Archive | January 2013

How to win trust back

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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved. George MacDonald

It’s possible – Bill Clinton did it! Earning trust back and getting your life on track doesn’t need to mean the end – unless you continue lying. If it’s true that Lance Armstrong lied in his interview (OMG! Who lies to Oprah?!), then there’s no doubt that he will have a lot of trouble earning trust and respect again. The problem when people keep lying is that people stop believing and when someone stops believing then it’s over. This week, Happiness Weekly looks at how you can win back trust:

STOP LYING! – It’s essential that you come clean to whoever you need to, without causing any further pain, damage or anxiety where possible. Honesty is the best policy.

TELL THE WHOLE TRUTH – Tell the person you have hurt or disappointed exactly what you did and try not to leave anything out or avoid any further lying. Don’t make excuses or place blame.

APOLOGISE – Acknowledge what you have done and take full responsibility for your actions. Apologise. Prepare to take on the consequences whatever they may be.

ACCEPT – Take full responsibility for your actions. Accept that people may not forgive you straight away for your actions, be patient. They may not forgive you at all, accept that as soon as you can.

BE PERSISTENT – If you are sure you want to get your relationships back on track after you have hurt people with lies and deception, prepare for the rejections and be persistent. Spend your time demonstrating how you have changed for the better and prove that it won’t happen again.

BE PATIENT – Don’t force people to forgive you or try putting ideas into their heads about why they should forgive you. Be patient – if you’re pushy you will push them away.

LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES – Get set to change your behaviour to ensure you don’t repeat your mistakes. Take steps in a positive direction that will earn people’s trust back.

FORGIVE YOURSELF – If you keep going over it and you’re down on yourself, you’ll only highlight what you did wrong. Try to forgive yourself as quickly as possible.

TRUST – Trust the person you’re asking for forgiveness. Allow them to be guarded with you going forward. It will take time for their wounds to fully heal.

When was the last time you hurt someone with a lie? What was it about? Did you ask for forgiveness? If so, what happened?

The three points of happiness

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The most important thing is to enjoy your life—to be happy—it’s all that matters. Audrey Hepburn

My mother once told me, not too long ago, that there are three points of happiness and wellbeing. These points actually come together to form a triangle with the main points being career/work, relationships/love and health/lifestyle.

The absolute ideal which leads to sublime happiness is to have all three points in your life, going smoothly. This means you’re happy with your job (anything where you’re working for money to support your lifestyle), your relationships are going well (this includes relationships with family, friends, a partner, a housemate etc) and you are in good health (if you’re able to get out of bed and go down the street, you’re in good health). So, ultimately the triangle I am referring to will look something like this diagram:

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Having two points of happiness working out well, is normal. Generally there will be one point of happiness not quite going as smoothly as it could, and this is the area we need to work on. Two points of happiness means we’re content. We’re not sublimely happy but we’re not miserable either because we have enough in our lives to distract us from that one point that’s missing. Plus, it is easier to fix one missing point of happiness than it is to fix two or three of them!

If you only have one point of happiness working out, something needs to change quite quickly. It’s possible that we could be in bad health and a partner leaves us at the same time and adds a smear campaign that takes some of our friends with them. Or the partner leaves and we get fired from our job. Or we get sick and that interferes with completing our work to a usual standard, so we get let go or stop getting paid. There are many scenarios of how you could end up with only one point of happiness, the trick is to really pursue the other two points. Put your full focus into what’s not working and how you can change it to make it work and start taking steps towards it.

If you have no points of happiness, you’ve probably stopped trying. Things are really down and out for you at the moment. I would recommend seeing a psychologist at this point and get tips and strategies for how you can move things in a more positive direction to assist in getting you back on track. The good news is that it isn’t all that common to lose all three points.

What you need to remember is that if you have two points of happiness, then you can look at the other point and try to work out a way to change the situation to align all three points. What isn’t working with this point? Why isn’t it working? How can I change that? What are the steps to changing it? And then put your plans into action and make it happen.

If you only have two points of happiness, and you can’t adjust the third one – perhaps it’s out of your control for now – then your wellbeing will still be positive. It’s bearable to live with for quite some time, it just depends how ambitious you are to achieving absolute happiness.

I always keep the three points of happiness in mind, throughout my daily life. My mother shared them with me and someone shared them with her. It gives me constant goals to strive towards and it keeps life interesting and challenging. There have been times, even recently, when I lost two points of happiness – and it’s been a difficult time – but as long as you’re motivated you can get back on track.

How’s your life tracking at the moment? Find this blog helpful – please don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Fun facts about hugging

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I love hugging.  I wish I was an octopus, so I could hug ten people at a time.  Drew Barrymore

In celebration of National Hugging Day on Monday, 21 January 2012 – Happiness Weekly is looking at some fun facts about hugging and all the benefits that come with it. Don’t forget you can celebrate National Hugging Day, a day dedicated to expressing your emotions in public, by giving someone a hug.

The benefits of hugging
- More upbeat moods
– Reduce heart rates
– Lower blood pressure
– Increase nerve activity
– Reduce levels of cortisol (stress hormone) if they are over 20 seconds long
– Increase levels of oxytocin (bonding hormone)
– Boosts the immune system
– Builds self esteem
– Alleviates tension and releases endorphins
– It’s portable and it doesn’t cost a thing!

hug-loveHugging facts
* Cuddling increases feelings of safety, security, trust, strength, healing, self worth, belonging, happiness and appreciation
* A hug encourages bonding by increasing the levels of oxytocin in the body
* Studies show that IQ development is delayed in children who don’t receive hugs. Those that lack hugs start walking, talking and reading later
* According to a survey taken in America, marriages where hugging or touching are present, last longer than those without
* A brief hug with a romantic partner is equivalent to 10 minutes of handholding and greatly reduces stress
* Psychologist Karen Grewen found that both males and females gain higher levels of oxytocin (bonding hormone) after a hug
* People crave 13 hugs a day – but most don’t receive this many :(
* A hug normally lasts 9.5 seconds
* On average, people spend an hour a month, hugging
* As hugging increases oxytocin and reduces cortisol – it leads us to a healthy heart and lower blood pressure (good for those with hypertension)
* Hugs also lower our heart rate, promoting a calming effect
* Full body hugs stimulate the nervous system
* It decreases the feeling of loneliness, helps up combat fear, increases self-esteem, affirms relationships, defuses tension and shows appreciation.

How does hugging make you feel? How often do you hug someone? How often does someone hug you?

About National Hug Day

103051648.jpg.aspxNational Hug Day was created by Rev. Kevin Zaborney to help everyone show more emotion in public. The only way to celebrate the holiday is to offer a hug to those around you (friend, family, colleagues, even strangers).

National Hug Day falls on 21 January each year because it marks a midpoint between Christmas and Valentines Day when people tend to be at an emotional low.

Studies have shown that human contact has many health benefits. It improves psychological and physical development, helps build a good immune system, decreases the risk of heart disease, and decreases stress in women. Studies also show that a couple who hugs for 20 seconds, or are in a loving relationship, have higher levels of oxytocin.

National Hug Day is acknowledged in the United States of America, Canada, the United Kingdom, Australia, Germany, Poland, Russia, China and Iran.

For more information about the most huggable people (including Reese Witherspoon 2007 and Barack Obama 2009), login to their website at www.nationalhuggingday.com.

Thank you Thursday: free country

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It’s easy being green: how to be more environmentally friendly

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REDUCE > REUSE > RECYCLE

Everyone seems to have tips on how to be environmentally friendly which makes appearing green a lot easier than it may feel at times! There are hundreds of pages on the internet with tips on being more environmentally friendly but the aim of this blog is to provide the most comprehensive and practical list that anyone can pick up and use. This week Happiness Weekly finds the easiest tips to help you become green – get environmentally friendly and be conscious of climate change. The best thing about these tips? You’ll notice that not only are you able to easily be good to the environment but will save money doing it!

TIPS FOR HOME
Don’t rinse the dishes:
If using a dishwasher, you can save water, time and energy but avoiding a rinse with hot water before it goes in.
Don’t open the oven: When checking on your food, look through the oven door, don’t open the oven until you’re ready to take your food out.
Drying clothes: Use a clotheshorse or clothesline where ever possible to dry your clothes. Your wardrobe will hold its colour better, you will save money on bills and of course it’s better on our environment.
Temperature control: Avoid heating or cooling your home where possible, but also be conscious of washing your clothes in cold or warm water, rather than hot. Only do laundry when you have a full load.
Napkin no-no: Think twice about whether you need a napkin at fast-food places. Say no to paper napkins and invest in some cloth napkins instead.
Thoughtfully gift wrap: Reuse wrapping paper, bows and gift bags or wrap items in old maps, cloth or newspaper. Be creative: turn a paper shopping bag inside out and create your own colourful gift wrapping that’s sentimental and environmentally friendly.
Drink tap water: Avoid buying bottled water – nearly 90% of plastic water bottles are not recycled and take thousands of years to decompose. Buy a re-useable drink bottle.
Bathe sensibly: Take short showers – the shorter the shower, the more water saved. You could also install a flow-reducing shower head which saves you water and energy. Having a bath could be saved for special occasions (once a month or less). A bath uses almost twice as much water as showers and adds to the heating costs. Dual flush toilets will also help conserve water.
Brush your teeth mindfully: Turn off the tap as you brush your teeth to conserve water.
Reduce letters: De-clutter your mailbox with a no junk mail sign, when communicating with others use email rather than traditional letters.
Don’t use phonebooks: Use the yellow and white pages online – or simply Google what you are looking for. Don’t forget to recycle any old volumes you have lying around!
Respect unwanted items: Before throwing something out, give it away, donate it to charity, sell it on eBay or plan to host a garage sale. Alternatively, if you’re looking to buy something check online – eBay has most things or Craigslist or Gumtree for furniture or try thrift stores etc.
Turn it off: Once you have finished using an appliance, turn it off at the power point. This will save in unnecessary electricity costs. Turn the lights off when you’re not in the room and participate in Earth Hour each year – Saturday, 23 March 2013. Try to avoid using lighting for as long as you can each day, open the blinds and use natural lighting.
Grow it yourself: Plant your own vegetable garden and fruit trees, or if you’re in a unit start your own herb garden. Use herbicides and pesticides sparingly – if you must use them, use pyrethrum and those made of natural ingredients so birds, frogs and reptiles don’t get sick or die if they feed off your plants. Plant trees or grass to reduce areas of exposed soil and stop soil and fertilisers from being washed into the waterways, you could also plant native trees and shrubs along riverbanks to protect water quality and improve wildlife habitat.
Start a compost bin: Disposing of garden waste carefully is important because weeds, prunings and grass clippings can introduce or spread weeds. Starting your own compost bin for these waste products as well as food scraps and shredded newspaper is highly recommended. Not sure how? Bunnings, or your local gardening shop, may have some ideas for how to get stated if you’re not sure. The alternative may be to start a worm farm.
Clean green: Use eco-friendly cleaners or create your own – there are plenty of tips and recipes on the internet!
Cancel mailing lists: Remove yourself from mailing lists you don’t use and encourage anywhere that sends pamphlets to email you the same information.
Read about it: Put environmentally focussed magazines on the coffee table and read inspiring books such as “We are the weather makers” by Tim Flannery.
Use the microwave: Learn to cook quickly – using the microwave uses two-thirds less energy than your stove.

TIPS FOR WORK
Turn off the computer at night: By turning off your computer instead of leaving it in sleep mode, you can save 40 watt-hours per day. That adds up to 4 cents a day or $14 per year. Avoid using a screensaver, it uses unnecessary energy.
Paper saver: Use both sides of a piece of paper before you throw away. Use scrap paper and set printing options to default print to double-sided or duplex printing. Take old documents to a recycle bin or shred the paper and take it to the local pet store to use. While you’re at it – recycle any old newspapers in the office too!
Reuse what you can: Reuse old envelopes and packaging when sending out items.
Don’t print it out: Unless you really have to print – try to avoid it as it uses ink (reduce waste of the plastic ink container), paper (save trees!) and power (conserve energy).
Separate the trash: Keep two bins under your desk – one for recyclables and one for waste.
Invoice via email: Suggest that your accounts department invoices via email. This will not only save on postage costs but also paper and ink!
Recycle and reuse printer products: Cartridges and toners can be reused and refilled – just Google to find a local place that does it. Alternatively, if it’s at the end of its life, take it to your local the post office to recycle it (they also accept Christmas Cards and old mobile phones).
Go paperless: Encourage working in a paperless environment.  Use flash drives, external hard drives and CDs to store data rather than printing out the information and filing it.
Work from home: If possible, work from home when you can to reduce carbon emissions and try to take public transport rather than driving to the office.
Talk about it: Include an environmental topic at staff meetings. This raises awareness and creates a forum where staff can bounce ideas off each other.
Donate to charity: Set up a workplace giving system to donate to organisations serious about conservation (WWF Australia, Kimberley Wildlife Rescue, Planet Ark)

GENERAL TIPS
Eat less meat: Cut back the amount of meat you consume by substituting one meal a day for a vegetarian option or having a meat-free day once a week. Livestock production accounts for about 18% of all human-caused greenhouse gas emissions and about 23% of all global water used in agriculture.
Encourage local produce: Eat locally produced meat, fruit and vegetables to encourage and promote a sustainable economy. Visit your local farmers market on weekends for the freshest local produce.
End the diaper dilemma: There’s a lot of choice for diapers on the market. Choose environmentally-friendly disposable nappies or cloth diapers for infants. Also, during your menstrual cycle, you could consider wearing a Diva Cup.
Plant a tree: It’s good for the air and land, will save on cooling costs (if it’s at your house) and provides you with shade.
Maintain your vehicle: It’ll extend the life of it, creates less pollution and saves gas. Clean air filters and inflated tires can greatly improve your vehicles performance.
Use matches over lighters: It may seem small, but think of the plastic and fuel associated with lighters.
Avoid plastic bags: Use fabric bags to carry your groceries. Plastic bags are not biodegradable and are making our way into our oceans. Use re-useable bags where ever you can.
Travel with e-tickets: Most airlines, cruise companies and other travel companies provide e-tickets which are cheaper and easier to process than paper tickets. Tourism is moving towards paper-free processing for all customers.
Download your software: Avoid asking for a compact disc or buying from shops that produce these – think of all the packaging wasted as well as the disc once you’ve used it! If you download it, you may also get free upgrades later on!
Go online: Receive and pay bills online, check bank statements and details online and save receipts online (rather than printing them out) – this will save in paper.
Lighten up: Change the lights in your house to install compact fluorescent light bulbs.
Limit dry cleaning: Cut down on the amount of money spent to keep your clothes looking great and also on the toxic chemicals used in cleaning them. Wear clothes made of natural fibres such as cotton or hemp.
Buy in bulk: Purchasing food in bulk will not only save money but also packaging.
Fresh air is best: In summer, try to open a window in the office or home instead of using air conditioning if you can. In winter you can reduce heating by rugging up a little bit more.
Read the best material: You could subscribe to some eco-focused blogs such as Keeper of the Home.
Be mindful when camping: Make sure all fires are out before leaving and cigarettes are properly extinguished – and don’t forget to take your rubbish out with you!
Reuse plastic utensils: Wash and reuse plastic utensils and containers. They’re great for picnics and camping! The containers can be used to preserve your pre-prepared food in the fridge.
Upgrade your PC yourself: Upgrade your computer by inserting a new memory card, rather than purchasing a new one.
Use rechargeable batteries: Invest in rechargeable batteries and a charger, rather than using disposable batteries.

RECYCLE TIPS
– Recycle unwanted wire hangers. Most dry cleaners will accept them back
– Cut up old towels and shirts for rags and use them to clean up in the kitchen instead of paper towels
– Watch what you buy – choose products made from recycled materials and select reusable products rather than disposable. Choose energy efficient appliances when buying anything new, check out the energy rating
– Instead of timber floorboards, get bamboo. It’s environmentally friendly due to its high yield and it takes just four to six years to mature compared to 50-100 years for hardwood
– Join a community that supports cleaning up. If you’re in Australia, The Two Hands Project is fantastic! You could also look at regeneration groups such as Greening Australia, Landcare, The Australian Trust for Conservation Volunteers, and the Threatened Species Network
- Create a habitat for native animals, plant local species in your garden and add logs and rocks
– Leave dead wood in the bush. Buy your firewood (particularly plantation timber) from a timber yard
– De-sex your cat, keep it inside and put a bell on its collar – native animals do most of their feeding at night and can easily become extra food for pets
– Use an alternative to cars and driving where you can. Walk, cycle, take public transport where you can, or organise to carpool with someone
– Don’t put oils, fats or harmful chemicals down the sink – they will eventually end up in the rivers, lakes or oceans and harm our water quality and wildlife. Use a strainer in the sink to collect solids from washing up
– Take your car to a professional car wash – they use a lot less water, or if you must wash it at home, wash it on the grass to stop detergent from going into the water ways
– Know what you can and can’t recycle. This is important, not a lot of people actually know. They just think because it’s cardboard it can’t be recycled – but did you know because of the grease, you can’t recycle pizza boxes? Each city has its own specifics and guidelines, try to follow these.

THE FAST FACTS
– Recycled glass reduces related air pollution by 20% and related water pollution by 50%
– Twenty recycled aluminium cans can be made with the energy it takes to manufacture one brand new one
– Australia is the second highest producer of waste per capita after the USA, sending 18 million tonnes to landfill per annum
– Recycling items like newspapers, aluminium cans and milk cartons at home has become second nature over the past few decades. According to Australian Packaging Covenant data, included in the report, the recycling rate for packaging has soared from 39.2% in 2003, to 63.1% in 2011. However, Australian households and businesses are still sending almost 22 million tonnes of waste to landfill each year.  That’s the equivalent weight of 416 Sydney Harbour Bridges being buried.  The reality is that much of that material is recyclable
– 544,000 trees are saved if every household in the United States replaces their paper hand towels with 100% recycled ones
– Each year we throw away 20 million tons of electronic waste. One ton of scrap from discarded computers contains more goal than can be produced from 17 tons of gold ore
– Recycling one ton of cardboard saves nine cubic yards of landfill space
– The global recycling industry employs over 1.5 million people and is valued at $160 billion.

HELPFUL RESOURCES
- Everyday tips to help protect the environment.
- Calculate your Carbon Footprint on Earth Day Ecological Footprint Quiz
– Find the right drop-off locations in your area for recycling goods or call 1300 733 712.
Second Nature: Recycling in Australia report

Thank You Thursday: Thank a teacher

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Learn something every day

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Develop a passion for learning. If you do, you will never cease to grow, Anthony J. D’Angelo

The saying goes ‘you learn something every day’, and if you’re open to it – you actually do! From learning you are able to grow and develop and ultimately it will affect your life and wellbeing in many positive ways. Learning new things opens us to change. It assists us in making informed decisions, encourages curiosity, exposes us to new ideas, and keeps us engaged. Learning can also bring us a sense of accomplishment, boosting self-esteem and confidence as we can demonstrate and speak about what we now know. But the question is: how can you be open to learning every day?

There is no one set thing that everyone can do to learn something every day. The key is being open to learning. When you talk to people, be genuinely interested in the response to your questions. Having respect for the person who is teaching you something new is critical. Listen to the experts or talk to someone you trust in the field, otherwise you will find it more difficult to take on board.

Share your knowledge and skills with friends and family, and encourage them to share with you. Join a club, start a course, ask for opinions and encourage the sharing of ideas – all of these things will help us to grow as much as receiving formal training and qualifications.

How to be open to learn something every day

  • Prepare to learn something every day. Think to yourself “If someone asks me what I learned today, what will I say?” Actively seek to understand things you don’t already know about
  • Use the Internet to research about something you’ve wanted to know. Why the sky is blue, how aeroplanes stay up, the background of your favourite movie or play, how Helen Keller made it to become so famous etc.
  • Read a dictionary or encyclopaedia. It won’t be long before you find yourself reading about something you didn’t already know
  • Talk to people. It could be anyone! An expert, a teacher, a friend – even a complete stranger will have a story and the ability to teach you something new
  • Keep yourself open to learning something new. Pay attention. Listen actively and attentively. Be present in all situations. Keep yourself inspired and encourage child-like curiosity
  • Watch educational television. It’s time to get Foxtel and start watching the History Channel or National Geographic etc. If you’re in Australia, SBS and the ABC also have some highly educational programs. Even talk shows such as Oprah and the Tyra Banks Show have something they can teach you. Even YouTube will have plenty of educational clips for you
  • Start reading newspapers, magazines, blogs, novels, autobiographies, billboards, Wikipedia, facts, figures, statistics… anything you can find!
  • Look to the internet. There’s this fantastic blog by Marc (from Marc and Angel) about Top 40 useful sites to learn new skills – take a look, you never know!
  • Ask questions. There’s no such thing as a silly question – even if it’s how you spell a name like “Smith” – there are many ways to spell names! So ask before you question yourself about asking the question and stop yourself from learning and growing

How to learn something quickly

  • Associate it with something (this is also why history tends to repeat itself in bad relationship)
  • Use a visualisation technique. Get a vivid mental image of what you’re learning, see it in as much detail in your mind as you can
  • Rhyme it with something or make a song about it
  • Make index or flash cards about it
  • Listen to it. Ask a friend to read it to you or read it into a Dictaphone and play it back to yourself when you’re relaxed. Use inflections in your voice as they do on the radio to keep it interesting
  • Research and read about it until you completely understand it. Once you understand how something works, it will be easy to remember it
  • Ensure your teacher is someone you respect. It’s a lot easier to listen to a teacher you have respect for than someone you think doesn’t really know what they’re talking about
  • Write it down – you could even keep a notebook of all the things you learn each day, it will bring you satisfaction when you look back on it to reflect and you’ll never forget your lessons!
  • Nicole Willson, James Quirk and Flickety wrote a very comprehensive WikiHow about “How to Memorize” including various techniques for all learning styles. It is well worth the read!

What have you learned recently and how did you learn it?

Introducing Thank You Thursday

Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. Marcel Proust

Happiness Weekly is introducing a gratitude challenge each Thursday in 2013. The idea of the challenge is to create mindfulness and also assist you in living a life of gratitude, happiness and wellbeing.

You can’t miss it!
Each week, you will find the following postcard on the blog, Facebook page and Twitter. The only things updated will be the image and the challenge.

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Make sure you participate!
Tell us your stories. Who did you thank that week, what was their response.

How to recover from a break up quickly

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When you break up, your whole identity is shattered. It’s like death. Denis Quaid

Rest assured sorrowful hearts of the left behind, there is more ahead than what you’re experiencing at the moment. This week Happiness Weekly looks at how you can move forward from a break up smoothly and maintain your dignity. Nursing a broken heart hurts, but it will get better.

#1 Let yourself grieve
You’re going to cry, the spring in your step will disappear for a little while. Accept this and start making a list of all the things you’re looking forward to with your new found freedom. This list may include travelling overseas, moving away, starting a new hobby, changing your habits etc. Let yourself cry for the first 48 hours if you need to, but don’t let it drag on. Try to keep yourself busy and be patient.

#2 Turn your radio OFF
Ever noticed that every song on the radio seems to relate to you when you’re in a lot of pain, particularly caused by a break up or relationship difficulties? Any mushy songs just remind you of what you’re missing out on. It’s time to put a break up play list together and listen to it on repeat! Collect all your favourite break up songs to keep you strong – here’s a few (Top 40 style) to get you started:
Survivor – Destiny’s Child
What doesn’t kill you (Stronger) – Kelly Clarkson
Rehab – Rihanna
Sorry – Buckcherry
Jar of Hearts – Christina Perri
Trouble or Picture to Burn – Taylor Swift
Runaway Baby – Bruno Mars
Want the full list? Comment below with your favourite break up songs and request.

#3 Lean on a break up buddy
Everything is easier if you can share your pain or vent to someone that can fully empathise with you. Lean on your single friends – sadly, this cannot be the person you just broke off with. Start getting back out there as soon as you can. Make your break up buddy tag along. Of course this is all easier if your break up buddy is the same gender as you if you’re straight or opposite if you’re gay. Why? Because if you lean on someone you could get attracted to, trust me when I say the chances your feelings will get confused are high!

#4 Don’t hurt the person you’re separating from
There’s two quotes I keep in mind during a break up: “Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward,” Og Mandino and “Our prime purpose in this life is to help others and if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them,” Dalai Lama. So try to make the transition as easy as possible, whatever happens – no matter how angry you feel – be kind. Your kindness will make it easier on you in the long run. Respond to their texts if you want to, don’t go overboard – don’t beg for them back, at least remain a friend to them as much as you can. I also like to send an email thanking them for coming into my life and spending the time with me that they did, for the lessons they taught me and just letting them know that they are important to me. If you decide to break contact, explain that to the other person first – don’t just shut them out. It may be difficult to talk to them, but you’ll feel better than just ignoring them.

#5 Be kind to yourself
Lots of massages, facials, manicures, shopping, take yourself away, have long baths with wine … treat yourself as much as possible. Try to keep yourself busy and distracted with the things you love. Put the comfort food down! Work on yourself, spend some time at the gym, change your diet to be healthier. Keep yourself motivated, and keep looking forward. Don’t look back. Monitor yourself, and if you’re really not handling it – seek professional help. There’s no shame in seeing a counsellor or psychologist.

#6 Avoid social media channels
It’s time to give Facebook a rest for a few days. You’ll say things you regret, you may not be thinking rationally, your friends may be posting information that will make you feel upset. Maybe their lives are jetting forward while you feel as though you’re standing still or taking a step back. Save yourself from the agony.

#7 Don’t watch chick flicks
I will never understand this… why is it when girls break up with guys, they turn to chick flicks? They’re always happy endings! Doesn’t it just remind you of what you just lost or what you don’t have? You need to turn that crap off and get outside into some fresh air. Go for a walk. Sleep if you want to stay in. Watch a funny series show … but nothing with love … avoid the lovey dovey stuff while you try to get yourself back on track.

#8 Don’t do anything you’ll regret
Think of someone you want to make proud. When ever you act, pretend that they are watching you. Whatever happens, don’t do anything you’ll regret or that would disappoint this person. This exercise will certainly assist you with maintaining your dignity as you try to move on. Don’t say anything hurtful, don’t try to move on too quickly, just make your way through the motions as best you can.

#9 Don’t think why – just keep looking ahead
Don’t ask yourself why, you could drive yourself crazy as you continue going in circles. Sometimes things just happen for a reason but there’s no explanation at first. Accept it. Keep looking forward to what’s ahead and before you know it, you’ll arrive at a new destination and the sting from this break up will be a distant memory. Keep yourself as busy as possible for the first few weeks, try to get some sleep (I know this is hard when your heart is breaking, but try) and continue to do nice things for yourself. Nurture yourself, because only you will feel your pain and fully understand how that feels. Only you can soothe yourself.

#10 Read more break up quotes and do whatever it takes
Take one day at a time and do whatever it takes to move forward. Laugh as much as you can and enjoy the moments when you do. You may feel that you leave the relationship in steps – one minute you’ll like the idea of the separation, the next you’ll be in despair – go with the emotions and sit with them. As yucky as it feels at the moment, it won’t last. And read more break up quotes, it’ll make you feel less alone:

Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience. Victoria Holt

Breaking up is a natural evolution when you try to figure out what you want in life. If you’re with an individual who isn’t moving in the same direction and at the same rate that you are, it ain’t going to work. Usher

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. Alexander Graham Bell

I broke up with someone, and she said, “You’ll never find anyone like me again.” And I’m thinking, ‘I hope not!’ Does anybody end a bad relationship and say, “By the way, do you have a twin?” Larry Miller

What are your favourite tips for handling a break up?

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