Like food is to the body, self-talk is to the mind. Don’t let any junk thoughts repeat in your head. Maddy Malhotra
Internal validation, the voice within, intuition – whatever you want to call it, it exists whether you feel you have control over it or not. Aligning our self talk and giving ourselves permission to seek internal validation before hearing the judgement of others is one key factors that could be vital for our happiness.
To learn more about self talk and internal validation, and how to tap into it and enhance the quality of positive thoughts, click here.
Self empowerment is vital to your development and it works like a generator, in that when there’s nothing else left, this is the one thing that will keep you going. Over the years I have promoted the importance of happiness and finding happiness within, rather than depending on other people to do it for you. It wasn’t until I got out of a relationship with someone who abused me, that I realised the true worth and value of self love and the importance of self empowerment as a result of the love you have to offer yourself.
What is self empowerment?
According to dictionary.com self empowerment is an adjective that means “deriving the strength to do something through one’s own thoughts and based on the belief that one knows what is best for one self”.
You don’t know strength, until you know your own strength – commit to it, witness it and follow through. Self empowerment is an inner power that can offer you everything no one else can – and better yet, it recharges itself!
Why is self empowerment so awesome?
The best thing about self empowerment is that no one can give it to you and no one can take it away from you. And once you start generating you, it causes other positive ripple effects including enhancing your wellbeing through boosting your self esteem, self worth and self respect. It’s something you can offer yourself and while you can keep it to yourself, you may also make the decision to share it with other people which generates a whole never level of power with it.
How can I be self empowered?
- Reflect on the lessons
Once you understand what’s going on, you’ll be in a better position to learn from it. A permanent change is entirely up to you – no one can do it for you. Make it happen!
- Affirmations help
Repeat after me “I’ve got this!” “I’ve got this!” “I’ve got this!” Continually go over positive affirmations that make you feel good about yourself
- Practice the two M’s: Meditation and Mindfulness
Free your mind from the daily clutter and practice meditation and mindfulness to enhance your self awareness and to help you refocus on the things that are really important to you.
- Practice optimism
Consciously make an effort to be positive and optimistic. If you start feeling toxic or negative, do something to shift the state – go for a walk, eat something, listen to music, go to the beach, remind yourself what’s good about it etc.
- Choose healthy alternatives
Whenever we’re trying to change patterns or create a shift, we’re also building our self esteem, self worth and above all: our self trust, so we won’t return to old patterns. If we do, then we break the self trust at the same time as returning to the cycle. Choose the best and healthiest alternatives for you – if it’s toxic, release it.
- Forgive yourself
No one is perfect! Sure, there are people out there that parade around like they are and they will be the first to drag you down, but remember: to drag you down, they must already be beneath you. Maintain your dignity and always do your best.
- Take ownership
Be accountable and own your change. Make the changes for you and make them in your own way. Love yourself, honour yourself and respect yourself at every opportunity.
- Be true to your authentic self
Be true to your own values and beliefs, don’t adopt others or drop yours to fit in. Instead, be as kind to yourself as you are to others, be conscious of your physiology and how it affects you and always listen to your inner voice/intuition.
- Focus on personal development
Learn, grow, achieve! If you feel stuck in a rut, the best and most empowering thing you can do is throw yourself into a course and learn a new skill. Think about any gaps you’d like to fill in and work to enhance that. Having trouble? Coaching could help – contact us!
- Share the lessons
Once you have reflected and learned from any mistakes or recovered from a trauma, take the time to share any lessons you have taken with you with other people. It is one of the best ways to take control again, and use your experience empower yourself and others.
- Have faith
Spirituality is so important, Oprah asks about it in interviews! Practice your beliefs everyday, know what you believe in, take time to exercise your faith and trust your journey.
How can I empower others?
- Share information, lessons and experiences
- Inspire people to achieve their dreams
- Believe they are the key to positive change, and they will demonstrate it
- Listen to others, sometimes simply listening is enough to make them feel better
How do you empower others? Share in the comments section below. Or if you’re looking for motivation, inspiration and to learn the tools for self empowerment, please contact us.
History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again. Maya Angelou
This post refers to the relationship between celebrity couple Rihanna and Chris Brown. I am exposing some of their reported behaviours published across the internet to highlight and define narcissistic abuse and explain why a target of this form of abuse may return to their abuser and have difficulty forgetting them.
Before I begin, I want to put a disclaimer that I am not infering Rihanna is necessarily a target or that Chris Brown is necessarily narcissisitic, I am simply referring to the reported behaviours and highlighting what could be perceived as narcissistic warning signs. My only personal experience with either celebrity is detailed from Rihanna’s 2008 concert at Acer Arena in Sydney.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is an extremely painful and isolating condition and generally people who have this disorder target people to suffer from their narcissistic abuse. These targets are also known as a “source of supply”.
It’s important to first explain that a relationship with someone who has NPD is not a love story, it’s abuse generally demonstrated through the target’s attachment, love addiction and confusion, combined with the abuser’s control…
Unfortunately, people who aren’t tied up in the abuse themselves, are often so busy trying to find out about the “latest” in the saga that they’re missing what actually may be being exposed in the story. I’m not just referring to celebrities, I’m also talking about friends and families of everyday targets.
Who is Rihanna – really? Oprah introduces us behind the scenes, and we meet someone who is naturally talented, down-to-earth and highly empathetic. At least that’s how she is portrayed.
Do you remember Rihanna’s relationship with Chris Brown? OK, who could forget!
At the end of the day, the public got as sucked in by his charm as Rihanna, the target, did. This is why I want to talk about a high profile case, because no one seems to have gone there yet. Having said that, so many judged Rihanna when she returned to him. Lucky for all the public judgers that they were removed enough from the situation to see what was happening and escape. If you are or have been a target of narcissistic abuse you’ll know that horrible feeling of being trapped and addicted at the same time. If you get sucked back in, you’ll understand the fear and that “sinking feeling” that comes with it, when you realise that you did just get manipulated and sucked back in to suffer from more abuse, lies, projection and manipulation.
For Rihanna much of the pain and suffering would have happened behind closed doors, however, if you look at what has been leaked and released through the media, we can actually piece together quite a common scenario between target and abuser.
Let’s take a look…
How it began: the grooming phase
It began with extravagant dinners and parties and quickly escalated to matching tattoos, public displays of affection, all mixed with the fame game… Rihanna and Chris Brown “understood each other on a level no one could comprehend,” I remember one source saying in an interview about the pair.
In February 2008 Chris serenaded Rihanna at her birthday party, grabbing her and kissing her when the song was done. Their relationship escalated in May 2008 as Rihanna started talking publicly that they were becoming close.
In November 2008 I attended a Rihanna concert at Acer Arena in Sydney with work. Psychopaths take their time with the grooming phase, it can be like a honeymoon period that goes for six months to a year, until their really sure their target is hooked. So according to this timeframe, this could well have still been within this grooming period for the couple.
Chris Brown was her opening act.
Following the concert, a colleague approached me after and said “Wow, did you see Chris during Rihanna’s set?”
“No?” I asked.
“He danced non-stop on the side of the stage her entire set! I mean, right after he’d just done his own set – now that’s a supportive partner,” my colleague had said.
At the time I had shrugged it off. That’s nice for Rihanna…
However, was Chris’s behaviour entirely in support, or was he depending on people to see it?
The fact my colleague witnessed it makes me think it wasn’t coincidence. For example, in a relationship where narcissistic abuse is an issue, the narcissist would’ve depended on some fans seeing that. He was dancing in a way to publicly show his support to his new girlfriend, even though she wouldn’t have seen herself, yet he was exposed for people – like my colleague – to see and form judgement. This grew him a fan, because of his clear support and love for Rihanna.
However, what we didn’t see is important to. So what would’ve happened in the grooming phase of narcissistic abuse is the abuser would return backstage, charged after the set and said “You blew them away, baby! I was back there, dancing the whole entire set – didn’t miss a beat – did you see me dancing?”
The target would’ve felt special, even though what he said was actually all about him.
Their love grew before our eyes
As with any relationship, their love had ups and downs and fluctuations. But mainly, these two were the golden couple. They loved each other on a level that no other celebrity couple has demonstrated. They were exceptionally close and it was a connection and attachment that not many could identify with – which even reporters noted at the time. It became clear that Rihanna felt that no one understood her like Chris, because he was had similar struggles that came with having such great success at a young age.
Despite their international fame and their commitment to touring, they were never far from each other, and as with any normal relationship, they were there for each other and appeared to share in each others highs and lows.
But by July 2008 the sweetness of the relationship started to sour as it was reported that Chris demanded Rihanna stop wearing revealing clothing. People who are inclined to be abusive towards their targets will often start testing them by controlling small things, and then it very rapidly escalates from there. The fact he chose clothes, a visual item that is very much about identity could be linked to narcissistic behaviour. Now, for the target at the time, that may not have appeared that bad – they will generally brush off the comment, maybe adjust slightly and put it down to their partner watching out for them and showing their love. They’re just being protective, right?
By December 2008 things were not only continuing to unravel, but escalating, as the couple had a public fight in a nightclub. Despite the argument it was reported that they headed to Barbados for holidays in January where Rihanna introduced Chris to her family. Narcissistic abuse is very deceptive. Almost as quickly as an incident occurs, the narcissist will often respond as though nothing has happened and the reason they’re able to do this is because they don’t have an identity or a conscience. They mirror their target. Meanwhile, their target finds it easier to forgive them because the self doubt and cognitive dissonance has kicked in. “Maybe it wasn’t that bad”, “Maybe I got it wrong”, “He’s not normally like this” “If it happens again I’ll leave” etc. Unfortunately in the case of narcissistic abuse – not only will it happen again but generally it will happen a lot worse than the previous time and they continue to step up their abuse as their controlling grip grows on their target.
In February 2009 it was suspected that Chris Brown was getting close to a woman in Europe while Rihanna was nowhere to be seen. Narcissistic abuse often involves the controlling partner cheating on their target, which leaves the target feeling shame, guilt (for not being there, for example) and depressed from the disappointment of being cheated on. One of the most common tools used in narcissistic abuse is triangulation and the perpetrator will use this to appear more desirable than what they actually are and also to affect their target’s self esteem and self doubt more and further assert their control and dominance over the situation. The narcissist will quickly start playing each of their sources of supply off each other, to enhance their ego and purely for their sick entertainment pleasure. The more pain they cause, the more powerful they feel.
On 8 February 2009 this police photo of Rihanna’s badly beaten face (released by TMZ) was leaked following the Grammy Awards. This is the same award ceremony where the photo above was taken, where they are all cuddled up at the table. It’s hard to believe and accept that this became the outcome of that same evening, where they appeared so in love.
The world stopped. Horrified.
Nothing appeared to be kept secret as the full police report was leaked shortly after, including the full details of the dispute. The world knew the intimate details of what and how it had occurred. In the case of a narcissist, again, because they don’t have a conscience, they don’t mind these details being leaked and the only reason they would is realising it affects their reputation.
Often narcissistic abuse moves quickly from emotional abuse (control, threats and cheating) into something physical as the target starts to question what is really happening and grows more consciously aware of the abuse.
More frequently than not, the police are used as pawns in the narcissist’s game. Nothing is coincidence in a narcissist’s world. It’s almost as though they have it mapped out from the start, and they will use whatever is released, said or done to their full advantage and are great at manipulating and twisting the facts. They’re certainly not afraid of being in a court room because they love the attention.
In an interview with Rihanna later she revealed that just looking at this photo makes her feel completely humiliated. This comment may be difficult for the healthy mind to comprehend, however the feelings it would raise for a target of this kind of abuse include the same: guilt (for their role in it, even if they didn’t actually have one), denial and self doubt that has already been playing through their mind (it could even be as extreme as: “I didn’t mean for this photo to get out”, “I’ve hurt his reputation”, “It was my fault – I shouldn’t have let them take it”), shame (because the world has seen this), fear (what will the abuser do next) etc. So actually the release of this image would impact the target a lot more than the person who abused them because the person who caused this kind of damage doesn’t feel empathy or have a conscience. If they did, they would at some point have gained some self control.
Before we know it, on 21 July 2009 Chris made a very public apology for the incident, despite his legal representation urging him not to, but as he says in the tape: he was “really sorry”. Laws, police, rules and regulations … nothing applies to a narcissist who has an extraordinary sense of grandiosity beyond the healthy mind’s comprehension.
This timeframe and the fact Chris displayed it so publicly, raises suspicion about whether he realised within himself that his actions were wrong, or if he simply picked up on the vibrations of public outcry and felt he had to do something about it as his reputation shattered. You can watch Chris Brown’s full apology here.
The issue here is that a healthy mind would’ve felt genuine empathy and remorse, they also would be overwhelmed with shame and guilt, and while they may have privately apologised, it is likely they would’ve avoided the media attention as much as possible to try to deflect from the situation and give it time to cool down.
Instead, Chris chose to strike while the iron was hot and released a public clip apologising to Rihanna for the world to see – and he returned his Grammy. While a healthy mind would take other measures to apologise, a narcissist will generally ride the publicity associated with their act. They have the inability to feel genuine remorse because of their lack of empathy and find it difficult to take responsibility for their actions because of their sense of grandiosity.
This sense of grandiosity is a real giveaway. A narcissist makes note of things that appear unnecessary or that make them look like a “superhero”, they’re always a little above everything, including the law and everyone governed by it. For example, throughout the apology, there’s a very deliberate mention that he was apologising against legal advice. To the healthy mind this mention appears fairly innocent: they are so sincerely sorry they would take any chance and any risk to try to make everything ok – they’re so desperately sorry, they will sacrifice their own reputation by talking about it again.
The next notable thing is that a lot of his apology includes Chris talking about his pride in himself, the things he has done, and his ability to exercise self-control. The healthy mind would question if this positive focus is simply PR slant, however for an apology that’s meant to be for Rihanna and her fans – not a lot was said about Rihanna, the incident (possibly for legal reasons) and there was no mention or genuine demonstration that he was sorry. At the end of the day the best way you can tell the difference between a narcissist and a healthy mind is through their actions, because a narcissist can’t maintain the act long-term.
“I’m not going to sit here and make excuses,” Chris said.
A narcissist will generally glaze over anything that requires explanation because they depend on the theory that in time, people will forget. Other reasons a narcissist won’t explain include that they can’t explain: because they don’t know what is wrong and their mind automatically plays down the events that have happened; and the final reason they won’t explain is that it doesn’t align with the ideal of who they are – according to their grandiosity, they never need to explain.
Chris spoke about his upbringing and that he’s seen what abuse can do – an interesting revelation. Generally narcissists who abuse their targets are raised in a dysfunctional family, and have suffered or witnessed violence in their upbringing. The reason they may choose to share this kind of information is to gain sympathy, empathy and understanding from other people. Although they can’t feel it themselves, their the masters in knowing about it and how to evoke it in people. If the target is a highly sensitive person, an empath or co-dependent in any way, they will be drawn to this kind information and try to help the suffering person, which puts them at greater risk of the abuse. The target thought process goes something like this: “They can’t help it, they’re just a product of their upbringing – they’re just a target like me”, “They didn’t mean it, they’re sorry”, “How can I judge them when I also grew up in a dysfunctional family?”
As with any abuser, a narcissist will make promises that it won’t happen again. Narcissistic abuse is the most silent form of domestic abuse because of the initial grooming phase. Targets will very rarely expose their abuser, because often they don’t realise they’re being abused (mostly because of their own denial) and also because of overwhelming fear their abuser instills in them. Targets are often so confused from all their emotions combined with the various tools of abuse used against them such as gas lighting, projection and trauma bonding, that they’re not sure to complain about the abuse or not. If they do try to leave or take action, often the narcissist will threaten their target and at this point their targets realise the narcissist has no concerns about creating great destruction, which keeps them stuck.
Targets of narcissistic abuse often don’t have anything to show for it because it’s so manipulative and under-handed. When it does show, in Rihanna’s case where photos were taken, the ultimate damage control is put in place and abusers will often try to get their target’s back in a bid to deflect what happened was as bad as it actually was. Because if their source of supply would take them back, then to the abusive person it is evidence that the abuse wasn’t as bad as they made it appear.
Unfortunately often targets get so blindsided by the new grooming act – known as hoovering, and what they believe is the return of the lover they first knew, that they do return to the abuser. Generally this is when police, magistrates and other people with healthy minds outside of the abuse, start to form judgement, give up on supporting the target and can’t comprehend why they made their decision.
The nightmare hasn’t even began for the target who returns. It’s never long until the abuse begins again and they quickly realise they were duped and the cycle continues. What also works in the narcissist’s favour is that by this stage they realise their source of supply is hooked and likely brainwashed – or available to be brainwashed by them, because they really want to believe the fantasy. It’s because of the brainwashing that it isn’t uncommon for a target, particularly of narcissistic abuse, will stand to defend the person who abused them rather than stand against them in court. Unfortunately, this final stage is where the target is in the greatest amount of danger, and usually they are so isolated by their decision to return to the abusive person and feeling so much more shame and guilt for their decision, and vigorously defending someone who wasn’t who they thought, that they don’t know where to start to get the help they need.
Above everything else in this clip, it’s important to acknowledge that this isn’t an apology to Rihanna (because he’d already apologised to her “countless times”), this is an apology to the public for his own reputation as he is starting to feel the consequences and he is, by this point, being slandered as a result of the images and the story coming to light. Despite the evidence and facts, a narcissist would still genuinely fear a smear campaign that would injure their reputation (even though in this case, Chris Brown’s reputation was already damaged as a result of the leaked image). The reason they fear their target will set up a smear campaign against them is because that is what they are capable of doing to their targets, even if they claimed to have loved them once upon a time.
The target’s response to narcissistic abuse actually reveals a lot more than the abuser’s actions and stories. However, the target and everyone around them will often be looking at the abusive person for clues even though they know the person will continuously lie and manipulate, which makes it hard for the target – or a healthy mind – to see the truth. Whereas a target’s response is always an honest interpretation to what’s happened.
Rihanna’s response showed great empathy for Chris and his situation as a consequence to the leaked photos. A target of narcissistic abuse would have a very similar response because of the guilt, shame and self blame. They’ll have days where they reflect on the early love bombing phase and often be over-ruled with obsessive thoughts about the person who inflicted great pain on them. Targets can go months and even years discussing their narcissistic ex who appears to have moved on and well forgotten the source of supply – although this isn’t the case.
This interview with the ABC details Rihanna’s response to what happened and how she flew to be with him just three weeks after the photos were released. In an interview with Oprah, Rihanna immediately puts blame on herself: “I fell in love with that person, that’s embarrassing! So far in love, so unconditional that I went back.” This is consistent with a target of narcissistic abuse who has been manipulated, they will then manipulate events to make it their problem or fault and try to take the blame for what has happened as a way of regaining some form of control. That self-blame generally comes across as someone being extremely hard on themselves or someone who is not healthy and likely suffering from depression as they continually reflect on past events.
Rihanna talks about the humiliation of seeing the image of her beaten face and she starts telling the story of what really happened. She saw a text message on his phone from an ex-girlfriend and she confronted him – again, this is triangulation at its best: a narcissist makes cheating the world’s worst kept secret. While cheating is generally something people hide because they feel ashamed, a narcissist will find ways to leak it so both sources of supply are aware of each other and will fight for him.
“He wouldn’t tell the truth, so I wouldn’t drop it!” she goes on to say: “I wouldn’t take that he kept lying to me and he wouldn’t take that I wouldn’t drop it”. This story is the epitome of narcissistic abuse. A narcissist will always get uncontrollably angry if they are questioned, but particularly when it involves one source of supply questioning the narcissist over another source of supply – because they realise how close they are to being found out and then it’s game over, because one or other of the sources of supply will leave if the narcissist runs out of lies and excuses.
Again this comes down to their sense of grandiosity, because people who use narcissistic abuse are actually disgusted by their targets. You know when you step in dog poo and you feel disgusted? That’s how a narcissist feels about their target – particularly when they’re near them and this is what makes it easy for them to discard them at this stage. Because targets are so easy for a narcissist to discard, things can very quickly escalate into physical abuse and even result in homicide.
“He had no soul in his eyes. Just blank,” Rihanna described, almost as though she couldn’t comprehend it. “There was no person when I looked at him.” Someone suffering at the hands of narcissistic abuse will often use this extremely common description of their abusers, that’s because this description is fact. Narcissist’s have been referred to as “a soul without footprints”, “footprints without a soul” or a “psychological parasite”. All the target knows is the person they once knew has vanished and the person attacking them is just a hole. The narcissistic mask has been removed and the real monster revealed and there’s nothing in them. They’re empty. What’s scarier still is the target often thinks this side is the false self and the other side – the side that wooed them – is the true self, when in fact it’s very much the other way around.
“Domestic violence isn’t the sort of thing you want people to know,” Rihanna says before talking about her denial. “The minute those physical wounds go away, you start lying to yourself and you just want it to go away. You just want it to go away – it’s a memory you don’t want to have ever again,” she said.
Rihanna also talks about how she didn’t talk about it to anyone. Not friends, not family. A target of narcissistic abuse will rarely discuss what is happening to them openly (particularly when it becomes physical) as denial and emotions of guilt, shame, and fear, mixed with the genuine concern for their abuser and “what will happen to them”, will often override the desire to protect themselves from further abuse by talking about it. Furthermore, to talk about it means to admit it and acknowledge it to themselves. You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge, according to Dr Phil, and a target often doesn’t want to lose the person abusing them because they can’t believe the abusive person is really the person they fell in love with.
It is imperative that targets of all abuse start talking about it and are encouraged to tell their stories, not to shame their abusers, but to start saying “This is what happens and this is how it happens” to open the doors on abuse and educate people. Release the toxic shame and attachment and help the healthy mind understand.
“If I feel this depressed, then what is he going through?” Rihanna said. She then explains that she felt she had to protect him because the whole world hated him for what he did to her, and she says: “I just want him to know: don’t do anything stupid”. A narcissist will often threaten suicide in order to drive sympathy from their target and gain more control over them.
The interviewer made note that Chris was exuberant to have her back. A narcissist would have this response because in their mind, they “win” every time they suck a source of supply back in. Pushing and pulling their sources of supply and having them respond exactly as they predict is a game to them. A narcissist may also respond this way from relief that they no longer need to find a new source of supply.
For a target of narcissistic abuse to find themselves in this situation, it’s very confusing and conflicting because she hadn’t told him that he was forgiven, yet a narcissist will always assume and act as though they are, again to play down what happened and to deflect responsibility from the event. Targets will start to mirror this behaviour and generally return to their abuser because they also want everything to be ok and forgotten, they just want to be back with the person they originally fell in love with.
A target of narcissistic abuse will generally suffer a huge amount of attachment and love addiction towards their abuser. It can be very difficult to break away and it’s extremely difficult for the healthy mind to comprehend.
“Obviously he didn’t want us to be apart,” she said.
After all the destruction caused by the abuse, a narcissist will never want their targets far from them as they try to suck them back in and regain their control again. Generally at this point, they will pull out all stops and use whatever power they have to prevent their supply from leaving them. The more time a target spends with their abuser, the more likely it is that they will get sucked back in and return to them and this is because people who use narcissistic abuse are also known to use neuro-linguistic programming techniques to literally hypnotise and brainwash their targets.
Fortunately, despite the power of hypnosis, once a target has been hurt enough, they won’t want to hear the apology from the person abusing them and they’ll start to want to seek assistance to break apart from the person. The attachment they had, quickly becomes a distant memory as they put the pieces of the puzzle together themselves and although it still hurts, they no longer crave for them back. Once they realise they have suffered narcissistic abuse, it’s easier to accept the closure. Rihanna said she didn’t listen to the song Chris wrote for her, and this may have been because she wasn’t leaving any opportunity for him to get back in at the time. The only way to recover from narcissistic abuse is to have NO CONTACT with the abusive person.
Rihanna talks to Oprah in a little more detail about her experience: how quickly they fell in love with each other and that he understood her on a level that no one else did. A red flag of narcissistic abuse is the relationship will escalate very quickly and the love with always be euphoric, putting the target on a high – it is literally addictive. She spoke about how they “forgot about themselves as individuals”. A narcissist will always try to make his targets feel like they’re the same person, which forces the bond and attachment – before long the target doesn’t know where they end and the narcissist begins. Cutting them off literally feels like cutting a part of themselves off.
Rihanna also says she’s not at peace if he’s unhappy or still lonely. A target of narcissistic abuse will also experience these thoughts and emotions for their abuser.
Although angry after the attack, Rihanna still defended Chris, which can be seen here. This clip reveals how difficult she is finding it to comprehend the situation. A target of narcissistic abuse will often refer to their abuser as their “best friend” and suffer similar feelings of disbelief and denial over the events that happened. A highly sensitive person or empath who has been the target of narcissistic abuse will always put the abuse down to a loud cry for help, and subconsciously, they feel they’re the ones to provide that support to help the abusive person because they have that deep understanding of them that no one else does – another illusion created by the narcissist.
On 30 January 2013, Rihanna revealed her reason for returning to Chris to Rolling Stone:
“I decided it was more important for me to be happy, and I wasn’t going to let anybody’s opinion get in the way of that. Even if it’s a mistake, it’s my mistake. After being tormented for so many years, being angry and dark, I’d rather just live my truth and take the backlash. I can handle it.”
A target of narcissistic abuse will often be self-sacrificing as they return to their abuser, they realise what is on the line for them because they have spent time healing first, however they’re willing to risk it in the hope the person they first fell in love with may truly exist. This is why narcissists may return to sources of supply months or even years down the track.
A target of narcissistic abuse is always a source of supply to their abuser, which is why they need to take control as quickly as they can, in a healthy way. When a target returns back into the relationship with low self-esteem (they know what they’re setting themselves up for) and have this self-sacrificing mentality because they want to believe it will work and it will be different this time, so they literally look for evidence of the changes. The target will be extremely vigilant to ensure they don’t go through the same abuse again, however, a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder will find another way to hurt their target and it will happen subtly and catch them completely off-guard despite the original abuse:
“When you add up the pieces from the outside, it’s not the cutest puzzle in the world. You see us walking somewhere, driving somewhere, in the studio, in the club, and you think you know. But it’s different now. We don’t have those types of arguments anymore. We talk about (stuff) … We value each other. We know exactly what we have now, and we don’t want to lose that,” Rihanna said.
A target of narcissistic abuse will often shelter their abuser from blame, vigorously defending them, and this is because their abuser has groomed them again and also because if they believed the excuses and reasons, they want you to believe it too. Although the target is blind to see it, someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder ensures they are always in control. Here Rihanna talks authentically about who Chris is to her:
“For a long time he was really angry, and he felt like he couldn’t get away from it, no matter what he did. But there’s so many reasons why I ever reconsidered having him in my life. He’s not the monster everybody thinks. He’s a good person. He has a fantastic heart. He’s giving and loving. And he’s fun to be around. That’s what I love about him — he always makes me laugh. All I want to do is laugh, really, and I do that with him.”
When a target of narcissistic abuse returns to their abuser they promise themselves it will be for the last time and if they get hurt again, it will be for the last time. That promise is rarely the target’s choice because a narcissist is always in control.
Very rarely are targets able to leave this kind of relationship unscathed. Here’s what Rihanna said about returning to Chris:
“Listen, I’ll tell you right now: I don’t have to take it. If he gives me that again, here’s what I give him: nothing. I just walk away. He doesn’t have that luxury of fuck up again. That’s just not an option. I can’t say that nothing else will go wrong. But I’m pretty solid in knowing that he’s disgusted by that. And I wouldn’t have gone this far if I ever thought that was a possibility.”
While many people shun Rihanna for returning to Chris and people added to her guilt by forcefully noting the message she was sending others: I disagree.
I think in speaking publicly about her relationship with Chris, in doing everything exactly as she has – including returning to him and publicly admitting it, Rihanna has revealed who she is and what her experience has been and in doing it she has exposed narcissistic abuse and domestic violence for the healthy mind.
Narcissistic abuse is something a target will struggle to comprehend for quite some time, but they can feel it. It leaves anyone who hasn’t experienced it in judgement of the target and their response to the abuse, whether they return to the abuser or not.
A target of narcissistic abuse will always turn to their passions during recovery and they won’t stop talking about what they experienced … and that’s partly because they can’t fully comprehend it, but it’s also because of the overwhelming fear that if they forget – even for a second – the perpetrator will return and suck them back in.
Don’t stop a target from talking about the abuse, by letting them go over the details, you are helping them to process their experience.
Someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder will choose to use a target’s passion to display their feelings as a way of making their target hear what they have to say – for example, Chris tried to apologise by writing a song for Rihanna. Meanwhile, a target recovering from narcissistic abuse will use their passion to relieve the pressure caused by the pain from their abuse – for example, Rihanna continues publicly sharing her feelings through the songs she’s releasing such as her duets, which have held the most powerful messages: “Love the way you lie” with Eminem and “Can’t remember to forget you” with Shakira – both these songs centre around two issues targets of narcissistic abuse grapple with: lies/manipulation and addiction/attachment.
Tough-love and threats to cease offering support will rarely work for targets of narcissistic abuse, it often just pushes them straight back to their abuser. The only way to help a target of narcissistic abuse is to offer continual, ongoing support with zero judgement. Remember, you don’t know what you don’t know: you don’t know what an abuser has told their target or the lengths they will go to, you don’t know what behaviours are being demonstrated and promises are being made, you don’t know exactly how it was and how it is now for the target. It is essential that instead of judging someone in this situation that you concentrate on what you can do to support the person without enabling the abuse.
For more information about how you can assist someone in a relationship with narcissistic abuse, where there is a strong bond, without enabling the abuse, look at our resource Is someone you love being abused? under Tips for Freedom.
More reading related to the Rihanna/Chris Brown saga:
Domestic Violence is everyone’s business by Michelle Bernard
Chris Brown on how he won back Rihanna after viciously beating her by Jade Watkins
Rihanna breaks down as she opens up to Oprah about Chris Brown assault by Emily Sheridan and Iona Kirby
Timeline of Rihanna and Chris Brown’s relationship by Annika Harris
Looking for support? Visit my new website: www.relationshipfree.com
If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living. Gail Sheehy
Just like that…
Like a flick of a switch.
In just a brief moment in time.
Everything went back to how it was.
It was like…
A tidal wave cleansing a desert.
A burnt out forest, turning green.
A wilted flower coming to life again.
Every fractured bone – repaired.
In an instant the spell broke.
It was as I looked into his eyes that I realised… I felt something.
And it wasn’t exciting like it usually would be. It wasn’t like: “Oh my god, this is it: I’m in love … again!”
It was: “Oh my god, I actually FEEL something!”
And in that moment, looking into his eyes, I realised just how numb I’d been for the past year.
What I experienced in 2013 was so painful I had shut down.
Not just romantically, but from everything.
Although I have obviously laughed, I don’t remember feeling a thing. Even as I laughed.
I don’t remember joy. I don’t remember sadness.
I’d numbed out.
All I remember feeling over the past year was fear, and looking behind my back to see if he (or someone he sent – I know how he works) was watching.
My experience in 2013 made 2014 feel as though I was putting my foot into freezing water
I was so hurt, I actually didn’t want to move.
Everything that I’d ever known, changed.
It was like I started experiencing everything differently. I still do.
Not like a second chance at life though… Although he did try to kill me three times.
It was like in the movies, the bomb goes off, the person goes deaf and there’s just a high pitch noise?
Life has been like that … but no noise and no feeling.
Apathy like I’d never experienced before.
A shattered innocence – because I now know I can never be completely safe or protected.
Some of you have only just joined me and are probably wondering what I’m talking about.
His crimes left me in such a state that if anyone approached me: I was looking to see if they would attack me.
Before I spoke: I asked myself a hundred times how it could be used against me.
I watched my back where ever I went – even walking in my apartment complex.
I hardly made it to the grocery store out of fear.
Whenever I drove, I’d pull over and let any car that looked like his: pass.
Every night I slept with a pillow against my door.
I vomited violently every single morning for the first six months after I left.
I have never experienced anything as painful as what my abuser put me through. Ever.
And the worst part?
Even at the time he committed the ultimate crime against me: I was completely and blindly in love a man who abused me.
I still find it difficult to process how someone I loved, so much, would want to hurt me so badly?
But he did.
The same man who once would have moved mountains to protect me.
Once I got out, I tried to take my own life.
Because I’d had enough. I couldn’t take it anymore.
I’d never get him out of my life. He would always have control over me and everything else.
This thick, black, evil power.
That’s what I thought at the time.
I was wrong.
I am still alive.
And now that I can feel again, I realise it more.
Of course feeling again comes fraught with fear “I don’t want to go numb again, I don’t want that to happen again…”
What’s strange is not feeling wasn’t so bad – because I didn’t know I couldn’t feel anything until I felt again…
If that makes sense…
Now that I do feel again, I guess I don’t want to lose this.
This healthy sense of self, the healthy relationship, my healthy life.
And with those three elements aligned, I look at the people I have allowed in my life and they are are very supportive, patient and loving.
They’re not going to allow me to “numb out” again.
It’s difficult, and what I find most challenging as I look into his eyes is stopping myself from thinking: “Will you abuse me one day too?”
The deception linked to domestic violence is what makes it so complex and adds to a target’s fear.
If I had known my ex-boyfriend was going to be abusive at the beginning, I never would’ve gone there.
During my recovery, every time I met someone – I would picture them really angry: “Would they hurt me?”
I couldn’t help it – and it’s become habit.
I read this book called Way of the wound about trauma recovery by Robert Grant and in it he says: “A single perpetrator has the potential to taint or implicate all humanity. If one person can abuse then all others become potential abusers” (Grant, 1996, p13).
It was the first thing I could identify with throughout my recovery.
So I started acknowledging that anyone could hurt me – in any profession. A police officer, a magistrate, a lawyer, a doctor…
I now accept that I will never truly be safe and protected solely based on the person I choose to be with.
BUT! The person I am with, always and forever, will protect me.
And that person is me.
I know every red flag to look for.
I know every feeling that could lead to long-term damage and trauma.
I’ve been there and that means I know exactly what to look out for.
I’m aware of the high intensity relationship I’ve been in. And I know better than to try to match it.
So what I’m saying is, if I make the same mistake – maybe I’d understand judgement.
But for people to judge someone in a domestic violence situation who hasn’t been in one before: it’s not your place.
The deception transforms your relationship into a hall of mirrors.
You can’t see where you end and they begin anymore.
How can you know to protect yourself when you have this deceptive grooming phase, with a love so passionate and amazing!
Unfortunately we’re all easy targets to a psychopath, particularly empaths like myself.
We like to be liked, we love to be loved and when someone makes us feel special: we want to be with them no matter what.
That is why, the biggest red flag in a relationship is being wooed.
My current wonderful and fabulous boyfriend said to me early on: “I don’t text!”
I stared at him. We’d been texting for days.
“When I’m at home, back in the States, I don’t text,” he clarified.
He was true to his word. Not one text message since he returned home.
And once he left Sydney, I let him go. I didn’t go to Melbourne with him like I maybe once would have.
Already we are maintaining healthy boundaries and a healthy relationship.
And we’re still communicating – even without texting.
Why is this so important and defining for me?
My abusive ex “love bombed” me.
We dated for about a year and lived together.
In that time we exchanged more than 1500 text messages and that’s not an exaggeration.
Needless to say: I don’t like texting much…
We don’t get to see each other much and my boyfriend misses me.
But it’s different this time.
He doesn’t miss me all the time and not in a way that he’s asking where I am, who I’m with, what I’m doing…
At first I volunteered the information – out of habit.
I could tell it made him uncomfortable.
In exposing it to me, it’s become another habit linked to the trauma that I have broken.
Love bombing is unhealthy.
In fact, it’s probably called bombing for a reason: take cover, let me tell you!
When he kissed me, for the first time, I left: almost immediately.
I couldn’t handle it.
The place where we were. The sound of joggers louder than ever.
It took me days to process.
And you know what he did?
He gave me space.
Meanwhile my mind whirring “what if, what if, what if…”
It was his gentle persistence, his certainty over what he saw that changed me.
That’s when I realised he would never hurt me.
His kindness when I was still so numb, broken and fragile helped me.
And of course a lot of other friends influenced that and helped me on the way, it wasn’t just him … but he made me feel again.
It was only as I realised that I was feeling something that I acknowledged it was a positive feeling.
Imagine being paraplegic for a year … then all of a sudden feeling the sensation of a feather on your foot.
That’s what it was like!
It was almost shock at feeling something I’d gone so long without that I’d almost forgotten it entirely.
And in acknowledging feeling something positive, I searched deeper.
It was the first time I’d felt something positive towards a human being in over a year!
The best part was there was no fear of “what will happen next”. It was just, exactly as it was.
It was the foundation of a healthy and lasting relationship.
So things I looked at that matter following domestic violence:
> He was raised similarly to me – in a caring family.
> He’s ambitious yet shares my values and beliefs.
> He’s so proud I’m his girl, and I’m so proud he’s my man.
> We’ve both let each other into our worlds: I’ve met his parents, and he’s met mine.
> Our friends both know about us. And like the idea.
> We demonstrate our commitment to each other every single day in healthy ways.
> We share, we listen, we respect, we appreciate…
And it comes with perfect timing. Because now I’m really walking the talk.
Happiness Weekly was one of the best ideas I’ve ever had.
I started this blog as a way to give back to the community.
I spent a lot of time on it, just wanting to help others.
And it helped me too!
Without Happiness Weekly, I’m not sure I would’ve survived domestic violence.
I may not have maintained a healthy mind, and for a moment – I lost that too.
Perhaps my abuser knew that I could handle what he did to me.
Even before I did.
Maybe it was his test.
Throughout my recovery, I learned to love myself. To respect myself. To value my self and my journey.
I thought I was healthy and happy before, but I’m even better now and I have another half that is equally as healthy.
I say that because he doesn’t take anything away from me. He just builds on the new foundation I’ve made.
And fortunately, I didn’t build walls. Instead, I used my experience to build a business!
Relationship Free is the foundation of a new venture. And today I’m launching the website.
The business has been operating since January 2015 as I combine my experience, knowledge and qualifications to work in an area I’m most passionate about.
Relationship Free isn’t about breaking up or helping people out of relationships – unless that’s the path they choose.
It’s about releasing attachment and reclaiming your life!
For those who don’t know, I’m a qualified life coach accredited through the International Coaching Federation.
I am an NLP practitioner. I’ve studied trauma, counselling, psychotherapy techniques and journalism.
I’m passionate about helping people – my first job was as a weight loss consultant.
Relationship Free focuses on self love and finding the freedom within to be your best self.
Release attachment, overcome love and people addiction, empower yourself to leave abusive and toxic relationships.
I offer a series of FREE resources under the Tips to Freedom section.
My priority is to work to enhance my client’s self esteem, self worth and self respect.
Learning to love myself was the most precious lesson I could ever learn.
And I learned to help others.
I decided not only would I help people understand, but I would help people heal.
I have worked really hard to get to where I am today.
But finding this relationship and launching my website made me realise: I did it!
This – right here, right now – this was my reason for leaving my abusive ex partner.
I wanted to leave and after telling him in as many words and demonstrating it: I was punished.
The danger was in not acknowledging that I was being abused. And I’d been abused for long before then.
My ex-partner has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and is an opportunistic psychopath.
My experience strengthened me, but didn’t harden me. I pride myself on that.
A healthy relationship gives you space to grow and develop. It encourages you to chase your dreams.
It’s an outlet to share mutual compassion, values, beliefs, desires, empathy, honesty and love.
This is an advertisement I’ve made for Relationship Free:
I also want to thank my best friends: Kat and Lara for standing by me unconditionally xx
My friends, family and followers know that I was the target of domestic violence in 2013 which left me traumatised until I reached the point of frustration: this shouldn’t happen to people!
From there I became a powerful machine, driven to start campaigning on my own … but no one died and no one knows about the trauma experienced – therefore it’s just another case forgotten. No headlines, no news. So I want to contact Rosie Batty and ask her for support in my quest to change AVO laws – nationally, and build in mandatory support to stop the abuse cycle and change the statistic that one target of domestic abuse is murdered each week.
I have a solution and I want it to be heard. So here goes…:
Congratulations on becoming Australian of the Year! I can’t express how much it means, even to someone like me who was also a target of domestic abuse – you have demonstrated a shining example that trauma can lead to growth – and that can start immediately.
Your strength is inspiring beyond words. I don’t think anyone could comprehend your experience and in that isolation you’ve found this amazing light that you are now radiating out to others. The education you’ve raised about domestic violence and why women don’t leave is also inspiring. You have done some amazing work.
As you know, there’s more to be done. And it’s so important this is implemented as soon as possible, because as long as it’s not – people are at risk. You know it, I know it and anyone who has been the target of domestic violence will know it.
One of the reasons people are dying in these situations is our Apprehended Domestic Violence Order (AVO) laws are not breaking the abuse cycle, and therefore they’re not forming the protection they should. In fact, there’s two issues that are very apparent: first – no one thinks it will happen to them. Second: everyone thinks an AVO means people automatically have to stay a certain distance away from each other. That was ALL I wanted! Yet to get this, there needs to be serious threat to life demonstrated. So you can get an AVO against someone and then head straight out to the pub together after and talk about how they’re not going to stalk, harass, molest and assault you. How is this even allowed? If it’s serious enough for police intervention, and serious enough to take time off work to stand in a court room, then how come that piece of paper makes ZERO attempt to cut through the abuse cycle whatsoever. And don’t get me started on how you need to put your address forward for it!
I am the first to put my hand up and admit I was addicted to a man who abused me, and that in itself destroyed my self esteem and self worth, and kept me in the cycle even longer. He tried to kill me on three separate occasions, the last time he tried to run me down in his car … that wasn’t a threat, it was the action, right there. To the point that he ramped into me – the physical body of me trying to get away – three times. It was on CCTV, however, I thought I deserved it. I blamed myself. How could I put myself in that situation again … and yet he was nice again right after: “It wasn’t like that, I’d never do that to you”. And he’s the believable type … I was an intelligent woman and yet, I kept going back to him.
If an AVO was in place, where I could have trusted it would break the abuse cycle, I would have taken that option. But it didn’t exist. And it still doesn’t. That terrifies me. And what’s worse – and you would be first to know – it doesn’t protect children: at all. If I know anything about my abusive partner, it’s that the first thing he would go after if we had it was our children, our pets and then me if he could find me. Where my abuser kept getting me was he told me he was “hurting” because I didn’t love him anymore and I “just didn’t care”. Being empathetic, I’d fall straight back into his trap – exactly as he wanted me to. Let me share an email I received from my abuser, which the police still refused to respond to because there was no direct “threat to life” in it:
A lovelock is a padlock with our names on it and the dates we dated. Is it not insane that I’m being threatened for something you could just buy at Bunnings? And for the record: Narcissistic Abuse/Psychopath 101 is their obsession on soul mates and their romanticised philosophy love that is so far from fact and not the basis for a healthy relationship.
Now, the thing is, at 5 foot 2, meaning it was out of reach, and with NO muscles and nothing to use to cut it down with … I did not cut that lovelock down. But why did I not flinch that it was gone? Why did I not respond to this threat except to go straight to the police? Because if he didn’t have it – he couldn’t come back to me weeks, months, years later and hoover me back in: AGAIN! I knew whatever pain was ahead for me would be the last of a very LONG dark and painful period for me. It was a romance that isolated me from all friends and family and kept me trapped, terrified and silenced. But I was not going to find it, least of all have it returned to him.
Following my relationship, with zero support from our law and police because there’s no “threat for life” in this message, I put myself into my own witness protection program. I changed everything about myself as best I could and I spent more than ten thousand dollars trying to get safe from him.
What I needed?
I needed an AVO that not only said he couldn’t contact me, but I couldn’t contact him. Why? Because he manipulated what happened and he made it look like I didn’t care, which made me go to him and hoovered me back in. But if I knew legally I couldn’t go there and if I did then there would be consequences, then I would’ve been out of there and his ongoing harassment also would’ve stopped. Keep in mind as I write this, 2/3 of women served with an AVO in New South Wales are known to be the target of ongoing domestic violence according to New South Wales Woman’s Legal. And I look outwardly to other women, the women who are slain or where separation abuse does escalate … and I’m talking about situations like yours, Kate Malonyay’s and more recently Leila Alavi.
What I’m trying to say is if there was an AVO that literally cut through the abuse cycle: if the accused was to be punished, with harsher penalties for breaking it (because let’s face it – psychopaths aren’t deterred by two years in prison and a $1,500 fine … at least not in New South Wales) and the target was to be at risk of the current penalty – then perhaps that would be enough. And once that order is in place, there’s no relinquishing it.
Talk to the police – listen to their frustration as they chase their tails seeing the same cases over and over again. Why does this happen? And how is it that when I went to get help I was told “It’s just a piece of paper, it’s not going to do anything … if he wants to kill you, he will”. How terrifying are those words to someone in a domestic violence situation? How is it that our police are so desensitised to the fact that AVOs don’t work that they actually drive people way from getting the protection they need?
Ironically, the police were so sloppy with my case, I never would have trusted them to protect me. I guess that’s the issue … when you experience it and you know how bad it is: only you know, at the end of the day, what protection you need and how to go about getting that. And when I say that: let me make it clear I mean in escaping and vanishing from their radar, not in counter-attacking or anything like that. Just like most targets, I was just trying to get away…
Anyway, that’s my first suggestion.
“We don’t want to punish the target, they’ve been through enough” … one police person told me.
Bullshit! If this was in place, would your experience have happened to you? Would it have happened to Kate or Leila? Sometimes you need to put harsher terms in place in order to protect people. And if there’s a child involved, they should be protected by the same order as their primary carer. How is that not already the case?
“But my daughter loves her dad,” one of my friends told me who has been trapped by domestic violence and staying solely for this reason. Really? I loved my ex partner … I didn’t even know he was abusing me really, until I got out of there and clear from him, and does that mean he’s the best thing for me? Because I loved him?? One thing I think you know once you’ve suffered as bad as it could get, is if they can do it to you, they can do it to anyone and the defenseless are the ones who should come first. Ironically: they don’t!
I did what I had to do to get clear and safe of my situation and while my abuser intended me to feel shame for it – I don’t and I never will. For me, it’s not what he did to me, but it’s what I do what was done to me. I’ll never go back to seeing him for the man he wanted to be, but for the person he really was. And as heartbreaking as it was for me to accept, they were worlds and lifetimes apart from each other.
Second, there’s nothing mandatory with an AVO. Perhaps a target is “offered” counselling, but it should be a mandatory six week to six month program with specialist assistance, paid for by the government. How is it that we can afford Jury Duty but we can’t afford this kind of support? Why? Do people in domestic violence situations deserve to be there? Is that the overall belief?
And what about the alleged psychopath who is served with the Apprehended Domestic Violence Order? Why isn’t there follow up with a mandatory six week to six month anger management course? Because according to police there needs to be a threat to life before anyone will take action against anyone. How is it ok for these people to be on the street??
So what I’m proposing is the minute that court hearing concludes and an Apprehended Domestic Violence Order is put in place (let’s hope the magistrate puts the correct address on the order to begin with … and that’s not tongue-in-cheek!) then these people set up six weeks of appointments for their mandatory counselling to get rehabilitated.
Will this stop one person in Australia dying each week at the hands of Domestic Violence? I don’t know – but I do know it’s enough to break the abuse cycle. I’m confident of that. I’m confident that it stops the time-wasting bullshit associated with our current AVO and domestic violence system that has things going in circles, and if anything – ironically, it supports the abuse cycle in itself and worse: it ties these two people together.
One lawyer went as far as to tell me that an AVO is the “ultimate control” against someone. Want a bet? The ultimate control is what you have, Rosie: it’s not just stepping away and forgetting it to keep safe – it’s owning what happened and helping others with your knowledge.
Rosie, people listen to you: please help. Not for me, but for the sake of the lives of so many other people.
I hope our legal systems and police will continue to listen to you and support you in your quest.
2015 is the year of opportunity!
Winston Churchill said: A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
In order to be the year of opportunity, it is also the year of letting go:
Let go of past hurts
Let go of bad memories
Let go of judgements
You need all the space you can create to allow for these great opportunities to come through, so de-clutter your mind, body and spirit, release anything toxic or negative, and get set to thrive and achieve!
This year believe that everything coming into your life that doesn’t or won’t serve you, will bounce off the white light surrounding you, protecting you in your journey forward.
So how can you really kick-start your new year? Sometimes people want to start the quest but don’t know the steps to get there so here are some ideas:
- Set your New Year Resolutions (if you haven’t already) and make them specific and clear
- Make a commitment to love yourself – only allow positive and healthy things into your life
- Challenge yourself to achieve something you haven’t done in previous years
- Whatever you’ve been putting off: make it a goal to do it within the next six months
- Make yourself proud! Be your best self every day. Define what that means to you and start striving towards it
- Failure is a stepping stone to success. Don’t worry about failure, just be open to learn from your mistakes
- Find people like the person you want to be and surround yourself with them as often as possible
- Write a 101 life-goal list … it’s a list of 101 goals for your life. Google examples and go for it! Start achieving today
- Find a new mentor to guide you through the year
- It’s the Year of Opportunity! You create your own luck but also be open for opportunities to come your way. The rule of thumb this year: if it moves you forward – do it!
As for how you can ensure 2015 is better than 2014?
- Do things differently: try something else for anything that didn’t work
- Get motivated and get excited: it’s a new year
- Leave the past behind and start fresh – it’s new, how can you tell? Because you have a past and past is experience. Use it to further you, but leave the baggage behind
- Don’t wait for things to be perfect: The Arc was built by amateurs and Titanic was built by professionals – go for it!
- When you attach meaning to something ask yourself: what else could it mean?
- Live each day to the full, be in the present moment and go forward with confidence!
- Love yourself to the point that you need no one else
Looking for a personalised plan? Book a coaching session (45 mins – 60 mins) by contacting me at email@example.com to free yourself in areas of business, relationships and everyday life and achieve your best.
Follow Relationship Free on Facebook: www.facebook.com/relationshipfreepage
All the best in 2015 xx
I just wanted to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a happy and safe holiday season from Sydney, Australia.
I’m taking holidays for the next little while as I try to cement some really exciting things for 2015!
If you need my assistance in the meantime, you can contact me by email at: firstname.lastname@example.org
In the meantime: set yourself some awesome goals for 2015, reach for the stars and achieve more than you set yourself. Always step things up. Challenge yourself at every opportunity. Believe in yourself always!
Catch you in 2015!