a brief moment in time.
Everything went back to how it was.
It was like…
A tidal wave cleansing a desert.
A burnt out forest, turning green.
A wilted flower coming to life again.
Every fractured bone – repaired.
In an instant the spell broke.
It was as I looked into his eyes that I realised… I felt something.
And it wasn’t exciting like it usually would be. It wasn’t like: “Oh my god, this is it: I’m in love … again!”
It was: “Oh my god, I actually FEEL something!”
And in that moment, looking into his eyes, I realised just how numb I’d been for the past year.
What I experienced in 2013 was so painful I had shut down.
Not just romantically, but from everything.
Although I have obviously laughed, I don’t remember feeling a thing. Even as I laughed.
I don’t remember joy. I don’t remember sadness.
I’d numbed out.
All I remember feeling over the past year was fear, and looking behind my back to see if he (or someone he sent – I know how he works) was watching.
My experience in 2013 made 2014 feel as though I was putting my foot into freezing water
I was so hurt, I actually didn’t want to move.
At all.
Everything that I’d ever known, changed.
It was like I started experiencing everything differently. I still do.
Not like a second chance at life though… Although he did try to kill me three times.
It was like in the movies, the bomb goes off, the person goes deaf and there’s just a high pitch noise?
Life has been like that … but no noise and no feeling.
An emptiness.
An uncertainty.
Apathy like I’d never experienced before.
A shattered innocence – because I now know I can never be completely safe or protected.
Some of you have only just joined me and are probably wondering what I’m talking about.
Domestic violence.
His crimes left me in such a state that if anyone approached me: I was looking to see if they would attack me.
Before I spoke: I asked myself a hundred times how it could be used against me.
I watched my back where ever I went – even walking in my apartment complex.
I hardly made it to the grocery store out of fear.
Whenever I drove, I’d pull over and let any car that looked like his: pass.
Every night I slept with a pillow against my door.
I vomited violently every single morning for the first six months after I left.
I have never experienced anything as painful as what my abuser put me through. Ever.
And the worst part?
Even at the time he committed the ultimate crime against me: I was completely and blindly in love a man who abused me.
I still find it difficult to process how someone I loved, so much, would want to hurt me so badly?
But he did.
The same man who once would have moved mountains to protect me.
Once I got out, I tried to take my own life.
Because I’d had enough. I couldn’t take it anymore.
I’d never get him out of my life. He would always have control over me and everything else.
This thick, black, evil power.
That’s what I thought at the time.
I was wrong.
I am still alive.
And now that I can feel again, I realise it more.
Of course feeling again comes fraught with fear “I don’t want to go numb again, I don’t want that to happen again…”
I’m terrified.
What’s strange is not feeling wasn’t so bad – because I didn’t know I couldn’t feel anything until I felt again…
If that makes sense…
Now that I do feel again, I guess I don’t want to lose this.
This healthy sense of self, the healthy relationship, my healthy life.
And with those three elements aligned, I look at the people I have allowed in my life and they are are very supportive, patient and loving.
They’re not going to allow me to “numb out” again.
It’s difficult, and what I find most challenging as I look into his eyes is stopping myself from thinking: “Will you abuse me one day too?”
The deception linked to domestic violence is what makes it so complex and adds to a target’s fear.
If I had known my ex-boyfriend was going to be abusive at the beginning, I never would’ve gone there.
During my recovery, every time I met someone – I would picture them really angry: “Would they hurt me?”
I couldn’t help it – and it’s become habit.
I read this book called Way of the wound about trauma recovery by Robert Grant and in it he says: “A single perpetrator has the potential to taint or implicate all humanity. If one person can abuse then all others become potential abusers” (Grant, 1996, p13).
It was the first thing I could identify with throughout my recovery.
So I started acknowledging that anyone could hurt me – in any profession. A police officer, a magistrate, a lawyer, a doctor…
I now accept that I will never truly be safe and protected solely based on the person I choose to be with.
BUT! The person I am with, always and forever, will protect me.
And that person is me.
I know every red flag to look for.
I know every feeling that could lead to long-term damage and trauma.
I’ve been there and that means I know exactly what to look out for.
I’m aware of the high intensity relationship I’ve been in. And I know better than to try to match it.
So what I’m saying is, if I make the same mistake – maybe I’d understand judgement.
But for people to judge someone in a domestic violence situation who hasn’t been in one before: it’s not your place.
The deception transforms your relationship into a hall of mirrors.
You can’t see where you end and they begin anymore.
How can you know to protect yourself when you have this deceptive grooming phase, with a love so passionate and amazing!
Unfortunately we’re all easy targets to a psychopath, particularly empaths like myself.
We like to be liked, we love to be loved and when someone makes us feel special: we want to be with them no matter what.
That is why, the biggest red flag in a relationship is being wooed.
My current wonderful and fabulous boyfriend said to me early on: “I don’t text!”
I stared at him. We’d been texting for days.
“When I’m at home, back in the States, I don’t text,” he clarified.
He was true to his word. Not one text message since he returned home.
And once he left Sydney, I let him go. I didn’t go to Melbourne with him like I maybe once would have.
Already we are maintaining healthy boundaries and a healthy relationship.
And we’re still communicating – even without texting.
Why is this so important and defining for me?
My abusive ex “love bombed” me.
We dated for about a year and lived together.
In that time we exchanged more than 1500 text messages and that’s not an exaggeration.
Needless to say: I don’t like texting much…
We don’t get to see each other much and my boyfriend misses me.
But it’s different this time.
He doesn’t miss me all the time and not in a way that he’s asking where I am, who I’m with, what I’m doing…
At first I volunteered the information – out of habit.
I could tell it made him uncomfortable.
In exposing it to me, it’s become another habit linked to the trauma that I have broken.
Love bombing is unhealthy.
In fact, it’s probably called bombing for a reason: take cover, let me tell you!
When he kissed me, for the first time, I left: almost immediately.
I couldn’t handle it.
The place where we were. The sound of joggers louder than ever.
I panicked.
It took me days to process.
And you know what he did?
He gave me space.
Meanwhile my mind whirring “what if, what if, what if…”
It was his gentle persistence, his certainty over what he saw that changed me.
That’s when I realised he would never hurt me.
His kindness when I was still so numb, broken and fragile helped me.
And of course a lot of other friends influenced that and helped me on the way, it wasn’t just him … but he made me feel again.
It was only as I realised that I was feeling something that I acknowledged it was a positive feeling.
Imagine being paraplegic for a year … then all of a sudden feeling the sensation of a feather on your foot.
That’s what it was like!
It was almost shock at feeling something I’d gone so long without that I’d almost forgotten it entirely.
And in acknowledging feeling something positive, I searched deeper.
It was the first time I’d felt something positive towards a human being in over a year!
The best part was there was no fear of “what will happen next”. It was just, exactly as it was.
It was the foundation of a healthy and lasting relationship.
So things I looked at that matter following domestic violence:
> He was raised similarly to me – in a caring family.
> He’s ambitious yet shares my values and beliefs.
> He’s so proud I’m his girl, and I’m so proud he’s my man.
> We’ve both let each other into our worlds: I’ve met his parents, and he’s met mine.
> Our friends both know about us. And like the idea.
> We demonstrate our commitment to each other every single day in healthy ways.
> We share, we listen, we respect, we appreciate…
And it comes with perfect timing. Because now I’m really walking the talk.
Happiness Weekly was one of the best ideas I’ve ever had.
I started this blog as a way to give back to the community.
I spent a lot of time on it, just wanting to help others.
And it helped me too!
Without Happiness Weekly, I’m not sure I would’ve survived domestic violence.
I may not have maintained a healthy mind, and for a moment – I lost that too.
Perhaps my abuser knew that I could handle what he did to me.
Even before I did.
Maybe it was his test.
Throughout my recovery, I learned to love myself. To respect myself. To value my self and my journey.
I thought I was healthy and happy before, but I’m even better now and I have another half that is equally as healthy.
I say that because he doesn’t take anything away from me. He just builds on the new foundation I’ve made.
And fortunately, I didn’t build walls. Instead, I used my experience to build a business!
Relationship Free is the foundation of a new venture. And today I’m launching the website.
The business has been operating since January 2015 as I combine my experience, knowledge and qualifications to work in an area I’m most passionate about.
Relationship Free isn’t about breaking up or helping people out of relationships – unless that’s the path they choose.
It’s about releasing attachment and reclaiming your life!
For those who don’t know, I’m a qualified life coach accredited through the International Coaching Federation.
I am an NLP practitioner. I’ve studied trauma, counselling, psychotherapy techniques and journalism.
I’m passionate about helping people – my first job was as a weight loss consultant.
Relationship Free focuses on self love and finding the freedom within to be your best self.
Release attachment, overcome love and people addiction, empower yourself to leave abusive and toxic relationships.
I offer a series of FREE resources under the Tips to Freedom section.
My priority is to work to enhance my client’s self esteem, self worth and self respect.
Learning to love myself was the most precious lesson I could ever learn.
And I learned to help others.
I decided not only would I help people understand, but I would help people heal.
I have worked really hard to get to where I am today.
But finding this relationship and launching my website made me realise: I did it!
This – right here, right now – this was my reason for leaving my abusive ex partner.
I wanted to leave and after telling him in as many words and demonstrating it: I was punished.
The danger was in not acknowledging that I was being abused. And I’d been abused for long before then.
My ex-partner has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and is an opportunistic psychopath.
My experience strengthened me, but didn’t harden me. I pride myself on that.
A healthy relationship gives you space to grow and develop. It encourages you to chase your dreams.
It’s an outlet to share mutual compassion, values, beliefs, desires, empathy, honesty and love.
This is an advertisement I’ve made for Relationship Free:
I also want to thank my best friends: Kat and Lara for standing by me unconditionally xx
The underworld of toxic shame and how to release it
Like moss, shames grows in the dark. Vanquish it by bringing it into the light, Ross Rosenberg
Have you ever been in a relationship where you were forced to feel overwhelming guilt just for being you? Your partner made you feel as though you were flawed in such a way there was nothing you could ever do to fix yourself? Did you believe you were fortunate to be with this person although they treated you terribly? Have you finally broken free of the relationship but you’re not sure if you will find someone who ever understands you?
You’re not alone in your experience. This is the underworld of toxic shame – what toxic and abusive people use against their targets to isolate them, degrade their self esteem and cause them to undermine their self worth.
Many people have come to me to describe their experience with toxic shame and their struggles to release it and move forward. If your partner has subjected you to toxic shame, is causing you to doubt yourself until your self worth has evaporated, and you’re feeling isolated and confused about who you are and what you should do next, this blog is for you. This week, Happiness Weekly looks at how you can release toxic shame and move on with a happier and more fulfilling life than what you currently have.
What is toxic shame?
According to John Bradshaw toxic shame is: “The feeling of being flawed and diminished and never measuring up. Toxic shame feels much worse than guilt. With guilt, you’ve done something wrong, but you can repair that – you can do something about it. With toxic shame, there’s something wrong with you and there’s nothing you can do about it, you are inadequate and defective”.
Still unsure? People who experience toxic shame demonstrate the following behaviours:
– Co-dependent
– Irrational paralysing feelings of worthlessness, humiliation, self loathing
– Stopped identifying with themselves or lacking a sense of self
– Other people bring them more peace than they feel they could ever bring to themselves
– When they’re hurting they are very quick to disengage, disconnect or detach
– They are comfortable being abused and often don’t recognise it – friends may see it first
– They feel completely unlovable and less-than human
Toxic shame is what holds us in toxic and abusive relationships and prevents us from leaving and people who are targeting you will depend on it to hold you there.
Experts say toxic shame is linked to childhood traumas, and while I agree this could trigger toxic shame in adult life – I don’t think it’s essential to have a traumatic shaming childhood experience in order to suffer from toxic shame as an adult.
People who experience toxic shame will demonstrate the following behaviours:
– Lack of intimacy in relationships
– Poor communicator
– Engage in relationships with: non-productive circular fights, manipulation, games
– Vying for control
– Withdrawing
– Blaming
– Fear of anger – your own or someone else’s
– Ongoing short-term relationships (caused by a subconscious fear of people getting to close) and this can be demonstrated in romantic relationships or jumping from job to job
– Low self worth and confidence
– Prone to knee-jerk reactions to benign comments, inquiries or situations to attempt to maintain some control (Note: Coming out of an abusive relationship – this behaviour not an unusual experience and can be part of self-preservation following your experience)
Releasing the butterflies: how to have a successful first date
A lot of people in the Fresh Start phase come to me and say dating isn’t fun and they want to opt out. There’s no doubt dating can be challenging and – at times – painful but over the years, I’ve noticed that generally when I’m not that into a person – they’re probably not that into me either. I’ve also discovered some great ways you can date in a way that preserves your heart, until you’re ready to take that bigger step.
I went on a first date not too long ago after several years of being single following an abusive relationship. I remember telling a client, who was also in an abusive relationship, that I was still dating and she got worried “that would be her” and I explained that I’d rather continue dating to find the right one, than stay in my abusive relationship – any day. Because dating after abuse or even a toxic relationship can be very different to ever before if you put the right groundwork into yourself.
So something I noticed on this date – one of my first back in the dating game – was that I was a lot more confident, a lot more fun, a lot more outgoing – and a lot more successful in attracting the right person for me, seeing them again and earning their respect and appreciation.
I’ve narrowed it down to a few crucial elements that I want to share with you – so I’m going to bring you inside my first date.
How to ignore other people’s judgements
No one has it all figured out, especially not the people who are acting like they do and judging you because of it. Pretending to be something you aren’t because you’re trying to please a bunch of judgemental hypocrites and shitheads is not the way to be happy. Tucker Max
Do not judge and you will never be mistaken. Jean Jacques Rousseau
It can be extremely painful when other people judge us based on stories they have been told, something they have heard through the grapevine or maybe they simply believe a narcissist’s smear campaign after we finally worked up enough inner-strength and courage to walk away from a toxic relationship or a friendship that no longer serves us.
Some celebrities – such as Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus – embrace it openly, going with the “any news is good news” philosophy, but many others they talk about how daily rags and trashy magazines got their stories wrong and it impacted their reputations.
Most people would agree that they would rather not be the centre of controversial conversation that could lead to negative criticisms and judgements. Read more here.