I’m in a relationship with someone I’m not really into – but I don’t want to leave because I’m 35, we’ve been together for five years now and it’s the time when I should be settling down – not starting again. Plus, I feel sorry for my girlfriend, she’s very quiet and I don’t think she’ll meet someone else easily.
What should I do? Pete.
This isn’t an unusual question to appear in my inbox at the moment. People who are trying to stay in a relationship that isn’t making themselves happy but not entirely sure what to do – should they stay or should they go?
There are lots of things you can do, but remember: as long as you’re with the wrong person, you’re not creating the space you need to be with the right person.
While we acknowledge toxic people on our Facebook to help us decide how we can create the best space for us, it’s important to also acknowledge the people we love and adore. Social Media isn’t all bad – it just depends what space you want to create. This week Relationship Free looks at how you can create the healthiest online space for you!
My Facebook is full of these amazing people who each are trying to create different things and are not only bright and positive themselves, but they encourage their fellow entrepreneurs – which works well for me! These are the cheerleaders you need in your life if you’re starting your own business or looking for some positive energy on a cloudy day.
You know the one – they’re always posting the latest positive meme or information about the next speaker event you should attend. They have their finger on the pulse with everything vibrant, hip, happening and exciting that’s coming your way. They’re the first to invite you to the next social gathering that’s coming up – there’s always room and space for you. These are the dreamers and the believers who lift you up.
Relationship Free values awareness.
We recognise and attribute this value as the primary catalyst for change and the key to growth. Dr Phil says “We can’t change what we don’t acknowledge” and this is at the forefront of all Relationship Free products and services. It is only once we see something exactly for what it is that we can make an informed decision as to whether or not we want to change it. Sometimes it’s our own denial that distorts things, sometimes it’s another person’s manipulation. Dr Phil also says “Awareness without action is worthless” – in order to make our awareness valuable we need to make a decision on what we are now aware of, and take action. This sentiment was also felt by Aristotle who says “The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival.”
Self awareness feeds into this, as well as the awareness of others. Relationship Free encourages all clients to be self aware, because we realise something we want or need to change that we can truly be our best. Abraham Maslow says “What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.” Meanwhile, people all around us are losing consciousness of others, becoming more judgemental, critical and isolated by social media and online forums. This unawareness is destroying people’s ability to experience and feel empathy. Nathaniel Branden says “The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.” When Mr Branden talks about this acceptance, it’s not just our own acceptance of the change that needs to occur but it is the acceptance of others that allows for change and growth to take place for an individual. We recognise if someone is in an environment where they are chastised for change, growth and development then their awareness of their environment will first be more critical than the awareness of themselves. Sometimes until we are in the right environment, we can’t make change happen as efficiently as we usually can, if at all.
Courage offers the right amount of energy to push through change by inspiring resilience, persistence and confidence – no matter how difficult it is. “All progress takes place outside the comfort zone,” according to Michael John Bobak. That’s where Relationship Free stands out – we dare to be different, we’re open with our mistakes and we want to keep that authentic-human energy through everything we do. We don’t care for the squeaky-clean over-branded perfect image. No one and nothing is perfect – let’s embrace that! We want to show how imperfect love, whether it’s the love you have for yourself or the love you share in a partnership with someone else – can be perfect for you, exactly as it is! Imperfections allowed! Relationship Free dares to be different and we are not afraid of taking risks and chances and really stepping out of the comfort zone in order to genuinely help people. Once again, Oprah says it well when she says: “You’ve got to follow your passion. You’ve got to figure out what it is you love–who you really are. And have the courage to do that. I believe that the only courage anybody ever needs is the courage to follow your own dream”.
Facing fears is never an easy thing to do and sometimes we find ourselves in a situation where it is necessary. It is when we really flex the courage muscle that we feel truly empowered. This can be seen as a theme that arises constantly throughout the Hunger Game series. Pema Chodron adds to this fantastic movie metaphor saying “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know”. If you’ve seen patterns in your relationships that come up with multiple partners – then you would understand exactly what we’re getting at here, and it can take a lot of courage to confront it!
Tina Fey says “Do what you want and don’t care if anyone cares” and that is a philosophy Relationship Free respects. A lot of the time people appear to take on external validation instead of looking within to seek peace and happiness.
When we act with integrity, we are more likely to feel happy and fulfilled. Again, Relationship Free values honesty and integrity in the highest forms. We act for the greater good or we don’t take action. We share for the greater good, or we don’t share. We believe that acting with integrity throughout all our sessions and business dealings is what enables us to produce consistently.
Integrity seems to mean different things to different people and is used accordingly. The basic meaning remains the same: “do what you say you’ll do!” One of the best descriptions of integrity is by Barbara De Angelis who makes it really clear where she says: “Living with integrity means: Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships. Asking for what you want and need from others. Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe”.
Purpose is essential to the team at Relationship Free because without it – we all think we’d stay in bed with a bucket of ice cream … every single day! We live and breathe by Vince
Lombardi’s quote: “The greatest accomplishment is not in never
falling, but in rising again after you fall” and put our own spin on it by saying “It’s not what happens to you or what you experience, it’s what you do with the lessons that matters the most”.
Our purpose is to share our experiences with other people. Share our lessons. Share our strength. Share what’s worked in our journeys to help other people fast-track their recoveries from relationship pain or at times when they’ve found themselves without purpose and felt quite lost in the process.
Friedrich Nietzsche also inspires us with his quote: “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how”. We agree – jump in, GO FOR IT! And you can worry about the how later, because once you take those first steps, the universe will provide a net for you that will catch you as you walk confidently
towards your destiny.
One of Relationship Free’s core values is Passion.
Passion represents the positive energy the staff at Relationship Free cherish, the positive energy we share with our clients and other stakeholders we come in contact with, and also the positive energy we enhance in others through the work that we do.
Oprah Winfrey says: “Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you”. Similarly, Tony Robbins says “Where our focus goes, energy flows” – and at Relationship Free, we agree – and we want our passion to flow into everything we do.
Every single person who works at Relationship Free or with us, has a passion for sharing and helping others. Through our own experiences in dealing with failed, toxic and abusive relationship, we have discovered one of the essential ingredients to getting back on track is quickly awakening the soul by igniting the passion within.
At the moment you may not think this applies to you, but everyone has something that we’re passionate about – the adventure is going out there and discovering exactly what that is and how we can use it. When we’re passionate about something, it doesn’t matter what other people think of it, we will love it the same regardless.
I can’t deal with someone wanting to take a relationship backward or needing space or cheating on you. Taylor Swift
When clients come to me in a lot of pain because their partner has done something or is doing something that they don’t like, it is often because what their partner has done or is doing, hasn’t aligned with their values.
Not many people consciously stop to think before getting into a relationship with someone whether or not their values align. It’s physical attraction, plus chemistry, plus communication and BAM!
Perfect, right? Not when these kind of fall outs happen.
So how can you be sure your partner’s values align with yours?
Many people come to me about their toxic or abusive relationship to see if I can help them leave or fix it. What a lot of them don’t ask is if it’s really their partner or if it’s them who is toxic. Often we are so busy blaming things and judging other people that we forget to take a moment to stop and look at ourselves.
If you think you’re in a toxic relationship right now, this blog is for you – because the first thing you need to do, before analysing too much about the other person, is to check in with yourself. Ask yourself: Is the relationship I have with myself toxic? Because if it is, you are going to be toxic to people around you and also encourage toxic people into your life. It’s only when we truly care for ourselves and value ourselves that we can find and maintain consistently healthy relationships all throughout our lives.
Today Relationship Free checks in to help you decide if the relationship you have with yourself is toxic and what you can do about it. Read the full article here.