Archive | May 2012

Things you must QUIT to succeed

You can never conquer the mountain. You can only conquer yourself.
Jim Whittaker

An arrow can only be sent forward by pulling it back. So when life is pulling you backwards, it means it is going to launch you to a victory. Unknown

Quit your need to be right
Whenever you feel the need to start an argument over who is right or wrong, ask yourself: at the end of the day, what difference will it make? Don’t live for your ego, live for you, your happiness and the happiness of those around you.

Quit always being in control
Learn to accept things the way they are. Allow everything and everyone around you to just be as they are and you will see how much better you will feel by not trying to control it.

Quit blaming
Stop blaming others, situations or things for what you have or don’t have or what you feel or don’t feel. Take responsibility for yourself and change to get what you want – use your energy for working towards positive change rather than sinking into negative thoughts.

Quit your negative self-talk
Negative self-talk pollutes the rest of your life and can even physically disfigure you. Quit believing everything your mind tells you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. Change those thoughts into the positives – what you do well, and look at areas of weakness as opportunities to do better next time.

Quit self-limitations
You can do anything you set your mind to! Nothing is impossible. Avoid limiting yourself where ever you can – when it looks impossible, push yourself: find a way!

Quit complaining
Be grateful for the good things in your life – your friends, your family, your career, the fact that you have food on the table. Nobody can make you unhappy, and no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. You have more control over most situations than what you think – generally it boils down to a simple “yes” or “no” decision. Don’t complain – change it! Or change your perspective on it.

Quit bitching
Avoid criticising people, things, or events because they are different to you or what you would do. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved, we all want to be understood – why not work as one big team? If you can see someone is trying something, be supportive and encouraging. Putting people down will only make you feel weak.

Quit trying to impress others
The moment you stop trying to be something you’re not, and you start accepting yourself and embracing yourself as you are – strengths and weaknesses – is the moment people will start to be drawn to you, effortlessly. Quit being something that you’re not – you’re great as you are.

Quit resisting change
Change helps you move from A to B and become happier. It can go either way, you just need to ensure your decisions to change lead you forward. Change helps you improve your life and the lives of those around you. Embracing change is embracing life – change is inevitable.

Quit generalising
Stop tarring people, things or situations with the same brush. Keep an open mind, see situations as they are and take experiences as they come. Avoid shutting yourself off to new experiences because the last time you tried was a bad one. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about,” Wayne Dyer.

Quit being scared
Fear is an illusion – you created it, it doesn’t actually exist. It’s just another emotion. Sometimes you just need to feel the fear and do it anyway.

Quit your excuses
We often limit ourselves because of our excuses. Instead of growing, trying new things and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck – lying to ourselves – using excuses that, most of the time, aren’t even real.

Quit looking in the review mirror
Leave the past behind you – it wasn’t perfect, and that’s what pushed you forward to where you are now. The present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. Be present in everything you do and enjoy your life exactly as it is – life is a journey, not a destination.

Quit being dependent
Find your independence by detaching yourself from all things, people and situations. Do what you want to do – be in charge of your life, what happens to you and quit all addictions. Relying on things opens you to disappointment – be your own manager and make sure you’re focussing on being the best you that you can be, without any props.

Quit living to other’s expectations
You have one life – if you keep living to others expectations, you will regret it later. Don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path. Quit trying to please people in your life, stop living to the expectations of others, get a grip – take control, and be proud of who you are for being exactly as you are.

Are you making yourself unhappy?

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Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy. Norman Vincent Peale

The suffocating feeling of stress that can linger for days – whether in your job or your personal life – may actually be a decision that you have made, rather than external influences making you miserable. It may be time to look at the rules you have set yourself and see that you are not trying to exceed your own high expectations.

Happiness is a choice, just as unhappiness is a choice. It’s up to each individual to make sure their actions and thought patterns are in line with the things that make them happy. But the question is: how can you achieve this?

The trick is to set your internal rules so that it is easy to feel happy and very difficult to feel miserable. This technique will keep you centred as a person – all you need to do is set aside an hour of your time and do these three easy steps to make it happen.

Step 1
Being as honest as you can, answer the following questions and write it down:
What has to happen for me to be happy?
What has to happen for me to be unhappy?
These questions can be made specific, if you wish to focus on a part of your life that doesn’t seem to be going well, simply be adding “at home” or “at work” on the end.
These are your rules.

Step 2
Now you know your rules: examine them. Have you made it easier to be happy or miserable?
Now create a new set of rules that would make it easy for you to be happy and difficult to be miserable. For example “I enjoy going to work each day and seeing the people I work with”, “It upsets me a natural disaster threatens my home” etc. As you can see, the new rules don’t have to be particularly realistic – the key is to write rules that would make you happier if you really believed them.

Step 3
Now you have your new rules, type them up and print them out to put them where you can see them. Try to memorise them. Having your rules visible while you’re doing other things will re-program your mind to believe the new rules. It’s that simple.

Remember, when you’re happy – everyone else around you will be happy – and your popularity with rise. No one wants to be miserable, but happiness is something that needs to be worked at. This is such a simple task – why not start today?

Let go of frustration with yourself

Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment. Dale Carnegie

One of the most self-destructive feelings we can have is frustration – particularly if it has been around for a while about the same issue. Unfortunately there’s no quick fix to this – especially it involves falling out of love with someone from a previous relationship, generally it’s faster to fall in love than to forget someone.

So, while you’re dealing with these feelings for someone you feel you should be over, how can you at least let go of this frustration with yourself?

Change your perception – Try to see the end of a relationship as a lucky escape and an opportunity for you to jet ahead (even if it hurts)

Cry – It will release your negative feelings and the harmful chemicals hat build up in your body due to stress

Distract yourself – Channel your discontent into an immediate positive action e.g. get involved with charity work

Better yourself – Take time to better yourself. Learn a new skill, avoid dwelling on the skills you never mastered

Count your blessings –Be aware of the present moment and the things you do have control over

Think how far you’ve come – List your accomplishments and work towards building on them. You will have to let go of the discontentment eventually to make space for this self-satisfaction

Challenge yourself – Ask yourself what you miss about that person or thing. Keep questioning it until you get to the bottom of it

Exercise – It’ll decrease stress hormones and increase happy endorphins

Express yourself – Find a creative outlet: blog or paint your frustration away

Grieve – Allow yourself to feel it fully and grieve completely

Vent – Enable yourself to rant about it for a certain period of time before you confront anyone to diffuse hostility and plan a rational confrontation

Visualise – Imagine the anger melting away as an act of kindness to yourself

Take responsibility – Take back the power by taking any responsibility that you can. Focus on what you could have done better

Make a decision – You have three options: Remove yourself from the situation, change it or accept it. Each option will create happiness … holding onto anger/bitterness/resentment/frustration never will

Learn from it – Identify what you learnt from the experience

Be realistic – Remember the good and the bad, exactly as it was. The past is never perfect – acknowledging this may minimise your sense of loss

Let go – Loving yourself means letting go.

Shift your focus – Be aware of when you begin thinking about it, so you can shift your thought process to something more pleasant: like a passion or hobby.

Imagine life 10 years from now – Will this person or issue still be affecting you then? Why or why not?

Take back your control – Make your feelings a decision.

Speak positively or don’t speak at all

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Watch your manner of speech if you wish to develop a peaceful state of mind.  Start each day by affirming peaceful, contented and happy attitudes and your days will tend to be pleasant and successful. Norman Vincent Peale

Our mothers told us: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all”. Over time this message has disintegrated, and more often we are seeing negativity creep into our conversations – socially and at work.

There are several reasons for speaking positive, and they all lead to having a positive impact on our own wellbeing as well as the wellbeing of the people we are talking to. I am also going to give a few tips and tricks for how to speak positively, once you’re in the mindset it can be easy, but sometimes a situation may be going pear-shaped with someone else’s negativity and knowing how to turn that around is a really important skill to have.

Why speak positively – what’s in it for us?
1. It actually takes more energy to speak negatively than it does to speak positively. When we’re negative about someone or something it brings us and everyone around us down, but when we speak positively, it lifts everyone up and builds confidence and rapport.
2. The more positive you are, the better you look to those you communicate with. If you’re dissing someone or something, it only makes one person look bad and that’s you. It will also create a barrier between you and the person you’re communicating with as they wonder if you’ll speak about them in a similar way.
3. It has been scientifically proven that speaking positively will make you feel good, and will also positively impact the person you’re communicating with – double win!
4. The way you speak and the words you choose tells people a lot about you: your attitudes, beliefs, feelings and expectations.

How to speak positively
– Avoid negative thinking. If you think negatively about something in particular, make it off-limits when you’re talking to people
– Think about the good things that someone or something does, or find the positive in the conversation and mention it with a smile. For example, you’ve struggled dealing with a company before and now you need to work with them. Your manager mentions they have new management. Smile and say: “I’ve had trouble dealing with them in the past, but hopefully the new management has changed things for the better – let’s do it!”
– Concentrate on your choice of words. Avoid using negative words such as no, don’t, can’t, won’t, not, isn’t etc.
– If you have something positive to say – say it!
– When someone is steam-rolling with negativity, it can be hard to turn the situation around. The best way to do it is find something that they have said, agree and then go a bit further with why their thought was positive. Always try to speak with a smile, especially if you’re dealing with someone difficult, it will soften the situation!

Remember: speaking positively is a skill – it needs to be practised and constantly worked at – but it’s worth it!

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